surrendering to God’s sovereignty

in church yesterday, this phrase stood out to me from the message – “Surrender to God’s sovereignty”.  if I had that down, I would never worry.  it might have to be a new mantra for me.  :)

wow I am so glad I changed my ticket and stayed for these 2 weeks.

God has continued using Paul & Cristine to push me out of my comfort zone even more.  every saturday afternoon we drive to Torrington, WY and have dinner with the worship team from the brand new church plant there.  then we have a time of Bible Study/discussion before we rehearse for the service.  I absolutely love these times.  I think every worship team should do this.  :)

so saturday night I led the discussion for the first time after dinner (hi, I greatly dislike speaking in front of groups).  Paul asked me to share on Psalm 1 – which was ironic because that was the only chapter of Scripture that my dad had me and my sister memorize with him growing up.  really cool to go back and actually study it now that I’m older. 

and that Saturday morning Paul told me (notice I used the word “told”…I think him and Cristine have quickly learned they shouldn’t ask me if I want to do things…I’m working on being willing still :) ) I was leading None But Jesus and This Is Our God during the Sunday morning corporate worship time – 2 songs of which I totally love the lyrics.

even though I’ve been getting up more and more in front of people and singing/playing…dude it is still a huge battle in my mind.  I think it’s because after 20+ years (no one really asked me to sing in front of people when I was 2…at least not that I can remember…although I probably would’ve rocked Twila Paris or Sandi Patty because I belted my heart out to their songs…yes…I was THAT cool) of saying “no” when asked to sing on worship teams and giving in to the fear of being in front of people, I’ve developed a super strong thinking pattern.  my automatic response is to fear.  I’m trying so hard not to do that, but it just…happens still.  I know only God can remove that from me, and I beg Him to take it away so I can get up, confident in His strength and His sovereignty.  He is so completely worthy of all our praise and all our affection.  I want to lead others in worshipping Him for who He is.  I just haven’t conquered the fear yet.  I would love to be covered in prayer in this area, if you feel led.  :)

BUT – 1 Cor. 12:9 – His power is made perfect in my weakness.  and therefore I press on, trusting in His sovereignty.  whatever happens, He can use it for His glory.  whether my voice is shaking or not.  whether I throw up or not.  :)  He is stronger and He is greater and He is worthy.

totally stoked for the senior high retreat this weekend out at Maranatha.  5 sessions with the students.  praying for revival in hearts and that eyes will be opened to more and more of God’s greatness and who He is.

ooh!  this morning Paul & I got some time to do more song writing.  sometimes when we do that, we hit a wall and get nowhere.  other times the words/melodies just flow.  today was one of those days the words/melodies just flowed.  we got 2 songs closer to being completed – now we need to play them for people and get feedback.   thank You, God, for providing the songs that bring You glory!

on a sad note, we have all be battling sickness after sickness.  over the past month, I’ve had the flu, a cold, and now something new where my throat is so sore and it feels like I’m swallowing golf balls.  it really puts a cramp in my workout schedule.  ah, the downside of living in community and traveling so much.  :)  it’s all good though.  God is good no matter what and we all have so much to be thankful for.

headed home to the islands next Monday (the 21st) for an “extended” time…whatever that means! :)

sweetly broken

in just over 2 hours, a plane will be taking off in Denver, headed for Fort Lauderdale.  I had a seat on that plane.

and in 2 hours that plane will take off without me.

disclaimer: this might turn into a long post.  so here, I’ll summarize and then if you want the details, keep reading.  :)

Paul & Cristine came to me Sunday night, feeling that God had laid on their hearts to at least talk to me about sticking around 2 more weeks.  no pressure to change my ticket, but they just felt like they couldn’t not say something.  if I left today, I would miss out on the opportunity to join with them in some super exciting ministry times (mainly worship leading) that are coming up in the next 2 weeks.  God convicted me of selfishness and the desire to be in control (once again – a common fault of mine).  He reminded me thru a friend that the whole reason I came up here was to pursue using the gifts God’s given me in ministry.

there.  that’s the super short, condensed version.  I personally think the detailed version is a lot more exciting but I won’t make you read it all.  but if you do read this whole post, there is a secret prize hidden within the text.

ok I’m totally lying about the secret prize.  I know, some of you probably totally fell for it.  I’m so bad at lying.

the details (probably more for my own interest, because I also use my blog as a journal and I want to be able to look back on this and remember):

2 Fridays ago, I left work not sure at all when my temp job’s end date was.  I kept getting mixed answers and the last I heard, it was going to go longer than the original agreement, which would end this past Friday (the 4th I think).  so in my mind, I was prepared to work thru like the 15th or something, stay for the high school retreat that weekend that Paul’s in charge of the worship at, and then head home the 21st or 22nd.  and I was OK with that plan.

last monday, my supervisor pulled me aside and told me that that Friday would be my last day.  she’s so great :)  she’s a friend of my Aunt’s and the previous week she had asked me what my thoughts were about staying on at the job and I was honest with her that I was wanting something more flexible because my whole point of coming up here was to do ministry.  so, in her words, she was going to “release” me to pursue where my heart was.

so my mind flips into survival mode.  I’m super stretched on money.  now I wouldn’t have those 2 extra weeks of work for income.  and if I still stuck around for the high school retreat, that would mean 2 whole weeks of not having a job to keep me occupied. killer.  I nearly went crazy when I first got up here and didn’t have a job for the first 2 1/2 weeks. so last tuesday I booked a ticket to fly home this tuesday (today).  I planned to get right to work at my dad’s this week and start saving up $ for my return up here in january.  totally made sense to me and gave me relief knowing $ would be coming in and I wouldn’t be sitting around going crazy with so much free time.

it’s funny, looking back on everything, I specifically remember every time I told people I was going home and that it was more of a “financial reason”, I had this whisper in my head going, “financial reason?  wow…that’s a pretty selfish, wanting-to-be-in-control reason”.  but I kept telling myself it was just me being wise.  which maybe it totally would be.  but … ok I’m getting off track…

SO.  anyway.  here comes Sunday night.  hey, Sunday night, how you doin’?  I had gone to Denver to meet up with my YWAM fam friday night and came back saturday afternoon so I didn’t get to go to Torrington with my family here. (we’ve been going there almost every saturday afternoon, having dinner/Bible study with the worship team and then rehearsal.  then we spend the night out there and help with the service in the morning.  it’s a brand new church plant that started in August).  Paul & Cristine & the kids returned sunday afternoon and we’re all sitting around drinking french press coffee, watching football, playing words with friends (and getting ticked at each other but that’s beside the point) :), and then watching Despicable Me with the kids. you know, enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon/evening.  I was planning to pack on Monday.  I had already talked to like 2 or 3 people that afternoon about coming home and getting excited.

and then it happened.  yeah, IT happened.

oh wait!  no no no – hold on.  I forgot a detail.  I know, hard to to believe because right now, this is going so long that if you’re still reading, you probably can’t remember a time before this blog post started.  (Mriss – that was an allusion to a movie quote – c’mon, call it!)  but this detail is the whole reason for the title of this post.

earlier in the evening, I had left my guitar out hoping Paul would play. :) and then I got out the chord chart for “Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle because I had heard it a few times on the radio and found out Paul knew it and had the chord chart and I wanted to record it before I went home so I didn’t have to buy the real version (hi, el cheapo talking here). but he didn’t really want to play it because he didn’t want to play it just to play it.  it had to be the right moment.  which I wasn’t sure was going to come that night and I was bummed.  but then…

IT happened.  (did you just hear a suspenseful musical moment in your head?  like we’re in a movie and “dun-dun-duuunnnn”… ok yeah me neither)

hold on, I’m getting goofy now.  this is totally not goofy.  ok let me regain seriousness (it’s really hard for me sometimes).

so sunday night Paul and Cristine wanted to talk with me.  God had laid it on both of their hearts to share their thoughts with me before I left.  I totally love these guys.  we’ve had a few tough conversations over the past couple months while I’ve been up here but every time it is completely evident that they’re doing it in love and that makes all the difference in confrontations, doesn’t it?  because I’ve certainly had those conversations with people where I go away from it thinking, “were they just doing that because they’re trying to find something to pick on?”

