It's all relative

When you live in the Keys, getting off "the rock" and going to the mainland (usually Miami or Fort Lauderdale) is a big deal. You make your list of places you need (or think you need) to go. You bring the cooler to load up on cheaper food prices.

When I came to Cheyenne, getting to go to Denver became my "Miami".

Now that I'm in Torrington, Cheyenne has ironically become my "Miami".

It's all relative.

One day I'm going to live in a hut on the beach in like, Nicaragua. I'm not sure where my "Miami" will be then. I'll keep ya posted.

forgiven and free

because it’s Friday and because I got to eat Chipotle today, have a power smoothie from Ruby Juice, enjoy my smoothie as I drove to Bob Marley, and because it was warm and sunny with a warm breeze today and I found $110 trail running shoes for $17 at the Sierra Trading Post Outlet, and because Jesus is so incredible in His love and grace, I decided I would share a verse that’s impacted my life hugely.  I figured those were enough reasons.

there’s this verse that every time I hear it or read it, I’m instantly taken back to the first moment this verse radically changed my life.  I remember at that moment, I swore that was the first time I’d ever heard that verse in my life – though I’m sure I’d read it or heard it many times before.

I’m not going to tell you what verse it is.

 

 

HA!!!!  I’m freakin’ hilarious.  you know you’re laughing, too.  at least giggling?  at least smirking a little with a hint of amusement showing in your eyebrow?  (…”a hint of amusement showing in your eyebrow”???  what in the world?  who’s coming up with this nonsense??  oh…shoot…it’s my blog…I can’t blame someone else…)

oops.  back on track… (I swear 1 day a study is going to come out saying everyone has at least some level of ADD or ADHD in them)

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…” – Romans 8:1

now let me tell you why this verse brought so much life and freedom to me.

when this verse hit me, it was probably in…2008 (I can’t remember the exact year).  we had taken a group of high schoolers to Acquire the Fire (ATF) in Miami and at one point, they had a time for all the leaders to get together and hear this one dude talk.  side note: God’s real sly like that.  I think He slips into stealth mode at these youth things.  you know, you take these students to these youth events, praying all the while that God will meet them where they’re at and that He’ll capture their hearts.  but most, if not all of the time, He teaches the leaders just as much and captures (or…recaptures) our hearts as well.  He’s good.  He’s reeeeeal good.  :)

anyway, I have no clue what this dude talked about now, but I will never forget the moment he read that verse and he passionately encouraged us that any mistakes, any sins, any failures we were holding against ourselves – in Christ, we are forgiven!  He does not hold any of that against us.  And neither should we hold it against ourselves.

I was rocked.

by that point in my life, I had had plenty of instances of feeling like I failed God, and others.  I had allowed those feelings of failure to take root in me and I just never felt like God was going to want to use me ever again because I had failed Him so many times.

so I hear this verse at ATF and it rocks me but I didn’t have time to process it at the time because we quickly had to get back to our group and make sure nobody killed each other (totally kidding – we had a great group of teens).  as soon as we got home, I remember sitting in my friend Lisa’s living room (staring out across the back yard to the beautiful ocean and palm trees, I have to mention…oh my heart…how I miss the islands!).  I’m sitting there on her couch and I asked what verse that was that the guy read, the one about “there’s no condemnation”.  I asked, “is that really in the Bible??” and she laughed and had that expression on her face that said, “…are you for real?”  she showed me where it was in Romans and the beauty and freedom of that verse continued to become more and more real to me.

if we are followers of Jesus, we are cleansed by His blood, the Ultimate Sacrifice that was required to restore us to God.  we are completely forgiven and God does not condemn us anymore!  it doesn’t matter what we have done, how we think we’ve failed Him, or how many times we’ve messed up.  He loves us unconditionally.  the blood of Jesus is grace that runs deeper than any of our sins, any of our failures.

“Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

let those words soak.

confessions from a recovering church-hopper

I have been a dead member of the local church for the majority of my post-high school life.

this realization hit me recently when I had the opportunity to visit another church.  I love my church.  I love my family there.  I love seeing God changes hearts and lives in this community.  but I felt like I needed just 1 weekend off to just…be.

it sounds kind of selfish.  and maybe it is.  but I wanted to just be able to go somewhere and be refreshed and not serve.  haha wow that sounds terrible.  but anyway, I wanted somewhere to be poured into and re-energized for this next month and 1/2 of pure craziness (camps, missions trip, hiking Pike’s Peak, women’s conference, family here…the list goes on).

so I got the weekend off from worship team (which was so hard to follow-thru on…I love my worship team family and the sweet times of fellowship we have Saturday nights!).  that Saturday night I visited the church my grandparents were members of when they were alive.  the message was great, and it was challenging (I mentioned it in the previous post).  it was nice to be able to worship through singing from my seat in the congregation and not be thinking about what chords I was playing or what drum I was hitting.  it was nice to just…be.

and it was awful to just…be…all at the same time.  it was heartbreaking, in a way.  I realized that what I did Saturday night at this church service was exactly what I had done for most of my post-high school life.  I went to church.  I showed up.  I worshiped from my seat.  I maybe shook some hands and talked to some friends (people I knew of course…because that’s comfortable).  heard the message, maybe felt challenged by it & maybe not.  and then I’d get in my car and leave until the next Sunday.  and the next Sunday I might go to a different church.  wherever I felt like going when that Sunday morning rolled around.

the life of a chronic church-hopper is empty and lifeless.  I know.  I was one.  I’m a recovering church-hopper.

it started around my last year or 2 of high school.  this new church had exploded and it was modern and different (they met in a warehouse…that screams “cool” to those of us that grew up in conservative, church buildings with hymnals and pews).  I started going to that church here and there, partly because I felt alive there and loved the worship and teaching.  and partly because almost all my friends & church leaders from my other church didn’t like this new church – so in my selfless rebelliousness (HA, sarcasm), I wanted to prove that there was more to life than singing hymns and dressing nice.  plus I could stop by the gas station and get a coke in a styrofoam cup and take it in with me and not get dirty looks from the older generation.  ;)  (side note – this was pre-soda-less days, people.  I’ve been soda-free for 3 1/2 years!!!!  yes, I’m also a recovering soda addict.  that’s not even an exaggeration.  haha that’s a whole ‘nother blog post)

it just got worse from there, though.  I went to college and there were so many churches to choose from that I figured why stick with 1?  it was like a smorgasbord for a “church consumer”.  try out 1 church.  see what I got from it.  try out another church.  see what I got.  oh, don’t feel like getting out of my sweats to go to church?  not a problem – just go to campus church.  or better yet, drive to the park (grab a coke on the way, of course) and listen to campus church on the radio.  oh, that campus pastor’s speaking today?  nevermind – I’ll put on my ipod and listen to a podcast.

and it only continued from there, even after college.

it wasn’t until I relocated out West (yes, I still say “relocated” because to say “moved” would sound way too permanent) that I tried something new.  actually I didn’t “try” it.  I got thrown into it because of the internship I’m doing.  I had no intention of really getting connected and sticking around because I couldn’t imagine myself sticking to 1 church for too long (God is awesome – He is so sly sometimes).  but I started serving on the worship team (which I had never in my life done before).  then I joined a Bible study.  then I started getting involved with the youth group…

I love my church.  I love serving in the local church.  wow that sure feels crazy to say, after so many years of church-hopping, being a “consumer Christian” and being frustrated with local churches.  I now realize in a whole new way how much just going to church and leaving is full of emptiness.  it’s not what church was created to be.  the church was established for fellow believers to come and fellowship together.  to share what they had, to live in community with one another.  to serve each other and to love one another deeply.  to then go out and share Jesus with others and serve others and love others and…the list goes on.

