Dr. Daaaaaaaan

so this should be interesting.  after months of pressure from various family members up here, I decided to give the “country doctor” they swear by a chance.  after all, the 1st 2 visits are free.  so to appease my family and so I could say I at least tried it, I went this past week. :)

it was the weirdest doctor’s visit I have ever been to.

but it was so cool all at the same time!!

so before I went, I thought the country doctor’s office was way out in some random field in the middle of nowhere.  I figured he was a crazy, little old man who squints are you through his glasses and talks in a tiny little voice.  at times I thought maybe he even threw “magical” herbal dust over you.

none of that was true, which, I was a little disappointed there was no magical herbal dust to dance in.

a “Country Doctor” is a naturopath doctor, they are all about healing the body naturally by changing diet and taking natural supplements that the body is deficient in.  here’s a definition I found of a naturopathic doctor:

“Naturopathic medicine is based on the belief that the human body has an innate healing ability. Naturopathic doctors (NDs) teach their patients to use diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and cutting edge natural therapies to enhance their bodies’ ability to ward off and combat disease.”

so I go and he does this series of crazy, freak you out tests where you lie down and put your arm straight up in the air and he lightly puts pressure on 1 side of your wrist and you match the pressure by lightly pressing back with your arm.  as he does that, he’s pushing on different areas of your body.  you can match his pressure just fine until he finds an area that needs attention – then it’s a lot harder to push back.  IT’S SO WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I became a little bit more a believer when, without me telling him, he was adamant I had a problem with milk when he pushed somewhere and my arm’s strength went down by a lot.  I developed a milk allergy when I was really young, like 3 or 4 probably.  and he totally knew it by doing this crazy test!!!!!!

long story short, I’m pretty healthy (SCORE!  BAM!) and the only area I need help with right now is digestion.  apparently, my body has a super whacked out sugar metabolism – which explains why I feel like my sugar levels drop suddenly.

so, for the next 90 days at least, I am supposed to cut out the following from my diet:
-oats (sad, but not too hard)
-wheat (seriously?!  shoot me now)
-corn (random, but not too hard)
-brown and white sugar (another killer) – I can have cane sugar, fruit sugar, and honey though!
-milk (no surprise – easy, I cut that out a long time ago) – I can still have soy milk, though!

meanwhile, I’m supposed to be taking these 2 supplements – Diaplex and Multizyme – that aid in breaking down sugar & carbs, digestion, and I really don’t know what else.

this is Day 3 of the 90.  the first morning I woke up and went to eat breakfast and was having a hard time figuring out what I could eat.  I suddenly had a wave of despair wash over me, feeling like I was going to starve for the next 90 days for sure.  thankfully, Cristine has had to do this before, too, and is brilliant when it comes to substitutions and alternatives.  her and Paul assured me I wouldn’t starve to death.  so after that initial freak out moment on the morning of Day 1, I was doing pretty good Day 1 & 2.  feeling healthier already.  determining to use this to change my eating habits to be healthier and to match it with working out (which will be a lot easier once my ankle heals and I can run again).  not doing too bad.

enter today, Day 3.  hello, killa.  come lunch time, I was seriously contemplating whether it would really be that bad if I went and splurged – got a hamburger and something sweet to eat.  the nectarine I tried to satisfy myself with just didn’t cut it.  I felt like all I could eat was fruits and veggies and I was starving.

thankfully, my intervention team (haha j/k) stepped in before I went off the deep end.  Cristine quick defrosted hamburger and cooked it up for me and I put veggies on it that everyone else had used to have fajitas with.

and now I sit here with a full belly, far from starving.  the world is OK once again.  for now.

did I mention I can still have vitamin water?  made with cane sugar.  BAM!  I win!

and I can eat all the meat I want – Dr. Dan said my body loves meat – it didn’t take a country doctor to tell me THAT.  ;)  show me the steak!!!

I weighed myself today.  I’m interested to see how this 90 days affects my body (inwardly, of course, but also outwardly – pretty sure I’m goin’ for the six-pack abs).

The local coffee shop in this small town is super cute and trendy inside and has some cool people working at it. it's one of the only real places to hang out in this town. However, they haven't quite figured out how to make coffee drinks. This has resulted in us normally just ordering Americanos. Today, I thought i'd go super easy and ask for a decaf coffee. To which the kid, looking confused, asked, "So like...did you want that brewed or...?" ...or what?! instant?? warmed up in the microwave?? what other ways are there?? I was just as confused as to what he was asking. So i said, "um..." Thankfully, the other girl working with him knows I normally get Americanos so she asked if that's what i wanted. so I said yes - i went with the Americano to avoid any confusion of what i wanted when i originally ordered a "decaf coffee". :) just another comedic event in this small town in Wyoming. and i can't complain because the internet has been down at our house almost all day and so i need to come here to get my work done on the internet. ;)

I always wanted have a dirt bike and a truck. And put the dirt bike in the back of the truck. And like...go get gas.

Maybe that can be my next adventure. Or like when I have health insurance. Because I would ride my bike. A lot. And I would go over jumps. And probably hurt myself eventually.

But it would rock. :)

Quote of the week, maybe even month

"God doesn't reveal His will through puking. Check the Bible. It's not biblical." - Paul Braddy

The irony of it all

So 2 days after I ordered a subscription to Runner's World magazine (gearing up to start running again now that it's warmer out), I rolled my ankle. Humorously ironic to me. A week and a 1/2 later I still can't run on it. Meanwhile, the beautiful weather continues on and I can only sit outside and read :P wait. Let's shift the attitude... at least I can sit outside and read. ;) and I can walk (for the most part).

It's not the end of the world. Far from it. Just a minor frustration. Excited for it to be all healed up.

On a much more exciting note, I'm headed to Costa Rica with a missions team July 6-14! STOKED! More details to come.

I guess running is on hold...

I was super stoked for the high 60 degree weather we had forecasted for last weekend. And the 70 degree week we have ahead of us (75 on a couple days!!). I was so stoked to get to start running outside again (because running like a hamster on the treadmill and getting nowhere just doesn't cut it for me anymore).

So Friday afternoon I got all geared up and excited for a run. Life was goin good. We were just walking past the house next to ours and I went to step down to the street so there'd be more room to run. The gutters on our street are like...really wide. I don't know how to explain it. But as I stepped down, I looked sideways at the dog who was barking behind the fence. And I heard a "pop!". And I hit the ground.

I never even got to run. Not even for a second. Oh sad.

Looks like running is out of the picture for at least a couple more days. At least til the swelling is gone ;)

it’s easy to ask, hard to trust

I’ve been challenged to the core, once again.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be worrying about something or battling something and I go before God in prayer.  so far so good, right?  I mean, that’s what He wants us to do, right?

the problem is – I can’t tell you how many times I say “amen” and then walk away still worrying about the same issue, still believing the lies that are battling in my head. still replaying possible scenarios and wondering “what if…?”

I didn’t realize I even did this, but then I was struck by this fact this past week.  Paul and I were meeting together about the internship and talking about plans for the next Sunday gathering.  I was struggling with anxiousness and fear because I was supposed to be leading a couple songs.  I kept playing possible scenarios thru my head (hardly ever a good idea).  but at the end of the meeting,after praying, Paul said, “Now you have to walk away from this conversation, from this time of prayer, in faith.  You have to walk away trusting God – knowing that you have brought this before Him and He is faithful and He is strong.  Now you have to trust Him and stop worrying.”

James 1:6-7
^“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.”

I am so sickly guilty of doing this!  it’s easy for me to go to God and ask – it’s so much harder for me to trust after I ask.

this realization has brought me so much peace and freedom the last few days.  a few weeks ago, when Paul had asked me to lead a couple songs for our time of corporate worship (that was yesterday), I freaked.  haha :) the next day I threw up because I was so stressed out about it. so  I expected myself to be an emotional, tense mess last week leading up to this time.  I get so fearful of doing what God is asking me to do (especially in the area of leading worship).  I pray and I pray and I pray for strength.  I ask others to pray for me.  but I still dread that moment of getting up in front of everyone.

this last week was different.  once my eyes were opened to this chronic problem I’ve had of asking God and walking away not trusting Him, everything changed.