they asked me to reconsider staying for a couple more weeks.  to live intentionally these next 2 weeks and be willing to be “all in” and be willing to be pulled even more out of my comfort zone.  we have ministry opportunities at church this weekend and then at the high school retreat the following weekend (which I had originally really wanted to stay for anyway because I love high schoolers!).  but they were clear that no matter what decision I made, they would support me and that I couldn’t make a '”wrong” decision because God is so much bigger than that.  nonetheless, the majority of the time we talked I curled over in my chair with my head buried in a pillow…did I mention I don’t take confrontation well?  hahaha :)  I had no idea what to do.  my mind was set that I was going to be leaving Tuesday for the Keys.  I was going to be able to go to Tiff’s wedding this friday.  and yeah, the whole time since I booked the ticket there was a part of me sad that I was going to miss the high school retreat and also just having some time to chill and write/play music (I’m totally thankful for God’s provision of the temp job here and I think I blogged about that a little while back – but working full time did take me away from some ministry opportunities and that irked me).

so like…I’m sitting there, head buried in the pillow, not saying a whole lot.  wrestling with God.  was He really asking me to surrender my desire to be warm and be in the place that I love with people that I love and was super excited to see?  wasn’t I make the wise decision by doing what was financially smart?  and yet I couldn’t just take this decision lightly anymore because it was obvious God had laid this on their hearts for a reason and they had the balls to come to me with it.

and then Paul picked up the guitar and started playing/singing Sweetly Broken.  I’ll put the lyrics at the bottom of this post. but it’s all about Jesus and what He did on the cross and our response.  this line, “You draw me gently, to my knees…I’m sweetly broken…wholly surrendered” wrecked me.  I felt God was asking me, once again, to wholly surrender to Him.  to trust Him to provide anything I was going to need financially by staying up here 2 more weeks.  by trusting that He is all I need and that He is enough to satisfy me during these 2 weeks of not having a job to occupy my time.  it was like He was saying, “we get these 2 weeks together to really hang out together.  I want You to be in My Word.  I want you to sit and write the songs that I give You.  I want You to surrender your fear and go all in these next couple weeks, especially in ministry.'”

and I love that phrase, “You draw me gently to my knees.”  He doesn’t forcefully throw us down.  He is so kind.  He is so gentle.  and thru Paul & Cristine, I felt His caring love.

so.  I had texted Lisa later that night and asked her what she thought I should do.  :)  and the turning point came when she reminded me that the whole reason I came up here was to pursue worship leading and using the gifts God’s given me and here there were going to be like…at least 4 or 5 opportunities in the next 2 weeks to do just that.  and that I was crazy for not staying.  :)  so monday morning I changed my ticket to Nov 21st (for now).

and I am filled with this eager expectancy of what God wants to do these next 2 weeks.  oh that His glory would be revealed and reflected!

Sweetly Broken
by Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Bridge:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Happy Place

Fact: when I was driving home from work in the beginning of the snow storm tuesday night, I put on my "Island Happiness" playlist on my iPod, which consists mainly of Bob Marley, Jack Johnson, and Josh Garrels. I should add more Braddigan to it, there's just one song on the playlist right now.

And this playlist makes me happy.

Stranded

I'm stranded at work today. Look at the picture. Would you drive in that?! I think from last night til this afternoon we've gotten around 8 inches maybe. Cristine is my favorite cousin ever (the rest of you...I love you all but today, she wins for best cousin ever). She took me to work today. :) She drove Zeva - Zeva did so well! I'm so proud of her. I think this was her first time even seeing snow. Although...I heard on the way home Zeva got stuck...and my Uncle came to the rescue. :)

Speaking of my Uncle Richard, he and my Aunt Toni rock my face off!!! Yesterday as I was at work and the snow began to fall, my aunt texted me and told me my Uncle cleaned out the garage so I could park in it!!!!!!! Zeva was so happy to get into the warm garage that she almost drove into the fridge.

Passin time at my desk during my lunch hour...

Kiera

Saw the dog out on the back porch...made me laugh :) I haven't seen her lay with her head like this before. And she has a sticker stuck on her rear. Hahaha rough day for Kiera...

get stoked: the teddy bear

i don't know how this link will work...experimenting...

i was reading thru some posts from last year. came across this one. i've been, once again, questioning if i put God in a box still. questioning "Holy Spirit" movements going on among various groups. processing thru, once again, my own experiences and skepticism. yet when i remember this moment, i'm reminded that God cannot be put in a box. that's not to say i believe everything that is supposedly "Holy Spirit" workings really is...but i'm just sayin'...i have to remember not to put God in a box and to remember to go back to the Word of God and see how it lines up with things that are going on.

so here's the link to the post...
get stoked: the teddy bear: we stayed at a Salvation Army community center in downtown Denver this week, having class in the morning and doing ministry in the afternoon...

almost a horrible day but totally a great day

we flew back from CA Saturday night, spent the night in Denver at Rachel’s and then she drove us to Cheyenne on Sunday.  so today was my first day back at work.

I was rushed getting ready for work – just one of those mondays where it totally felt like a monday and getting up and awake was one of the hardest parts of the day.  :)  hello, monday.

work was busy (as always…and I love that about this job!).  at lunch I was running errands and went to wendy’s to get lunch.  while in the drive-thru, a woman kept motioning to me and I had no clue what she was trying to tell me.  finally the guy working the drive-thru stuck his head out the window and yelled “you have a flat tire!”  I was borrowing a station wagon today, it wasn’t Zeva.  so I called my cousin and she came and brought me back to work.  and for some reason, the flat tire didn’t bum me out like they have in the past (not that I’ve had a lot of flat tires in my life…or…ok…maybe I have…).  I just laughed about it.

right after I got back to work, I was told I didn’t get the position I interviewed for.  to which I responded with a big smile because after interviewing for it, I realized I’m not at a time in my life right now where I want a full-time, hard-core job.  my whole reason for relocating up here was to pursue God whole-heartedly in the musical gifting people keep telling me He’s given me.  interning with Continuous Worship ministries.  and after being in CA all last week doing a worship seminar and helping with the worship at a pastor’s convention, I felt even more peace that this was the right direction to be heading.  so I’m totally stoked I didn’t get the job!  hahaha :)  and what helped, too, was hearing that I was so close to getting the job but someone else had a little bit more experience than me.  and they encouraged me to pursue a couple other openings that will be coming up.  I was glad I hadn’t bombed the interview (which was intense – being interviewed by a panel of 5 people).

I am, once again, blown away by seeing God’s hand on my life.  as soon as I got up here, I put my resume in to like 6 or 7 places.  didn’t hear back from any of them (they all were permanent, “real” jobs).  then this 6-week-ish temp job fell in my lap.  then the opportunity to interview for a permanent position came up and, trusting whole heartedly that God would direct me in this decision of work, interviewed for the job just in case that was what He had prepared for me.  it stokes me to look back so far and see how He’s kept me from getting a full-time, permanent job since coming up here.

I really want to be traveling with Continuous Worship, meeting and encouraging people and leading others into encountering the greatness of our God.  I absolutely loved what we got to do last week.

this morning before work, I asked God to help me with my responses when people at work asked how my vacation was or, more specifically, what I did on my vacation.  I was tempted to give the “I went to the coast, drove thru some redwoods, drove up Mt. Shasta…” and leave out the ‘I went out to help with a worship seminar and help lead worship at a pastors’ convention.”  but I didn’t want to be ashamed of pursuing God.  so of course, eventually the specific question came from one of my co-workers.  and, still to my own amazement, I gave the fully honest answer that included the ministry side of things.  I tried not to flinch as I said it.  haha :)  I mean, how does it sound to non-Christ-followers when they hear you flew somewhere to lead worship?  but it was cool – the person told me their brother was a pastor and their sister was a Sunday school teacher.  it was completely painless.  and I didn’t walk away thinking, “um…sorry, God, that I didn’t mention You in that response…”

so today definitely had events that I could’ve gotten bummed about.  it could’ve been a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Monday”.  but it totally wasn’t.  I was so overflowing with joy at work today.  I can only attribute it to God’s grace in my life. starting off the day with Him and in His Word and prayer are so crucial.

is it worth it?

