so - i sold my car last weekend! that was an answer to prayer. i didn't owe any money on her, but her ability to eat gas at a high rate bugged me and drove me nuts! i didn't think anyone would want her - she was really fun to drive (an Escape) but she had some dents. but - i sold her!
so now i'm carless for the first time since i totaled my car when i was 17 (which, by the way, was NOT my fault - let's just go on the record here). i feel like i'm back in jr. high. not having a car makes you incredibly dependent on other people. and plans have to change when you can't get a ride.
and so here i sit at work, waiting for a ride. waiting, waiting, waiting. but that's ok. i sold my car. i'm relieved.
now i need a new car. and car shopping drives me nuts because i'm so picky when it comes to vehicles! you know how some people could care less and they're like "as long as it runs, i'm happy"? yeah - i'm not one of those. i want great gas mileage, a big vehicle, and it has to be a manual. all for not a lot of $$. oh and preferrably a Honda or Toyota.
good luck with that, jen.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
today is the day!
1 year of no soda!!!!!!!!!!! specifically, coke, but all soda!!!!
it wouldn't be a big deal for some people to go a whole year, but...shoot, it has been huge for me!
so - why did i do it? a couple reasons. i had started working out regularly at the gym and knew i wouldn't get the results i wanted if i kept loading my body with that high fructose corn syrup junk. but i also didn't want to be "dependent" on soda anymore.
it was a long a road. it started out as a 1-week $100 bet i may. then i had a few cokes. then i did a 1-month bet. after a month, i decided to try for 3 months since i was already a month into it. so i went 3 months. then i had a few cokes. then November 18th of last year i had a chocolate coke and donuts on a road trip home from nashville and...well...let's just say it all came out the wrong end (it went north, not south). so then i didn't even want coke for a month or so and that's when i decided to just try going a full year.
and i can now say i have done it!! whenever i was close to giving in, i reminded myself that Jesus is better. any short term craving i may have, Jesus is completely able and worthy to fulfill all my desires.
woohoo!
it wouldn't be a big deal for some people to go a whole year, but...shoot, it has been huge for me!
so - why did i do it? a couple reasons. i had started working out regularly at the gym and knew i wouldn't get the results i wanted if i kept loading my body with that high fructose corn syrup junk. but i also didn't want to be "dependent" on soda anymore.
it was a long a road. it started out as a 1-week $100 bet i may. then i had a few cokes. then i did a 1-month bet. after a month, i decided to try for 3 months since i was already a month into it. so i went 3 months. then i had a few cokes. then November 18th of last year i had a chocolate coke and donuts on a road trip home from nashville and...well...let's just say it all came out the wrong end (it went north, not south). so then i didn't even want coke for a month or so and that's when i decided to just try going a full year.
and i can now say i have done it!! whenever i was close to giving in, i reminded myself that Jesus is better. any short term craving i may have, Jesus is completely able and worthy to fulfill all my desires.
woohoo!
Saturday, November 07, 2009
holy anguish.
I listened to “Holy Anguish” – a message Francis Chan gave a little bit ago. First off, download it on itunes and listen. Like…really. Do it now. My summary of it will not do it justice.
What kinds of things do you feel deep sorrow over? Loss of a loved one. Loss of a job. Tragedy in friend’s lives. The Broncos going 6-0 this year and then losing to Baltimore… (I had to throw that in there…I’m sorry…those who know me know I can’t be too serious for any extended length of time.)
No, but really – how often do you really feel deep sorrow over something?
"With Christ as my witness, I speak with utter truthfulness. My conscience and the Holy Spirit confirm it. My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief for my people, my Jewish brothers and sisters. I would be willing to be forever cursed—cut off from Christ!—if that would save them." Romans 9:1-3 (NLT)
What did Paul anguish over? He didn’t anguish over his own personal struggles (thrown in jail numerous times, beaten, persecuted in so many more ways than we ever are). He anguished over those who didn’t know Jesus Christ as their Savior.
He anguished over the lost.
Ahhhh. Seriously? When is the last time I really anguished over people going to Hell? It’s been awhile. I’ve gone through spurts where I was very much aware of this tragedy at hand, but I had lost the sense of urgency.
Supposedly there’s an actor or comedian or someone on youtube who talks about his encounter with an evangelist and even though he was an atheist, he said how he respected the evangelist for…I can’t remember what – again, I haven’t seen the video. But he says, in regards to all the other Christians who don’t share the Gospel with others, “How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about hell?”
Ouch.
Think about it. If you are a follower of Christ, you believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ and realize your need for a perfect Lamb’s blood to be the ultimate sacrifice to satisfy a perfect and just God. And you know that you will spend eternal life in Heaven…in Paradise…because you believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And you know that those who do not believe and choose to go their own way will spend eternity in Hell, absolutely alone and in utter turmoil that we cannot even imagine.
