to finish out 2013...

"The hope of Christianity is that we get to live life like Jesus. That beautiful goodness can be ours. He can heal what has gone wrong deep inside each of us. The way He does this is to give us His goodness...We get to live His life - that is, live each day by the power of His life within us. That's the hope: you get to live that life." - John Eldredge, The Utter Relief of Holiness

destination: AVP tour

I went out to our family’s ranch yesterday for the afternoon.  I turned on the TV to put on a football game to fall asleep to.  shortly after finding a game, I wondered if by some crazy chance there was any beach volleyball being broadcast.  so I used the search thing on the TV and was stoked to find out the AVP Salt Lake City Open was on!!  my chances of falling asleep for a nap went out the window.

watching the women play made me want to move to SoCal and play every day at the beach.

then the announcers were talking about how these women are over 6 feet tall.

and my realistic hopes of becoming a pro beach volleyball player started to quickly fade.  (realistic.  HA.)

but then they did a quick spotlight interview on another AVP women’s player who was on a different tour.  she mentioned she was “short” for a beach volleyball player and I perked up right away!  and she said she didn’t start playing until after she got married and her husband made her go to the beach to play with him – suddenly my hope returned!

so I googled this girl to see how “short” she was, feeling like I instantly had this new inspiration to look up to.

I’m pulling up her info on my phone, all excited about my new prospects of becoming a pro beach volleyball player.  and then I find the crusher.  yes, according to AVP standards, she’s “short”.  but apparently, to them I must be a midget.  she’s 5’8”.

I’m 5’3”.

and my restored dream came crashing down for the 2nd time in a span of 20 minutes.

you would think I’d let it go after that, right?

no.  of course not!

this morning I decided to google what the height of the shortest AVP player is.

wait for it…

the shortest woman AVP player is 5 feet and 3 beautiful inches tall!!!!

ladies and gentlemen, I think I will be moving to SoCal – you can find me on the beach every day, playing on the courts.  for those of you who want to support me financially so that I can play volleyball all day every day, I will write your names on my arms each game.

well, I need to get to packin’ my bags.

 

…no I’m not serious.  but in my heart I am!!!!!

He delights

within the course of the last week, I sold my car and bought a new one.

no wait, there’s so much more to this story than just that!  God has been taking me on this incredible, tangible journey of His intimate involvement in my life.  and at the end of this post, I will share what my new car’s name is.  :)

the God who created the vast universes delights in the littlest details of our lives.

this Truth has been drenching me like a much needed downpour.

it all started when I went to visit some of my closest friends in Virginia.  one of my friends just bought her first house this past spring and she was having a hard time deciding what color to paint her bedroom.  being single, like me, she felt the all-too-familiar discouragement that comes when you need to make a decision and you don’t have someone to share the decision with – or to just make the decision for you.  :)  instead of going down the road of self-pity, though, she reminded herself that God cares about every detail of her life.  and so she asked Him what color to paint her room.  she then heard the song by 10th Avenue North called “Beloved” and it’s this song written as though it’s from Jesus to the Church, His Bride.  in it, this line stuck out to her “I’ll clothe you in white, My immaculate Bride you will be".  she is the Bride of Christ.  we, believers and followers of Jesus Christ, are His Bride.  and His blood, spilled out for us on the cross, cleanses us, making us spotless and able to come before the Most Holy and Mighty God.

so she painted her room pure white, top to bottom, all 4 walls.

and it. is. beautiful.

God delights in every detail of our lives.

fast forward 2 weeks (which ends up being 2 weeks ago today…as if that’s not confusing…). 

I came home from living out of a suitcase for 7 weeks.  AKA I came back to reality and had to finally face the decisions I’d been putting off while I was away, one of which was deciding what to do with my car (Zeva Louise!) that got hail damage during a storm in June that dropped golf balls out of the sky.  while I was away, I couldn’t decide what to do with her – whether to get her fixed with the insurance money or sell her beautiful dented up self.  so the first morning I was back, I literally begged God to help me make a wise decision about this car situation.  as I went thru the day, I had a couple friends encourage me to try selling Zeva – which is what I had been feeling like I should do.  so I took that as God’s answer.  this was on a Tuesday.

back up like 2-3 years.  I went to YWAM in Denver and met this awesome couple who were (and still are) on staff at YWAM – Will & Erika.  Will loved my car when he found out that’s what I had.  and I told him if I ever sold her, I’d let him know first.  so even though this was 2-3 years ago, I was reminded of it and decided I should honor that commitment.  so on Wednesday, I sent him an email explaining the situation and asking if he was interested at all in buying her.

oh. my. goodness.  I wish you could have experienced the excitement bursting out of Will when he got my email!  this had been his dream car.  no wait, it gets better.  the day before, (Tuesday – the day I decided to sell my car) Will & Erika had a long car ordeal come to a close and Tuesday night Will had been online researching vehicles!  whaaaat??  he was ecstatic.

