the gift of space

have you ever had a time in your life where you felt like your joy had been stolen from you, and you didn’t know why and you didn’t know what had stolen it?  it was just…gone.  and you knew it should be there…it just…wasn’t.

I had this occur in my heart recently, and I still don’t know what caused it.  everything was going great around me. God was providing all I needed and so much more, doors were opening left and right…and yet I suddenly found myself fighting to regain the joy I’ve had for so much of my life.  what in the world?

I found myself with a couple days of no scheduled meetings and no scheduled commitments.  this is rare in my life these days.  I’m in awe of God’s perfect timing.  He knew I needed to get away in solitude and seek Him.  so I got away.

the first morning, I found myself drawn to read Galatians 5.  I intended to read about the fruit of the Spirit, to remind myself of all the fruit I’m currently missing.  haha :)  but I ended up starting at the beginning of Galatians 5 and was struck, once again, by this verse:

“You were running the race so well.  Who has held you back from following the Truth?  It certainly isn’t God, for He is the One who called you to freedom!”

that narrowed down the suspects to my own flesh or satan.  God was definitely not the one who stole my joy – He has called us to freedom!  I love this verse because I relate to it so much.  I’ll be going on, running the race and relying on God’s strength.  and then BAM!  something happens and I get off course.  it reminds me of this passage in Hebrews 12:1-2 --

“…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus…”

I eventually got to the part of the chapter that talks about living the power of the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit.  I’m reading along and think, “ok, love, joy (missing that), peace (missing that), patience, kindness…” and so on.  I finished reading the list and sat back with my coffee and asked God why I was lacking joy and peace so much right now.  immediately, this came to mind: “LOVE.  it’s the 1st fruit.  and it’s the greatest commandment.”  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s what God’s answer was for me.  I love that He wants us to know Him and He wants us to sit with Him and ask Him questions and be still and listen.  I love that He’s personal and loves us so deeply beyond our comprehension.

here I was, wondering why I was missing joy and peace and I was skipping over the 1st fruit that was on the list.  I’m going to go out on a limb (again – I’ve been getting to spend a lot of time outside the last couple days, I’m very naturey now I guess) and suggest that “love” wasn’t listed 1st for no reason.  it is, after all, the greatest commandment.  like, THE greatest commandment.  I wonder if, without love, maybe the rest of the fruits just don’t ripen and flourish like they would if we first and foremost loved God and loved one another?

love.  serve.  wash one another’s feet.

I later made a list of ways God has blessed me, specifically over the past year.  wow…for the love…the list goes on (ha – there’s a shout out for the dynamic Braddy duo!!).

if you’re ever lacking in joy or are worried how things are going to work out or how God’s going to provide, make a list of how He’s blessed you and/or been faithful to you.  I guarantee it will only fill you with greater confidence in the One who is above all and it will turn your chaos and confusion into peace and joy.

one more verse I want to leave you with.  we actually had a songwriting session last week, hoping to write a song around this verse.  sometimes when we schedule a songwriting session, we hit a wall.  but last week, this song emerged from Isaiah 26:3 and my cousin reminded me of the verse this week as I was away.  I love how God orchestrates our lives!  last week, we wrote this song on Isaiah 26:3 and yeah, I love the verse and the Scripture around it.  but this week, God was like, “no – I led you to that verse for a reason.  now I want you to really meditate on it, and live it.”

“You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in You
all whose thoughts are fixed on You.”

thankful for the gift of space God has blessed me with these last couple days.