I remember at my Grandpa’s funeral in 2007, his pastor (who is now MY pastor…just another example of God’s crazy, unpredictable plan for our lives!) said that my grandpa loved the local church.  he LOVED it.  him and my grandma served faithfully and loved, even when they weren’t huge fans of the addition of drums to the worship team.  :)  they still loved the person playing the drums and didn’t complain and didn’t throw in the towel and go to a more “conservative” church.  they were committed.  I specifically remember right then and there at the funeral service that I longed to one day love the local church again.  obviously, it didn’t happen over night (here I am, 5 years later, just now rediscovering that love).  but that moment at the funeral service has stuck with me ever since.

by the grace of God, I am a recovering church-hopper.

running in circles

I love when I get hit from so many different angles on the same exact topic.  that’s when I know God is really trying to get my attention, and out of His great love & mercy (and amazing patience), He is going to use all these different avenues until I get it.

I won’t cover every detail (although knowing me, this will turn out long anyways).  you can always ask me for the full story. :)  but this past week I realized I needed to start thinking about the future (“future” as in 2 months down the road, not 5 years down the road – I am SO not a 5-year plan person – way too much can happen and change in 5 years!).  I’ve been praying quite a bit about what to do once I’m done with this internship in August.  in reality, I could go anywhere.  anywhere in the world.  I don’t own a home.  I have no rental lease.  my source of income lets me work wherever I can get wi-fi access, which I’m sure there’s some sweet tiny hut on the island of tahiti that has wi-fi and I could totally go there.  in reality, I don’t need much to live.  just food, sunshine, and Jesus.

I often think about where I want to go next.  but my daydreaming doesn’t go far at all.  I start to think of a place, and then I get stumped as to what I would do there.  the only place I can see myself being right now is where I am…right now.  in this tiny Wyoming community that I have quickly grown to love.  God continues to open door after door here and He continues to blow me away by giving me the desires of my heart.  Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  I am experiencing this verse to be true and it is blowing my mind.

however – yes, there’s a “however”.

as much as I felt like God was leading me to stay here past August, I hadn’t verbally (or…textually…is that even a word?  it totally is now) made this known to anyone.  oh sure, I’d mention that I might stay around but still left it open in case God “moved me elsewhere”.  you know, the classic non-committal response to people’s questions as to what I’m going to do next.  ;)

well this past week, I talked with Paul & Cristine (refresher: I’ve been interning under Paul for the past year) about my plans.  I verbally acknowledged that I felt I was supposed to stick around past August.  why is it that when you finally verbalize something, it’s at that moment that you realize what that something really entails?  leading up to the verbalizing, you’re like…thinking it all out in your head and everything’s great and seems all put together.  then you verbalize it.  and then it’s like “oh…crap…wait a minute…now this is real…”

yeah that moment totally happened.

as soon as I verbalized it, I realized I didn’t have a place to live in this plan to stick around.  minor detail, right?  …yeah.

for various reasons that don’t need to be detailed on this blog, I went into a tailspin the next couple days.  I quickly started jumping to conclusions.  I started questioning if I had sensed God’s leading correctly.  maybe I really was supposed to go somewhere else.  but everywhere I kept running through my head as an option was just not glowing with the bright neon light saying “YES!  Go THERE!”  I had this overwhelming sense that if I gave up on this leading and went somewhere else, I would be restless and non-peace-having (I know there’s a word for that, but I can’t think of it).

so in my tailspin state of mind, I came to a logical conclusion.  I would live in my car.  that was the only solution so that I could continue on with what I felt God leading me to do.  that night I started sorting through my clothes, deciding what I could get rid of to downsize.  no really, I totally did.  haha

hey, at the time it seemed logical!!

thankfully, I have good friends who helped me regain common sense and put an end to the tailspin madness.  I realized I put God in WAY to small of a box.  my dreams are pathetically small.  I set my sights way too low.

I am created and sustained by the God of universe.  of the UNIVERSE!  the One who holds it all in motion!  the One who sent His Son to die for me so that I could have a right relationship with Him!  the One who gives me my every breath!

then this past Saturday night I had the chance to visit another local church (the one my grandparents went to when they were still alive, actually).  and the pastor’s message centered around Adam & Eve and the Fall. He pointed out that when Adam & Eve became discontent with what they had, they lost focus.  And then they became entangled in sin.  they had perfection fellowship with God.  they had it all.  but they became discontent with that.  they wanted more.  they wanted to be like God.  they wanted to know what He knew.  living in discontentment, satan striked.  Eve ate.  Adam ate.  and you know the rest.

Likewise, when we focus on what we don’t have, we lose sight of what we DO have.  we lose focus of Jesus.  we lose focus of all that we have and all that we are in Him.  we start to doubt.  we start to seek comfort/control/security/whatever from people or things other than God.

BAM #1.  actually BAM #2 – BAM #1 was the conversation I had earlier with my friend who all but whacked me alongside the head and challenged me with the fact that either I trust God or I don’t.

then this morning at church, my pastor brought another message that I swear was just for me.  he talked about Peter and what happened when he saw Jesus walking on the water to the boat.  I know I’m totally cutting this summary of the message way short – you should listen to it when it’s up (SONrise Church Messages).  first he pointed out that Jesus was walking on the water – like, do you realize what that proves?  He is the God of all creation, He commands even the waters in the seas.  He.  Is.  AWESOME.  how quickly I fail to trust Him!

but then he pointed out that Peter at first walked on the water to Jesus.  he had faith.  then he started to sink.  he lost focus.  he began to doubt.  he began to focus on the waves, not on Jesus.  then he cried out for Jesus to save him.  and Jesus did.  oh the grace of God!!

dude – you need to just listen to the message.  I’m totally slaughtering it because there was so much more to it.

but – BAM #3.

focus.  it comes down to focus.  am I going to keep my focus on God and what He has called me to?  or am I going to worry and fear and doubt?  am I going to trust God or am I not?  there’s no in-between.

this song has been in my head so much this past week.  I decided I’d bite the bullet and record it and share if with you guys.  I don’t like hearing myself sing.  and I definitely don’t like sharing it with whoever comes across this post.  haha :) but it has been on my heart and I need to share it.

and forgive me that it cuts off at the end.  I couldn’t figure out how to fade it out on garageband.  :)  this is a song by United Pursuit Band called “Running in Circles”.

Running in Circles (Orig United Pursuit Band)

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I have not forgotten about you. I have many things I would love to post on you, actually. But you require time because as of right now, you have not learned how to read my thoughts and transfer them to blog posts (for which I am grateful - because my mind has like a bajillion things running thru it at any given time). I will make time for you soon.

