I have been a dead member of the local church for the majority of my post-high school life.
this realization hit me recently when I had the opportunity to visit another church. I love my church. I love my family there. I love seeing God changes hearts and lives in this community. but I felt like I needed just 1 weekend off to just…be.
it sounds kind of selfish. and maybe it is. but I wanted to just be able to go somewhere and be refreshed and not serve. haha wow that sounds terrible. but anyway, I wanted somewhere to be poured into and re-energized for this next month and 1/2 of pure craziness (camps, missions trip, hiking Pike’s Peak, women’s conference, family here…the list goes on).
so I got the weekend off from worship team (which was so hard to follow-thru on…I love my worship team family and the sweet times of fellowship we have Saturday nights!). that Saturday night I visited the church my grandparents were members of when they were alive. the message was great, and it was challenging (I mentioned it in the previous post). it was nice to be able to worship through singing from my seat in the congregation and not be thinking about what chords I was playing or what drum I was hitting. it was nice to just…be.
and it was awful to just…be…all at the same time. it was heartbreaking, in a way. I realized that what I did Saturday night at this church service was exactly what I had done for most of my post-high school life. I went to church. I showed up. I worshiped from my seat. I maybe shook some hands and talked to some friends (people I knew of course…because that’s comfortable). heard the message, maybe felt challenged by it & maybe not. and then I’d get in my car and leave until the next Sunday. and the next Sunday I might go to a different church. wherever I felt like going when that Sunday morning rolled around.
the life of a chronic church-hopper is empty and lifeless. I know. I was one. I’m a recovering church-hopper.
it started around my last year or 2 of high school. this new church had exploded and it was modern and different (they met in a warehouse…that screams “cool” to those of us that grew up in conservative, church buildings with hymnals and pews). I started going to that church here and there, partly because I felt alive there and loved the worship and teaching. and partly because almost all my friends & church leaders from my other church didn’t like this new church – so in my selfless rebelliousness (HA, sarcasm), I wanted to prove that there was more to life than singing hymns and dressing nice. plus I could stop by the gas station and get a coke in a styrofoam cup and take it in with me and not get dirty looks from the older generation. ;) (side note – this was pre-soda-less days, people. I’ve been soda-free for 3 1/2 years!!!! yes, I’m also a recovering soda addict. that’s not even an exaggeration. haha that’s a whole ‘nother blog post)
it just got worse from there, though. I went to college and there were so many churches to choose from that I figured why stick with 1? it was like a smorgasbord for a “church consumer”. try out 1 church. see what I got from it. try out another church. see what I got. oh, don’t feel like getting out of my sweats to go to church? not a problem – just go to campus church. or better yet, drive to the park (grab a coke on the way, of course) and listen to campus church on the radio. oh, that campus pastor’s speaking today? nevermind – I’ll put on my ipod and listen to a podcast.
and it only continued from there, even after college.
it wasn’t until I relocated out West (yes, I still say “relocated” because to say “moved” would sound way too permanent) that I tried something new. actually I didn’t “try” it. I got thrown into it because of the internship I’m doing. I had no intention of really getting connected and sticking around because I couldn’t imagine myself sticking to 1 church for too long (God is awesome – He is so sly sometimes). but I started serving on the worship team (which I had never in my life done before). then I joined a Bible study. then I started getting involved with the youth group…
I love my church. I love serving in the local church. wow that sure feels crazy to say, after so many years of church-hopping, being a “consumer Christian” and being frustrated with local churches. I now realize in a whole new way how much just going to church and leaving is full of emptiness. it’s not what church was created to be. the church was established for fellow believers to come and fellowship together. to share what they had, to live in community with one another. to serve each other and to love one another deeply. to then go out and share Jesus with others and serve others and love others and…the list goes on.
I remember at my Grandpa’s funeral in 2007, his pastor (who is now MY pastor…just another example of God’s crazy, unpredictable plan for our lives!) said that my grandpa loved the local church. he LOVED it. him and my grandma served faithfully and loved, even when they weren’t huge fans of the addition of drums to the worship team. :) they still loved the person playing the drums and didn’t complain and didn’t throw in the towel and go to a more “conservative” church. they were committed. I specifically remember right then and there at the funeral service that I longed to one day love the local church again. obviously, it didn’t happen over night (here I am, 5 years later, just now rediscovering that love). but that moment at the funeral service has stuck with me ever since.
by the grace of God, I am a recovering church-hopper.
No comments:
Post a Comment