is it worth it?

“I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 1 Cor. 2:3-5 9 (NIV)

this passage came alive to me in a whole new way this week.  it’s one of those passages I know I’ve read before but it never really sank in until yesterday.  Todd (Nighswonger) has been teaching at the pastors’ convention we’re leading worship at this week in Grenada, CA.  he’s been teaching out of 1 Cor. 1-3.

I always think of Paul as being this super passionate, calm, collected guy.  but I don’t think that was always the case.

I’m reminded of the passage in 2 Cor. 12 where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh that he had begged God to remove.

anyway, this passage resonated with me because I am a wreck before I get up to lead worship and/or speak.  seriously, a mess.  physically, emotionally, mentally…it’s a battle.  actually, last week (the week leading up to leaving for CA), I started questioning if it’s even worth it.  do I really need to continue pursuing growing as a worship leader and taking the opportunities that come my way?  is it worth the restless nights, the upset stomachs, the anxiety/panic attacks (I don’t know if there’s a difference between the 2…I just know whatever it is is not fun when it hits)?  is it worth the stress I go thru physically, emotionally, and mentally?

as I was wrestling with this question, the image of Jesus hanging on the cross came into my mind.  and as He was hanging there, in agonizing pain I will never comprehend, I heard Him yell to His Father, “IS SHE WORTH IT?!  IS SHE WORTH THIS PAIN??"

…ouch.  Jesus died for me.  He died for me. I was worth hanging on a cross, nails ripping thru His hands and feet, taking on the unimaginable weight of the world. I was worth it to Him because the Father loves me so much that He wanted me to be His child.

in light of what Jesus went thru for me, suddenly my struggles are…nothing.  He is totally worth it.

which brings me back to Paul.  he’s so stinkin’ inspiring.  even if I’m battling fear and shaking as I’m up leading worship, I’m going to do it anyway.  because He is worth it.

I am completely amazed and humbled that God uses us so powerfully in our weakness.