Sincerely,
me

never a dull moment on my drives

I made the hour and 15 minute drive from Torrington, WY to Cheyenne, WY yesterday, twice (there and back).  actually it’s supposed to be an hour and 15 minutes.  but because I’m jen, and God has created me uniquely and curiousitively (dude that is an amazing word creation right there, I’m claiming it!), yesterday’s trip there took about an hour and 30 minutes or so.  the trip back took about the same amount of time.  the following is a fun-filled photo documentation of my journey across the barren (or not-so-barren, apparently) plains.

from Torrington to Cheyenne:

about 30 minutes or so down the road, I saw a snake coiled up in the middle of the road.  now, if you read my previous post, you’ll know the turmoil that this caused inside of me.  do I stop or do I keep going?  do I stop or do I keep going?
learning from my last experience where when I finally did turn around, the snake was gone, this time I made the decision a lot sooner.  I slammed on the brakes, whipped a u-turn and headed back.  this time, the snake was still there.  ok so maybe it was dying and that’s why it hadn’t slithered off.  if I could, I would re-enact what the snake was doing.  but alas, I have to resort to a description with words.  it was coiled up, slithering around in a coiled up heap.  it had its mouth open and was whipping its head around like it was trying to bite its ear.  I don’t know if snakes have ears.  but it looked like it was trying to bite what it thought was its ear and where I would imagine its ear to be.  and yes, I took a picture.  because I had to document this exotic creature.

don’t worry, mom – I took the picture from inside my car.  you’re welcome.  :)

I continued on my drive, super stoked to have captured this moment.  when all of a sudden I see this huge, transformer-looking monster down the road.  it looked ginormous.  as I got closer, I realized it was one of those farm tractor things that I have no clue what the name of it is but I’ve seen them out by our family’s ranch in Nebraska.  not nearly as exciting as the snake, but I still took a picture.  because I’m cool like that.

do you see how dirty my windshield was?  ugh.  I swear it’s impossible to keep your windshield clean out here, at least during this bug-season.  at one point, I heard a big “SPLAT!” and saw some creature had suffered an abrupt death upon meeting my windshield and left it’s bright yellow insides splattered in a very nice but disgusting circular, bright yellow splatter.  unfortunately, I did not take a picture of this event. but I decided that if I was a bug, I would want brightly colored insides so I could make sweet splatter marks on windshields.  or 1 windshield, for that matter.  because I don’t think I’d last after splattering once, even though I like to think of myself as strong and bionic.

from Cheyenne to Torrington:

on my drive back, I nearly died 57 times.  that may or may not be an exaggeration.  but it probably is.  however, it was a lot more on the “oh my goodness I’m going to die” side than the “oh sweet - snakes, machines, and bug splatters!” side.

about 20 minutes down the road (it was dusk when I started driving back), a big herd of deer finished running across the road right when I came upon them.  I braked and braced myself in case there were any stragglers waiting to cross at just the right moment (that being right in front of my headlights).  thankfully, no stragglers.  but I did wonder why I scrunch my face up and nearly close my eyes entirely when bracing myself.  I don’t know what good that will do if my face is scrunched up when I hit something.  but it just feels like the right thing to do.

about 15 minutes later, I saw this lonely cow walking near the fence on the side of the road.  I rubber-neck stared at it as I went by.  it stared at me.  as I kept driving, I said out loud, “…I think that cow is outside the fence…”  curiosity taking over, I slammed on the brakes and pulled another u-turn.  this next line is 117% serious (not that the rest of my post isn’t 117% serious…).  as I turned around in the middle of the road, I caught a glimpse of the same, coiled up snake on the side of the road!!!  I kid you not!!!  out of the 83 or whatever miles between Torrington and Cheyenne, I pulled a u-ey right at the same exact spot as the snake from earlier in the day!

anyway – I drive back to check out this cow.  sure enough, she was out of her fence.  do you realize how bad that would be if someone hit it with their car?!  those things don’t move.  they’re solid.  so I pulled another u-ey and pulled over on the side of the road the cow was on, rolled down my window, and hollered at her.  I don’t really know what good I was thinking I would accomplish by yelling at this cow.  but I just felt like it was the right thing to do, next to getting out and grabbing it by its tail and hurling it back over the fence.  I yelled, “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE!  GET BACK INSIDE YOUR FENCE!!”  she jumped (no really, she did) like I startled her.  then she started running along the fence line.  and then I realized I could do absolutely nothing with this cow except maybe get charged by it if I kept harassing it.  so I took a picture.  because I take pictures of exotic creatures.

I called Cristine because they were a little bit behind me in the suburban.  I called her to warn her about the cow.  I don’t know if that’s what you’re supposed to do when you see a cow out and you know your friend is coming down the road behind you.  but I felt like it was the politically correct thing to do.

I continue on, and about 25 minutes later the most nearly-epic-clash-of-Zeva-and-the-deer occurred.  I’m just driving along, on high alert because of all the natural wildlife I’d encountered hanging out on the roads.  also a little spastic because I had caffeinated coffee to keep me awake.  all of a sudden this deer runs in front of my baby girl (Zeva).  I slam on the brakes, the cooler of food goes flying, and the deer jumps out of the way.  thankfully.

I decided I don’t want to drive on the country roads at night any more in my lifetime.  there are plenty of hours of daylight to be driving.  I’ll drive within those hours.  :)

my drive home today

signs that I still haven’t quite adjusted to fitting in out West:

• today I was driving down a dirt road and the car right in front of me swerved.  I thought there must’ve been a bunny or something.  as I got to the same point they swerved at, I saw there was a snake stretched out across the road, taking his time crossing it.  to which I had 2 immediate reactions, both of which I don’t think a local would’ve thought:
• why didn’t they run over the thing with their big truck?!  swerve to miss a snake??  a potentially lethal-biting, venomous snake?!
• why didn’t they stop to look at it?!  it’s a snake!  how cool is that?!

as I drove past, I suddenly felt like I was back at day 1 of learning how to drive a stick shift.  I braked quick, then pushed the gas, then braked quick again, then pushed the gas – trying to decide whether to stop and get out and look at it or whether to go along with the truck in front of me and appear cool, pretending to be un-phased by seeing this foreign specimen in the road.  about 1/4 mile down the road, I couldn’t take it anymore.  I threw my desire to be cool to the wind and turned around to go back and see the snake.  then I learned another thing.  snakes can move fast when they want to.  sadly, he was gone.  otherwise I would’ve taken a picture to share, for sure.

• as I got back on the road after my snake detour, I passed a truck and the guy inside had a totally legit cowboy hat on.  I immediately exclaimed, out loud, “OOOH!  A cowboy!!  A real cowboy!!!  THAT’S SO COOL!!”  I’ve learned, since coming out here, that that kind of comment in front of a cowboy is totally uncool.  but I was alone in my car and I couldn’t contain my excitement.  :)

as I thought about it, I realized that me getting excited about seeing a cowboy up here is like someone coming to the Keys and seeing a sailboat and getting super excited.  if we were in the Keys and you did that, I would be like, “um…yeah…it’s a…sailboat…1 of like 50 million down here…killer…”  so when I put that into perspective, I suddenly started to realize why people often don’t join me in my excitement up here when I see someone wearing a cowboy hat and boots.  therefore, I will try very hard not to express my excitement when I see cowboys up here.  but inwardly…I am jumping up and down with a big smile on my face.

