Attn: Worship Leaders–A Proposed Detox from Worship Music

I never thought I would advocate taking a break from listening to worship music.  sure, listen to other music if you want.  but to intentionally stop listening to it for a time?  why would I do that?

yet here I find myself – on a detox from listening to (most) worship music on my ipod, computer, phone, and whatever other means of audible projection I may have.

here’s why:

it wasn’t until January 14, 2011 that I ever in my life led worship – though I felt God calling me to do it years and years (and…years) before that.  about 6 months later I found myself interning with Continuous Worship ministries for a month (which turned into 4-ish months.  … which has now turned into a year internship).

finding myself in the worship leader position from time to time, and wanting to grow as a worship leader, I realized I had a lot of “catching up” (or learning) to do.  I found myself watching youtube videos of some of my favorite worship leaders leading worship.  studying how they interact with people.  how they cue their band.  how they lead others before the throne of God in musical worship.

and, of course, listening to these people lead worship for hours on end (my iTunes had, at one time, tracked me listening to “How He Loves” – Kim Walker version – over 350 times…that was like a year or so ago…true story…ok, confession time is OVER!).

it sounds all well and good, right?

then rose the evil weed of comparison.  oh sure, it disguised itself as this beautiful flower for awhile.  I mean, if you’re pursuing growing as a worship leader, why wouldn’t you want to develop the gift/skill/ability God has given you?  why wouldn’t you look to those who have led you into some of the most deepest times of worship in order to learn from them?

don’t get me wrong, that has its place.  and there are so many passages in Scripture (particularly the Old Testament) when God calls those skilled in music to lead the worship.  there’s a place to grow & learn, there’s a place to develop the skills God’s given you.

but I think there’s also room to be yourself.  and simply…worship the magnificent Creator of the universe and the Savior of the world.

I hit this wall last week (actually I’ve been hitting it, but I just realized last week what the wall was made of).  I seized up.  I found myself trying to play and sing and have this sweet time of worship (it wasn’t during a church service, thankfully) and all I was doing was getting frustrated with myself.  my guitar playing sounded off.  the mic was accentuating every single flaw in my voice.  meanwhile, I was trying to think, if I was leading this song before a group of people, do I make eye contact or is it OK to just keep my eyes closed?  how can I most effectively shepherd people into the pasture to feast and worship the one, true Shepherd?  how can I sing this song a little different so it doesn’t get boring?  what is my stage presence like?  does it even matter what my stage presence is like?  what am I going to eat for dinner? (ok maybe that thought didn’t go through my head – although there is a good chance it did because food is often part of my thought process)

I finally stopped.  I stopped playing.  I stopped singing.  I just wanted to get in my car, drive, and cry because I couldn’t get past the wall.

as I processed through what happened, I realized one of the biggest culprits of the wall was “comparison”.  I was trying to lead like someone I’m not.  I was wanting to lead like someone I’m not and getting frustrated that I couldn’t be free enough to lead like they lead.

I had forgotten what it was like to simply…worship.  I had forgotten what it was like to simply worship my Creator as He has created me to be.  not as He has created others to be.  but as He has uniquely created me to be.

funny enough, I heard Kari Jobe say this on a youtube video I was watching only a couple weeks earlier.  she said, “Comparison will be the #1 thing that keeps you from doing what God is calling you to do".

when I first heard that, I thought, “wow, yeah – that’s really good”.

then it REALLY hit me last week.

comparing ourselves may very well be the #1 thing that keeps us from doing what God is calling us to do.

and so, in an effort to re-learn what it’s like to simply worship my God who sits on the throne, I’m taking a break from the studying.  I’m taking a break from the listening.

what do you need to re-learn?