God delights in every detail of our lives.

long story short, I sold Zeva to my friends!  not only has she gone to a fabulous home, but it was a sweeeeet time to reconnect with these beautiful people and meet their little guy!

so I found myself car-less. in a town where it’s probably easier to find a horse to buy than a car that you want.  in an area where if you look on Craigslist, you will find more tractors and livestock for sale than vehicles.

meanwhile, I had a friend text me, reminding me that “God delights in every detail of our lives.”

so I moved forward, clinging to that Truth that God DOES delight in even the little details of my life.  and I started praying for these things in a vehicle:

• an SUV
• good on gas (AKA…most likely a 4-cylinder)
• sunroof
• running boards
• preferably yellow :)

and so began the search.  the crazy thing is, my friend, Will, insisted that I tell him what vehicles I had narrowed down my search to because he wanted to help me find a new one!  I was blown away that somebody would care that much to help me in my search!

within a day of emailing Will what I was looking for, he had found this ‘06 Honda CR-V for sale in Denver.  it was a little out of my price range, but it said “or best offer”…so I emailed the guy with an offer – and he accepted it!!!

no wait, it gets better.

remember, God delights in every detail of our lives.

so I had that list of what I was asking God for in this next vehicle, right?  the CR-V is indeed an SUV and it has a 4-cylinder engine and decent gas mileage.  and this CR-V has a sunroof AND running boards!  it’s not yellow, but it’s white and it’s beautiful!  the added bonus that God snuck in?  it has heated seats!!!!!!  Florida girl is STOKED!!!!!!!!

the story isn’t over.

ok so I have found this CR-V that I really want and have peace about buying.  this is a Thursday, and the guy said I could come Saturday or Sunday to see it (down in Denver, a 3-hour drive).  I talked to my friend (who also happens to work at the bank) and she wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get a loan and a cashier’s check all done on Friday.  so as I drove to the bank Friday morning, I asked God to somehow allow everything to go thru if this was a good vehicle for me to buy, and if not, I would hold it loosely and trust Him.

God delights in every detail of our lives.

by 2pm Friday afternoon, I was leaving the bank with my loan secured and cashier’s check in hand.  :)  and my friend Megan said she would drive me down to Denver on Sunday to pick it up (I have amazing friends)!

so Sunday, I bought it and drove it home!

now we come to the naming of this new addition.

as many of you know, my last vehicle took on quite the persona.  :)  Zeva Louise the Toaster was one of a kind.  literally.  she was the only one in the town I currently live in.

but as I prepared to buy this new vehicle, I tried to talk myself out of naming it.  I’m too old for that, right?  I can’t keep naming inanimate objects.

however, as I drove the CR-V home, I was recalling all the ways I had seen how God delights in every detail of my life lately and I wondered what names meant “He delights”, like a name that would remind me of how much God delights in me as His Child.

as soon as that question came to mind, the name “Abbi” popped in my head.

and I thought, “Abbi?  ok first of all, I’m not naming this vehicle, and second of all, who names a car Abbi?”

but then curiosity got to me.  and I googled what “Abigail” meant.

and just about peed my pants. (OK not literally)

the name “Abigail” is a Biblical name with Hebrew origin and means “father’s joy” or… wait for it…

“my father’s delight”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how could I not name her Abbi??

so, without further adieu, let me introduce you to Abbi, a vehicle that is a reminder to me that the God who created the vast universes, delights in me.  and He delights in YOU!

God delights in every detail of our lives.

and He doesn’t always orchestrate things just the way we want.  but He is good in everything that He does.  and He has blessed me with this new vehicle!

parking lot madness

today I was borrowing my dad’s SUV because he’s out of town and I’m in town without my car.  my mom asked me to run to Home Depot to grab 2 big bags of top soil so she could finish transplanting a palm tree.

had I known what near heart-attack inducing chaos this would cause, I would have not have agreed to do the favor.

I go to the ol’ HD.  buy the top soil.  toss the heavy bags in the back of my dad’s SUV on top of miscellaneous tools he had sitting in a crate.  no big deal.  helpin’ my mom out.  like a boss.

I start pulling out of the parking lot and turn a corner and suddenly…

POOF!  and then what sounded like a  “hoooooooooooooonk” and something letting pressure out.

now, anyone who knows me knows how much I love sudden loud noises.  this was loud enough to freak anyone out, I swear. 

so I’m ducking and still driving and quick pull back down another aisle in the parking lot and park all caddy-whompus across like 3 parking spaces.  I turn the truck off and jump out – safety first, people.  there was no way I was going to be caught in that thing if it exploded.

I call my brother-in-law because my dad’s out of the country and I can’t instantly get a hold of him.  the conversation went something like this:

me: ANDY!  something just like…I don’t even know, it sounded like it was some sort of gas explosion in the back of dad’s sequoia!!!!
Andy:  haha, aunt jen – is this some kind of joke, like YOU were the one who let out a massive gas explosion?

(…touche, touche)

me:  NO!  I’m being serious!  I don’t know what happened, it sounded like a “POOF!” and then something letting air out but it was like…super loud, like an air horn!

Andy went thru a number of scenarios that he thought it could have been – air in the gas tank, something with the brakes – but I kept telling him it was super loud, like a horn. thoroughly confused but knowing I was serious because of the sound of panic in my voice, he told me he’d run it by the guys he was with and he’d call me back.

I get off the phone and it’s been like, over 5 minutes since this started.  I figured since the Sequoia hadn’t exploded yet, maybe it was safe to open up the back and just gently look around for what may have caused this fiasco.  so I pull out the top soil bags and…

…there’s an air horn sitting under them.

I kid you not.  apparently I had put the bags right on top of it and when I turned in the parking lot, they shifted just enough to land on the horn.

which begs the question – why would someone have an air horn hanging out with the tools in their truck?!?!  that’s what I want to know.

this concludes my story.  I don’t have a grand spiritual analogy for it.  I’m sure someone could think of one.