I cannot begin to try to put words to the peace and freedom I felt leading up to this Sunday.  I prayed a lot this past week about this Sunday.  I knew I had others praying for me.  and this time around, by God’s grace, I chose to trust that He is faithful and He is strong.  I chose, by God’s grace, to not go down the path of worry.  to not go down the path of negative thoughts.  to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.  every time I started going down the path of worry, God’s grace allowed me to realize it and He gave me the strength to cut it out – to remember that all the stuff I was worried about had been taken to Him and laid before His feet and I could walk in peace, trusting that He is good and He can use anything that happens for His glory.

we must walk in faith, trusting God is good no matter what.  He’s got our back.

ask.  and then walk away trusting.

FaceTime Fun

I am so thankful for FaceTime – the video calling feature on the iPhone.  it makes the couple thousand miles between me and my family feel a lot less far away.  here are some highlights from my time with them last night…

 

then everyone started getting goofy…

and Ben attacked Claire while she was trying to show me her cartwheels…

and Claire gave Lucy the phone so Lucy could hold it while Claire jumped off the bed…and Lucy decided to play her role as the older sister and turn the camera on herself instead of Claire… :)

and my beautiful Mama, AKA Nana, who keeps them all under control…

needless to say, every round of FaceTime with the fam is guaranteed to be entertaining :) oh how I love them!!

Things I’ve Learned Out West

when you think of being in a culture completely foreign to you, you normally think of another country.  I do, anyway.

not anymore.

welcome to the West.

I can talk sports.  I can talk music.  I can talk about Jesus.  I can even carry on conversations about boats and alternative energy to a certain extent.

throw me out West into cowboy-culture and I am totally lost.

it’s led to some comical situations.  so, drum roll please…….

Things I’ve Learned Out West – A Comical Approach
-Never make a big deal when a cowboy is wearing a cowboy hat. Do not excitedly exclaim, “Aw you’re wearing your cowboy hat!  That’s so cool!!”  … and especially don’t follow it with “You look like a real cowboy!”  Act cool.  Nonchalant.  A calm, “nice hat” is about as far as you want to go with that one.  (Hi Pastor Scott!! :) )

-Rocky Mountain Oysters are not from the sea.  At all.  When asked if I liked oysters, I said, “Yeah!”  When asked if I’d had Rocky Mountain oysters, I said, “No – but I’d try them!”  To which I was disgusted to find out they’re bull calf testicles.  Why in the world anyone would EVER think to even eat those things is way beyond my comprehension.  Why in the world anyone would ever think to CONTINUE making those things after the initial test is even farther beyond my comprehension.

-Cows are not just "cows”.  A cow is a female.  A bull is a male.  and a steer is a…castrated male.  So out here, when someone’s talking about a cow – they are actually talking about a legit female cow.  not just a cow in general.  When I found out what a steer actually is, I suddenly felt the urge to go pet the steers hanging out in the chutes waiting to be roped.  Which leads to…

-Never pet the steers in the chutes when you’re working the chutes for the ropers.  It’s just not cool.

-Never hoot and holler when you go to a roping.  Cowboys don’t tend to show emotion and apparently they highly frown upon people hootin’ and hollerin’ and holding signs at their ropings.  I don’t know.  We just thought it would be encouraging.  We left the signs at home and I only accidentally let a “YEAH!!!!” escape out of my mouth a couple times.

-When people ask if you “ride”, they aren’t just asking if you’ve ridden a nearly-deceased horse on a trail at some youth camp sometime during your life.  a girl asked me this past weekend at the coffee shop if I “ride”, to which I answered, “Not really – I mean, I have for fun but that’s it.”  - thinking that was an honest and safe answer.  then she followed that question up with “Do you ride English or Western?” …uh… to which I responded, “Um…I have no idea, whatever the safest and easiest is…?”  Apparently I’ve ridden Western.  now I can tell people “Yeah, I ride Western…you know, just on occasion…and like…you know, at slow paces…”

 

so, needless to say, I have a lot of learnin’ to do out here.  I feel SO out of place.  I’m just thankful that the people here are so nice and I’ve found that as long as I’m honest about not having a clue as to what they’re talking about, they’re more than willing to explain things to me.  :)

I have a dream that one day I’ll come across someone out here that loves surfing and I can talk about the Hobgoods, Hamilton, Slater, Machado, etc. and all the sick breaks they surf.

until then, cows it is.

15 degrees & snow = God’s grace??

after being back out West now for a month and a 1/2, the winter has started to wear on me.  the snow.  the bitter cold.  the lack of flip-flop wearing.

but Paul keeps reminding me that it’s just God’s grace.  what??  I think I probably rolled my eyes at that comment the first 5 times or so that he’s said it. :P

I mean, he might have a point…I suppose.  God has created the earth with just the right levels of nitrogen and oxygen and whatever else so that we can live.  He’s tilted the earth at just the right angle to the sun so that we don’t burn up and we don’t freeze over.

he reasons that anything between –20 deg F and 120 deg F is just God’s grace – it’s not cold enough to freeze us to death and not hot enough to burn us to death.

an overly-excited exclamation of, “Wow, isn’t this great??  Just another taste of God’s grace!!” is not really something you want to hear when you’re running to the car in bitter cold wind and snow.  it’s not really something you want to hear when you’re staring out the window at the snow, daydreaming about being home on the beach.  BUT – I’m starting to learn to just embrace it.  and not complain.

because, after all – I got to go home to the Keys for a month and a 1/2 this winter.  :)

and it’s true.  God’s grace can be seen (and felt) even in the weather.

Eph 1:19-21

"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe Him.

This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms.

Now He is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come." (Ephesians 1:19-21 NLT)

Now, if that doesn't get you excited, I don't know what will.

:)

I love the way it's said in this song by Hillsong:
"The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, lives in me. Your love that rescued the earth lives in me, lives in me."

Sing it from the rooftops!!

Wyoming Winters

You know how like, in the old days people wouldn't be able to get places because of the weather? Like a pass would be closed or whatnot? Well i thought that was only in the old days - like before snowplows and salt trucks.

Apparently I was wrong.

I was planning to drive my Zeva girl (a Scion xB) out to Torrington this Wednesday (we're moving this week!!). No snow in the forecast. Good to go, right?

Well then a high wind warning popped up on the forecast. And everyone was talking about how bad the road to Torrington would be and I'm thinking...it's just wind. C'mon.

After everyone kept talking about the roads, I finally decided maybe they knew something I didn't (i know, kinda a stretch, right? ...jk :) ). So I decided to head out to Torrington today with the rest of the crew so I wouldn't get into nasty driving by myself tomorrow.

Sure enough, a little ways down the road there was blowing snow and slush on the roads. One section had like...3-5 inches on snow on the road. We saw 2 cars and a semi in a ditch.

...I'm so glad I didn't have to drive my car. :) I rode with Cristine in the suburban.

A few weeks ago, the road from Torrington to Cheyenne was closed for awhile due to snow. Like, they really can close roads. With this gate-like thing.

I'm used to checking the weather to see if we can get a couple hours of beach volleyball in during rainy season. I'm used to checking the winds to see if we can go sailing. But this checking the weather for winter storm warnings and high wind warnings? Not so much something I think to do yet.

Good thing I live with smart people.

Feel free to send big warm coats and hoodies.

Aw look at Zeva, conquerer of the high wind warning!!

Graduating

This past Sunday I graduated to the full drum set at church! I'm growing up so fast!! I had to promise to play responsibly. And I played pretty safe. Although "Blessed Be Your Name" may've had a slight runaway train feel at one point ;) hey, we just be excited about praisin' Jesus - ain't no shame in that! :)

We'll see what kind of setup I get next week...

Subliminal message to Paul...let her have the whole set again...let her have the whole set again...let her have the whole set again...

I totally rock at the subliminal messages.

It 27 degrees out and the kids are outside playing with just sweatshirts on. Meanwhile, I'm sitting inside wearing more layers than they are and drinking hot chai.

Yep. It's official. Some of us were not made for cold weather.

Missin' the SoFla heat.

Ephesians 1–Identity

I’ve never read Ephesians 1 before and seen who I am in Christ so clearly.  I mean, there’s a ton you can take away from Ephesians 1.  but my identity in Christ hasn’t been something that’s stood out to me from this passage until this week.