Why are we (yes, we) not anguishing over this fact?!
Francis Chan goes on to tell about a reoccurring dream a friend of his keeps having. This guy used to play basketball for the Lakers. In his dream, his fellow teammates, who he had spent years playing basketball with day in and day out, are in hell and he’s not. And they look at him with this look on their face that says “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS?! You didn’t say anything because you wanted me to like you?!”
Too often I don’t share the saving message of Jesus Christ with others because I don’t know how they’ll react. I’m afraid they won’t believe it. I’m afraid they’ll ask questions I don’t have answers to. I’m afraid I’ll drive a wedge between us.
What a stupid list of reasons. People I see every day are going to Hell and I don’t share with them the beautiful truth that God has provided a means of justification that is in no way something I can earn but is instead a free gift to everyone who just believes.
Pathetic.
May I…may you…may we be overwhelmed with awareness to this Truth. May the sense of urgency greatly increase.
If you didn’t listen to the podcast yet, go do it.
What kinds of things do you feel deep sorrow over? Loss of a loved one. Loss of a job. Tragedy in friend’s lives. The Broncos going 6-0 this year and then losing to Baltimore… (I had to throw that in there…I’m sorry…those who know me know I can’t be too serious for any extended length of time.)
No, but really – how often do you really feel deep sorrow over something?
"With Christ as my witness, I speak with utter truthfulness. My conscience and the Holy Spirit confirm it. My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief for my people, my Jewish brothers and sisters. I would be willing to be forever cursed—cut off from Christ!—if that would save them." Romans 9:1-3 (NLT)
What did Paul anguish over? He didn’t anguish over his own personal struggles (thrown in jail numerous times, beaten, persecuted in so many more ways than we ever are). He anguished over those who didn’t know Jesus Christ as their Savior.
He anguished over the lost.
Ahhhh. Seriously? When is the last time I really anguished over people going to Hell? It’s been awhile. I’ve gone through spurts where I was very much aware of this tragedy at hand, but I had lost the sense of urgency.
Supposedly there’s an actor or comedian or someone on youtube who talks about his encounter with an evangelist and even though he was an atheist, he said how he respected the evangelist for…I can’t remember what – again, I haven’t seen the video. But he says, in regards to all the other Christians who don’t share the Gospel with others, “How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about hell?”
Ouch.
Think about it. If you are a follower of Christ, you believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ and realize your need for a perfect Lamb’s blood to be the ultimate sacrifice to satisfy a perfect and just God. And you know that you will spend eternal life in Heaven…in Paradise…because you believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And you know that those who do not believe and choose to go their own way will spend eternity in Hell, absolutely alone and in utter turmoil that we cannot even imagine.
Why are we (yes, we) not anguishing over this fact?!
Francis Chan goes on to tell about a reoccurring dream a friend of his keeps having. This guy used to play basketball for the Lakers. In his dream, his fellow teammates, who he had spent years playing basketball with day in and day out, are in hell and he’s not. And they look at him with this look on their face that says “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS?! You didn’t say anything because you wanted me to like you?!”
Too often I don’t share the saving message of Jesus Christ with others because I don’t know how they’ll react. I’m afraid they won’t believe it. I’m afraid they’ll ask questions I don’t have answers to. I’m afraid I’ll drive a wedge between us.
What a stupid list of reasons. People I see every day are going to Hell and I don’t share with them the beautiful truth that God has provided a means of justification that is in no way something I can earn but is instead a free gift to everyone who just believes.
Pathetic.
May I…may you…may we be overwhelmed with awareness to this Truth. May the sense of urgency greatly increase.
If you didn’t listen to the podcast yet, go do it.
I can't figure out how to post pictures and text at the same time :)
The pic below is from this morning. I was sitting on a bench at the beach, enjoying the overcast and windy weather!! So fun! It was about 78 but with the wind it was cooler and I got to wear a zip up hoodie!! Maybe a little overkill, but us Keys people take any chance we can get to wear a hoodie :)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
He drank my cup
He drank...my cup.
for awhile now i've realized that i so often become almost callous to the cross - Jesus's death. growing up in a Christian family, going to church all my life - i've heard about the cross my entire life. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16. great. killer. sometimes it would evoke emotion within me. other times i'd read Scripture that talked about Christ's sacrifice and i'd read it just like it was any other passage in the Bible. not really contemplating the depth of it.
and i hate that i become callous to the magnitude of it so easily.
i came across a book nearly a year ago while shopping online with a B&N giftcard. the book is called "Living the Cross Centered Life - Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing" by C.J. Mahaney. i had read his book called "Humility" and loved it, so i bought this book. i didn't start reading it though until about a month ago.
the Truth this book talks about is overwhelming. so much more than any of my blogs could ever cover.
i just finished a chapter last night about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. if i could copy and paste the whole chapter here, i would. i was wide awake when i finished the chapter but was so overwhelmed by God's love for me displayed on that cross thru His Son Jesus Christ that i couldn't read on yet.
