decision: made

after months upon months of restlessness and confusion as to what to do next with my life, i'm finally heading a direction.

what: YWAM Denver Musician's DTS (Discipleship Training School)
when: Sept. 27, 2010 - Feb. 11, 2011
where: Denver (in case you didn't catch that already)

stoked. scared out of my mind. but completely stoked to see what God does in and thru me.

how i came up to this decision:
i want to write down how i came to this decision so i can look back on it in the future and remember God's fingerprints. i'll try to keep it concise. i flew out to Lynchburg, VA on Aug. 12 to visit friends. on the flight out, i listened to one of Francis Chan's last messages before he resigned. he was passionately urging people to re-evaluate their lives and look at what they're really living for. it went right along with what i've been feeling this whole year - a restlessness, an urgency to do more with my life that will have an eternal impact on other's lives. an unquenchable desire to do something that causes me to step out in faith and truly rely on God and not myself. and so after hearing this podcast on my ipod, i begged God to give me some direction while i was in Lynchburg - while i had time away from my job and normal life. that was a Thursday. on Sunday, Marissa suggested looking into the Peace Corps. i had never considered that, so i thought i might as well look it up - after all, i had specifically asked God to lead me in some way over this long weekend in L'burg. so Monday morning i had some time to myself and so i pulled up the Peace Corps on the web and looked thru the site and came to the conclusion it was not for me - i want to do something where i am spreading the love of Jesus and you can't freely do that in a government-run organization. so i started googling. i love the googler. i started googling "Christian alternative to peace corps" and stuff like that and YWAM popped up.
i knew very little about YWAM, except that my friend Ashleigh from the Keys went to YWAM Hawaii last year and LOVED it. i had no clue there were so many YWAM bases. the first step of YWAM is to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School). so i was looking at places you could do them. then i found out there are general DTS's and then there are DTS's geared toward specific interests. i found YWAM Denver and saw they had a snow boarder's DTS that started in Jan. 2011 - dude, seriously? sounded sweet - but i've never snowboarded. always wanted to, but never have gotten the chance. then i saw they do a musician's DTS...which started Sept. 27, 2010. i thought "no way - that's way too soon and plus - that'd be throwing myself into a real challenge (i'll explain why later)". so i kinda set that one aside but kept it in mind. then i found a couple bases in Australia (dude, how sweet would that be??) that had DTS's geared toward surfers and the beach culture. perfect! starting in Jan. and Feb. 2011. plenty of time to apply, save up some more $, get a Visa, etc.
needless to say, i was STOKED that monday in l'burg. God had clearly answered my pleading!! after soooo long, i FINALLY had direction!
so i flew home that Tuesday (like...Aug. 19th i think?). Wednesday night i ran my newest idea by Shane and when i quickly passed over the musician's DTS, he stopped me and challenged me to pursue that one first. i thought he was crazy - it started way too soon (1 1/2 months away at the time), i was sure they weren't taking applications anymore, and plus...that would be probably the most challenging of all the DTS's for me to do (yes, even more than going all the way to Australia - and again, i'll explain why later). but he pushed for me to at least apply and see if God opened the door or not, and if not - then pursue Australia.
so. i did. i emailed YWAM Denver, found out it wasn't too late to apply, and quickly got all the application stuff filled out and mailed in. last tuesday i found out i got accepted. 3 weeks from today it starts. my work doesn't even know yet. haha :)

i have been a rollercoaster of sorts ever since i found out i got accepted. from rationalizing reasons not to go, to super stoked-ness, to scared out of my mind, to excited despite being scared out of my mind (that's where i'm at at this current moment - it could change at any minute - i'm tellin' ya...rollercoaster over here). but in the end - no matter how i feel - i ultimately know i need to do this. i do. just plain and simple. i prayed and prayed during the application process that God would make it clear if it was a good thing for me to do or not. if i didn't get accepted, fine, but if i got accepted, i would go in faith that God opened the door for a reason. my initial reaction when i found out i got in was...well, i won't put it on here because it'll offend some people. :) but it can be summed up with "oh no...what did i do?? what am i doing?? God...really?"

every stinkin' person i've told has been SO EXCITED for me...like seriously, every single person has erupted with this unexpected excitement and it blows me away! part of me thinks "oh...wow...people really want to get rid of me, don't they?" - hahaha :) i have received threats of physical beating if i don't go. 1 person is holding a $500 fine over my head, another is holding a $100 fine over my head, and another is lined up ready to hold another $100 fine over my head if i don't go. now that, my friends, is accountability. haha :)

but even with those threats of fines, and physical beatings (HA!), there have been times i've thought "you know what? it's not worth it - i'm going to just pay my friends off and not go". but i know i will be miserable if i pass up this opportunity God has thrown in my lap. fear has no place in my life.

this post is incredibly long.