• after the cowboy sighting (it was a very exciting, insightful drive home for me today), I passed the sale (sell?) barn where they sell live stock.  as I approached it, I wondered if I’d ever be able to stop by and see what it’s all about.  I’m curious!  it’s intriguing!  I’ve never been to such a place!  I figured I’d probably stand out.  I took inventory of the vehicles as I passed and they were all big hefty trucks and SUVs.  and then the clincher.  I saw an SUV pulling out so I took a look to see what kind of people go to the sale barn.  wouldn’t you know, the guy had a cowboy hat on.  yeah…pretty sure I would stand out like a sore thumb in that place.  :)  therefore, my curiosity and intrigue will just have to continue!

I love it here though.  :)  yes, I’m often dreaming of islands and blue/teal waters and palm trees and beach volleyball and hammocks on the beach and people that I love (…and the list goes on).  but I love the people here, too.  I joke about how well I don’t fit in, but I really do enjoy it here!  God is doing awesome things in and thru people and this community is in desperate need of revival.  there’s a water drought here right now, but there’s an even bigger spiritual drought.

Father, rain down!

82 and antsy

It's 82 degrees and sunny out and I have been waiting and waiting to start running again after spraining my ankle running a couple months ago. Even though my ankle still isn't healed up and is swollen most of the time, I couldn't help it anymore. It's too beautiful out. I have too much energy bottled up in me!

So...

I just went for my first run since the beginning of march!! It was slow. It was short. And yes, it hurt at first. But as I went on, it got better. And I loved it!!

Now I'll just see if my ankle liked it. Hoping for no extra swelling...

One thing is for sure. Being able to run again lifted my spirit! :) determined to be able to hike Pike's Peak at the end of June!

Simple joys

The following are pictures of simple joys I've been blessed with over the last couple days. A refreshing snack of rice, black beans, tomato & avocado (reminds me of the Keys). FaceTime with my 2 year old stud of a nephew. A ridiculously warm & beautiful day (in May, in Wyoming). And since I had to get work done for my job, I moved my laptop out to the sunporch where the windows were open and the warm breeze was blowing in - Josh Garrels playing in the background.

time

last year, I had the privilege of spending a couple weeks in Latvia as part of a 7-week missions outreach trip to Europe (2 weeks in Estonia, about 2 weeks in Latvia, 3 weeks in Norway).  we got to stay with this amazing family in Latvia and one of their daughters, Anda, was our contact and point person.  I love this girl.  she’s a ball of fire, with so much energy and passion to share the love of Jesus with people.  I remember one conversation with her, she was telling me how she had gone thru a phase where she hardly slept because she just had so much she wanted to do that she decided there wasn’t time to sleep.  she wanted to get the very most out of her days.  eventually she realized she needed to at least get the minimal amount of sleep to fully function. :)

I totally know what Anda was talking about now.  there is so much I want to do that I get up early and stay up as late as I can (which isn’t very late…because I get up early…).  I’ve decided I need a minimum of 6 hours of sleep to function, 7 to fully function.

I’m only working part-time right now, just enough to support myself while I’m doing this internship with Continuous Worship Ministries.  I am so blessed.  I get to work for my dad’s company back home in Florida by connecting remotely on the computer.  I set my own hours.  i. am. blessed.

I have this problem though.  for some reason, I have the hardest time getting 4 hours of work in each day (my goal is a 20-hour work week…I think I met that goal once or twice since starting this working-remotely thing in January).  I don’t know where my time goes!  seriously?  20 hours a week is NOTHING.  which has led to some math problems (yes, Dad, I’m doing math…be proud). 

there are 168 hours in a week.  let’s say I sleep 7 hours a night, for a total of 49 hours a week spent sleeping.  168-49=119.  so out of 119 hours of potential productivity time, how hard can be it be to squeeze out 20 hours of work?  that would leave me with 99 hours to do everything else.

99 is a lot.  it’s the # of sheep the Shepherd would leave behind to find 1 lost sheep (see Matthew 18:12).  it’s also the beginning of an incredibly long, annoying song (99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beeeer…oh you’re so singing in your head now, aren’t you?! :) ). 

all this to say, I have come to the realization that I have no idea where my time goes each day.  I had this realization about my money a few months ago, and so I started a budget.  and wow – was that eye-opening.  ok so someone might spend more $ on coffee and food than they do on gas each month…I’m just sayin’…this may or may not be true.

ok, the truth is, at any given moment, I can almost guarantee that if you walked in on me, I’d be eating something and/or drinking water, vitamin water, or coffee (probably decaf).  I actually have 3 different drinks sitting here at the computer with me… ok, confession time is OVER!

wow, ok – back on topic here.  keeping a budget for the 1st time in my life has really helped me see where my $ goes and that, in turn, has helped me be a better steward of it (still growing in that area).  so why not keep a budget of my time?

so.  for the next week, I am committing to keeping track of my time.  I’m talkin’, specific.  I want to know how much time I spend working.  how much time I spend sleeping.  how much time I spend doing ministry.  how much time I spend practicing guitar.  how much time I spend staring off into space (hey, it happens).  and yes, how much time I spend eating (aka in the kitchen).

it’s going to be annoying to track everything.  but I know it’ll be eye-opening.  and maybe I’ll be able to start finding the time that I feel like gets lost every day.

 

on a different note, today I was driving thru town with my window down.  and I nearly drove into the other lane because I was thoroughly thrown off by this moaning sound I heard as I drove past the “sale barn”.  the sale barn is where they sell livestock…I think.  and the moaning, I eventually realized after the noise was gone, was the cows.  I’m sorry.  I’ve spent my entire life living either in city suburbs and on an island.  “mooing cows” is NOT something I’m used to hearing out my car window.

Dr. Daaaaaaaaan–update

I figured it’s time for an update on where I’m at with this crazy diet Dr. Dan (a naturopath doctor in Cheyenne, WY) has me on.

a recap: starting March 27, 2012 he put me on a 90-day detox from the following:

• oats
• wheat
• corn
• white refined sugar
• brown sugar
• milk (pasteurized and raw)

and he had me taking 8 multizyme supplements a day (2 at every meal and 2 before bed) and 3 diaplex supplements a day (1 with every meal).  I thought that was a lot, but apparently I was decently healthy because when I went to buy the supplements at the front desk, the girl’s mouth dropped and she exclaimed, “you’re so lucky!”  :)  just call me the big buff beast.  no really, feel free to.

