the un-named post

I keep changing the title of this post.  I title it, then write the 1st sentence.  then I stop and decide I want to write about something else.  so I erase the sentence, erase the title, and start over…and this process keeps happening right now so I’m just un-naming it and seeing where it goes from there.

I’m back out West, continuing with Continuous Worship ministries.  lovin’ life.  I just realized I haven’t posted since flying back out here.  there’s so much I could cover.

my birthday was a couple weeks ago – and if you didn’t know that, I consider that as a successful mission.  I don’t like celebrating my birthday.  that’s just how it is.  so I don’t broadcast that it’s my birthday.

ok but the point of me acknowledging that my birthday was a couple weeks ago – it marked a 1 year anniversary of the first time I ever led worship in my life.  last year at this time, I was in Skien, Norway with my YWAM DTS.  on my birthday, we were leading a youth group that night and I led 2 or 3 of the songs that night.  I had finally decided to surrender my fears to God and trust in His strength to use the gifts He’s given me.

and the year since that night in Norway has been incredible.  it has been hard.  it has been rough.  it has been uncomfortable.

…and it has been amazing.

there is absolutely nothing like trusting God with your fears, your anxieties, your insecurities – and seeing how He works in and through you.  I fail.  a lot.  especially with fear and anxiety.  and insecurities.  but God’s grace is so sweet.  it is so much stronger than my weakest of weak moments.  His grace is forgiving.  His grace is loving.  His grace is overwhelming.

for so much of my life, up until this past year, I consistently told God “no” in the area of worship leading.  I consistently chose to fear man over fearing God.

did you know fear of anything but God is sin?  it is.  it’s blatant choosing to not trust God.

while I still struggle a lot with fear, I have seen God giving me more and more victory over this stronghold in my life.  it is absolutely nothing I’ve done by my own strength.  and again, I fail.  a LOT.  but I can’t begin to explain the amazing feeling of stepping out in faith and experiencing the strength of my God.  the God who holds the universe in His hands.  the God who created the sun in all it’s glory and splendor – and who Himself is infinitely more glorious and magnificent.

if you could be doing anything with your life, what would you be doing?  are you doing it?  if not, what’s stopping you?

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on a side note, today I did something I’ve never done in my life.  I played the drums during worship at church today…hahaha no for real, I did.  it wasn’t a full set of drums.  it was a kick, a snare, and a cymbal.  let me back up and share how it happened that I got thrown into drumming today…

last night at worship team rehearsal, Paul set up this set of drums.  normally we don’t have drums for the worship time at church – only because we don’t have a drummer.  we have a full drum set.  just no drummer.  so Paul was playing on them during the first part of rehearsal but then he jumped on my keyboard and so I jokingly asked if he wanted me to go play the drums.  …and he said yes.  so I sat down and started beating on the drums –

let me stop right there.  have you ever beat on drums before?  I’m tellin’ ya – instant happiness.  you can’t help but smile really big.

ok so I messed around on the drums the rest of the night, having fun just goofing around.  I don’t know how to play the drums.  a few people at different times in my life have taught me how to do just a simple beat but that’s my extent of drumming.  so needless to say, I really don’t know what I’m doing.  then at the end of worship team rehearsal, Paul asked if I wanted to play drums at church Sunday morning.  to which I laughed and totally thought he was joking.  and of course…he wasn’t.  because he’s Paul.  and he loves to throw people out of their comfort zone at high rates of speed.  but he also knows music.  he’s been leading worship a LONG time.  like, longer than I’ve been alive.  ok that’s a lie.  but still, he’s done it for a long time.  and as uneasy as I was about playing the drums Sunday morning, I knew I should choose to trust him and be willing to take an opportunity God was giving me.

it was so fun!!!!!!

ok ok ok – 1 more quick thing.  I’ve been playing the guitar for like 10 years now, but I’m not nearly where I should be after playing for 10 years.  but I’ve never been able to play and sing at the same time – I totally lose my rhythm and then my words get stuck and it’s just…an amazing train wreck.  so I don’t know what happened, but when I got back out West, suddenly I can play and sing at the same time!!!  this is a ginormous step!!!!

oh my goodness.  I could write forever.  I just finished the book Indescribable by Louie Giglio & Matt Redman and it was phenomenal.  I’ll write about it later so this post is forever long.

keep it real.