Airports

Sitting in the Atlanta airport, waiting to fly home to good ol' SoFla for a couple weeks. This will be the last leg of my 7 weeks living out of a suitcase!  Excited to see family and lots of friends the next couple weeks, then get back out West and stay put for a little while. 

I can't believe the summer God has let me have - I love my life!! He has taught me mucho, especially the last couple weeks.  

That's all for now. :)

The beginning of 7

Yesterday I embarked on what is expected to be 7 weeks of greatness! :) youth missions trip, jr high camp, sr high camp, week with my parents at our ranch, week in VA visiting friends, culminating with 2 weeks in FL (1 week of work, 1 week of fun with family & friends!).

#ilovemylife

burnt orange knee socks

one of my closest friends, who was in my dorm/apartment my first year of college and we lived together the rest of our college years, was an English major and had to write poems for one of her classes. so one time she wrote a poem about me. i just found the poem on my computer as i was looking for something else, so i opened it because i forgot what all she had written. she probably wrote this like...6 years ago-ish? and yet she captured me perfectly. Boonie - you are a winner of a friend, i'm keepin' ya!! :)

the poem is titled burnt orange knee socks because for the longest time, i hung on to these orange knee socks from my high school days (Rockford Rams - represent!) and i would wear them with awesome outfits (like gauchos and spongebob pajama pants). don't worry, mom, i never left the apartment in my awesome outfits.

Burnt Orange Knee Socks

burnt orange knee socks
she’d rather hang out with jocks

swaying, wide gaucho pants
with Jack Johnson she chants

constantly talking to herself;
she can barely reach the top shelf

she’s intrigued by gross things
at the top of her lungs she sings

although she belts out *NSYNC
she doesn’t care for the color pink

she jabs her finger along to Kelly
but hates the poets Byron, Keats, and Shelley

she hates visiting antique shops
and in the winter wears flip flops

the fall leads to fantasy football
and she yells at referees on every call

calls against Peyton Manning at least
her email is the bigbuffbeast

second chances

i don't share my own raw recordings on here often, but once in awhile i get struck by a song and i have to share it. this is one of those times. i needed this reminder of the Cross and the power of the Cross this week. you should youtube the real version, it's sweet. Second Chances - Rend Collective Experiment

Verse 1:
My future hangs on this
You make preciousness from dust
Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance
To rewind to innocence
Reborn, perfect as a child

Chorus:
Oh Your cross, it changes everything
There my world begins again with You
Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts
A second chance is Heaven's heart

Verse 2:
When sin and ugliness
Collide with redemption's kiss
Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess
I have found forgiveness
Mercy as infinite as You

Bridge:
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross
Countless second chances
We've been given at the cross

Verse 3:
Fragments of brokenness
Salvaged by the art of grace
You craft life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets
Outshone by this kindness
New life dawns over my soul

seek and find

this morning I read in 2 Chronicles 15 about King Asa.  I love the story of King Asa leading the people of Judah and Benjamin – it’s one that I don’t recall reading before, although I’m sure I’ve heard it some time over the years.  but when I read it this morning, it was like I was reading it for the first time.

see, there’s this guy named Azariah and the Spirit of God comes upon him and he said this to King Asa:

“Listen to me, Asa!  Listen all you people of Judah and Benjamin!  The Lord will stay with you as long as you stay with Him!  Whenever you seek Him, you will find Him  But if you abandon Him, He will abandon you.”  (2 Chron. 15:2)

a little further down in the chapter, the people decide to be serious about following this advice from Azariah.  it says this:

“Then they entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their ancestors, with all their heart and soul.  They agreed that anyone who refused to seek the Lord, the God of Israel, would be put to death – whether young or old, man or woman.  They shouted out their oath of loyalty to the Lord…”  (2 Chron. 15:12-14ish)

I can just imagine them saying, “ok – this just got real.  no more lukewarm-ness.  it’s all or nothing.”  they actually agreed to put to death anyone who refused to seek the Lord!  that’s like…I don’t know, I’d say they took their seeking the Lord pretty seriously.  actually in verse 15 it says they had entered into this covenant “with all their heart”.

and then comes the 2nd part of verse 15:

“They earnestly sought after God, and they found Him.  And the Lord gave them rest from their enemies on every side.”

ahh.  the fulfillment of the promise the Spirit of God made through Azariah!  they earnestly sought after God – with all their heart – and they found Him.  they found Him.  He did not stay in stealth mode.  He did not withhold Himself from them.  He allowed them to find Him.  and He gave them rest from their enemies on every side.

I love this story!  I could expound a lot more, but I kind of feel like I should sit back and let the Word of God speak for itself.

I just want to point out this one thing and then leave the rest up to the Holy Spirit.  when we earnestly seek after God, we will find Him.  and He gives rest, or victory, over the struggles with sin, lies, deep wounds – aka our “enemies” -  in each of our lives as we earnestly seek Him.

I want to end this with the prayer that King Asa cried out to God in 2 Chronicles 14:

“O Lord, no one but you can help the powerless against the mighty!  Help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in You alone.  It is in Your name that we have come against this vast horde.  O Lord, You are our God; do not let mere men prevail against You!”

com·pas·sion

I recently read this book called A Glimpse of Jesus – The Stranger to Self-Hatred by Brennan Manning.  random side note: I actually finished it the same day Manning passed away.  random.

at one point, Manning says, “Biblically, compassion means action.”