I am blessed.  Eph. 1:3

I am holy & blameless in God’s sight through the blood of Jesus.  Eph. 1:4

I am chosen.  Chosen by the Almighty God, the One who rules of all.  Eph. 1:4

I am loved.  So dearly loved by the Creator of the Universe.  Eph. 1:4-5

I am a child of God, His daughter through the all-sufficient sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  Eph. 1:5

I am covered by & shown glorious grace freely through Christ Jesus.  Eph. 1:6

I am redeemed and forgiven through the blood and work of Jesus Christ on the cross.  Eph. 1:7

I am created to bring praise to the King.  I am created to glorify Him and bring glory to His Name.  Eph. 1:12

the battle of the mind

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” – 2 Cor. 10:5 (NIV)

it’s a good verse, right?  I’ve had different times during my journey through life where I tried to put this verse into practice.  take every thought captive.  ok.  killer.  sounds great.  go team.

now I’m trying to put this verse into practice, once again (because apparently, it hasn’t ever taken root in my brain where I do it consistently…ugh).  this time, it’s on a whole new level.  and it’s a battle.

have you ever made a list of all the lies you believe about yourself?  it sounds kinda weird.  and maybe you don’t have many lies you believe about yourself.  in which case, I would love to shake your hand and say, “well done, killa”.  but for the rest of you – have you ever done it?  Cristine suggested I do it a little while ago.  and at first I was like, “um…yeah, no, that’s ok.  I’m fine.” :)  I mean, who wants to sit down and do that?  it sounds like a recipe for disaster, if you ask me.

I kept putting it off that week, but by the middle of the week I couldn’t get the idea out of my head.  so I did it.  and I almost burnt the house down in the process.  no, really…I almost did.  I was sitting in a chair and had a lamp on and didn’t realize the lamp was leaned up against the wall and the bulb got hot and melted a hole through the lamp shade and I had no idea until Paul & Cristine came home and they smelled something burning.  oh, the tragic stories of a non-smelling person (I was born with no sense of smell).  if you feel sympathetic and feel so led, please feel free to send money.

oh – sorry.  ok back on track…

so I set aside some time to make this list.  um…it was quite long.  and while I was making that list, I decided to make a list of fears that I still had.  I thought I was doing really good at kicking fear in the butt.  apparently, that’s not the case because that list was quite long as well.  ugh.

as I was making the lists, at first I was starting to feel despair – and I kind of expected to be hurled down into the “pit” while doing this exercise.  however, something really cool happened – about 1/2 way through listing the lies and the fears out, God gave me almost like…righteous anger, I guess you could say.  I was ticked that these lies and fears had taken hold of me.  I wanted to MAKE WAR.

which sounds great, right?  yeah!  MAKE WAR!  no more believing these lies!  no more giving in to these fears!  go team!

…a lot easier said than done.  it is incredibly hard to re-train your thought patterns when you’ve believed the same lies and been held captive by the same fears for years.

so I’ve been battling, especially over the past couple weeks or so.  but I kept hitting this wall – this wall where I was like “yes, I know these are probably lies – but I don’t fully believe they’re lies…even though I know I should…”

through an unexpected turn of events, last week I hit this wall again and I hit it hard.  feeling powerless over this battle in my mind, I did something I don’t normally do.  I went for a drive.  haha ok j/k – I mean, no – I did go for a drive.  actually I didn’t drive.  Cristine did.  and I rode.  and we drank really bad lattes (don’t you love it when a coffee shop makes your drink with sugar free syrup when you never asked for sugar free?  yum…).  and we talked.  I talked.  I verbally spewed all over her.  which I don’t tend to do.  I tend to keep things bottled up inside and try to work through them on my own – which almost always is never a good thing.

let me just stop right here and suggest that if you need to verbally spew, I will loan Cristine out to you at a very decent monetary rate.  you guys will go for a drive (because going for a drive is so much less awkward than sitting across a table staring at one another).  and you will talk.  it’s inevitable.  she has a beautiful gift of pulling out the grunge inside of you and then talking through it with you.  :)  and if you’re a guy, you can go for a drive with Paul for the same very decent monetary rate (actually it’s a little higher, because he’s technically a pastor so I can charge more for that) because he also has this beautiful gift that you don’t really feel like is beautiful at the time but at the end of the talk, you feel so much better and then you realize it is, indeed, a beautiful gift.  and most likely you will at least have a glimpse at what God wants to teach you through whatever mess you’ve found yourself in.

wow, totally off track again… 

so what I realized was that quite a few of the lies and fears had been influenced by 1 person.  1 person.  why is it that we so easily believe the negative words/actions of 1 person?  if 1 person told me something encouraging about myself, and another person told me the opposite (something negative), I think I would tend to believe the negative.  why is that?  and if like, 5 people told me something positive about myself and this 1 person told me something negative, I would tend to believe the 1 negative thing over the 5 positive.  like really, why?

just realizing that 1 thing has blown my mind and is starting to shatter the lies that I have let infiltrate my mind for so long.  I have a long ways to go still.  but God is blowing my mind.  I feel like He’s beginning to restore me back into who He’s created me to be.  Rediscovering my true identity in Christ.  yesterday morning I was reading Ephesians 1 and I’ve never got this before while reading Eph. 1 but yesterday I just kept finding verse after verse that proclaimed who I am in Christ – and wow is it awesome to be a child of God.  Ephesians 1 – that’s a whole ‘nother post.  maybe tomorrow.

one more thing – and this has been crucial for me to learn.  I realized I can’t take every thought captive on my own.  I’m powerless.  I completely need the power of the Holy Spirit to do this.  and I fail.  like daily.  ok like multiple times daily right now.  but God is gracious.  and He has surrounded me with amazing people who love me and want to see victory over the lies and the fears.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Phil. 4:8

oh the sweet, though sometimes painful, restoration that Jesus offers us when we fix our eyes on Him.

A night of laughter

I love our church's worship team. We eat dinner together every Saturday night, then study Scripture or just spend time sharing what God's been doing in our lives. Then comes music rehearsal.

Tonight I think we all laughed more than we all have in a long time. It was like everyone was in rare form. We didn't get to meet last week because of the worship conference. Maybe we were just excited to be back together.

Either way, I love these people. We've become like a family. And I think that was so clear tonight. Just the overflowing joy of being together.

Jesus' love is so sweet, flowing between His followers.

Today

Today I am thankful for God's strength.
For His grace.
For His unfailing love.
For His patience.

Today I am thankful for great friends and great family He has blessed me with.
For the ones who stick by, even closer, when things are ugly.
For the ones willing to walk beside me when the road is ridden with pot holes.
For the ones I can laugh big belly laughs with.
For the ones that make me smile just recalling memories of.

Today. :)

Props to Otterbox

I have an Otterbox Defender Series case for my phone. Even though it makes my phone rather brick-ish, I would have destroyed my phone by now if I didn't have it. I drop my phone so much :) I even threw it in a big empty trash can once (the kind you roll out to the road) and there was disgusting liquid in the bottom of the trash can - but my phone totally survived! Score! ...I had my 7 year old cousin climb in and get it for me :)

The point is - this case is amazing. But over the 11 months that I've had it, the hard part of the case has been breaking off in little chunks. I was about to buy a new one and figured I might as well see what the warranty was 1st. I called the otters at Otterbox and get this - they're sending me a new case, free of charge, no questions asked.

Seriously want to give everyone at Otterbox a huge hug right now!

here come the MIT’s…

(MIT’s…) Galaxy defenders (oh oh-oh, oh oh-oh, oh oh)…

if you weren’t a Men in Black fan, you totally won’t know what was up with that.

for the rest of you – the good guys dress in black, remember that.

ok sorry.  I just had coffee.

so I’ve been inspired lately by Paul & Cristine to make an MIT list each morning.  MIT=Most Important Things.  each morning, I try to make a short MIT list (around 3-5 things usually) of what I absolutely want to get done that day.  and then I get to work knockin’ ‘em down like Muhammad Ali.  float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

seriously?  gotta stop blogging after drinking coffee.

I feel so much more productive when I make an MIT list.  I didn’t do it this past Monday, and by the end of the day I felt like I had gotten nothing done.  scattered.