“I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 1 Cor. 2:3-5 9 (NIV)

this passage came alive to me in a whole new way this week.  it’s one of those passages I know I’ve read before but it never really sank in until yesterday.  Todd (Nighswonger) has been teaching at the pastors’ convention we’re leading worship at this week in Grenada, CA.  he’s been teaching out of 1 Cor. 1-3.

I always think of Paul as being this super passionate, calm, collected guy.  but I don’t think that was always the case.

I’m reminded of the passage in 2 Cor. 12 where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh that he had begged God to remove.

anyway, this passage resonated with me because I am a wreck before I get up to lead worship and/or speak.  seriously, a mess.  physically, emotionally, mentally…it’s a battle.  actually, last week (the week leading up to leaving for CA), I started questioning if it’s even worth it.  do I really need to continue pursuing growing as a worship leader and taking the opportunities that come my way?  is it worth the restless nights, the upset stomachs, the anxiety/panic attacks (I don’t know if there’s a difference between the 2…I just know whatever it is is not fun when it hits)?  is it worth the stress I go thru physically, emotionally, and mentally?

as I was wrestling with this question, the image of Jesus hanging on the cross came into my mind.  and as He was hanging there, in agonizing pain I will never comprehend, I heard Him yell to His Father, “IS SHE WORTH IT?!  IS SHE WORTH THIS PAIN??"

…ouch.  Jesus died for me.  He died for me. I was worth hanging on a cross, nails ripping thru His hands and feet, taking on the unimaginable weight of the world. I was worth it to Him because the Father loves me so much that He wanted me to be His child.

in light of what Jesus went thru for me, suddenly my struggles are…nothing.  He is totally worth it.

which brings me back to Paul.  he’s so stinkin’ inspiring.  even if I’m battling fear and shaking as I’m up leading worship, I’m going to do it anyway.  because He is worth it.

I am completely amazed and humbled that God uses us so powerfully in our weakness.

I'm goin' back to Cali

On the flight to Medford, OR right now, headed to Grenada, CA. I haven't set foot on California soil since we moved from CA 17 years ago!! Actually...it was around this same time in 1994 that we moved to Michigan. Whoa!!

So I just saw a fly flying around this woman's hat on the plane. That is a smart fly. He's getting a free trip to Oregon from Denver right now. If he had to fly that himself, he probably wouldn't even make it.

Seeing a fly on the plane is weird...it's not a normal passenger.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Famous

This week there've been a lot of elementary school field trips passing thru the Capital (were I work). I like to come out of my office and offer to sign autographs.

Ok that last line is not true.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Psalm 145:1-12

"I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends Your works to another;
they tell of Your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty—
and I will meditate on Your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of Your awesome works—
and I will proclaim Your great deeds.
They will celebrate Your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
He has compassion on all He has made. All Your works praise You, Lord;
Your faithful people extol You. They tell of the glory of Your kingdom
and speak of Your might, so that all people may know of Your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom."


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

epic step

disclaimer:  I write this post only to boast in God’s strength, for His glory – because on my own, I could never accomplish any of this.  so when I say “I did this” or “I did that”, I mean by God’s strength.  I thought I should set that straight so that I don’t have to say “by God’s strength” over and over again. :) not that that’d be bad…but…um ok I’m just going to move forward with this post now… ;)

this past Sunday I did something I’ve never in my life done before.  something I’ve been asked to do many times and have always said “no”.  I did a song in church this past Sunday.  like, not leading a song, but doing a song while everyone listened.  that kind of song.  on top of that, I played the keyboard while I sang – also something I’ve never done before (in public).  Paul played guitar and backed up with vocals.  we did “Like an Avalanche”.

I still can’t believe I lived through it.  hahaha :) I battled fear from saturday afternoon (when I found out I was supposed to do it) up until the minute before starting the song.  it’s in those moments that all I can do is constantly refocus back on God, seated on His throne.  I am singing to Him, I am not singing for anyone else.  I am playing for Him, I am not playing for anyone else. and my prayer is that, somehow, God draws others to Him through that.

right before we started the song, Paul read a passage from Scripture.  I didn’t know what he was going to read, but I sat at my keyboard, eyes closed, completely focused on the Truth he was going to read.  the passage he ended up reading was incredible – Phil. 2:5-11 (The Message):

^“Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.”

it lead up to the song perfectly – praise God for the guidance of His Holy Spirit!

anyway, anyone who has known me thru the years knows this is an epic step.  nothing compares to doing something that forces you to completely rely on God’s strength and not your own.  I am so weak.  He is so strong.

2011 has been epic for me.  fully alive.  I used to have an ache in my heart – I felt like if I were to stand before the Lord, He would ask what I did with the gifts He’s given me.  and I wouldn’t be able to say anything.  yeah, I’m a lot late on using the gifts He’s given me.  but by His grace, I am using them now.

I was telling a little part of my story to a worship team at a camp we were at this past summer.  I mentioned that I finally led worship for the 1st time in my life this year in Norway and someone stopped me and was like, “in NORWAY??”  -- it reminded me of how crazy awesome God is.  and it was on my birthday.

1 month

I've been here 1 month now - wow. Feels like longer but at the same time the past week and 1/2 have flown by - literally. Thankful to have income, thankful that I work with nice people and the work isn't bad. I stay so busy at work that the day/week flys by. It's insane. Missing some of the freedom with time that I had while I was unemployed. :) haven't made time to blog. I have a huge epic accomplishment that I have to share, but too much to type on my phone. Maybe tomorrow night.

Tomorrow's Thursday already?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Henri Nouwen quote

"...we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying, doing. We simply go along with the many 'musts' an 'oughts' that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord." - Henri Nouwen, from his book "The Way of the Heart"


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Jesus gave up all authority that was rightly His and, in an act of humble servanthood that has never been & will never be matched, allowed Himself to be the Ultimate Sacrifice for you, for me, for every face that you see today.

Oh how He loves us!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a day of blessings

today was full of great things!

I woke up this morning feeling like maybe I should put an “end date” on my time here, like if I don’t have a job by a certain date, I’ll head home.  in other words, jen started (once again) getting nervous about the depleting money situation that occurs when you aren’t working.  I fail so easily at remembering God’s faithfulness that He has shown me time and time again in the past.

today I got to babysit my cousin’s daughter - she’s 2 and completely adorable.  but she hadn’t really warmed up to me yet – except I did get a “pound it” out of her one time this summer.  that was monumental.  so I wasn’t sure how today was going to go but I was excited to help out and get to watch her (and her 3 year old cousin from the other side of her family).  we had so much fun!  i think we’ve finally established that she’s cool and I’m cool and we might as well just be cool together.  ;)

then I got to go with Paul to meet Larry, a house church pastor who’s phenomenal on the guitar and is passionate about teaching others guitar.  did I mention that he roasts his own coffee?  yeah.  totally rocks.  today we had coffee from papa new guinea.  and we all played guitar together for a couple hours and he gave me pointers and encouraged me to stick with the right-handed guitar since I can already play it, instead of learning the left-handed guitar.  not only that, but he gave us this guy’s # in town who works on guitars and can make pretty much any guitar (cheap or expensive) sound great.  I had been thinking I needed to upgrade to a better guitar if I was going to stick with a righty…which means $$ that I definitely don’t have right now.  but this guy works on guitars for like $30 and makes them sound great!!!!!!  dude – totally stoked because I love my red gitter.