I guess I hadn’t really thought about what the word “compassion” means before.  if you would’ve asked me to define it, I probably would’ve said it meant having a strong love/mercy for other people/things.  I know, super profound definition.  that’s how I roll.

But “compassion means action”?  I sat and thought about it.  and then I pulled out my big honkin’ concordance (yes, it’s the one with a crashing ocean wave on the front – would you expect any different?).  suddenly I had an urge to study this statement.

so I looked up the word “compassion” and specifically looked at all the times it was associated with Jesus:

-Matt. 14:14 –> Jesus had compassion and healed the sick.
-Matt. 15:32 –> Jesus had compassion and fed the hungry crowd of 4,000 with 7 loaves and a few small fish.
-Matt. 20:34 –> Jesus had compassion and healed the 2 blind men.
-Mark 1:41 –> Jesus was filled with compassion and healed the man w/leprosy.
-Mark 6:34 –> Jesus had compassion on the large crowd of 5,000 because they were like sheep without a shepherd.  So He began teaching them and then fed them with 5 loaves and 2 small fish.
-Luke 15:20 –> The father was filled with compassion and welcomed his prodigal son home with great celebration.

every instance of Jesus and this word “compassion” was connected with action.  no, like really – every instance.  it wasn’t that He saw these people in need and thought, “oh, I feel bad for that person” – no.  He acted upon that deep compulsion to show mercy.

ok let’s take it 1 step deeper.  that’s right, I’m goin’ Greek on ya.  gettin’ my Greek on.

the Greek word for “compassion” used in all the above Scripture is “splanchnizomai” – which looks like a totally fun word to try and say.  it means “to have compassion on, to have pity on” – ok, not really profound.  BUT – directly under that word is the word “splanchnon”, which Manning said is the root of splanchnizomai or related to it or…oh, something like that. 

“splanchnon” means: inward parts of body; intestines; of emotion

it implies that this compassion Jesus was filled with was a deep emotion coming from the innermost parts of His body, deep within His gut.  He was so wrecked with this compulsion to relieve suffering that He had to do something.

and look what true compassion drove Him to do!  He performed miracles!  He did amazing things, to the glory of His Father!  and just as the father was moved with compassion to throw his prodigal son an extravagant celebration, so the Father rejoices when one lost child returns to Him!

it was true, authentic compassion that drove Jesus to the greatest act of compassion ever known to man – He was crucified, died, and rose again to conquer death, sin, hell…all for us to have this incredible gift of being adopted as the very sons and daughters of the Living God should we choose to believe in Him and accept this free, amazing, incomparable gift.

as we are to follow in the footsteps of the Messiah, so should we show compassion to others.  may we be seeking to be ever-growing in our sensitivity to the needs of those around us.  may our hearts match the heart of our Savior.  may we be moved in the very depths of our being to acts of mercy and grace – and may we act.

compassion means action.

kickin’ excuses

this week I have done things I’ve never done before…
I made my first meal ever in a crockpot.  and then I shared it with people.  and it was edible.  like, they ate it.  and I ate it.  and no one got sick.  and we didn’t have to order pizza.  I even messed up and it still turned out (I started it cooking in high instead of low – and remembered about 4 hours later that it was supposed to be on low for 6-8 hours…oops).

I made homemade bread for the first time in my life.  spelt bread.  using a dutch oven.  and it totally turned out.  like, it really looks like a real loaf of bread (except…round…).  actually I messed this up too – I put in 2 1/2 tablespoons of salt instead of 2 1/2 teaspoons of salt…apparently, there’s quite a difference.  ;)  so, my bread’s a little salty – I like to think it’d be perfect for the sodium-deficient people in this world.  it’s still edible, just…you know, if you like salty bread…


and tonight I maybe homemade popcorn for the first time all by myself.  I don’t know if it’s considered homemade.  it’s not like I went and grew the corn, shucked it, and dried the kernels out myself.  but I put oil in a pot and heated it and then threw the kernels in and shook it around for awhile.  it was so fun, especially when I tried what my cousin had warned me beforehand not to do – I lifted the lid a teeny bit to see what was going on inside (ok so I’m a curious individual) and I was nearly attacked by flying popcorn.  quite the adrenaline rush.  I may have let a little squeal of excitement from narrowly missing being accosted by flying kernels. but it totally turned out and is edible and I’m snacking on it right now as I write this.  it’s a little crunchy…I’m not sure why that is, but still – it’d edible!

why all this sudden burst of trying out domesticated things?

it has been brought to my attention recently, multiple times, that I have a lot of excuses.  I give a lot of excuses for not doing things or not trying things.  and I don’t even realize I do it!!  how maddening.  when I start seeing all the areas I make excuses in, I really don’t like who I’ve allowed myself to become (or NOT become, for that matter).

so I’m kickin’ excuses.  and it starts with the small things – like learning to cook/bake/make food other than black beans & rice.

and it moves to the bigger things.  I read this in a Brennan Manning book today, called A Glimpse of Jesus – The Stranger to Self-Hatred:  “Procrastination means that we stop growing for an undetermined length of time; we get stuck… The conscious awareness of our resistance to grace and the refusal to become who we really are brings a sense of oppression.”  the book?  rocking my world.  Oh the compassion and grace of our GREAT and MAGNIFICENT GOD!  maybe I’ll sit down and write a post about all the gracious repair God is doing on my heart thru His Truth in this book.