I’m reading through “Zen to Done” right now (it’s a quick read).  it talks about MITs.  and taking care of things as they come up instead of setting them aside to do later – which usually ends up getting put in a pile and getting done later than later.

so, I’ve also been inspired lately by the same dynamic duo (Paul & Cristine) to get a planner.  like, a legit, hold in my hands planner.  no more using my iphone for trying to remember things (because I stink at that).  so in my planner is where I write down my MITs each day.  and lots of other great things.  it’s pretty much a grand adventure just reading through my planner, let’s just be honest.

ok that last line was a stretch of the truth.  probably.  maybe.

dude – Continuous Worship conference tomorrow-Sat out at Maranatha Bible Camp – super stoked!  not super stoked about the snow storm we’re supposed to get.  but there’s more to life than being warm and wearing flippers and your swim suit and board shorts all the time, right?  …right?  just say yes.  help me out here.  homesick for the Keys today.

ok I better stop rambling.

keep it real.

evolution of standards

a random observation of sorts:

when I was little, “dressing up” meant wearing a dress – and for me, I only did that when I had to.

when I was in high school, “dressing up” meant wearing a skirt – and again, I only did that when I had to.

when I was in college, “dressing up” meant wearing a pair of nice pants and something other than a t-shirt or hoodie.

and now, today I realized “dressing up” has evolved once again for me.  currently, “dressing up” means changing out of my favorite pair of sweat pants and putting jeans on.  and wearing a nice zip-up hoodie.

ahhhh – livin’ the dream!  :)

the un-named post

I keep changing the title of this post.  I title it, then write the 1st sentence.  then I stop and decide I want to write about something else.  so I erase the sentence, erase the title, and start over…and this process keeps happening right now so I’m just un-naming it and seeing where it goes from there.

I’m back out West, continuing with Continuous Worship ministries.  lovin’ life.  I just realized I haven’t posted since flying back out here.  there’s so much I could cover.

my birthday was a couple weeks ago – and if you didn’t know that, I consider that as a successful mission.  I don’t like celebrating my birthday.  that’s just how it is.  so I don’t broadcast that it’s my birthday.

ok but the point of me acknowledging that my birthday was a couple weeks ago – it marked a 1 year anniversary of the first time I ever led worship in my life.  last year at this time, I was in Skien, Norway with my YWAM DTS.  on my birthday, we were leading a youth group that night and I led 2 or 3 of the songs that night.  I had finally decided to surrender my fears to God and trust in His strength to use the gifts He’s given me.

and the year since that night in Norway has been incredible.  it has been hard.  it has been rough.  it has been uncomfortable.

…and it has been amazing.

there is absolutely nothing like trusting God with your fears, your anxieties, your insecurities – and seeing how He works in and through you.  I fail.  a lot.  especially with fear and anxiety.  and insecurities.  but God’s grace is so sweet.  it is so much stronger than my weakest of weak moments.  His grace is forgiving.  His grace is loving.  His grace is overwhelming.

for so much of my life, up until this past year, I consistently told God “no” in the area of worship leading.  I consistently chose to fear man over fearing God.

did you know fear of anything but God is sin?  it is.  it’s blatant choosing to not trust God.

while I still struggle a lot with fear, I have seen God giving me more and more victory over this stronghold in my life.  it is absolutely nothing I’ve done by my own strength.  and again, I fail.  a LOT.  but I can’t begin to explain the amazing feeling of stepping out in faith and experiencing the strength of my God.  the God who holds the universe in His hands.  the God who created the sun in all it’s glory and splendor – and who Himself is infinitely more glorious and magnificent.

if you could be doing anything with your life, what would you be doing?  are you doing it?  if not, what’s stopping you?

-------

on a side note, today I did something I’ve never done in my life.  I played the drums during worship at church today…hahaha no for real, I did.  it wasn’t a full set of drums.  it was a kick, a snare, and a cymbal.  let me back up and share how it happened that I got thrown into drumming today…

last night at worship team rehearsal, Paul set up this set of drums.  normally we don’t have drums for the worship time at church – only because we don’t have a drummer.  we have a full drum set.  just no drummer.  so Paul was playing on them during the first part of rehearsal but then he jumped on my keyboard and so I jokingly asked if he wanted me to go play the drums.  …and he said yes.  so I sat down and started beating on the drums –

let me stop right there.  have you ever beat on drums before?  I’m tellin’ ya – instant happiness.  you can’t help but smile really big.

ok so I messed around on the drums the rest of the night, having fun just goofing around.  I don’t know how to play the drums.  a few people at different times in my life have taught me how to do just a simple beat but that’s my extent of drumming.  so needless to say, I really don’t know what I’m doing.  then at the end of worship team rehearsal, Paul asked if I wanted to play drums at church Sunday morning.  to which I laughed and totally thought he was joking.  and of course…he wasn’t.  because he’s Paul.  and he loves to throw people out of their comfort zone at high rates of speed.  but he also knows music.  he’s been leading worship a LONG time.  like, longer than I’ve been alive.  ok that’s a lie.  but still, he’s done it for a long time.  and as uneasy as I was about playing the drums Sunday morning, I knew I should choose to trust him and be willing to take an opportunity God was giving me.

it was so fun!!!!!!

ok ok ok – 1 more quick thing.  I’ve been playing the guitar for like 10 years now, but I’m not nearly where I should be after playing for 10 years.  but I’ve never been able to play and sing at the same time – I totally lose my rhythm and then my words get stuck and it’s just…an amazing train wreck.  so I don’t know what happened, but when I got back out West, suddenly I can play and sing at the same time!!!  this is a ginormous step!!!!

oh my goodness.  I could write forever.  I just finished the book Indescribable by Louie Giglio & Matt Redman and it was phenomenal.  I’ll write about it later so this post is forever long.

keep it real.

Into the Sunset

Currently on a non-stop flight from Fort Lauderdale to Denver. I love flying West on late afternoon/early evening flights. It's like you're chasing the sunset. The sunset lasts forever!! The sky still has orange, pink, and blue hues and it's been over an hour at least. Beautimous!! I picked this side of the plane because I knew I'd have the best shot of catching the sinking of the sun. We were stuck in clouds for a long time and I was so bummed that I missed the sunset. But them the sky above and the horizon opened up and brilliant colors filled the sky! The picture doesn't do it justice.

Today I rented a car to drive up to Fort Laudy. Totally the funnest car I've ever rented this far - and I've rented quite a few. A mini cooper!!! It was such a sweet ride over the bridges, thru the islands, with the sunroof open! Zoom zoom ;) I really wanted to go flying over the median and find some stair to drive down like in the movie "Italian Job" but I wasn't sure my insurance would cover it, nor would the police probably think it was a great idea.

Ok I ended the post but this flight is forever long and I'm not falling asleep at all so let's see what else comes out of Jen's ramblings at 35,000+ feet...

I barely made my flight today :) oops. I meant to be super early. It...just didn't happen. Story of my life. However, even though I went straight from security to standing line to load at the gate (literally - they were lined up when I got there), I still managed to get 1 comment about my guitar. This guy goes, "sweet guitar..." ... to which I said "thanks" but what I was really thinking was, "you can't even see my guitar, you gringo! It's in it's case! My case could be empty or filled with old napkins I saved from elementary school that my mom wrote notes on and stuck in my lunch every day!"

But I went with "thanks" instead.

I so almost pulled a Brian Regan today. As the guy at the ticket counter took my ticket, he goes, "have a nice flight!" and I came so close to saying, "You too!"...when you...fly next...next time you fly--have a nice flight...

I love my family so much and already miss them so much. This morning, Claire (4) was adamant that we needed to celebrate my birthday this morning (today is not my birthday). So at breakfast, she had Sadie stick a candle in a piece of banana on top of my piece of toast :) so cute.

Ugh. Turbulence. And the head starts spinning. Time to stop looking at the screen...

the cell phone: a bittersweet invention

I really like my cell phone.  I was 16 when I first got a cell phone.  it looked like a brick.  and I think it was one of those “prepay” ones where you only have so many minutes.  my parents got one for me because I had just started driving (in the winter…in Michigan) and had already been in 5 ditches.  annnnnd hit a mailbox.  :)  true story.  I would like to add that I took driver’s training in the summer and did all my driving with my permit pre-winter snow time.  so I was learning to drive on the snowy/icy roads by myself.  c’mon now.  give me some cred.

wait.  this post isn’t about my driving history.  getting back on track…

I’ve had a lot of cell phones since then, and I’ve had a “smart” phone for maybe 3 years now and honestly it would be really hard for me to switch back to an '”unsmart” phone (I mean – what else do you call them?  if there are “smart” phones, what do we call the other ones?").

wait.  this post isn’t about my current cell phone and how much I enjoy it.

andy, sadie, and I were talking the other day about how much TV some families watch.  and then we realized that – yeah, we don’t watch a ton of TV, but how much time do we spend looking at a screen?  whether it be the computer screen or more recently, our cell phones?

i carry my phone with me everywhere.  I’m constantly connected.  i have facebook, email, twitter, and all these social networking apps on my phone.  pretty much i can be reached at any given time thru various avenues of technology unless I’m out on the water or playing volleyball.  even when I workout, I have my phone strapped to my arm, listening to my music, which means if you call or text me, I still hear it.