"In the mystery of His mercy, God - the innocent, offended party - offers up His own Son to death, to satisfy His righteous wrath and save the guilty party from it." - pg. 70
To satisfy His righteous wrath...His "righteous wrath" alone deserves so much thought about what that means. but i will try to stay on topic and not ramble. As Jesus is praying to His Father, He asks if there's any way for the cup to be removed.
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39
Jesus prayed this at least twice that night in the garden. He was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" - Matt. 26:38. Why was He overwhelmed? because He was about to drink of this cup - this cup of God's righteous wrath against the sin of all mankind. He was about to experience total abandonment from His Father. Jesus was about to become "the object of God's full and furious wrath" (pg. 80). for me. for you. for all of mankind.
"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, 'This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it.' This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours." (pg. 82)
but He doesn't. no...He drinks the cup - the cup intended for me.
God loves me...you...so much that He was willing to let His innocent, perfect Son, Jesus Christ, come to earth to be the perfect, final sacrifice for the sin of all mankind.
He drank my cup...
for awhile now i've realized that i so often become almost callous to the cross - Jesus's death. growing up in a Christian family, going to church all my life - i've heard about the cross my entire life. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16. great. killer. sometimes it would evoke emotion within me. other times i'd read Scripture that talked about Christ's sacrifice and i'd read it just like it was any other passage in the Bible. not really contemplating the depth of it.
and i hate that i become callous to the magnitude of it so easily.
i came across a book nearly a year ago while shopping online with a B&N giftcard. the book is called "Living the Cross Centered Life - Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing" by C.J. Mahaney. i had read his book called "Humility" and loved it, so i bought this book. i didn't start reading it though until about a month ago.
the Truth this book talks about is overwhelming. so much more than any of my blogs could ever cover.
i just finished a chapter last night about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. if i could copy and paste the whole chapter here, i would. i was wide awake when i finished the chapter but was so overwhelmed by God's love for me displayed on that cross thru His Son Jesus Christ that i couldn't read on yet.
"In the mystery of His mercy, God - the innocent, offended party - offers up His own Son to death, to satisfy His righteous wrath and save the guilty party from it." - pg. 70
To satisfy His righteous wrath...His "righteous wrath" alone deserves so much thought about what that means. but i will try to stay on topic and not ramble. As Jesus is praying to His Father, He asks if there's any way for the cup to be removed.
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39
Jesus prayed this at least twice that night in the garden. He was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" - Matt. 26:38. Why was He overwhelmed? because He was about to drink of this cup - this cup of God's righteous wrath against the sin of all mankind. He was about to experience total abandonment from His Father. Jesus was about to become "the object of God's full and furious wrath" (pg. 80). for me. for you. for all of mankind.
"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, 'This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it.' This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours." (pg. 82)
but He doesn't. no...He drinks the cup - the cup intended for me.
God loves me...you...so much that He was willing to let His innocent, perfect Son, Jesus Christ, come to earth to be the perfect, final sacrifice for the sin of all mankind.
He drank my cup...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
life is short
life is too short to waste doing things day in and day out that i'm not passionate about. sitting behind a desk, billing customers for things they don't need in the first place, when their money could be going toward helping other people...yeah, not my passion.
i worked for j crew for the majority of time i was at college. i sat in a little cubicle, answering phone calls from materialistic people who wanted new clothes and wanted them yesterday (meaning: "i want this cashmere sweater overnighted to me for free because i'm greedy and want things now."). i enjoyed the job for awhile, just because it was fun to "sell" things (who didn't play store with their friends/siblings when they were little?). but then i went on a trip to the Dominican Republic during summer 'o6 and when i got back to work, i was overwhelmed by the fact that here i was, feeding greedy people with more clothes they didn't need while the Haitian refugee friends i made sat in their makeshift huts hoping they would have at least 1 small meal that day. seriously? drove me crazy.
it doesn't make sense that we settle doing jobs that have no eternal value. maybe i'm being irrational. but seriously? God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth where He was treated like the lowly. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of our sins. And He conquered death - that we may have eternal life with our Creator and know true peace, hope, joy...fullness in this life. So how will i spend this life He has given me?
restlessness. each day that goes by that i continue to do the same thing in life drives me nuts. i become almost apathetic toward my job.
i ought to be content that i even have a job. and i am, to an extent. i'm thankful i have a job. it's just...hmph.