Soaking

Snow storm goin' down outside (this time it appears we might actually get snow). Super thankful for moisture in any form - we are in desperate need of it.

It's nights like these I find myself able to take a break from the busyness of life. We cancelled Girls' Bible study because of the weather. I shut my laptop off. Curled up under a blanket with a great book (Who Do You Think You Are by Mark Driscoll) and a cup of decaf coffee, Josh Garrels on "play all" and "shuffle". I keep finding myself closing my eyes and escaping back to my home in the Keys. Josh Garrels, you take me back every time - super stealth. Good times all around.

may our brokenness magnify the cross

I wanted to share this blog post I read today – I’ve never met her (I know & love her parents, though!), but there have been so many instances where I’ve read her blog and I feel like she is writing directly to me.  I love how the Holy Spirit moves in and thru the body of Christ to speak to us!

absolutely needed to read this post today to regain perspective – may our brokenness magnify the cross!

http://thesesoulstirrings.blogspot.com/2013/03/jesus-was-broken-for-me.html

why I love my naturopath doctor

I went to my naturopath doctor yesterday (Dr. Dan) for a normal, maintenance check-up.

-my ankle has never fully healed from spraining it a year ago.  I finally decided I might as well ask him if he could test it to see if it wanted something.  sure enough, my ankle was angry.  Dr. Dan tried a lot of different tests on it and wasn’t finding what it wanted.  but he didn’t give up.  he tried a 3rd round of tests and BAM!  found a match.  I’m now taking a total joint supplement to try and heal ‘er up the rest of the way.  expensive bottle of supplements…but worth it if it heals it back up.

-apparently, the parasite I had back in january is a hardy little booger and is still clinging on for dear life.  I don’t feel bad for the thing.  he must die.  the fact that there is a parasite in my body creeps me out and if I dwell on it too long, I’ll probably throw up.  which may not be a bad thing.  maybe it’d dislodge him… hmm… that might not be a bad idea, actually…

HA – totally kidding.

Dr. Dan put me on a stronger parasite killer supplement, but he also told me I should claim my parasite on my taxes (as a dependent).  I thought this was a marvelous idea, maybe I’d actually get money back.  except I already filed my taxes.  I could, however, file an amendment… but we (me, Dr. Dan, and my friend Kendra who was also there) decided that then my parasite required a name.  so we named him Pablo.  “Helll-lo Pablo, you keel my eensides…preeeepare to die!” (in my very best Spanish accent)

-and finally, the most exciting news from my visit (because normally I wouldn’t blog about my trip to the naturopath dr because generally that would be lame) --- after being born with no sense of smell and living my whole life with really no concept of what “smell” is like….drum roll please…  I still can’t smell.  HA!  NO!  wait!  Dr. Dan says he can fix my smeller!!!  WHAT?!  YES!  apparently he did this laser-to-the-back-of-the-head treatment on a patient like 10 years ago who had no sense of smell and it fixed it!  I’m not totally convinced it will work for me, but I figure I might as well try it.  so he is going to do some research and get back to me.  if he’s able to fix my smeller, trust me – you’ll know.  I will probably post approximately 1,057 different blog entries about things I’m smelling.

after all this, however, I want to be clear that my faith is not in human doctors or their supplements/antibiotics/whatever remedies.  God is the Ultimate Healer and He is the one to receive all glory and praise.  when He heals, He’s good.  and when He chooses not to heal, He’s still good.  but I do really like the naturopath way of going about taking care of our bodies – doing it the natural way using natural elements of God’s creation.

community – transparency

I was having coffee with some friends the other day and we were laughing about one friend’s interesting morning visiting a new church.  he had met this man and soon after starting a conversation with him, the man pulled up his shirt and started showing my friend his scars and telling him stories.  needless to say, it provided an awkward yet interesting situation.  :)

it reminded me of when I was in Norway a couple years ago.  I was in Norway for a few weeks as part of my YWAM DTS outreach.  part of our group was serving at this one church while we were there, and one evening we were hanging out at the church’s café talking with people.  this guy, Sven, comes over to our table and starts joining in our conversation and all was going well until I asked about one of his tattoos on his arm.  it was of a scorpion and, having lived where scorpions are huge and disgusting, I was intrigued by why he would want a scorpion on his arm.  he said something about how he just liked them, and before I knew it, he had taken his shirt completely off to reveal a myriad of tattoos all over his body – eager to tell me about each tattoo.  so here I am, sitting in a church café with a shirtless, tattooed guy standing in front of me.  some might consider the situation awkward.  I would confirm that yes – it was, indeed, very awkward.  not wanting to offend the guy, I tried to act interested in his tattoo stories even though inwardly I was hoping someone would come to my rescue.  thankfully, before too much time had passed, another guy from the church came over and told Sven he needed to put his clothes back on – and then apologized on behalf of his friend. :)

though both of these situations were humorous, they also made me think.

church so often becomes this place where we wear our good clothes and put on our masks each week to try and show that everything’s fine.  we try to hide our dirt, our wounds, our scars.  we run into someone from church at the grocery store and hope they can’t tell we totally just lost our patience on someone or had just been having an emotional breakdown only minutes before getting to the store.  why do we feel like we need to pretend everything is always fine, instead of being real & acknowledging that we are human?