I started thinking past week about how I often use my phone as a scape goat. this is what we do (and I say we, because I’ve done it so many times and I know you have to): we walk thru the aisles at the grocery store, talking on our phone, oblivious to the people we’re walking by.  I’ve sometimes done this too – if I’m walking past a sales person and I know they’re going to try and get my attention, I pull out my phone and start doing something on it as I walk by.  or standing in line at the store, waiting to pay, I’ll pull out my phone and check my email.  blocking out the people around me, minding my own business.

I wonder how many opportunities we miss because we are so connected to our cell phones.  I wonder how many sweet conversations we miss out on because we’re so consumed with our own social networking.

I went to Starbucks with a couple friends yesterday, up in Key Largo.  we were sitting outside, enjoying the cool 70ish degree weather and our drinks, catching up on what God was doing in our lives.  I noticed a couple who sat down near us.  they were super hip looking, probably in their late 20’s.  the entire time they sat there, they were each on their cell phones, doing who knows what.  I didn’t see them look at each other once or have any conversation.

this past week, I wondered what it would be like to turn my cell phone into a “land line” – meaning, I would leave it at home and the only time I would use it is when I’m at the house.  you know, kickin’ it old school when we only had land lines and people couldn’t reach us while we were out and about (I know, hard to comprehend now, right?).  or maybe i don’t have to go to the extreme.  maybe I could resolve to not answer calls or text people or even pull my phone out when I’m in a public place – instead, being intentional with my time and making intentional conversation with the random people I pass by.

today I went to the old 7 Mile Bridge after church just to soak in the beauty for a little bit.  I resolved to not pull out my phone unless it was to take a picture.  the “Hat Man” was there, set up with his hats and flowers he’d woven out of palm frons.  I’ve never stopped and talked to him before, though I’ve seen him many times.  so today, we talked.  and it was fun to hear a little bit about him and hear about his love for weaving these palm frons for people.

having a cell phone has so many benefits.  I just wonder if we’re missing out on something by always being connected.

cultural relevancy

I previously posted a quote from Bob Kauflin’s book, “Worship Matters”, that talked about the relevancy of Scripture, alluding to the fact that many pastors/speakers will quote movie lines, celebrities, or use jokes to fill their message and hardly any Scripture.

I was talking with my bro-in-law about it and he pointed me to this podcast … that I have no clue how to link to on here :)  it’s called the “Elephant Room” and it’s like a discussion between pastors.  I think if you pull up iTunes and search for Mark Driscoll + Elephant Room maybe it’ll come up.  it’s called Culture in the Church vs Church in the Culture.  one pastor’s worship team had played “Highway to Hell” to start off a service and the pastors were discussing with him his motives and idea behind using that song.

the podcast was really good, I’m processing thru what all was said.  one pastor brought up the interesting point that we send missionaries overseas to different areas where they are to learn the culture and how to share the Gospel with that culture and we call it “godly”; yet in the States, when we bring culture into the church, we call it “compromising”. 

all throughout Scripture, people (including Jesus Himself) referenced cultural things so that people could relate and understand.

yet at the same time, if we’re using something blatantly ungodly to reach culture, is that right?

the dude who used “Highway to Hell” in the service said that 1 guy told him later that God really got a hold of his heart through that song.  praise God for that!  however, one of the other pastors mentioned that a guy in his church came to know the Lord thru the death of his mom in a car accident – and said he wasn’t planning on getting into that business anytime soon…

this podcast made me laugh many times – only because the pastors are brutally honest and they’re not afraid to mix seriousness with humor.  but it’s also left me questioning where to draw the line.  I remember being in a service once of one of those “uber trendy” churches and they did a song by Kelly Clarkson right after beginning the service with worship.  and I was so distracted by the fact that they did a Kelly Clarkson song and I was focused so much on trying to figure out what in the world this song had to do with the message that I kinda feel like it caused more distraction than really driving home the message.  I have no idea what the message was about.

so…I have no conclusion as to what I think right now.  it’s not something Scripture seems to say “this is right – this is wrong” on.

hey – go listen to the podcast.  let me know your thoughts.

keep it real.

Attn: Pastors/Worship Leaders/the Church

In regards to treasuring the Word of God... "Referencing rock stars, funny stories, or lines from a recent movie can appear relevant & trendy. But in doing so we can leave people starving for what they need most to hear from God." - Bob Kauflin, from the book "Worship Matters"

The Bible (the Word of God) is alive and active and is sharper than any double-edged sword (Heb. 4:12). It has stood up against the harshest of critics and skeptics. It is infallible.

He will provide

this past Monday I had off from work (Christmas holiday) – my first day off since getting back in the Keys (besides Thanksgiving).  when I came home, I flew in Monday night and was working the next day.  so I was super excited to have a day off to enjoy this place that I love.

I went to one of the quieter beaches that not so many tourists know about (although plenty still seem to find it).  sat down on my towel about 15 feet from the water and journaled and processed and prayed.  I flipped back through some of my journal entries – I like doing that from time to time.  it reminds me of God’s faithfulness and His provision.  and I started thinking about what my future might hold and spent some time sitting in the quiet, asking God what He wanted to do in the upcoming months and wondering how He was going to provide for what I needed (and/or deeply wanted…haha because needs and wants are often 2 entirely different things, aren’t they?).

I sat there and also asked God if I could see His glory in Creation in some way – to open my eyes, because His glory is all around.  how callous I often become to seeing it.

…I love how God delights to reveal Himself to us when we ask to see Him in a fresh and/or deeper way:

I looked up to look at the ocean and this flock of little birds swooped down right in front of me near the water’s edge.  they all flew in unison – the kind where if 1 turns, they all turn. SO cool!  I was thinking of how amazing it is that God created them to do that – it’s part of their nature.

I went back to reading thru journal entries and I looked up again and saw these same little birds, 1 by 1, marching across the shore right in front of me, pecking through the seaweed looking for food.  I don’t normally get excited and all “awww” about birds, but these were so cute :)  as I watched them, I was reminded of Matthew 6 where Jesus says:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

BAM.  a beautiful reminder of God’s provision.  nothing is too big for Him.  He is so beyond money.  these little birds had full bellies (at least they appeared to – they were nice and plump little guys).  my Father takes care of His creations, even the tiny birds – I can surely trust He will take care of me.

and this week I have been blown away by His provision!  this week, I have been given amazing, gracious, super generous financial gifts from people I love (not because they give me money…hahaha).

when I head back out West, I’m hoping to raise some support to enable me to do ministry more full-time.  I am super thankful for the 6-week temp job I was able to have in the Fall when I was out there; however, I realized I missed out a lot on the ministry-side of things because I was working a full-time job.

so … hey, it’s like…the end of the year tomorrow… I’m just sayin’, if you’re looking to donate extra money before the end of the year, Continuous Worship ministries is an excellent ministry to support!  :D  if you would like to make any donations, feel free to email me @ stokedauntjen@gmail.com and I’ll let you know how you can do so.  I’ll be sending out a support letter soon as well, but I figure quite a few of you who actually read this thing (…or maybe there’s only 1 person…hi Mom!!), already know what I’m up to out West and if you don’t, you can always peruse through my posts from this past Fall. or…email me and ask me!  or call me.  if you have my #.  but I’m not posting that on here because I’ll probably get creeper phone calls from random people who happen upon this blog.

:)

Zealous

I'm attempting to read thru the Bible yet again (I've attempted this many times and stop around Leviticus/Numbers every time). This morning I read in Numbers 25 about the Israelites and Phinehas. The Lord was furious with the Israelites who had started worshipping the Baal of Peor and was going to destroy all those who had turned from Him to worship this other god.

Enter: Phinehas. This dude sees blatant sin go on right before his eyes and he immediately puts an end to it (it's um...not pleasant. Go read Numbers 25, it's a short chapter).

