fear

turning 26 has been a turning point for me. it's weird, you know? every year your birthday rolls around and everyone asks "so do you feel older?" - knowing that nobody really feels "older" or any wiser on their birthday. you don't magically wake up on that special day and feel like a different person. that never happens. your birthday comes and goes and life goes on as normal.

or does it?

i'm telling you, this birthday season has been so different. i think the start of it happened on my birthday when my friend asked me why i hate celebrating my birthday so much and they said "you should celebrate! God has given you a start to a new year! He's created you and He has given you life!" (see post below)

God has given me this life, hasn't He? He gives me each breath that i take. He sustains me. and buenos noches, He has kept me on this earth thus far for a reason.

i have so much swirling around within me. weird, right? i feel change needing to happen. challenges needing to be faced. a life to be lived to the fullest. to do things that seem impossible to me and are only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit living within me.

and fears to be conquered.

i'm working thru Beth Moore's Bible study called "Living Beyond Yourself" - it's about the fruit of the Spirit. each week deals with a different aspect of the fruit. this week has been on peace. it hit me today that fear is the absence of peace. an absence of the fruit of the Spirit. fear is not believing God is completely who He says He is. fear is not relying on His strength and provision, His sovereignty (i think i spelt that wrong - i can never remember how to spell that great word).

don't get me wrong - we are to fear God. a reverent, "in awe" type of fear.

but all other fears (generally speaking) point to an underlying distrust in God, don't they? if you stop and analyze a certain fear that you have, i think you'll probably see it.

Jesus tells His disciples and those He speaks to "Do not be afraid" numerous times. Take John 14:27, for example:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

God offers us peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

i have this giddiness inside of me now to shut out fear when it enters my mind. to not let fear rule me. even in small things. there's this cockroach at my friend's house that has been sitting dead in the corner of the room for weeks, if not months. and he won't pick it up. he keeps saying i have to throw it away because i was the one who found it. i hate cockroaches. hate them. and i've been refusing to throw the dead specimen away because i don't want to touch it. but you know what? that fear is stupid. and it's unrealistic. and basta ya! i'm going to throw that thing away!

...yes, that's a very small fear to conquer. :P but it's a step. and i get this excitement at the idea of being approached by fear and facing it head on. tearing down the lies surrounding it. and putting my full faith in my all powerful Abba.

bring it on.