I think we try to hide our wounds & our scars because we see them as signs of our weakness.  we’re afraid that if anyone actually knew we had these hurts, these struggles – they wouldn’t accept us.  all the while, each one of us has our own share of wounds.

there is something profound about being transparent with other Christ-followers about our realness.  it can be ugly.  it can be painful.  it can feel awkward & embarrassing.  but when we live real, transparent lives with each other, we are reminded that we’re not alone in this journey of life.  relationships go deeper.  friends come along side you and say, “hey – you don’t have to walk thru this valley alone.”

I believe Jesus often uses community to bring healing and maturity to each of our lives.  we encourage one another.  we pray for one another.  we serve one another.  we give to one another. we challenge one another.  and yes, in love, we even confront one another when necessary.

but it is only when we are transparent with our wounds, scars, hurts, & struggles that real, life-giving community takes place.  and it is a beautiful thing.

love God.  love people.  and be real.

seeking balance

so in an effort to bring more balance to my life, i decided this week that i would not work past 8pm anymore.   and it went really good for like 3 days.  i loved it, it was so freeing!  i came home from a dinner meeting one night around 8:30pm and normally i would have made coffee and tried to crank out the remaining couple hours of work that i needed to finish.  but i didn't.  instead, i read.

i'm lovin' this 8pm no-more-working thing!

except i totally blew it tonight.  :P

maybe there are some days where there really just are not enough hours in the day, and so you have to work into the night.

oh well.  i will try again tomorrow.  :)

for now, i am going 10 toes up in search of sleep.

Today.

Today I was going to be flying home to Florida for a week to work.
And to see my niece (Lucy) perform in her first community theater production - The Sound of Music (she plays Marta!).
And to meet & possibly hang out with Tim Tebow (not even joking).
And to see great family and friends.
And to make some really decent money working a full week.

And my ticket would have been paid for by my work.

This would've been my third trip to Florida this winter (I love my life!!).

And I decided to turn it all down. And cried immediately after making that decision. :) and then I woke up the next morning to snow. HA.

For whatever reason, I didn't have peace about going. My responsibilities and opportunities here have like, quadruplified. I don't know why, but I felt like God was asking me to choose to stay put and be faithful and responsible with what He has given me to be a part of up here. It was a super hard decision. But I believe that His plan is far better than my own.

Today I would have been flying a couple thousand miles to a much warmer, greener, tropical-er climate. But God is so good. He gave me the gift of an afternoon going to Cheyenne with Cristine & Mika. He takes care of me. :) this sacrifice is nothing compared to what God gave thru His Son, Jesus, in order to adopt me as His own.

He is worth it all.

To my family and friends in Los Cayos - enjoy this weekend. ;) oh - and go see Lucy in the Sound of Music!!!

C.S. Lewis quote

‎"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink & sex & ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis

Children of the Light

lately I’ve been loving the song “Children of the Light” by Hillsong.  here’s a portion of the lyrics that have been on my heart this past week:

Children in the wilderness
Following the love You poured out for us
Covered by the Name that we confess
Jesus Savior, forever

Roaming through the dark of night
Clinging to the word that burns deep inside
Eyes fixed on Your Name and endless light
Jesus Savior, forever

Children of the light
Blazing through the night
Taking back what the devil had stolen

Calling on Your Name
Breaking every chain
Jesus everlasting freedom

you can watch it here:

an afternoon hiatus

I feel like I took a hiatus from life this afternoon.  not on purpose.  it just…happened.  which I think was my body’s way of telling me that it had finally reached “empty”.

I woke up around 3:45am today and couldn’t fall back asleep.  after church, I came home and crashed on my bed, hidden under my electric heating blanket and with my electric fireplace blazing heat into my room.  and I laid there for 3 hours.  doing…absolutely nothing.  you would think one would fall asleep during this time.  I guess I forgot to mention that as soon as I got home from church, I had a cup of fully caffeinated coffee.  because I hadn’t had coffee all day yet.  and I have no self-control in that area.  #epicfail.

I watched 1 episode of “Beyond Boarders”, a surf documentary series put out by Steelroots – a Christian extreme sports ministry.  and then I was curious to see what Steelroots was currently putting out, so I pulled up their website on my phone – and they are no more.  that was sad.  they put a super cool video on their site though, explaining that they had closed down production for now.  what I loved about it is that they also totally encouraged viewers to go be the Gospel to others.  if you’re interested to see it, you can go here: http://steelroots.com/

anyway, I had no motivation whatsoever to get out of bed all afternoon.  this is totally not like me.  but at the same time, I didn’t feel guilty about it – because I can’t even remember the last time this happened.  I eventually got up to say hi to my roommate who came home.  I made my bed.  turned off the heating blanket.  stood in my room staring blankly at nothing in particular.  looked back at my now-made bed.  and threw myself down on it again for another 1/2 hour or so.