I left Larry’s really encouraged.  not only did I learn a lot, but he also loves God and loves people and as soon as you meet him, you feel like you’ve been friends for awhile.  he offered to continue getting together with us to teach once a month or so for free – um…hello.  that would be amazing and so generous of him!

while I was at Larry’s, my Aunt called me to tell me her friend may have a 6-week temp job for me!!!  starting immediately!  I’ll be getting in contact with the woman first thing tomorrow morning to find out more.  TOTALLY STOKED!  praise God for such a huge blessing that has restored my hope once again!  I def will update on if this works out or not!

tonight I went for a run and really pushed myself – well…I pushed myself for awhile but then needed to be pushed to keep going (thankfully Paul was feelin’ good).  some days I really miss living at sea level.  :)  this 6,300+ ft elevation kills me when it comes to long-distance running.  I’m improving, but slowly.  plus there are hills here.  double whammy.  but it feels good to have had a good run tonight.

oh – note to self – eating a full dinner of spaghetti and going running immediately afterwards does not come highly recommended.  I nearly left my dinner on the side of the road a couple times.  and it’s taken me about an hour after the run to not feel like I was going to see my spaghetti dinner floating in the porcelain bowl.

dude…God has overwhelmed me today with His blessings.  He never gives us more than we can handle.  right when I was starting to lose hope, out of His grace and everlasting love He threw blessing upon blessing on me today.  Praise Him!

epic discovery: the library

I’ve always steered clear of libraries since maybe 3rd grade.  I used to love going to the library when I was younger, picking out tons of kids books or documentaries on the ocean and surgeries (yes, I was THAT cool of a kid.  recognize.)

but after probably 3rd grade, the library was no longer “cool”.  it was a place to go to get books for research papers.  once in awhile in college I’d go sit in the library with my computer and coffee and get a stack of books and work on research papers.  just to feel sophisticated.

now: the library rocks my face off!!!!

I’m just now discovering how great the library can be!!  there are so many books, ones that you see in real bookstores that cost lots of money.  that’s like the best thing about the library: it’s FREE!!!

you know how sometimes you go to a store and buy something (or multiple things) and you walk out, feeling the tension of “ooh I’m so excited I have this now!” mixed with “I shouldn’t have spent that money…”?  buyer’s regret?  yeah.  like even with books – how many times have we bought books and then never read them?  totally have done that many times. but this doesn’t happen with the library!!

it’s this wonderful concept of going to a huge “bookstore” (the library), picking out as many books as you want (the limit at this one is 100…wow), and walking out with them without paying a penny.  seriously??  how could it get any better?  instant gratification.  no buyer’s regret because it didn’t cost you anything.  no feelings of “where am I going to put these books after I’ve read them??”  nothing. just pure excitement of “owning” a new book (or…100), gaining knowledge and insight from reading it, and then returning it and not getting overtaken by stacks of books at your house.

confession: sometimes I’ve checked out books just to feel studious and sophisticated and then flipped thru them, maybe reading a paragraph or 2, and then returning them a couple weeks later.

come to think of it…I haven’t actually read a whole book I’ve checked out yet (since getting to Cheyenne 2 1/2 weeks ago).

but one day I will.

in the meantime, I will continue to enjoy checking out books, feeling like I got them for free (‘cause I did) and then returning them.  especially while I’m unemployed and getting poorer by the day.

ooh this is fun (though costly so I can’t do it often) – there’s a cool coffee shop attached to this library so I’ll check out a few books, then go sit in the coffee shop with a coffee (well, a dirty soy chai) and work on my laptop.  I usually pull at least 1 of the books out that I checked out, even if it’s just to read the back cover and put it back in the bag.

the library rocks!

:)

oh the discoveries of the unemployed…

speaking of which – I’ve gotten 6 resumes/apps out over the past 2 weeks of being here.  nothing yet.  pray for me if you think of it!!!

Los Canciónes

With my free time lately, I've been working on learning Hillsong songs in Spanish. :) I will use them someday. I know it.

I have "This is Our God" ("Es Nuestro Dios) memorized!! Working on "Hosanna" and "Desert Song". Ooh - just remembered I need to go back and learn one of the verses to "Revelation Song" and I'll have that one down too!!

¡Le alabaré! Praise Him! :)

What happened to Barney?

Watching Barney right now with a 1 year old. I've only watched a few Barney episodes (not on my own, I promise - they were all while baby-sitting) but I know for a fact that this is not the original Barney voice. This one's a fruity, nasal-infested creepy voice.

I wish I could record his voice to share with you.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Overheard at the coffee shop

Today at the coffee shop, I overheard a woman, probably in her 40's, talking to the barista about what she should order. She said, "I'm just getting in to the coffee scene-".

Props to that woman for making it that far in life before entering the "scene". I'm going to guess she didn't go to college. :)

College was when I fell into the scene. Freshman year. I distinctly remember my first drink (we're talking coffee here, remember?). I was training for work, which involved 2 weeks of 40 hours of training each week. Taking a full load of classes. Because I went straight from class to work until around midnight, i had to study for an exam in the wee hours of the morning. My roommate, Boonie, helped me out by making me coffee and loading it with cream (no sugar, of course - gross). And I was hooked. Coffee got me thru the juggle of school, work, and a social life.

I hope that woman enjoys her drink today.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

it’s monday, monday

that was to the tune of the horrendously annoying song, “Friday”.  just FYI.

we had a great time in Torrington, WY this past weekend.  Paul & Cristine (Continous Worship Ministries) are helping a brand new church there get a worship team developed. Saturday night we all had dinner with the worship team, discussed a chapter or 2 from the book “Facedown” by Matt Redman (incredible book), then practiced for Sunday morning.  it was so great to hang out with the team and get to know some of the people and worship along with them while they practiced!  church was great Sunday morning – they did “cardboard testimonies” where people had taken a piece of poster board and on 1 side wrote a short summary of where they were before Christ and on the other side wrote what Christ did in their lives.  for example, 1 side might say “Alcohol, lies, and worthlessness” and the other side might say “Free from addiction, valued as God’s Child”. so one by one they walked up on stage, held the “Before Christ” side out for everyone to see for like 3 seconds, then flipped it to the “Because of Christ” side.  it was so powerful!!!!!  I’d never seen that done before.  Paul played/sang a super great song called “Honestly” by … Vota?  not sure on the spelling.  but it went along perfect while they walked across stage with their signs.  I think about 20 people did it.

it was soooo life-giving to be able to be apart of ministry this weekend.  refreshing.  filling.

after church we went to see Fort Laramie.  for some reason, I thought Fort Laramie was something you hiked.  it’s entirely NOT something you hike – it’s an old historic Fort. hahaha :)

today I spent close to 2 hours on the phone with Microsoft, spoke with 4 different people, explained the situation to all 4 people over and over again, and got no where.  I’m trying to track down the product key for my Microsoft Office suite because I want to reformat my computer but can’t find the key to reinstall Office.  urgh.

on the flipside, last night we all watched Soul Surfer after getting home from Torrington – 2nd time seeing it.  love that movie.  so inspiring.

tonight everyone is out of the house, which is weeeeeird.  soooo quiet.  except for the dogs barking.  I’m about to dispose of them.

I’ve been reading and re-reading Philipians 3 again and again lately.  I love the Truth that is in that chapter. the reminder of the all-surpassing greatness knowing Jesus Christ – it far outweighs any earthly pleasure.  finishing the race, pressing on toward the goal, forgetting what is behind.  discovering true contentment no matter the circumstance.  the reminder that contentment is possible thru Christ, who gives us strength.  and the reminder that this world is not our final home – our citizenship is in Heaven. earthly gains fade away.

week 1–kids, chai, and lefty guitars

week 1 of my temporarily relocation to Cheyenne, WY is quickly coming to a close.  actually it didn’t come quickly.  the week has gone slow – not in a bad way though.  it’s just felt oddly slow.

oh – PS.  I call this my temporarily relocation because a “move” sounds too permanent and committal.  and, wanting to fit in with my generation, I try to be as non-committal as possible.  totally kidding.  ok, like 1/2 kidding.  but I’m making no promises that I’ll make it thru the cold winter.

I just finished a chai.  with espresso.  aka a dirty chai.  espresso’s coursing thru my veins right now.  can you tell?

ok so this post might be more sporadic than others.  I blame it on the espresso.

my fingers are FREEZING.  I should’ve brought gloves to this coffee shop.  but who thinks to bring gloves with them in 85 degree weather?

so, after almost a week here, I’ve had it confirmed that I will probably not struggle with being alone for too long involuntarily.  2 days this week we had 12 kids under the age of 12 at the house.  plus like…6 or 8 adults over the course of the day.  it’s been fun!  at one point I had like 6 kids (which I think all of them were under the age of 6) surrounding me as I sat on the couch and each was trying to tell me a story (except the 1 year old – he was just trying to put small objects in his mouth).  chaos?  yes.  but very entertaining.

