epic step

disclaimer:  I write this post only to boast in God’s strength, for His glory – because on my own, I could never accomplish any of this.  so when I say “I did this” or “I did that”, I mean by God’s strength.  I thought I should set that straight so that I don’t have to say “by God’s strength” over and over again. :) not that that’d be bad…but…um ok I’m just going to move forward with this post now… ;)

this past Sunday I did something I’ve never in my life done before.  something I’ve been asked to do many times and have always said “no”.  I did a song in church this past Sunday.  like, not leading a song, but doing a song while everyone listened.  that kind of song.  on top of that, I played the keyboard while I sang – also something I’ve never done before (in public).  Paul played guitar and backed up with vocals.  we did “Like an Avalanche”.

I still can’t believe I lived through it.  hahaha :) I battled fear from saturday afternoon (when I found out I was supposed to do it) up until the minute before starting the song.  it’s in those moments that all I can do is constantly refocus back on God, seated on His throne.  I am singing to Him, I am not singing for anyone else.  I am playing for Him, I am not playing for anyone else. and my prayer is that, somehow, God draws others to Him through that.

right before we started the song, Paul read a passage from Scripture.  I didn’t know what he was going to read, but I sat at my keyboard, eyes closed, completely focused on the Truth he was going to read.  the passage he ended up reading was incredible – Phil. 2:5-11 (The Message):

^“Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.”

it lead up to the song perfectly – praise God for the guidance of His Holy Spirit!

anyway, anyone who has known me thru the years knows this is an epic step.  nothing compares to doing something that forces you to completely rely on God’s strength and not your own.  I am so weak.  He is so strong.

2011 has been epic for me.  fully alive.  I used to have an ache in my heart – I felt like if I were to stand before the Lord, He would ask what I did with the gifts He’s given me.  and I wouldn’t be able to say anything.  yeah, I’m a lot late on using the gifts He’s given me.  but by His grace, I am using them now.

I was telling a little part of my story to a worship team at a camp we were at this past summer.  I mentioned that I finally led worship for the 1st time in my life this year in Norway and someone stopped me and was like, “in NORWAY??”  -- it reminded me of how crazy awesome God is.  and it was on my birthday.