I really have no point to this post.  but I suppose that’s OK.

prayer

saw this post on a friend's facebook status:

"If we love people and have the power to help, then WE ARE GOING TO BE BUSY. (If Jesus lived today his cell phone would ring non-stop) Learning to pray doesn't offer us a less busy LIFE; it offers us a less busy HEART. In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an Inner Quiet. B/c we are less hectic on the inside, we have a greater capacity to love. So when things get busy it actually drives even more into a life of prayer." -Paul Miller (The Praying Life)

lent

"Unfortunately, the Lenten season often gets reduced to the question, “What are you giving up for Lent?”...but it can only take us so far. The real question of the Lenten season is, “How will I return to God with all my heart?' " -Ruth Haley Barton

my love for allegory

i'm not a very allegorical person.  i don't understand allegory and most of the time, it goes right over my head.      allegorical songs, allegorical poetry, allegorical short stories... yeah.  they don't do much for me.  i often get done reading/hearing them and want to yell at the author, "I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE REFERRING TO, SO IF YOU WANT ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS YOU NEED TO SHOOT STRAIGHT WITH ME!!!!"  pretty sure there were times in college where i did throw books down in frustration and yell something to that effect.  to which my roommate, who was an english major, (hey Boone!!) would come in my room, laughing, and patiently tried to explain what the author was saying.

and then i would conclude the discussion with, "well why didn't they just get to the point and say that?"

i remember once i had to write an allegorical poem for a class in college.  i was thrilled to get to try my hand at it (that was a completely sarcastic, untrue statement).  annoyed that i had to do the assignment, i sat down for like 3 minutes and wrote down everything random that came thru my head.  i read what i wrote, thinking maybe since it came from my own head, maybe i'd understand my own allegorical poem.

i got nothin'.

then i wondered if people who write allegories actually understand their own allegories?  maybe they write something, then sit back and scratch their head and conclude, "well...maybe somebody will pull something out of this..." and then send it off to the publisher, who also doesn't understand the allegory but concludes that since this author's previous works were a big hit, there must be somebody who will understand it.  so the publisher publishes it and critics and analysts read it and conclude that it must mean this and that and proclaim that the author is absolutely brilliant.  and then the author reads what the critics and analysts conclude and, confused but wanting to act like it was totally what they meant when they wrote the allegory, accept the praise and say, "yes...that is exactly what i meant."  except they probably wouldn't say that.  they'd probably say it in an allegorical way so that the critics and analysts would continue to be astounded by their "brilliance".

i wish i had my allegorical poem that i wrote.  i would share it with you.  but i don't have it.  and i don't feel like making one up right now.  and i'm hungry and i should go find food.  how's that for a totally anti-climatic end to this story?

is vague the same as being allegorical?  i don't think so.  i can be vague.  and that's what i want to be in the remainder of this post.

the reality of public has created hindrance.

shop amazon!

Shop Amazon, Give to Adoption

If you shop on Amazon, please consider doing so by clicking on the above link first!  A percentage of your purchase will automatically go toward Paul & Cristine's Ugandan adoption!  Make sure your Amazon shopping cart is empty BEFORE you click the link, though - otherwise the items won't count.

The accordion is the new violin.

Tonight at worship team rehearsal, I learned 2 new instruments: the bass guitar and the accordion!!!! Ok so I have a lot to learn on both. But let's just say, if you were at a U2 concert and the bassist got sick, I could totally fill in. Ok that's stretching the truth. The point is...ok there is no point.

No, ok wait - I've got one.

The point is, I can't believe I get to do what I do and I get to create music with great people as we worship a GREAT God!

"Warm" is relative.

Today it was 50 degrees out and I was walking thru a parking lot. I passed a guy wearing shorts and a tshirt. Meanwhile I'm wearing jeans, a tank top under my tshirt, under a sweater, which was all under my down coat. Really, kid? Apparently he was NOT recently in Florida.

It did warm up to 61 for a little bit today. I sat out on my front porch in the sun and read. Until I got cold. And I looked at the temp at it had gone down to 60. Yep. It was time to go inside.

Good read. Good homemade mocha latte.

a clarification

i recently put up a post called "restoration and grace" and it seems that i did an amazingly, epic-cally bad job at explaining what i meant.  and so i took down the post because i realized that the message some were getting from reading it was completely NOT what i was intending.  i received some loving yet concerned feedback from others and for that i am grateful because i had no idea that the way i worded things and unintentionally left out clear explanations seemed to be sending a message that was not Biblical at all.

that's the hard thing about blogs, i think.  yes, i share quite a bit about my journey on my blog as it's my personal, online journal.  i try to be transparent, but there are just some things that you don't need to share with the whole world - like what i had for breakfast.  do you really care what i ate this morning?  it wasn't that exciting.  it involved peanut butter - big surprise.  :)

along that same line, those who have journeyed with me through the ups and downs and know more of the details of my journey that i don't always share on my blog knew where i was coming from and what i was meaning by this recent post.  things like grace... finding restoration and healing by repentance & forgiveness, by trusting & knowing Jesus as my Savior... re-discovering my identity in Him...trusting who He says i am instead of my own self-assessment of who i am... the list goes on.  i had the epic realization (some would call it common sense, but sometimes it just doesn't seem very common) that not everyone has been a part of the numerous discussions with me over coffee, the questions around dinner tables, and the conversations over email that i've had with various friends who have been walking (graciously) with me along the way and looking at the Truth in God's Word with me.  i realized without knowing the background behind the post, it did have potential of coming across entirely wrong.

and so, if you happened to read that post during the 15 hours or so that it was up, i would like to clarify at least this: i was not saying that people do not need saved.  i was not saying that people do not need to trust & know Jesus as their Savior.  that makes my stomach turn just hearing that that's how it was coming across to some.