and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.
i hardly know what it is to live by faith. i have a steady income (relatively). i have an over abundance of food available to me. i have a roof over my head. i have many friends who will offer their roofs over my head. :) i have good health. so where do i have to rely on God? how am i living today that requires me to rely on God?
i worked for j crew for the majority of time i was at college. i sat in a little cubicle, answering phone calls from materialistic people who wanted new clothes and wanted them yesterday (meaning: "i want this cashmere sweater overnighted to me for free because i'm greedy and want things now."). i enjoyed the job for awhile, just because it was fun to "sell" things (who didn't play store with their friends/siblings when they were little?). but then i went on a trip to the Dominican Republic during summer 'o6 and when i got back to work, i was overwhelmed by the fact that here i was, feeding greedy people with more clothes they didn't need while the Haitian refugee friends i made sat in their makeshift huts hoping they would have at least 1 small meal that day. seriously? drove me crazy.
it doesn't make sense that we settle doing jobs that have no eternal value. maybe i'm being irrational. but seriously? God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth where He was treated like the lowly. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of our sins. And He conquered death - that we may have eternal life with our Creator and know true peace, hope, joy...fullness in this life. So how will i spend this life He has given me?
restlessness. each day that goes by that i continue to do the same thing in life drives me nuts. i become almost apathetic toward my job.
i ought to be content that i even have a job. and i am, to an extent. i'm thankful i have a job. it's just...hmph.
and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.
i hardly know what it is to live by faith. i have a steady income (relatively). i have an over abundance of food available to me. i have a roof over my head. i have many friends who will offer their roofs over my head. :) i have good health. so where do i have to rely on God? how am i living today that requires me to rely on God?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
3 years ago
almost 3 years ago to the day, i wrote a blog about wanting to go to med school and become a surgeon. (see Oct. 26, 2006 post for details) i didn't pursue it though. but about a month ago, after a conversation with my friend Natalie, i learned about the surgical tech position in the O.R. and instantly was intrigued. the main reason i didn't pursue the medical route was because in high school i realized that as a surgeon, i would be holding people's lives in my hands and if they died on my operating table, it would be my fault. now, ultimately, i know that God is in control but my sinful, controlling nature would easily be swayed to believe it was my responsibility alone and i couldn't handle that.
as a surgical tech, you get to be in the O.R., right there next to the surgeon. you assist with tools and holding clamps, etc. and you help prep patients and surgeons. you get to be right there with the surgeon!! ahh - it makes me giddy just thinking about it!
the surgical tech program at most schools is about 18-24 months. that's it. not 10 years of schooling or anything. so...i'm looking into it. who knows what'll happen. but i am looking at a school in lynchburg (yay!!) and west palm beach. i don't want to leave the Keys!!!! but the fact that the program isn't years and years long makes it a little easier. a little. not a lot. :P
Natalie also told me about Mercy Ships - www.mercyships.org. from what i know, it's a volunteer-based ship that is anchored off the west coast of Africa (they've had other ships but i think the one in Africa is the only one right now). there are tons of positions open on the ship and you can volunteer for as long as you want. some positions want at least a 1 month commitment, some 3 months, some 6, etc. how cool would that be?!
i have such a longing for adventure within me. maybe this is the start of one...
as a surgical tech, you get to be in the O.R., right there next to the surgeon. you assist with tools and holding clamps, etc. and you help prep patients and surgeons. you get to be right there with the surgeon!! ahh - it makes me giddy just thinking about it!
the surgical tech program at most schools is about 18-24 months. that's it. not 10 years of schooling or anything. so...i'm looking into it. who knows what'll happen. but i am looking at a school in lynchburg (yay!!) and west palm beach. i don't want to leave the Keys!!!! but the fact that the program isn't years and years long makes it a little easier. a little. not a lot. :P
Natalie also told me about Mercy Ships - www.mercyships.org. from what i know, it's a volunteer-based ship that is anchored off the west coast of Africa (they've had other ships but i think the one in Africa is the only one right now). there are tons of positions open on the ship and you can volunteer for as long as you want. some positions want at least a 1 month commitment, some 3 months, some 6, etc. how cool would that be?!
i have such a longing for adventure within me. maybe this is the start of one...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
it has begun...again.
let it be known that i have re-started my blog. thank you, Marissa. :P my last post was Nov. '06 - nearly 3 years ago. that means i'm 3 years older than i was then. and probably 3 years worth smarter. maybe.
but because my computer is going anciently slow right now, i only have time to post this and now have to leave for the ICS boy's football game - 6 man football at it's finest!
but because my computer is going anciently slow right now, i only have time to post this and now have to leave for the ICS boy's football game - 6 man football at it's finest!
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