Because of Phinehas' willingness to stand up for God's honor, the Lord turned His anger away from the Israelites. The Lord said, "Phinehas...has turned my anger away from the Israelites; for he was as zealous as I am for my honor among them..."

Wow. Phinehas understood the holiness of God. He understood what sin was and he was determined to fight for the Lord's honor. He was willing to stand up for the Lord's glory.

I'm not saying we should go run spears thru people (go read Num. 25 if you didn't yet...I know you didn't...go read it!). But what would it look like to be zealous for the honor of God in our lives?

Christmas a year ago

This Christmas i was remembering throughout the day where i was a year ago. Last Christmas was definitely a memorable one... thankful to be in the Keys with my family and friends for this Christmas!

get stoked: stranded: this morning, 6 of us + 1 leader and our contact (Helina) went to work at a soup kitchen. we walked to the train station and waited but the...

where You go i'll go

I have quite this beautiful tension going on inside of me these days.

this is where I ate my lunch today.  I sat down on the sea wall.  at the 7 Mile Bridge.  I didn’t alter these pictures at all.  it was just…purely beautiful.  the water was so blue and green today, even without my polarized sunglasses on.

and see, this is where the beautiful tension comes in.  this place has captured my heart time and time again.  I love it. God’s beautiful creation surrounds me.  beautiful people whom I love deeply surround me.  sunshine and warmth surround me year round.  and yet – the beautiful tension.

the beautiful tension of wanting to be called here so badly by God, yet having peace that He’s called me else where for now.  there is peace in that calling, a peace that transcends my own understanding (Phil. 4:4-7) because here – here amidst the blue green waters and the beautiful people that I love – here is where I want to be called to.  it doesn’t make sense to me that I would have peace about surrendering this love.  from the worldly point of view, it doesn’t make sense.

but I serve the One and only God.  the God who desires to do so much more than I could ever hope for or imagine (Eph. 3:20) for His glory.  that is what I live for, though my heart and mind are so easily distracted.

right now, I feel like He has called me to Torrington, WY.  a small town (village?  j/k) right on the edge of WY/NE where I never in my life imagined living.  while interning with Continuous Worship, we’ve come alongside a brand new church plant in Torrington, called SONrise Chuch.  none of us imagined actually moving to Torrington. it started off as like…a 2 month commitment or something.  when Paul and Cristine initially told me they felt God was directing them to commit longer to SONrise and to pretty much move out there, my first reaction was, “hmm.  well, that’s great for you.  there’s no way I’m moving out there.”.

see, if you’ve never been to Torrington (and I’m willing to bet most of you haven’t even heard of it), let me tell you something about it.  there’s no legit grocery store.  there’s no walmart.  there’s no target.  there’s no wendy’s, starbucks, or Chipotle.  you can’t see the mountains.  you can’t see water.  you can hear and see the coal train that goes through like 50 times a day (or at least it feels like it goes thru that often).  it’s…not my idea of earthly paradise.

but I have fallen in love with the people I’ve gotten to know at SONrise.

so going back to the night Paul and Cristine dropped the news on me.  I went to bed wondering what in the world was next for me.  I figured my internship was done.  it was time to move on.  because there was no way God could be calling me to Torrington, WY. :)

I went to bed.  and woke up wide awake at 4am the next morning.  all I could think about were all the opportunities God might have for me in Torrington.  I was filled with so much excitement.  I even tried reasoning things out and tried not to get myself excited.  I tried to get back to reality.  but the reality is – there are so many opportunities to share God’s love and to serve in Torrington.  I still get so stoked thinking of different ideas of what He might possibly want to do.

I never fell back to sleep that morning.

sweetly broken.  wholly surrendered.

story of my life lately.  :)

this is who I shared the sea wall with today over lunch…

Some mornings

Some mornings I enjoy my quiet time and coffee so much that I don't want to get ready and go to work. Today is one of those days. :)

Wish I was a little bit talla

Tonight I was doing some online Christmas shopping and realized the NCAA women's volleyball semi finals were on.

Hoooooold up.

Needless to say, my shopping took a lot longer than I planned because I was thoroughly distracted with watching a ball get hit back and forth. Hey - it's not every day you can catch volleyball on TV. Gotta embrace the opportunities as they come.

So Illinois has a player that's 6'6"...that's over a foot taller than me!! And USC has a 6'5" player...that's STILL over a foot taller than me!!

It's ok. I have come to accept that I will probably never reach 5'4". And I'm ok with that. God made me just the right size for what He created me for. :)

Like hiding in washing machines...

Circa 2006ish

Ol Blue

This is my super sweet ride while I'm home - an '85 Ford Ranger! Her name is Ol' Blue, but sometimes she gets called the Smurf. She loves the ocean so we try to see it every day. ...not too hard when you live on an island ;)

None But Jesus

I've been listening to the song "None But Jesus" a ton in the midst of trials lately. Challenged to the core by the words.

"There is no one else for me - none but Jesus..." NO ONE. No friend. No spouse. No one. He is to be my everything. Do i really believe that? Do I really live like i believe that?

"Crucified to set me free..." He humbled Himself to die on the cross to set me free from the chains of sin. From the strongholds battling to weigh me down. Because of Jesus, and only Jesus, I am FREE!! ...do I really believe that? Do I really live like I believe that?

"All my delight is in You, Lord - all of my hope and all of my strength..." ALL of my DELIGHT is in You, Lord! All of it. ALL of my HOPE is in You, Lord! All of it. ALL of my STRENGTH is in You, Lord. All of it. What does "all" really mean? EVERYTHING. ALL. Do I really find ALL my delight, ALL my hope, ALL my strength in Jesus? Do I really?

My friends - may we not merely sing familiar words, but may we take seriously the words we are declaring to our Lord and Savior.

---------
None But Jesus - by Brooke Fraser (Hillsong)

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

So when You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You, Lord, forevermore

urgency

if you knew you were going to die tonight, how would that affect how you lived the rest of today?

well first off, if you don’t know Jesus…my goodness.  He is who He says He is.  He is who the Bible says He is.  He is the Son of God and God is who He says He is.  Jesus humbled Himself and became the ultimate Sacrifice to cleanse you and me of our sins so that we can spend eternity with the AWESOME God, the Creator of the universe, the Creator of life.

and for those of us who know Jesus as our Savior – are we living as though Christ may return today?  because He totally could.  and He will one day.  maybe today.  maybe tomorrow.  maybe years from now.  we don’t know.

a couple weeks ago, at the high school retreat we were leading worship at, I was struggling Saturday night with having the courage and faith in God’s strength to get up and lead one of the songs that night during the session.  but then Paul (not Paul in the Bible…living, breathing today Paul – Continuous Worship Ministries Paul…haha) posed a couple questions to me that I think might forever change my mindset.  I hope.  he challenged me with this: if I knew that later that night God was going to take me Home (aka die an earthly death), would I really not take this last chance I had to share this life-changing, life-saving message that I knew to be Truth?  Would I really not go out there and use the gifts God’s given me and allow Him to use me to reveal His power, His greatness, more of who He is to those teenagers we were about to worship with?  Or what if I knew God was going to take away my voice for the next 6 months – would I still wuss out and not do what He was calling me to do that night?  would I not worship with all that I have?

totally rocked my world.  it has stirred up a sense of urgency within me. when Christ returns, I want to be building His Kingdom.  I want to be found building the Kingdom of Light in whatever I’m doing and not building the Kingdom of Darkness.

it also challenged me to worship God with all that is within me.  I want to give Him everything.  I want to love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind and likewise, I want to worship Him with all my heart, soul, and mind.  He is worthy!!

I fail at it a lot.  but by His grace, we can get back up and start fresh.  refocus.  and move forward.

I came home to find that Shley has been filled with the same urgency, so much more so than I have.  I love it!  I want to be filled more and more with this urgency.

don't lend me your vehicle

over the past 2 weeks, i've had a really back track record with people's vehicles...i don't know what's going on... -took Paul & Cristine's suburban out...got rear ended -borrowed Andy's big dog truck...backed into the tent pole. i was hoping he wouldn't notice one of the tent poles was bent. he...definitely did. ok so it's kind of hard to miss. -borrowed Andy's other truck, ol' Blue, today. i ended up switching vehicles with my dad 1/2 way thru the day so i could take Claire & Lucy to the beach. i get home and my dad thanks me for the surprise. what surprise? oh - i left the lights on on ol' Blue and the battery was dead when he went to drive her home. :) -oh - no, that's not the end. so my dad tells me about the dead battery. then i go to eject the CD i put in his Sequoia. and the cd is stuck in the player. like, stuck stuck. it says "error" on the screen. and it makes thunking noises when you try to eject it. this is just a fair warning to everyone.