I need to get a job so I can support myself going to the coffee shop regularly for quiet time and chai.

speaking of jobs – I’ve sent in 4 resumes this week (they were all my resumes – although maybe I should have sent in other people’s so I’d have a better chance of getting a job).  there’s like 3 of them that I am really interested in.

oh my goodness I’m freezing.  somebody cut the a/c!!

ok I did something that maybe I shouldn’t have but I did and maybe it was OK to do it (wow, hi espesso).  I went to Guitar Center in Park Meadows, CO on Wednesday while my aunt and cousin were in IKEA (which is almost inevitably always a minimum of a 2 hour shopping event).  they had 1 lefty guitar – an Ibanez acoustic/electric.  it was black with like flame-type things around the hole.  I wasn’t crazy about the flame-type things.  and it was $329.  which my ideal budget was $350.  but the case was like $80.  so that would’ve been too much, plus I’d be stuck with non-extinguishable flames I didn’t like.  plus I don’t have a job yet.  no job=no income=no money for a guitar.  but I did find out they have a 30-day return policy.

so yesterday my cousins and I went to the Guitar Center in Fort Collins, CO and they had 1 lefty guitar – a Fender acoustic, natural color.  she looks like a Taylor…only with “Ibanez” written on her.  she was $229.  so with the case, she came out under $350…which was my ideal budget.  I would prefer an acoustic/electric, but really I just need any lefty to test out and see if I really do want to switch to a lefty.  so…knowing there was a 30-day return policy…and knowing I had a Guitar Center credit card that allows me to have 0% financing for 12 months…I bought her.  ok but don’t freak out.  I firmly decided that when 30 days is coming up, I will return her if I don’t have a job.  I’m committing to that (wow – committing – such a new concept…j/k).  and, if when 30 days is approaching, I have gotten no where in picking up the lefty, I will return her and refocus back on the right-handed guitar and try not to chuck it at anybody in frustration with my strum deficiency.  I’m committing to that as well.

so like, I bought her, but I didn’t “really” buy her.

and if you’d still like to donate toward my guitar fund, please feel free to!

ok dude – I am frozen.  I have to get out of here.

time to go home and pick up the lefty.  and play my keyboard.  and practice espanol.

into the unknown

I realized for quite possibly the first time in my life, I have made a move where I have no clue what’s going on.

when I went away to college, I knew that’s what I was doing – for the next 4 years of my life, I would be going to college (wow…4 years of sitting in classes?  sounds awful now…haha).  when I moved to the Keys, I knew where I would be working.

now I have packed up my life (reduced to the size of my toaster…aka Zeva…aka my Scion xB). I have travelled over 2,400 miles.  I have no income.  I have no idea how long I will be here.  I have no idea whatsoever how I’m going to survive winter (I cringe at the thought – so let’s think happy thoughts…it’s 91 out right now…that’s really happy).

it’s tempting to dwell on the fact that there are many unknowns in my life right now.  but that just leads to anxiety.  instead, I have to choose to take every thought captive and refocus on Jesus.  because it is only thru Him that I have any hope, strength, or sanity.

living by faith.  fully alive.  there’s really no better place to be.

and I’m not alone.  besides knowing God is omnipresent (although I wouldn’t blame Him if He chose to stay in the tropical sections of the world during the winter), I am blessed to have family here to live with!!  I have great family here, great family in Nebraska, a great cousin in Denver as of last week (shout out to Rachel!!), and a crazy amount of friends in the Denver area that I can visit.  I’m so thankful that I know people out here because I could have taken this crazy move 1 step further into craziness by going somewhere where I knew nobody.

hey this was fun – I’m sitting here at a coffee shop attached to the library downtown (sweeeeet library, by the way – I feel smarter just being here).  all of a sudden my cousin & her husband walk in (Cristine and Paul).  it was so fun, in a city full of people I don’t know, to have 2 people I DO know walk in!  they’re so great :)

PS – still in desperate want for a left-handed guitar.  my current donation fund for such a purchase is…drum roll please…$0.  that’s including interest.  if you feel so led as to contribute to this purchase (estimated to be around $350), you just let me know!  ;)

ok – now off to finding my way back home…I swear I almost had like 5 accidents in parking lots today.  I have no idea why, but I’m going to blame it on weird Cheyenne drivers because OBVIOUSLY it can’t be me.  :)

Dear keyboard,

I'm so glad you're coming out West with me. I think you're gonna enjoy your time out there.
(testing out resizing pics-lately they've been posting ginormously)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

right wasn’t right

while I was up in Cheyenne, WY a couple weeks ago, I had what could possibly be a huge revelation that could lead to HUGER things.

for over 10 years, I have tried learning the guitar.  I bought my first guitar about 10 years ago, a classical.  soon after that I bought an acoustic-electric that I’ve had ever since.  but I’ll try playing the guitar for a little while, then get frustrated that I can’t keep the rhythm when strumming to songs.  for the life of me, I can’t do it.  being somewhat musically inclined, this has frustrated me to no end.

yes, I’m a white girl, but I do have some rhythm.  ;)

so these 10 years I’ve claimed that I’m strum-deficient.  and really, if you ever try to sing along with me playing the guitar, you’ll quickly agree. i've literally had friends give up trying to teach me at times because i just can't get strum patterns down. my poor friends :)

while contemplating this dilemma yet again a couple weeks ago, I had this revelation:  I’m left handed. ok so I’ve known I’m left-handed since before like kindergarten.  but I realized maybe I ought to be playing a left-handed guitar because when I hear music playing, my left hand starts “air-guitaring” – strumming to the music.  I think my rhythm is in my left hand.  I just learned to play on a right-hand guitar because that’s what the majority of people play, and all my friends had right-hand guitars.  the thought never crossed my mind that this may be my problem.

so.  I am now on the quest to save up enough money for a lefty.  I’ve priced them, and I think I can get one for as little as $350 at Guitar Center.  that is, if I can’t find a used one through craigslist or through connections first.

oh – what’s that?  you wanted to know if you could donate to my left-handed guitar fund?!  awwww!  I want to give you a huge hug!!!  of course you can!!!  just message me on facebook or email and we’ll talk ;)

shameless plea for monetary donations are the best, aren’t they?  :)

no, but really – this revelation could mean HUGE things for future lead worshipping.

Yard Sale Success

Today we had a yard sale. I sold more than I thought I would - made around $100! Stoked!
So thankful for how the yard sale went - even more thankful that it's over and the leftovers have mostly been taken to a couple charities. Now I can focus on packing up what's left. Cristine flys in Tuesday and I'm hoping to be on the road Thursday. Mega road trip!!!
Love this pic of Claire petting Mocha...



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Simplifying

This last week I've spent most of my time (after work) sorting thru my stuff. Throwing a lot away (including high school yearbooks). Putting a lot in a garage sale we're having this Saturday.
I can't wait until this part is over. I want to be reading/makin music/playing volleyball/hanging out with people. So stoked for when this transitioning part is over and I can focus on what God has for me.
Although...I suppose THIS is what God has for me right now - sorting and packing. :) so I will try not to get stressed anymore about it. It will be over soon.

Meanwhile, I'm sure going to miss my nieces and nephew...