:D  I crack myself up.

anyway, I feel GREAT.  the first couple weeks I felt like I spent more time standing in the kitchen staring into space than I did anywhere else in this world.  I thought for sure I was going to waste away and starve to death.  but it’s gotten a ton easier.  it’s been about 5 weeks now (or something like that) and now avoiding these things is coming naturally to me.  my energy level is higher (not like anyone really wanted that to rise, but SURPRISE!  it DID!  watch out world!) and my blood sugar levels seem to stay a lot more stable.  I still eat like…all day (true story).  but instead of it being PB & honey sandwiches on wheat bread and an assortment of granola bars, it’s more veggies, nuts, fruit, and Lara bars (oh how I love them).  I don’t really even like veggies.  but I’m eating them.  because they’re good for me.  and they’re on my “safe” list.  and they’re food.

I’ve lost 3 or 4 pounds, which I don’t really care about except that I probably should try not to lose any more than that.  :)  I have no clue how I’ve lost weight because I eat a lot of meat and potatos :)  and eggs.  what would make me really happy is if my sprained ankle would heal so I could start running again and training for hiking Pike’s Peak in June.  Cristine & I started P90X this week, which should help (although right now it’s made my ankle swell up again but that’s beside the point).

now I’m down to just 3 multizyme a day (1 at every meal) and 3 diaplex a day (1 at every meal).  BAM!  Dr. Dan told me I’d be bionic when he gets through with me.  I plan to hold him to that.  I don’t even fully know what being bionic means, but it sounds fun.

…yes, I just had a caffeinated americano.

whose feet can I wash today?

I don’t know about you, but I so easily slip into that universe where I’m the center and, since I’m the center, everything obviously is all about me.  actually you probably haven’t been to this particular universe because, well, I’m the only one there.  but maybe you have your own universe.

I am finding that the more trouble I have loving people, and the more lonely I feel, and the more unfulfilled I feel – the more I realize how selfishness has creeped back into my heart.  man, it comes in so subtly sometimes.  but before long, it’s taken over.

I found myself in this slump a couple weeks ago.  I was processing through where I was at with a friend and realized all the frustrations and hopelessness I was feeling could pretty much all be pinpointed on selfishness.

so what’s the best antidote for selfishness?  “one anothers”. 

I’m reading this book called “Real Worship” by Warren Wiersbe and there’s this section in there that talks about various places in the New Testament of the Bible where we are told to do (or not to do) things in regards to one another.  I was challenged by my friend to read through these “one anothers”, so over the past week and a 1/2 so far I’ve been taking 1 or 2 of the Scripture references each day and spending time reading the surrounding passage and contemplating what it looks like to actually live these “one anothers” out.  so this was the first one on the list…

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.” – Jesus (John 13:14, NIV)

You might be familiar with the setting of this verse.  Jesus has just washed the feet of His disciples, an act of true servant-hood.  Jesus was displaying what He was calling His disciples to do – and what He is calling us to do as well.

I always read this passage and just get the basic “serve one another” application out of it.  killer.  and I move on.

but Jesus is actually like, commanding us to wash one another’s feet.  ok maybe not necessarily literally wash someone’s feet (although you could and the person might be weirded out but at the same time it is a super humbling experience…and they leave with nice clean feet).  but back when this story took place, the act of washing someone’s feet was reserved as a servant’s job.  it was not something someone of any social worth would probably do.  Peter actually told Jesus there was no way He was going to wash his feet – this was the Messiah, the Savior of the world!  but Jesus washed his feet (Jesus always wins :) ).

so what does it mean for us, today?  washing someone’s feet means being willing to perform even the most menial tasks for one another.  to which you might ask, what does menial mean?  ok so I know I at least asked that when I read it last week.  I knew the jist of what it meant.  but I looked up the meaning and found these definitions:

menial: lowly & sometimes degrading; submissive; pertaining to or suitable for domestic servants; humble

washing one another’s feet is not always going to be easy or pretty or convenient.  after all, serving almost always requires an element of sacrifice. 

so I’ve started trying to start off every morning asking Jesus, “whose feet can I wash today?”  it has been a-mazing. it’s taken on so many different forms.  I don’t want this to come across as boasting about what I’ve done the last week and a 1/2.  I just want to give a few examples of what washing one another’s feet has looked like to me lately.  it’s looked like taking time to meet with people for lunch or for coffee.  like trying to help carry the load of taking 5 extra kids in for 5 days (that was insane, entertaining, chaotic, and incredibly rewarding all at the same time).  like taking a few extra minutes when I ordered my coffee at the local coffee shop to encourage the girl who was stressing out about her college final this week that if she doesn’t pass, she won’t graduate.  literally opportunities to wash other’s feet have been falling in my lap.

it’s amazing how many opportunities present themselves to serve others when we are actively seeking opportunities.  when we are actively seeking out other people.  God is so faithful.  if we ask Him who He wants us to serve, He will be faithful to show us.  that has been so evident to me these past days!  when I get the focus off myself and onto Jesus and others, my world changes dramatically.

His grace is so sweet.  He is so merciful.

whose feet can you wash today?

the most common command

what’s the most common command in the New Testament?

L-is for the way you look at meeeee, O-is for the only one I see….ok I’ll spare you the whole song.  but i…I will always…love youuuu-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh…

alright let’s stop with the love songs.  because LOVE is NOT the most common command in the New Testament.

whaaaaaaaaat???

yep.  I just found this out.  the most common command in the New Testament is “Greet one another”.  Paul says it all the time in his letters, usually at the beginning or the end.  Take Romans 16, for example.  Nearly the whole chapter is devoted to Paul giving instructions to greet this whole list of people.  greet this person, greet that person, greet this church, etc.  I don’t know about you, but I tend to skim through the long sections of “greetings”. 

but, if it’s the most common command in the New Testament…I wonder if it’s something we ought to take a little more seriously?

I was challenged with this recently.

what would it look like to “greet one another” in my every day life?  I think it takes on a lot of different shapes. I think it’s making conversation with the cashier as you check out at the store.  I think it’s stopping to have at least a 2 minute conversation with someone at church instead of  smiling, saying “hi!”, and walking on.  I think it's putting my phone away while I’m out and about and instead of staring at my phone’s screen, making the effort to make eye contact with people, smiling, saying “hi!” as I pass by or acknowledging the people I’m standing in line next to at the check-out.

I think that by acknowledging others, we in a sense affirm their worth.  we attribute value to them.  they are worth our attention.  they are worth our time.  but it’s more than that.  just because I value someone or give them worth doesn’t mean squat.  I’m like…nobody.  but Jesus thinks they are worth it.  He thought they were worth dying on the cross for.  He valued them enough to be willing to be the ultimate sacrifice for their sins.

who knows how a greeting could completely change someone’s day?  what if someone’s at the end of their rope, but because you acknowledged them and attributed worth to them, they found enough encouragement to make it through another day?  what if that’s the way Jesus wants to reach out to them that day?

I mean, after all – it’s the most common command in the New Testament.  it was commanded for a reason.