Lunch

I'm eating my lunch today (Publix sub - yum) overlooking the Gulf at the 7 Mile Bridge. So beautiful. I just looked up from writing this and I saw like 4 or 5 people all taking pictures of something out in the water. I thought they saw dolphins or something. Then I realized they were all tourists just taking pictures of the view. :) I can't blame 'em. I had to take a pic myself and I live here (...errr...off and on...hahaha its home base).

Staying in the truck though. It's only 75 and there's a breeze so it feels cold.

Over bridges

Today I went down to Big Pine and had lunch with Amanda at Bagel Island. A little disappointed they aren't making my Hawaiian bagel sandwich anymore. But the mango smoothie was good an mangoey. :) then we picked up Zoe and went for a little adventure. Great time with great friends! Bob Marley, Jack Johnson, and Josh Garrels included.

have guitar? automatically cool.

I had never flown with my guitar until this past summer and I noticed I got a few comments about it and thought it was funny.  but then I flew home again with it this past week and it struck me: if you carry a guitar, people automatically associate this level of coolness with you.  they have no idea if you can really play – they just assume you can.  I’ve therefore concluded that if your self-esteem level is low, the solution is to go on a trip and bring your guitar.  I felt like a rock star by the time I made it to Fort Lauderdale!  first it was the super cute little 4 or 5 year old boy in front of me in the security line.  he turns around and goes, “I like your guitar!!  well…I can’t see your guitar…but I like your case!!” so cute.  then one of the security people picks up my guitar (in the case) and pretends to play it and sings some old country song to another security person!  as I was boarding one of the planes, the attendant taking tickets goes, “aw, I wish we had more time, we could’ve jammed!”  and then when I got off the plane, I heard a guy exclaim to his friend, “I didn’t know you could bring a guitar on the plane??”  quite the conversation piece, I’m tellin’ ya.

duuuude.  I am SO glad I changed my ticket and stayed the extra 2 weeks in Cheyenne.  yes, I got sick.  and yes I got rear ended.  but it was totally worth it!  :)  I am so so soooo glad Paul & Cristine talked to me before I was supposed to leave the first time.

this past weekend we were out at Maranatha Bible Camp where Ty was heading up a high school retreat.  we teamed up with him and Alanna and lead the worship with them for the sessions.  so much fun.  Saturday night was so super cool to see God moving in the hearts of a lot of the teens.  Praying He continues to work in their hearts & lives now that they’ve gone back home.

I continue to be amazed at how God has been using the song “Like an Avalanche” during our times of corporate worship.  we ended up doing it twice Saturday night and once Sunday morning because the speaker kept requesting it.  I love the words to the song, it hasn’t gotten old to me even after doing it so many times over the past few months.

so as many of you know, one of the biggest fears of mine in worship leading is that I’ll throw up while leading.  hahaha true story.  wow, this blog has become a really transparent look into my life.  :)  hoping my honesty will connect with others and spur them into deeper leaps of faith with our Almighty God.  ok so anyway, I’ve never actually thrown up while up there.  I’ve thrown up before hand (just once so far, I think).  but not while we’re actually up there, though I’ve come really close a couple times (amazed how God has always calms my stomach literally RIGHT before I start the first song…He is so strong, I am so not – it is by His Spirit and Him alone.).  ok so this weekend my throat was getting bad again (hadn’t gone to the doctor for the strep throat yet) and I had this lump in my throat Sunday morning that was triggering my gag reflex every time I swallowed (haha again, true story – it was so weird).  when Paul said the speaker requested that we do “Like an Avalanche” again, I’m thinking…”oh great…how am I going to do this when I’m already gagging because of this lump in my throat??”  so we go back up on stage while the guy is praying and I swallowed as I sat down at the keyboard and what do you know, it triggered my gag reflex.  so I’m sitting there, gagging over and over while the speaker’s praying, and I’m panicking, thinking, “what do I do?  what do I do?” and praying.  begging.  pleading.  and…gagging.  haha :)  I tried to get Paul’s attention to motion for him to take the song but he didn’t look at me.  then right as the speaker was closing, everything settled down inside of me and we started the song…

I was reminded recently about how our gifts that God has given us are for us to use to edify the church.  they’re not for our own boasting.  they’re not for our own glory.  they are to be used to edify the body of Christ.  that sure takes a lot of pressure off of us, doesn’t it?  I mean, He’s given us each gifts that He wants us to be willing to let Him use to edify the church.  it’s nothing we can do – we can’t change people’s hearts.  we can’t convince people of Truth.  but we can be willing to allow Him to use us and the gifts He’s given us, and the Holy Spirit does the rest.

God.  Is.  So.  Awesome.

Processing

I've been home a couple days now and have had the house to myself while Andy & Sadie and the kids are gone for Thanksgiving. It was sad to come home and not have them here, but it has been a really cool blessing to have a whole place to myself for a little bit. It'd be like a vacation...except I started back at work the day after I got back. :)

But I've loved having quiet nights to put on my iPod (last night, mainly Josh Garrels, tonight Misty Edwards) and lay on the floor. Haha :) praying. Thinking. Dreaming. Processing thru the amazing, overwhelming journey God has taken me on recently.

Normally when I'm in the Keys, I go go go. I'm reminding myself its ok to be still. I don't take nearly enough time to be still before God. This is good.

CW internship thus far

I returned to my muchly loved islands last night, pretty much exactly 3 months from when I got to Cheyenne, WY.  even though it was dark when we drove down thru the keys last night, I couldn’t help but sporadically taking a deep breath, followed by sighing as I said, “…I sure love it here.”  I probably did it at least 4 or 5 times.  :)

I just don’t know that it’s where God wants me right now.  I want it.  but His ways and His plans are so much bigger than I can imagine and I so often settle for what my small mind can wrap around.

interning with Continuous Worship Ministries has been incredible and one of those things that I still can’t believe I’m getting to do.  and even with this internship, I’m realizing more and more how small my view of what I think God wants to do can be sometimes.

and so this is a re-cap of my internship thus far.  I’ve blogged about a lot of the stuff over the past few months, so this will be more of my thoughts on the internship as a whole.

I started off by just committing to intern for the month of July this summer…because, in my small mindedness, I figured God couldn’t possibly be asking me to surrender my comfort in the Keys to pursue something bigger that He had planned.  ;)  1 month wasn’t scary to commit to.  so at the end of June, I flew out West.

have you ever interned under Paul Braddy?  no.  you haven’t.  I know because I’m the first to intern under him with Continuous Worship. :)  BAM!  well let me tell you something about Paul.  he likes to push people out of their comfort zones.  and funny enough, Cristine (his wife, my cousin!!) likes to too.  I didn’t realize this going into the internship.  which is a good thing.  ha :)  that first week we did the worship at a family camp out at Maranatha and the very first session, Paul asked me to lead a song (I think it was Mighty to Save…I’m pretty sure).  so what did I do?  I went and threw up in the bathroom right before the session started.  hahaha true story.  I don’t think I ever told Paul & Cristine that..but I’m pretty sure they’re going to know now… hahaha um hi guys.  :)

even during just that 1 month of interning, I got so many different experiences.  leading a song.  playing keys.  running the slides (I got a miserable cold that 1st week…nice timing).  songwriting.  practicing guitar and keys.  I got to play pads for the 1st time in my life.  learning the sound board.  Paul & Cristine were also the speakers at the jr high camp we did that month and I got to sit in with them as they developed the theme and messages they were going to bring.  we drank a lot of coffee (hey french press, how you doin’?).  we laughed a ton.  and we talked a lot.

that’s another thing you should know about Paul & Cristine.  they’re super intentional.  I loved that right away, Paul gave me a couple things to read/listen to on worship and then we’d talk about what I was learning/thinking.  the first book I read was “Facedown” by Matt Redman.  amazing.  personally, I can’t think of a better book to start off this type of internship with.

anyway, needless to say, God really worked on my heart during that month and by the end, I decided this was what I felt God was asking me to continue doing for now.  so I flew home, worked a couple weeks, packed up my place, simplified my belongings to what could fit in my Scion XB, and drove out to the great, freakin’ windy & cold & desolate state of Wyoming (still working on loving WY…can you tell?).  :)  Cristine even flew down to help me drive back!  she’s pretty much amazing and now one of my favorite people to road trip with!