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

reoccurring theme: surrender

it seems God’s been working on my heart for months now on the subject of surrender.  last April I felt like He was asking me to surrender my small-minded, one-directional dreams of what I wanted to do with the life He’s given me.  I felt like He was asking me to surrender my stubborn, “I’m not goin’ anywhere” attitude toward the Keys (have I ever mentioned I love it here?  I love the people.  the culture.  the scenery.  the weather.  pretty much everything).  so that’s what I did.  (see entry: http://getstoked.blogspot.com/2011/04/doors.html)

and God blew me away.  opportunities for things I wouldn’t have pursued in the past popped up.  I got to help out at a youth group for awhile (Momentum – represent!!!!).  I got a super sweet place of my own to rent for dirt cheap (I have good friends, definitely blessed).  I got the opportunity to head out West to intern with my cousins’ worship ministry (Continuous Worship Ministries) for the month of July (had the privilege of doing worship at 2 camps, a family camp in NE and a jr high camp in WY).

once again, I feel God calling me to surrender (seems to be a daily, if not moment-by-moment choice sometimes).  to surrender my stubborn attitude of staying in the Keys, mostly.  He has reminded me this week that Jesus surrendered His life & died on a cross – just to save me.  the least I can do is surrender my comforts & one-directional dreams, take up my cross (dying to my selfish desires), and follow His leading.

and I feel He’s leading me to continue my time out West right now.  I am shocked at the peace and vision He is giving me for this crazy, unexpected turn of events.  I have no idea how long this is for.  it could be short.  it could not be.  I just know that I’ve told God “no” for waaaay too long of my life in the area of using the gifts He’s given me.  it’s time I surrender my fears/unsurity of the gifts He’s given me and trust Him. (un-sure-ity…maybe that’s not a word, but it is now because I went to college & have a degree & therefore should have the right to make up words).

surrendering is not without pain.  it is not easy at all to think about packing up and heading out of the Keys again.  I think I’ve mentioned before that I love it here?  oh…yeah…I think I did. ;)  praying God leads me back down here quickly…

And they call the thing rodeo

2 rodeos in the past 2 days. Cheyenne Frontier Days (the "Daddy of 'em All") and Scottsbluff County fair rodeo in Mitchell, NE. Definitely felt it was the appropriate time to listen to "Rodeo" by Garth Brooks on my drive home. Watched the bull ridin movie, "8 Seconds", with Paul & Cristine tonight. Yep. I'm definitely out West.

:)

Planet Earth

We're watching a Planet Earth episode right now and my 9-year old cousin was trying to explain a certain crab to me. He starts comparing it to a snail by saying, "you know how sometimes snails have eyes that stick up out of their head and..." and he continued describing the snail. And I go, "yeah?" and he paused and goes, "well it [the crab] looks nothing like that."

...

Hahaha cracked me up :) pretty good for a 9-year old.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

cool people I’ve met

I have met some really cool, random, interesting people since coming out West 3 weeks ago:

-a woman who previously lived in LA working as a paparazzi.  totally legit.  I’ve never met anyone from the paparazzi career field until now.  she was so fun to talk to!

-our first session at camp this week, I see this kid walk in with a “Rockford football” shirt on.  afterwards, I found him and it turns out he goes to the same high school I went to.  when he told me his name, I realized I knew who his brother was (didn’t actually know him) – his brother had bought a couch from my parents back when they were moving from MI to FL.  his brother was going to be going to Bible college out in La Grange, WY.  ok so then yesterday he comes to the session wearing a shirt sporting the name of the church I went to for awhile up in Michigan.  small world.

-on our trail ride yesterday, I was talking to the head wrangler dude and found out he just did his YWAM DTS in WY last fall and he’s thinking about going on staff there!  YWAMmers have like…an instant friendship because you’ve both been thru a DTS and know the experience.

just a few of the cool run-ins I’ve had out here.

did I mention I am absolutely loving this time out West?

Tornado Warning

This is what a tornado warning looks like...







Between the rattlesnakes and the tornado warning, this had been one of the more exciting trips I've taken to Nebraska :) I forgot to mention we found a dead baby rattlesnake today. Paul found it while digging up the snake hole. We think it died from either oil ingestion, drowning, or smoke inhalation. The reasons we think that shall go unposted. ;)

A few after-the-storm pics...









- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My hero

Yesterday I decided maybe it was ok to walk around the yard at the ranch - we hadn't seen any snakes around the house yet. So I ventured out in my flip-flops. I spotted a cool rock so I walked over to it to get a closer look and came across a baby snake about a foot in front of me. It looked like a rattlesnake but it was too young to have a rattle so it was hard to tell. My dad came over with a shovel to kill it but decided instead to pick it up to look at it. So we're standing there inspecting it and my mom got close enough to see it and yells, "Charles!! That's a rattlesnake!!!" Baby rattlesnakes are usually more poisonous because they shoot all their venom when they bite.




Even after half severing it's head, it was still a fighter...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ode to the Coyote

To the coyote who woke me up with it's howling this morning at 5:15am:
That is not cool. You're not supposed to be howling after the sun rises. Plus, you didn't even have a pure howl. It was like a howl mixed with barking. Not a noise to be proud of.
Because of you, I will probably require more coffee today. Should you decide to have a repeat of this morning, I might have to try out my aim with the gun.
However, I can choose to have an attitude of gratitude toward you. And so I'll thank you, random coyote, because I got to have lots of extra quiet time with your Creator this morning.

:)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Storm

Before the storm...



Heading into the storm...




Coming out on the other side of the storm...






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The green couches

This afternoon I'm laying low in the house we're staying at this week out at Maranatha Bible Camp. It's right on the lake and the living room windows overlook it and it's so bright and nice inside. I've spent the last 2 afternoons by the pool, so I'm giving my skin a little break. Plus I'm fighting a cold and felt more like laying low inside, spending some QT (quality time) with God.



The pic is dark but it's from where I'm sitting right now. Lake outside on the left. And the slit of light coming from the windows on the right? Every so often I look up just at the right time to see a body flying through the air. The blob. Quite hilarious because I can't see the blob or the lake thru that window. Just bodies flying in the air. Hahaha :)



And the amazing green couches make it. Totally.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

i will not fear

for the month of july, i am interning with my cousins’ worship ministry called Continuous Worship.  this week we are out at Maranatha Bible Camp right outside North Platte, NE.

this morning we led worship for the family camp that is going on this week.  ha – that’s kinda funny.  the 3 of us doing the worship are family, and it’s family camp.  :)  it’s ok, you can giggle.

this morning was humbling.

so, as colds always seem to have the best timing ever, I started coming down with a cold Sunday night and it’s continued to progress over the past couple days.  last night I skipped the 4th of July festivities in hopes of sleeping from 7pm-7am.  I slept from about 7pm-11pm.  then I tossed and turned the rest of the night.  I hate colds.  pretty sure they’re a result from the fall of man.  thanks, Eve.

(side note: if this post is jumbled and out of order, I blame it on this cold – I keep getting up every few minutes to blow my nose)

this morning I read through Psalm 103.  I love that Psalm.  these 3 verses stood out to me today:

verse 8: “The Lord is compassionate & gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”

verse 11: “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him.”

verse: 13: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”

while I feel like God has called me to be a worshipper (as all His children should be), I wrestle with Him because I get scared out of my mind about being a lead worshipper – I don’t like getting up in front of people and singing.  but ever since I surrendered that to Him while I was on outreach in Norway and started trusting God instead of fearing man, I have experienced His strength and power over and over.  He is faithful.

so those verses in Psalm 103 were awesome reminders of God’s promises to those who fear Him, for those who trust in Him and His character.  so I resolved not to be anxious about leading worship, but instead to trust in God’s unfailing character.

however – lest I start relying on my own strength and not God’s, He keeps me humble.  about 3 minutes before the worship time started, my cousin asked how I was doing.  I told him I wished I wasn’t sick with this cold, but that I felt peace about being on stage.  as soon as I said that, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw-up. haha :)  I made a urgent trip to the bathroom and, sure enough, as soon as I got to the bathroom, I threw up.  :)  which was the exact reason I always turned people down when they asked me to lead worship over the past 26 years of my life.  I was afraid I’d throw up.  :)  because that’s what Jen does.  when she’s had to give speeches in the past, she’s thrown up.  it’s just what Jen does best sometimes.

it was at that moment in the bathroom stall that I was faced with a big decision.  either give in to this thorn in my flesh and run from the task ahead, or defiantly decide to fear God and not fear man and go forward anyway – whether I threw up on the stage or not.  :)

in the past, I would’ve fled.  I would’ve ran.  but I have experienced God’s strength in my weakness far too many times now to let fear of man determine my actions.