i don't know what else from that post was specifically raising eyebrows, but if you read it and had concern or wanted clarification, i would love for you to message me on facebook or shoot me an email (stokedauntjen@gmail.com) so i could specifically address things.  or call me.  but i'm not posting my # on here because of whackos.  i mean, whackos who need Jesus.  :)

may Jesus be glorified despite my flawed attempts at communication :)

Passion 127 - An Adoption Journey

I am so excited to post this link - I will have to find out a better way to post it so it stays up all the time - but for now, it's going to go in this post.  :)

If you shop on Amazon (and if you don't, you should), I would love for you to shop by clicking on the link at the bottom of this post!  My friends are raising money to fund their adoption of children from Uganda and as one way to raise money, they have signed up with the Amazon Affiliate program.  The way the affiliate program works, is when you shop on Amazon by first clicking on the link at the bottom of this post, a percentage of whatever you purchase will go into their Amazon Affiliate fund.  It's so easy and all you have to do is do your Amazon shopping by going through this link: 

Shop Amazon

I will be posting more about their adoption and ways you can help as the process continues!   You can also follow their blog at:

I Am Sojourner - Passion 127

epic birthday gifts

This year I got some of the coolest, most creative birthday gifts EVER!  I have to share them.  Because they are so great.
First off, a tower of decorated toilet paper rolls.  This is epic.  I actually used to collect toilet paper rolls when I was younger (as in, last year.  oh my goodness I’m totally kidding.  I was a LOT younger).  At one point, my mom finally convinced me that if I threw them away, she would give me 10 cents a roll.  I made $30. For those mathematically challenged, that’s 300 rolls.  True story.  So this gift has extra specialness to it!  And each roll was decorated with things I love!

The whole top is Despicable Me rolls – how great are those minions??  Seriously cute.
The second row has running shoes, “13.1” for the 1/2 marathon Kendra and I ran, weights (complete with straps – love it), Broncos, a “Look Good, Play Good” roll, and a few other randoms.
The bottom row is a mix of music and Florida!
What’s also amazing is that this was a collaboration of like…7 or 8 people or something.  The pictures don’t do it justice, but here are some shots…

You can’t really see it in the pic, but the dolphin on the bottom has a googley eye glued on!!

             


and Mika made me a Starbucks roll! Hokey pete, this thing is LEGIT!
“
"Jen This is for you because you like chai and I like Chai so this works.” – love it!
                
and what would this be without a Zeva roll???

The Wyoming/Florida plates and the statutes referencing state laws regarding license plates shows that a State Trooper made this.  Ok so we may have had a few debates as to whether or not I really needed to change my FL plate to WY…Ok so maybe he won and Zeva has WY plates now…Zeva’s still cute, the WY plates actually look really cute on her :)

The “Rock It” portable amplifier that turns any cardboard box or hard object into a sweet stereo!  I tested it out on a homemade “boom box” :)


and the big finale picture.  a hilarious card from my great friend, Boonie (NOT Bonnie – it’s BOONIE!).  and a sweet card from my sister – the blue represents continual filling from Jesus, the red represents love, and the green represents growing.  love it.  :)  I am one blessed girl, so many amazing family and friends.

Sudden death of winter

This morning, at 6:30am, I walked outside in shorts and a tank top. And I was not freezing. There was no frostbite. My nose hairs did not freeze.

Because it was 75 degrees. And the sun wasn't even up yet.

Yes, my friends - it is possible to not suffer through negative degree winters. A land of year-long warmth and sunshine does exist on earth.

But alas, I must soon leave this home and return to where God has called me for now, another one of my homes. To the land of electric fireplaces and heating blankets. He is so good - He provides warmth for me no matter what conditions I'm in! :)

today is my birthday!

today is my birthday!

for the majority of my life, i have tried to hide on my birthday.  but this year i decided to turn over a new leaf.  God created me.  He's given me gifts and talents that are unique to me - just as He has given them to us all.  i can look back over my life and see awesome high times, rough times, comfortable times, challenging times - and i can see His faithfulness on it all.  i can celebrate what He has done, what He is doing, and look forward with great anticipation of what He is going to do!

i was so blessed today to get SO MANY facebook "happy birthday" wishes - from all over the world.  Australia, Estonia, Norway, Costa Rica, Canada, and all over the states so far.  each person's post brings back fun memories and i am reminded how incredibly blessed i have been to get to travel all over the world and live in so many places across the US.  ahhh!

i love my life!  i love where God has me.  i love what He is teaching me.  i love that He has a plan for me and it's so much more awesome than i could ever dream up!  He has plans for YOU too - get excited!!!

my heart is so full!

here's to another year - let the adventure continue!

Tonight I opened my sister's fridge to pull out leftover black beans and coconut rice that she told me were in there. Seeing 2 jars on the top shelf that resembled black beans and rice, I pulled them out and asked her if they were the right containers. To which she busted up laughing and pointing at each jar, said, "Um...that's blueberry syrup and that's parmesan..."

Did I mention I got in from traveling at 2:30am this morning? :) and I can't smell.

End of the day

The part of the day where I crawl into bed & go 10 toes up, warm under my heating blanket with the fireplace going 4 feet from my face, reminded again of God's great love He has lavished on me. Yep. I love this part.