Attn: Worship Leaders–A Proposed Detox from Worship Music

I never thought I would advocate taking a break from listening to worship music.  sure, listen to other music if you want.  but to intentionally stop listening to it for a time?  why would I do that?

yet here I find myself – on a detox from listening to (most) worship music on my ipod, computer, phone, and whatever other means of audible projection I may have.

here’s why:

it wasn’t until January 14, 2011 that I ever in my life led worship – though I felt God calling me to do it years and years (and…years) before that.  about 6 months later I found myself interning with Continuous Worship ministries for a month (which turned into 4-ish months.  … which has now turned into a year internship).

finding myself in the worship leader position from time to time, and wanting to grow as a worship leader, I realized I had a lot of “catching up” (or learning) to do.  I found myself watching youtube videos of some of my favorite worship leaders leading worship.  studying how they interact with people.  how they cue their band.  how they lead others before the throne of God in musical worship.

and, of course, listening to these people lead worship for hours on end (my iTunes had, at one time, tracked me listening to “How He Loves” – Kim Walker version – over 350 times…that was like a year or so ago…true story…ok, confession time is OVER!).

it sounds all well and good, right?

then rose the evil weed of comparison.  oh sure, it disguised itself as this beautiful flower for awhile.  I mean, if you’re pursuing growing as a worship leader, why wouldn’t you want to develop the gift/skill/ability God has given you?  why wouldn’t you look to those who have led you into some of the most deepest times of worship in order to learn from them?

don’t get me wrong, that has its place.  and there are so many passages in Scripture (particularly the Old Testament) when God calls those skilled in music to lead the worship.  there’s a place to grow & learn, there’s a place to develop the skills God’s given you.

but I think there’s also room to be yourself.  and simply…worship the magnificent Creator of the universe and the Savior of the world.

I hit this wall last week (actually I’ve been hitting it, but I just realized last week what the wall was made of).  I seized up.  I found myself trying to play and sing and have this sweet time of worship (it wasn’t during a church service, thankfully) and all I was doing was getting frustrated with myself.  my guitar playing sounded off.  the mic was accentuating every single flaw in my voice.  meanwhile, I was trying to think, if I was leading this song before a group of people, do I make eye contact or is it OK to just keep my eyes closed?  how can I most effectively shepherd people into the pasture to feast and worship the one, true Shepherd?  how can I sing this song a little different so it doesn’t get boring?  what is my stage presence like?  does it even matter what my stage presence is like?  what am I going to eat for dinner? (ok maybe that thought didn’t go through my head – although there is a good chance it did because food is often part of my thought process)

I finally stopped.  I stopped playing.  I stopped singing.  I just wanted to get in my car, drive, and cry because I couldn’t get past the wall.

as I processed through what happened, I realized one of the biggest culprits of the wall was “comparison”.  I was trying to lead like someone I’m not.  I was wanting to lead like someone I’m not and getting frustrated that I couldn’t be free enough to lead like they lead.

I had forgotten what it was like to simply…worship.  I had forgotten what it was like to simply worship my Creator as He has created me to be.  not as He has created others to be.  but as He has uniquely created me to be.

funny enough, I heard Kari Jobe say this on a youtube video I was watching only a couple weeks earlier.  she said, “Comparison will be the #1 thing that keeps you from doing what God is calling you to do".

when I first heard that, I thought, “wow, yeah – that’s really good”.

then it REALLY hit me last week.

comparing ourselves may very well be the #1 thing that keeps us from doing what God is calling us to do.

and so, in an effort to re-learn what it’s like to simply worship my God who sits on the throne, I’m taking a break from the studying.  I’m taking a break from the listening.

what do you need to re-learn?

“What was there to fear???”

I’ve put off writing this post for nearly a month now, mainly because I didn’t want to say one thing on here and live differently in my every day life.  but after going back and forth for nearly a month now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m human.

surprise!!!  I’m human!!!

I know, most of you are probably sitting there with your mouth dropped open in shock.  I totally understand. 

but yes, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m human.  it is inevitable.  I will come across as a hypocrite sometimes because I’m human.  I mess up.  I slip back into bad habits.  I’ve got my own struggles that remind me that I am a sinner saved by grace.  and that grace is so sweet.  that grace is patient.  that grace is forgiving.  that grace is wrapped up and given to me with unfailing love.  I’ve got my own struggles that remind me that I am weak.  crazy weak.  in desperate need of an unfathomably strong Savior.

all that to say, I’m continuing on with the battle against fear.  one of the hardest battles of my life, that’s for sure.  but blessed and thankful to be surrounded by amazing people who love Jesus deeply. and that love, patience, and encouragement overflows to me in unbelievable amounts.

I recently found out that my grandpa, who passed away in 2007, battled fear all his life.  I had no idea.  yet it was a really big battle in his life.

about a month ago, I was nearly at the end of my rope with this battle.  I felt defeated, like it was a hopeless cause.  so I got in my car and drove.  because what else do you do when you’re in that state of mind?  :)

I drove about 30 miles or so to Scottsbluff, NE – mainly because it was the closest resemblance to civilization, plus my mom’s side of the family is from that area so it feels like another home.  I drove all around Scottsbluff, going to random places.  I decided to drive up to the Monument.  I turned down the road I thought might lead to it, and as I drove I realized it was the road that went by the cemetery where my grandparents are buried.  I had completely forgotten it was on the same road as the Monument.  so I pulled in.

it was a beautiful day.  like in the 70’s and sunny.  so I got out of my car and sat on my grandparent’s headstone (I don’t know if that’s proper etiquette, but I don’t care – I know my grandpa wouldn’t have minded :) ). 

as I sat there, I was thinking about my grandpa and his own battle with fear.  I wondered, now that he’s in Heaven and has seen Jesus and everything else we can only imagine, what would he say now about fear? 

would he still be like, “oh – yeah, I see You now, Jesus – You’re pretty awesome, but I still had reason to fear while I was on earth”?

um…pretty 157% sure that’s a huge NO.

as I thought about this, I came to the conclusion that, upon entering the glorious presence of His Savior, my grandpa probably at some point exclaimed, “WHAT WAS THERE TO FEAR??”

I’ve been trying to remind myself of this lately.  for example, last Sunday, during the Easter service, I had a moment of freak-outage while playing the drums.  I realized there was a ton more people there than we had expected.  I found myself thinking, “what am I doing?!  I’m not a drummer!  I can’t do this!”  then God’s grace kicked in.  He reminded me of that warm, sunny afternoon sitting on my grandparent’s headstone.  “What in the world is there to fear??”

oh the peace that comes when you realize the very One who created “strength” to begin with is inconceivably stronger than you could ever imagine.  He’s got you.  He created the vast universe, then decided to create these living, breathing specimens called humans.  He was loving enough to create these things called humans with a choice – to choose whether they wanted to love Him and glorify Him or not.  He knew we’d choose to love other things besides Him.  He knew we would choose to do things our own way (AKA sin).  He cared enough about us to send His own Son, Jesus, to come to earth in human form to die a horrid death on the cross, as the ultimate sacrifice to conquer sin and death so that we could have a restored, personal relationship with the living God, the Creator of everything we see, the Creator of the vast universe.

um…He loves us.  a lot.  that’s an understatement.

so what is there to fear?