I didn’t feel like getting up and worshipping this morning.  I didn’t feel like singing into a mic with the altered voice this cold has left me with.  but I tried to do my best and let God take care of the rest (movie quote: Facing the Giants), voice cracking and all. it probably was a bit of a funky worship time on my part, but I have to trust God can and will still use me even when I’m not only weak, but sick and weak.  :)  and PS - I didn’t throw up during the worship time.  :)

later in the day, a jr high/high school age girl came up to me and told me she really liked my voice.  I was shocked.  I’m like, “really??  but I’m…sick…” and she goes, “oh, well I really liked your voice!”.  it was the encouraging reminder I needed – the reminder that God can use us even when we think we’re weak.

I hope that what you get from this entry (if you’re still reading) is that God is strong.  He is strong enough to help us face any battle that comes our way. and He is faithful.  His love for those who fear Him, who trust Him, is greater than the space between the heavens and the earth.

2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Overheard

I overheard 2 older women talking today about the new styles of clothes. About the younger generation, they said, "what we tried to cover up they're trying to show". they have a point. They were cute. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Here we go again

On the plane from fort Lauderdale to Denver right now. Headed out West for the month of July. Spending a couple weeks with my cousins at Maranatha Bible Camp in North Platte, NE, spending a week out at our family's ranch in western NE, then maybe Cheyenne/Denver for the last week.

My focus will be on the following, in no particular order:
-enjoying time with family whom I love!!!!
-growing in the musical giftings God's given me
-take lots of time to process and re-prioritize and get ready to hit the ground running when I return to my beloved island community

Stoked to see what God wants to do in and thru me during this time. Not really knowing what to expect. That makes it more exciting. ;)

So on another note, as we were taking off, this little kid behind me goes, "WE'RE LANDING! WE'RE LANDING!!" - to which his mom said, "No, honey, we're taking off." it was so cute - the kid sounded like the adorable little girl on YouTube that recites the story of Jonah.




The next time I meet a grumpy person, I'm going to prescribe to them a flight on Southwest Airlines. I don't think it's possible to not smile on their flights. On landing, as soon as the tires hit and the slowing down process began, one of the flight attendants came over the speaker hollering, "WHOOOOAAA NELLY!!!!" and then made the hoof clopping noise - and yes, the clopping slowed down as the plane did. Hahaha :D
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Crazy fishermen

I'm getting my oil changed (I gave in this time instead of doing it myself) right now. This guy comes in and is talking about how he puts ballyhoo (a bait fish) in his mouth and lets barracuda come and grab it from his mouth. He said barracuda are harmless, to which I agree - when you're just snorkeling or diving. But if you have bait hanging out of your mouth...

I fully expect to see a man walking around here without a face in the future.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

headed to Nebraska

leavin' the beautiful blue waters and palm trees for cornfields this week...it's only for a month. i can do this. God created cornfields. I will find beauty in them. :)

Key West day

Down in Key West for Boonie's wedding! The wedding's in marathon but we are in key west for the day. Her and Z went parasailing and now we are at El Meson de Pepe - YUM!!!






Great Cuban restaurant. Complete with roaming chickens.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Kelly Clarkson Morning

Sometimes Kelly just says it best... :)

"I dont wanna be tough. And I dont wanna be proud. But I dont need to be fixed and i certainly dont need to be found - i'm not lost." (song: Maybe)

Once in awhile it's a Kelly Clarkson type day - where I just want to listen to her and sing along, pointing fingers and fist pumping the air. Today is one of those days. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Hammocks

Quite possibly the best laptop set up I've ever created. It drives me nuts to be on the computer. But when I need to get things done, this spot at least makes it a little more bearable. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Keys day

Today was full of Keysiness. Chopping up palm frons (how do you spell that?) with a machete. Cutting coconut clusters out of palm trees. Bike ride to Bo & Brende's for fresh smoothies (complete with mango) and great stories. Leechees. Working on the sailboat (polishing railings was my job). Sushi with friends.

I am blessed. :)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

blast from the past

from my blog entry October 22, 2009:

”and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.”

I was taking a stroll down blogging memory lane tonight and reading thru my posts in 2009 (apparently there were only 10 of them…I was hard core into blogging that year…ha).  I came across this and it stoked me – because over the past 6 or 7 months, I have experienced God do things in and thru me that I never thought was possible.  things that I look back on and think, “there’s no WAY I could have done that on my own”.

I think it’s funny I said “bracing myself – for I know I am inviting God to turn my life upside down” in that post because that’s exactly what He has been doing!  I feel like I’m finally living.  like – really living.

 

I remember when facebook first came out with the whole “status” thing – way back when it was first created and only college students could have it – and people would often put “I’m on facebook when I should be doing homework…” as their status.  well, right now I’m blogging when I should be cleaning my place.  ugh.  sucked in again.

this was a good sucked in though.  reflecting back on where God has brought me from.  seeing His faithfulness, once again.  He’s so awesome.  :D

calling all guys

…who like long walks on the beach, surfing, can change their own oil…

oh my goodness I’m totally kidding.  completely and 100%.

the following stats I read from the Acquire the Fire (ATF) Collision Course (a 6-week-ish follow-up study to the ATF weekend we took teens to in Tampa in April):

• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988).
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (U.S. Center for Disease Control).
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Bureau of the Census).
• Tonight, about 40% of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live (Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn).
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).

does that rock anyone else’s world?  it totally rocks mine.  I knew youth from broken homes are more prone to have their share of struggles.  but to have stats laid out like that…?

it’s at times like these that I wish I was a guy.  :)  but God made me a girl.  and I know girls have their own roles and influences and all that.  but when I hear stats like that, I just want to be a guy and go mentor youth and be a father to them.  thankfully, my God is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).  He can fulfill the Father role abundantly more than I ever could, even if I was a guy.

which leads me to 2 conclusions.  youth need to know about this Father to the fatherless, especially those without an earthly father in their lives, but even those who do have dads in their lives – because even our earthly dads will fall short sometimes because they’re human (although my dad pretty much always rocks and I love him :) ).

and secondly, guys need to step it up.  fathers need to be fathers.  fathers need to be mentors to those without fathers.  guys who aren’t fathers need to step it up and be mentors to those without fathers.  even be mentors to those with fathers.

guys – go do something.

 

and as a disclaimer, yes, girls/mothers have their roles too and we definitely need to step it up as well.  this list of stats was just about the fatherless homes though – hence the sound off on guys.

totally off topic, but I kind of think it’d be funny to make a shirt that says, “I Survived the Rapture of 2011”. but then I wonder if it’d be taken as humorous to others.  :)  it’s more pointing out the foolishness of claiming we know the day and hour when Jesus returns – when Scripture says no one knows and that He will come like a thief in the night.

I laid sod today.  that was fun.  I felt like…I don’t know what I felt like, but I felt good.  :)

keep it real.

good morning, Friday!

last night I set my alarm for 6:20am to wake up this morning.  but I decided if I happened to wake up earlier, I would get up, hang out with God, and then get an early morning workout in before work.  sure enough, I woke up at 5:20 ready to go.

so after spending some time in the Psalms, I set out for a short run.  dude.  it was 81 degrees with a heat index of 86 degrees.  at 6:30 in the morning.  summer is fast approaching.  kept a decent pace and did some interval/speed training on the way back.  when I got home, I did a couple pull-ups on the bar out back.  just to be like Kate Bosworth in Blue Crush.  I only did a couple pull-ups.  but I justified it by believing she probably didn’t actually do full pull-ups while filming.  all you see is the top part of her – like her head and neck as the pop up over the bar.  for all I know, and this morning I chose to believe, there was someone holding her lower half and pushing her up.  at least, that’s what I chose to believe this morning as I did my measly 2 pull-ups.  unassisted.  BAM!

