sushi, chai, and kim walker

hi.

i wish i could share this moment with you so badly.  i wish i could just pluck you from wherever you are and plop you right in the room with me.  i am having a beautiful night.  sushi, followed by chai tea.  kim walker rockin’ it in the background.  mmmm :)

oops.  i just finished my chai.  that’s what i get for rubbing it in your face, i guess.

i am blessed.  for an infinite amount of reasons.  tonight i feel blessed to have the opportunity to be staying in an apartment by myself in the Keys.  i am blessed to have friends who open up their apartments to me so i can have a place to retreat to.  i don’t know how long i’ll be here.  a week.  2 weeks?  i plan to soak up every minute of it while it lasts.

i have 2 main reasons for wanting a place of my own.  1, i want a place i can have people over to and they can spend the night when they want.  i love my family, and living with them goes amazingly well, but it’s hard to have friends over because when you come to our house, you get the whole family experience.  :)  great family, just…not the type of atmosphere to cultivate deeper discussions and chill together.

(by the way, just put on “ocean surf” on my ipod – just the sound of the waves crashing and the occasional seagull without the poop – yesssss)

and the 2nd reason is i am really hoping to soak up the quiet time that i have here and draw ever so near to my Savior.  i want my heartbeat to match His heartbeat.  i want my desires to match His desires.  i want to know Him in a more intimate and real way.  i seek direction from Him right now.  i want so badly to have clear direction from Him.

i pray that i will use this place for those 2 specific reasons.  i moved some stuff in saturday (like my keyboard – quite essential).  and saturday night, Nat & Meg spent the night!!  ahhh such a blessing to be able to have a place to invite them to stay at!!  Jesus totally overwhelmed us with His love and beauty in creation and with time fellowshipping as sisters.  we all decided not to go to church Sunday morning and just take the morning to enjoy and savor.  so beautiful.

how cool is that – that the very 1st night i was here, God already allowed me to use it in the way i wanted to?  i pray that i actively seek others to come and hang out here.  i know it is so easy to get busy or think that so-and-so would probably rather do something else other than hang out with me.  or i could get selfish and enjoy the quietness too much.

my lava lamp from Lauren is squirting goo balls up and down.  and i don’t have internet here.  i love it.  i can write blogs while offline and post them later.  and i won’t be distracted with the internet.

i had a thought yesterday (i had more than 1 thought…just…this 1 stuck out.  i do think throughout the day, contrary to popular belief).  i, like many others in my community of friends, am seeking direction from God as to what to do, where to go, what He created me for.  and i am so stuck on trying to figure out exactly what it is God wants for me.  but talking with Nat & Meg yesterday, i thought – am i not trusting God to lead me?  to open the right doors and open them in His time?

i hope this is coming out right.  it made so much more sense in my head yesterday.  let me try again.

Psalm 37:4 (Scripture always just kinda says it best, doesn’t it?  let’s just go to Scripture) - “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

i am so worried about missing out on what God has created me to do.  that i’ll sit around and won’t take a chance on a direction because i want to be sure that’s what He wants me doing first.  i have been praying and continue to pray that God will give me desire, passion, and direction according to what He created me for.  according to the gifts and talents He has given me. 

and yet i worry that i’ll miss out on what He has for me.

isn’t that kind of like not trusting God?  is our God unjust, that He would ignore our cries for direction so that we may glorify Him to the fullest with our lives?  of course not! 

Matthew 7:11 - “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!”

seriously!  think about it.  delight yourself in the Lord and He WILL give you the desires of your heart.  He WILL guide you.  in HIS time.  and God is outside of our time – He created our “time”.  His timing is not always our timing.

i hope this makes sense.  it’s still not coming out as eloquently as i heard it in my head yesterday.  may God take my un-eloquent words and use them for His glory. :)