Ode to Zeva Louise

 

you know you’ve bonded with your car when, after over 2 years of driving her, you still walk out to the parking lot and as soon as you see her, you exclaim, “oh look at her!  she’s so cute!”  when I’m out of town without Zeva, I often greet her upon my return with, “awww!  hey baby girl!”  true story.

in Florida, Zeva was just plain cute and fun.  here in Torrington, WY, Zeva turns heads.  some of the memorable experiences so far:

-a friend of ours came over and when he walked in, he goes, “Did you know someone left a box on your driveway with an engine in it?”  now, since we had just moved in, I was thoroughly confused and thought that, well, maybe this was some kind of cowboy-culture welcome gift I didn’t know about.  some initiation to the neighborhood, if you will.  our friend kept telling us he was serious.  eventually, I realized he was referring to my car.  :)

-while going through the drive-thru at McDonalds (I was getting oatmeal, ok?  c’mon!), the kid working the window exclaims, “cool box car!!!!”  the kid was so stoked to see Zeva.  he knew all about Scion xB’s.  yet his eyes were so big with excitement that I wondered if he’d ever actually seen one in real life.  I like to think that Zeva totally made his day.  realistically, he probably totally forgot about her within 45 seconds of me pulling away.  but I didn’t tell Zeva that.

-the other day at church, Paul told a high school boy to take some of the music equipment out to my car.  the conversation went something like this:

Paul: “Hey – take this out to Jen’s car.”"
Kid: “Which car is it?”
Paul: “The car that looks like a box!”
Kid: “OH!  That one?  The one that totally doesn’t look like it belongs in Wyoming?”
Me (I was walking right behind him, he didn’t realize it): “That’s because she’s from Florida!!”
Kid (turning around, surprised I had heard him): “Ooooh – that explains it.”

-while getting out of Zeva at the coffee shop, an older man walking by stopped and had a big smile on his face.  he asked me what kind of car it was, how it handled with the wind, and what kind of gas mileage it got.  I’m pretty proud of her gas mileage (once I got 36mpg with her!) – but she does get blown around a lot with the wind.  so when I told him that part, I made sure we had walked a little ways away from Zeva so she didn’t hear.

-while leaving the grocery store the other night, a dad with his little boy (maybe 3 or 4 years old) walked by and the kid was looking at my car and exclaimed, “cool car!!!!!”  sooooo cute.

I definitely have not seen any other xB’s in town yet.  sometimes I feel totally out of place driving Zeva around.  but that’s OK.  if we start feeling too comfortable, it’ll be a sign to move on I suppose.  ;)

Costa Rica la Minita!

actually that’s just a really good coffee blend I love getting from a coffee shop called Herman’s Boy in Rockford Michigan.  they also sell the coffee that’s pooped from monkeys or cats or something.  that coffee is NOT called Costa Rica la Minita.

ANYWAY – I’m headed to Costa Rica for a short, 1-week missions trip in July!  check it out:

Howdy!  Ok I’m kidding.  I can’t pull off the “howdy” greeting.  I may be living in Wyoming right now, but I am totally not “country” – not yet, anyway.  :)  I want to let you know about an opportunity I have to go to Costa Rica this summer!

Since July 2011, I have been interning with Continuous Worship ministries, a ministry my cousin (Cristine) and her husband (Paul) started in 2010.  When I first came out, we were based in Cheyenne, WY.  Recently, we’ve moved to Torrington, WY where we a part of a new church plant that started in the summer of 2011.  I am loving it!  There is a crazy hunger for God in this community.  Week after week, we continue to see new faces on Sunday morning.  As an intern, I’m getting to learn and grow in the gifts God has given me, specifically in the area of music.  Leading worship has been something I’ve felt God asking me to do for years upon years, but always told Him “no” out of fear (I love being in front of people – and that is a totally not true statement. Ha J ).  But I came to the point where I knew I had to be obedient to the passion God had placed in my heart, and be obedient with the gifts He has given me to use for His glory.

And so here I sit, in Torrington, WY.  Land of…cows.  And rodeo.  Feeling totally out of place but feeling more alive than I have in a long time.  I’m learning what it means to step out in faith, doing hard things, and relying on God’s strength and not my own – because, after all, He is shown so strong and magnificent in our weaknesses, isn’t He?  (2 Cor. 12:9)  I’ve been trying to capture some of the things on my blog, getstoked.blogspot.com – check it out!

I am really excited to share with you what God is doing in my life and ask that you would consider praying for me over the upcoming months as I prepare to head to San Jose, Costa Rica for a week in July (the 6th-14th).  

Why I am super excited for this trip:
·         I have been praying for an opportunity to go to a Spanish-speaking country for a couple years now.  I really enjoy the warm, Hispanic culture and the language.  Over the past year or so, I have been working on learning the Spanish version of worship songs.  I am hoping to be able to lead others in these songs of worship while I am in Costa Rica.
·         Of the 8 people going on this trip from our church, 6 of them have never been on a missions trip outside of the US.  I am SO excited to walk with them through this adventure, because I know how God has used these types of trips to radically change my life.  Additionally, 2 high school girls from our church are going and I am hoping to get to disciple them in and through this opportunity.
·         We are also partnering with SportReach, a ministry that uses sports as a mean to share the Gospel.  We are hoping to run a sports camp for the week we are down there and this would include volleyball – a sport I could play all day, every day if I could.  :)
·         The organization we are, E3, is dedicated to truly partnering with the churches they minister with.  This means returning to the same place over and over, building relationships and encouraging the local believers.

The cost of the trip is $2,100. $2,100 seems like a lot for a 1 week missions trip to Costa Rica, right?  After talking with those involved with E3, I now understand where the money goes.  Yes, it goes toward airfare, lodging, food, travel insurance, etc.  But it also goes toward equipping us with ministry tools (sports equipment for sharing the Gospel, eye glasses to give out at an eye clinic, Spanish Bibles, etc.) as well as equipping the local church in San Jose that we are partnering with, leaving them with resources to continue with “I am Second” small groups and other evangelism tools.

I would be incredibly blessed and strengthened if you would partner with me in praying for our team, the people in Costa Rica we will come in contact with, and for myself.   If you feel led to give financially, I would also be incredibly blessed.  If you feel God is giving you this opportunity, please send checks to our church and make a note of my name on the check or on an enclosed slip of paper: SONrise Church, PO Box 415, Torrington, WY 82240

Thank you so much for taking the time to read all this!!!

keep it real.
-Jen
E3: http://e3partners.org/ 
My email: stokedauntjen@gmail.com

the man with the green, fleece beret

ever have one of those moments where you just keep asking yourself, “is this really happening?”

I had one of those today.

