it’s easy to ask, hard to trust

I’ve been challenged to the core, once again.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be worrying about something or battling something and I go before God in prayer.  so far so good, right?  I mean, that’s what He wants us to do, right?

the problem is – I can’t tell you how many times I say “amen” and then walk away still worrying about the same issue, still believing the lies that are battling in my head. still replaying possible scenarios and wondering “what if…?”

I didn’t realize I even did this, but then I was struck by this fact this past week.  Paul and I were meeting together about the internship and talking about plans for the next Sunday gathering.  I was struggling with anxiousness and fear because I was supposed to be leading a couple songs.  I kept playing possible scenarios thru my head (hardly ever a good idea).  but at the end of the meeting,after praying, Paul said, “Now you have to walk away from this conversation, from this time of prayer, in faith.  You have to walk away trusting God – knowing that you have brought this before Him and He is faithful and He is strong.  Now you have to trust Him and stop worrying.”

James 1:6-7
^“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.”

I am so sickly guilty of doing this!  it’s easy for me to go to God and ask – it’s so much harder for me to trust after I ask.

this realization has brought me so much peace and freedom the last few days.  a few weeks ago, when Paul had asked me to lead a couple songs for our time of corporate worship (that was yesterday), I freaked.  haha :) the next day I threw up because I was so stressed out about it. so  I expected myself to be an emotional, tense mess last week leading up to this time.  I get so fearful of doing what God is asking me to do (especially in the area of leading worship).  I pray and I pray and I pray for strength.  I ask others to pray for me.  but I still dread that moment of getting up in front of everyone.

this last week was different.  once my eyes were opened to this chronic problem I’ve had of asking God and walking away not trusting Him, everything changed.

I cannot begin to try to put words to the peace and freedom I felt leading up to this Sunday.  I prayed a lot this past week about this Sunday.  I knew I had others praying for me.  and this time around, by God’s grace, I chose to trust that He is faithful and He is strong.  I chose, by God’s grace, to not go down the path of worry.  to not go down the path of negative thoughts.  to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.  every time I started going down the path of worry, God’s grace allowed me to realize it and He gave me the strength to cut it out – to remember that all the stuff I was worried about had been taken to Him and laid before His feet and I could walk in peace, trusting that He is good and He can use anything that happens for His glory.

we must walk in faith, trusting God is good no matter what.  He’s got our back.

ask.  and then walk away trusting.