I keep wanting to give a play by play of the whole last 3 months but I have to keep reminding myself I’ve already blogged about the details of most of the things.  stay general, jen.  stay general.  overview of internship.  stay on track…

one thing that has blown me away during this internship is how much Paul & Cristine have come along side me and walked with me thru the good, bad, and the ugly.  like…I think they might genuinely love me and care about me… which is hard for me to believe/receive sometimes.  but I think maybe they really do because if they didn’t, I would imagine they would’ve kicked me out a long time ago and said “adios” because I’m not always the easiest to work with.  (imagine me with a really big smile…HERE)

we laugh a lot.  and Paul is like a master at throwing “your mom” remarks in at just the right moments (which, when their kids are around, totally confuses them and makes it even more hilarious).  we drink a lot of coffee and eat a lot of popcorn and mexican food.  but we also talk a lot, too, about worship and life and what a life of worship is supposed to look like.  we talk about our own struggles and take time to pray together.  another thing I totally wasn’t expecting but am truly thankful for is that Paul & Cristine aren’t afraid to confront me when they see things in my life that I usually am not aware of (or am aware of and just choose not to work on).  we’ve had some tough conversations, but, like I said in a previous post, it is so evident that they are doing it in love and God has used them in huge ways in my life to gently give me a kick in the rear when I need it.  :)

Paul is like the coolest person to intern under.  I’ve gotten so many experiences and opportunities to serve, to grow, and to learn.  I’ve gotten to join with him and Cristine and various other people to serve thru leading worship in different ways.  camps, conferences, seminars, retreats, and churches.  I’ve really loved that these last 3 months, we’ve also partnered with a brand new church plant in Torrington and have been helping develop a worship team.  this has been amazing for me to get to experience because it’s literally starting from scratch and building a team of lead worshippers.  I love the community that has come from these times of spending time together as a team, having a meal together, studying the Word together, and then rehearsing together.

alright once again, I’ve written a book.  oops.
dude.  so in awe of how big God is and yet how intimately involved He is in each of our lives.  His plans are so much bigger than we could imagine.  I’m getting just a tiny taste of that.

Passing time

Sitting in the Orlando airport. Noticing lots of super white people wearing shorts, t-shirts, and of course the mandatory tourist visor. They have "hey sun - come burn me!" written all over 'em.

O-town

I've decided that flights to Orlando have got to be some of the funnest flights. Tons of kids giddy to see Mickey...shrieking in joy/terror when we hit turbulence. And then the flight attendant sang "Zippidee-do-dah" when we landed and everyone clapped. :)

I realized on the flight here that I've flown at least once during all but 2 of the months so far this year. I don't foresee myself flying anywhere in December so I'll finish the year having flown 9 of the 12 months of this year. Blessed. :)

one of those days

I had one of those days today.  we’ve all had ‘em.  you know – when 1 thing happens.  and then another.  and then another.  and you kind of feel like you should just go back home and hide out ‘til the next day and start over.

:)

ok, I didn’t really get to the point where I just wanted to go to bed and start fresh in the morning.  amidst the mishaps, my joy remains.  :)

the good news is, I was in the suburban…

so this morning we all went down to Loveland, CO.  Paul & Cristine and the kids were meeting with friends and I needed to find a cheap pair of jeans since my last pair of non-holey jeans just got big holes in them last week.  I took the suburban to go find jeans.  I found a great deal at this one place, so I got them.  then I thought I should at least look a few other places just in case I could find something better (although 2 pairs for $30?  totally a steal).  it was then that a big dodge diesel truck towing a big trailer rear-ended me at a stop light (the light was yellow, I stopped, the truck apparently didn’t).  amazingly, the only damage to the suburban was to the back bumper, which got dented and shoved around a little so we couldn’t get the back doors open (but later Paul took part of the bumper off and the doors work again).  the truck had more damage than the suburban. when I got out of the suburban, I kept apologizing to the guy and asked if I slowed too fast and he started laughing and was like, “dude…it totally wasn’t your fault!!”  :)  I guess it’s just my nature to assume it was my fault somehow.  and even though I feel terrible that I was driving Paul & Cristine’s suburban, I am at the same time incredibly thankful that I wasn’t driving Zeva because she would have crunched a whole lot more and I probably would be hurting a lot more than I am tonight.

I get everything squared away with the po-po and then decided that the $10 uber comfy sweat pants I had seen when I got my jeans earlier were now OK to buy because I had just been in an accident.  :)  at the time, they just seemed like extra clothes that I didn’t need and I don’t have the money for them anyway.  but now, I had them justified.  so I went back and bought them.  :)

ok so then I go meet up with Paul and the kids and the other kids he was watching at Chick-Fil-A while Cristine was at a lunch with friends.  suddenly, I feel this little kid’s cup drop behind me on my side of the booth.  I turn to get it for him and realize it was a bottle of chocolate milk…that was open.  so now I have chocolate milk on my back.  at this point, I don’t even care if it stained my shirt.  the poor dad was kept apologizing and saying how embarrassed he was.  I wanted to say, “dude…I have strep throat, i just got rear ended, and anyway, I am around kids all the time…this is nothing!” but then I thought that actually might make him feel bad if he knew I was sick and had just had an accident so I just reassured him it was totally fine.  :)  I did also consider asking if he’d like to donate to the ministry (I had heard their table talking about church so I thought for sure I’d have a good candidate).  totally kidding.  no, ok I really did jokingly consider asking him.  that part is true.  :)

and then the least climatic but still funny just because it followed the other 2 incidents.  we were on our way home and the boys started fighting and one threw a rubber ball and it hit me in the head.  hahaha :)

tonight while the kids were at AWANA, Paul, Cristine & I went to the Tortilla Factory for dinner and then got starbucks and talked at Barnes & Noble.  a good way to end a day that was long for all of us. Oh but I just remembered - my car wouldn't unlock when I got to Tortilla Factory...so I was stuck in my car trying to get it open and Paul and Cristine walk by and wave and I motion toward the lock on my car but I guess they just thought I was excited to see them. Which I totally was. Come on, now. They're super cool people! But I was also being held hostage by my car. Eventually it decided it was ok to let me unlock the door.

so. Here i sit.   popped a couple motrin.  got out the heating pad.  we’re good to go.  thankful for God’s protection.  thankful for the joy of knowing Him because He sustains me even when days don’t go how I would have planned.  I honestly never got mad at any point today.  thankful for God’s grace.

now I will go to bed and see what tomorrow holds.

:)

con toooo-doh

so i just randomly remembered going to this youth conference in Miami a few years ago and the worship team, bless their hearts, decided to throw in the Spanish version of "With Everything" (by Hillsong United). i think because it was in Miami and the majority of the people at the conference were fluent in Spanish. so when it comes to the "Con todo...con todo..." part ("with everything...with everything..."), the lead worshipper sings it like this, "Con too-oo-doh, con too-oo-doh...". now, if you know nothing about the Spanish language, you won't find that funny. you'll be wondering what's the big deal? but for the rest of you...feel free to giggle :) let's just say, the next time they sang it that weekend at the conference, someone had informed him of the correct pronunciation. :)

wanted: new throat

so it looks like i have strep. woohoo! my throat is killin' me. it even hurts to just move my neck much. there's a PB&H sandwich sitting next to me that i know i should eat but i just don't have the desire to because i know it's not going to be enjoyable. drinking hot things like coffee and tea also does not appeal to me. that's when you know something's wrong with jen. :) but God's allowed this to happen for a reason. while i lay low at the house, it's slowing me down to spend more time with Him. and that's never a bad thing. :) super exciting things taking place and in the making! God continues to stoke me. i can't post everything yet but just know that He is orchestrating the future and i've experienced Him working in such tangible ways lately. and i've been seeing/hearing of how He's working in some of my friend's lives lately too and i'm so so so stoked!!!! today while i was having Cristine look at my throat, Benji (9) goes, "Well - looks like we have a sick one in the house!" he also told me last week, as i was leaving to go to the gym, "You don't need to work out, you're already as skinny as a pancake!" ...a pancake?? haha the kid cracks me up.