I had gone to the library to get some work done early this evening and decided to stop by the coffee shop connected to the library first (because I had a coupon for a free drink – um, hello – don’t have to ask me twice).  I order a decaf soy hazelnut latte.  and a voice behind me asks if I had just ordered soy in my drink.  totally confused, I turn around and there is this man (probably in his 50’s at least), wearing amazingly short shorts (yes, sadly, shorter than I would ever wear – I kid you not), a white shirt (or so I thought – I’ll get back to that), a jacket, black ray ban sunglasses (yes, we were inside…yet he was wearing them) and a green, fleece beret.

ok back to ordering the latte.  so he starts asking all these questions about soy – he didn’t know you could put soy in coffee drinks.  he wondered what the benefits were to it.  he wondered why I chose soy.  to which I told him I was allergic to dairy.  to which he threw up his hands and apologized for asking.

then he noticed that the back of my shirt said “Marathon, Florida” and he asked if I was from there and said he used to live in Jacksonville.  he was so excited to hear I was from Marathon – for a split second I felt like a celebrity.

then my drink was ready and I go to leave and he asks if I had a minute, that he would love to hear about the Keys if I had time.  I figured God had put this guy in my path for some reason so I sat down.

about 1/2 way thru the conversation, he takes his jacket off to reveal he wasn’t wearing a white t-shirt – no, he was wearing a stretched out wife beater.  so suddenly the already awkward situation turned even awkwarder (that’s not a word but it should be),

so there I sit across the small table from this man wearing illegally short shorts, a stretched out wife beater, ray bans, and a green fleece beret.  he kept his sunglasses on most of the time and would talk to me while looking over the top of his glasses.  it was very interesting. and confusing all at the same time.

we talked about a lot of random things.  he ended up pulling out his laptop because he wanted to look up pictures of Marathon, FL.  one of the pictures that came up was the Dolphin Research Center, which is right by my house.  I shared my fun bit of info that the original Flipper dolphin was buried under the dolphin statue in the picture.  he was totally stoked.  we talked about Key West.  a lot.  I had to keep reminding him I didn’t live in Key West.  but if you’re not from the Keys, it’s hard to understand that the “Keys” consist of more than just Key West.  :)

the whole time we were talking, I was silently asking God to allow the conversation to move toward Him.  I assumed this unexpected coffee chat was happening for a reason.

God is always faithful.  :)

sure enough, God allowed the conversation to be steered toward the “spiritual” side of things.  this guy is an agnostic, so he doesn’t really know what he thinks about God.  it was cool to get to converse with him about the Bible and Jesus and whether Jesus was who He said He was.

an hour later (yes…an hour…), I finally told him I had to go so I could get some of my work done.  I left him googling Lee Strobel and his book, The Case for Christ.  :)  as I left, I prayed he would really read it like he said he might.

did I mention he asked if he could take me out for dinner some time and play trivia? (he loves trivia – he was googling the Berean church and quizzing me – to which I unfortunately let him down many times because I didn’t know the answers to the random questions)  yeah – hmm…I just kind of giggled and quickly changed the subject.

and so me and the man with the green, fleece beret parted ways.

Dr. Daaaaaaaan

so this should be interesting.  after months of pressure from various family members up here, I decided to give the “country doctor” they swear by a chance.  after all, the 1st 2 visits are free.  so to appease my family and so I could say I at least tried it, I went this past week. :)

it was the weirdest doctor’s visit I have ever been to.

but it was so cool all at the same time!!

so before I went, I thought the country doctor’s office was way out in some random field in the middle of nowhere.  I figured he was a crazy, little old man who squints are you through his glasses and talks in a tiny little voice.  at times I thought maybe he even threw “magical” herbal dust over you.

none of that was true, which, I was a little disappointed there was no magical herbal dust to dance in.

a “Country Doctor” is a naturopath doctor, they are all about healing the body naturally by changing diet and taking natural supplements that the body is deficient in.  here’s a definition I found of a naturopathic doctor:

“Naturopathic medicine is based on the belief that the human body has an innate healing ability. Naturopathic doctors (NDs) teach their patients to use diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and cutting edge natural therapies to enhance their bodies’ ability to ward off and combat disease.”

so I go and he does this series of crazy, freak you out tests where you lie down and put your arm straight up in the air and he lightly puts pressure on 1 side of your wrist and you match the pressure by lightly pressing back with your arm.  as he does that, he’s pushing on different areas of your body.  you can match his pressure just fine until he finds an area that needs attention – then it’s a lot harder to push back.  IT’S SO WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I became a little bit more a believer when, without me telling him, he was adamant I had a problem with milk when he pushed somewhere and my arm’s strength went down by a lot.  I developed a milk allergy when I was really young, like 3 or 4 probably.  and he totally knew it by doing this crazy test!!!!!!

long story short, I’m pretty healthy (SCORE!  BAM!) and the only area I need help with right now is digestion.  apparently, my body has a super whacked out sugar metabolism – which explains why I feel like my sugar levels drop suddenly.

so, for the next 90 days at least, I am supposed to cut out the following from my diet:
-oats (sad, but not too hard)
-wheat (seriously?!  shoot me now)
-corn (random, but not too hard)
-brown and white sugar (another killer) – I can have cane sugar, fruit sugar, and honey though!
-milk (no surprise – easy, I cut that out a long time ago) – I can still have soy milk, though!

meanwhile, I’m supposed to be taking these 2 supplements – Diaplex and Multizyme – that aid in breaking down sugar & carbs, digestion, and I really don’t know what else.

this is Day 3 of the 90.  the first morning I woke up and went to eat breakfast and was having a hard time figuring out what I could eat.  I suddenly had a wave of despair wash over me, feeling like I was going to starve for the next 90 days for sure.  thankfully, Cristine has had to do this before, too, and is brilliant when it comes to substitutions and alternatives.  her and Paul assured me I wouldn’t starve to death.  so after that initial freak out moment on the morning of Day 1, I was doing pretty good Day 1 & 2.  feeling healthier already.  determining to use this to change my eating habits to be healthier and to match it with working out (which will be a lot easier once my ankle heals and I can run again).  not doing too bad.

enter today, Day 3.  hello, killa.  come lunch time, I was seriously contemplating whether it would really be that bad if I went and splurged – got a hamburger and something sweet to eat.  the nectarine I tried to satisfy myself with just didn’t cut it.  I felt like all I could eat was fruits and veggies and I was starving.

thankfully, my intervention team (haha j/k) stepped in before I went off the deep end.  Cristine quick defrosted hamburger and cooked it up for me and I put veggies on it that everyone else had used to have fajitas with.

and now I sit here with a full belly, far from starving.  the world is OK once again.  for now.

did I mention I can still have vitamin water?  made with cane sugar.  BAM!  I win!

and I can eat all the meat I want – Dr. Dan said my body loves meat – it didn’t take a country doctor to tell me THAT.  ;)  show me the steak!!!

I weighed myself today.  I’m interested to see how this 90 days affects my body (inwardly, of course, but also outwardly – pretty sure I’m goin’ for the six-pack abs).

The local coffee shop in this small town is super cute and trendy inside and has some cool people working at it. it's one of the only real places to hang out in this town. However, they haven't quite figured out how to make coffee drinks. This has resulted in us normally just ordering Americanos. Today, I thought i'd go super easy and ask for a decaf coffee. To which the kid, looking confused, asked, "So like...did you want that brewed or...?" ...or what?! instant?? warmed up in the microwave?? what other ways are there?? I was just as confused as to what he was asking. So i said, "um..." Thankfully, the other girl working with him knows I normally get Americanos so she asked if that's what i wanted. so I said yes - i went with the Americano to avoid any confusion of what i wanted when i originally ordered a "decaf coffee". :) just another comedic event in this small town in Wyoming. and i can't complain because the internet has been down at our house almost all day and so i need to come here to get my work done on the internet. ;)