:)

oh yeah – speaking of early mornings -

2 nights ago (or…yesterday morning) i woke up at 4am and didn't fall back asleep 'til after 5am.  cancelled my morning workout because i knew i needed more than 5 hours of sleep to function all day/night.

and what, you may ask, woke me up?

a dream about a cow.

yes.

a cow.

i was at some rodeo thing and everyone got a cow and mine came and sat
so nice and quietly beside me.  and she followed me wherever i went.
she was so sweet.  and then Asian girls came out and stood by each of
us and put bags over the cow's heads and said we had to go to get them
slaughtered.  and i was like "but...i like my cow!!" and my Aunt Roxie was there and i said to her, "Aunt Roxie, was your cow sweet and calm too?  Are they all like this?" and she goes, "no way! i had to chase mine all over the place!"  so then i fell even more in love with my cow.  and my dream ended with the Asian girl handing the
cow over to be slaughtered.

traumatizing.

Random

An American guy just stopped me in the parking lot and asked if I speak English. Classic.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I love my Mom!

 

my mom ROCKS!  if you don’t know her, you should.  she’s a cute little thing.

I love when we go out to the ranch in Nebraska – she turns into this uber legit ranch chick because, after all, that’s how she was raised.  it’s in her blood. 

yesterday my mom bought me a tervis tumbler cup and made a special trip to deliver it to me!

my mom was the first to introduce me to exercising.  she’d let us ride our bikes while she walked all over the neighborhoods.  I swear she walked like 10 miles every time.  ok probably not THAT many but I’m sure it was a lot.  and then there were the days of Tony Little, the short crazy energized man with the long pony tail.  when the VHS exercise tapes first came in the mail, my sister and I went a little gung-ho with them and were sore for a few days.  but we wanted heart shaped calves, just like Tony Little kept yelling about.  my mom told us we had to ease into it.  we didn’t listen.  :)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mom raise her voice.  she’s incredibly patient.

my parents took us all to Disney World a couple months ago to celebrate their 30th anniversary.  my mom was like a kid again!  I loved watching her dance in the streets with her granddaughters as the Disney parade went by.  I think she had more energy than Lucy and Claire!  :)

I LOVE MY MOM!

pirate man

I went to the beach after getting out of work early this fine Friday.

I went for a swim (salt water immersion=always refreshing). This guy was snorkeling and he surfaces. Looks up, pulls his mask up and looks at me, exclaiming, "I just looked up and here is this mermaid right in front of me!" and I go, "oh, really?" and he gasps and goes, "And she talks!!! She's a real mermaid!!!"

I forgot to mention he looked like a pirate. He was older, red bandana on, and missing lots of teeth. The teeth he did have were...in great need of dental work.

He proceeded to turn his back to me and started reaching for his shorts as he says, "you wanna see my secret?" Completely not knowing what to expect, realizing it was the Keys and strange things happen, but feeling he was harmless, I said, "sure", even though he was already reaching down the back of his shorts. He pulls out a near empty plastic water bottle and held it high in the air, huge gnarly grin on his face. "It helps me float!! They try to sell all these expensive floatation things and this works just fine! Plus I get some cool water to drink on my way out!"

Oh the Keys. :)

I'm in love.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Proverbs 3:3-4

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man."

I CAN cook!!

Chicken was moist!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Headed home...again

On the plane back to Fort Lauderdale! So stoked. :)

Great time in MI though!! Saw some great friends/family. Super fun time at Becky's wedding. Learned more Spanish to add to my vocab. ;)

There's a little kid sitting behind me that keeps kicking or hitting the back of my seat. It's lovely. I was starting to get a headache from my head being continuously jarred. Then I had the brilliant idea of sitting up so I wasn't leaning back on the headrest.

Yep, I'm smart, I went to college. So did my mom.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Rain

Oh, Michigan. Some things never change. I thought over the 3 1/2 years I've been gone you would've accepted some global warming. Maybe tried letting the sun shine a little more often. I guess you need to visit Florida and get some ideas of what you could do better.

Rain, rain, go away.

:)

Good excuse to get another chai latte from my new love, Biggby Coffee. Which, by the way, was a great addition to your coffee house selections, Michigan. That's something you could share with the rest of the country.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

back in the North

i'm back in G-Rap for Becky's wedding! i think the last time i was here was 2008. it's stinkin' cold. but i get to fly back to warm sunshine on saturday so i can do this.

it's so fun being back! seeing friends who are family. had Becky's bachelorette party friday night (woot woooot!). seeing the old stompin' grounds. i went to Herman's Boy to get a chai and i ended up getting my drink for free because someone earlier in the day had "paid it forward"! haha it was cool!! drove by my 2 old houses.

this morning we went to church at Ada Bible Church - the campus that meets in Cornerstone University's gym. i realized gyms are not a good place for me to go to church because during the message, i easily start dreaming about playing volleyball and invision the chairs and stage moved and the court there and...then i start thinking about the gym (as in weights, cardio machines, etc) and what i want to train for and...then i start thinking about food because working out makes me hungry all the time and...oh it's just not good. haha :) i guess it gives me an opportunity to practice taking captive every thought...haha :)

i also watched Inception last night and finished it today (fell asleep last night - what else is new). totally lost. i should watch it again sometime and see what else i can catch.

busy but fun week ahead! Becky & Mario's boda (wedding) on Friday!

having fun speaking/learning Spanish with Mario and his parents here! totally legit at speaking spanglish.

Returning to the cold

Currently - Marathon: 84. Grand Rapids: 38. 10 days. I can do this.

:)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gospel Ninjas

So our ATF group is small - 4 students and 2 leaders. While a big group is fun, we've realized a small group is too! We've gotten to eat at Cracker Barrel, Panera, Olive Garden, Smokey Bones, and Applebee's. :) and with such a small group, a quick escape from the ATF parking lot chaos is always a great thing. Hannah commented, "it's kinda like we're...Gospel Ninjas!!" :)



The Gospel Ninjas.




Sanctus Real wishes they were Gospel Ninjas.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Olive Garden

Eating at the O.G. tonight before going to session 1 of ATF. Last time I ate here was late at night in February. Both of our DTS outreach teams had just flown back to the States and we had just been reunited at the airport. Awww!!! :) great memories. So much more awake this time... ;)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Welcome to the Circus

My apartment's under there somewhere...

On our way to Tampa for Acquire the Fire! Super stoked!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Steak!!

Totally just used the grill all by myself and grilled my very first steak!!!! I wanted it medium rare but it turned out medium well. That's ok. It was edible!!! Seasoned with Everglades seasoning. And I made black beans and rice!

I also feel the need to mention that I grilled 2 steaks tonight and gave one to Shane and he ate it!! The grill/steak master ate MY steak!!!

Living on my own this time around is going better already. ;)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

doors

recently, I’ve been trying to figure out if God was calling me to surrender some of my own dreams or if it was just doubt/confusion - which is not from God.  wrestling.  I kept feeling like God was saying, “Look – surrender your small-minded dreams to Me because I have much bigger plans for you – things you can’t even imagine.” 

I decided to surrender my dreams to God, anyway.  I figured that way I couldn’t go wrong.  :)  and I kinda felt like God was wanting me to surrender like…my small-minded, one-direction dreams to Him.  as if He wanted me to keep my desires and passions, but allow Him to show me different ways He wanted to use them instead of me just heading one specific way that I had chosen.

but I also realized surrendering my plans and dreams isn’t the easiest thing to do.  the selfish side of me wants to do what I want. the controlling part of me wants to be in charge of what direction I go and what my plans will be.  so the past few weeks have been a wrestling match between me and God.  but it’s been worth it.

as soon as I truly felt like I surrendered my plans and dreams to God, things started changing.  out of the blue, I got a call from a friend who wanted to have lunch and discuss ministry opportunities.  turns out their church is looking for someone to take over the youth ministry and they wanted to know if I was interested.  hello!  of course I’m interested!  :)

a few days later, my cousin calls from out West and encourages me again to come out there, even if it’s just for a month this summer, to get some worship leading experience with him.  play some music, write some music, do worship at youth camps.  hello!  of course I’m interested!  :)

I believe God has much bigger plans for each of us than we could ever imagine.

Eph. 3:20-21 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than al we ask or imagine, according to His POWER that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.”

there is freedom in surrender.