Attn: Worship Leaders–A Proposed Detox from Worship Music

I never thought I would advocate taking a break from listening to worship music.  sure, listen to other music if you want.  but to intentionally stop listening to it for a time?  why would I do that?

yet here I find myself – on a detox from listening to (most) worship music on my ipod, computer, phone, and whatever other means of audible projection I may have.

here’s why:

it wasn’t until January 14, 2011 that I ever in my life led worship – though I felt God calling me to do it years and years (and…years) before that.  about 6 months later I found myself interning with Continuous Worship ministries for a month (which turned into 4-ish months.  … which has now turned into a year internship).

finding myself in the worship leader position from time to time, and wanting to grow as a worship leader, I realized I had a lot of “catching up” (or learning) to do.  I found myself watching youtube videos of some of my favorite worship leaders leading worship.  studying how they interact with people.  how they cue their band.  how they lead others before the throne of God in musical worship.

and, of course, listening to these people lead worship for hours on end (my iTunes had, at one time, tracked me listening to “How He Loves” – Kim Walker version – over 350 times…that was like a year or so ago…true story…ok, confession time is OVER!).

it sounds all well and good, right?

then rose the evil weed of comparison.  oh sure, it disguised itself as this beautiful flower for awhile.  I mean, if you’re pursuing growing as a worship leader, why wouldn’t you want to develop the gift/skill/ability God has given you?  why wouldn’t you look to those who have led you into some of the most deepest times of worship in order to learn from them?

don’t get me wrong, that has its place.  and there are so many passages in Scripture (particularly the Old Testament) when God calls those skilled in music to lead the worship.  there’s a place to grow & learn, there’s a place to develop the skills God’s given you.

but I think there’s also room to be yourself.  and simply…worship the magnificent Creator of the universe and the Savior of the world.

I hit this wall last week (actually I’ve been hitting it, but I just realized last week what the wall was made of).  I seized up.  I found myself trying to play and sing and have this sweet time of worship (it wasn’t during a church service, thankfully) and all I was doing was getting frustrated with myself.  my guitar playing sounded off.  the mic was accentuating every single flaw in my voice.  meanwhile, I was trying to think, if I was leading this song before a group of people, do I make eye contact or is it OK to just keep my eyes closed?  how can I most effectively shepherd people into the pasture to feast and worship the one, true Shepherd?  how can I sing this song a little different so it doesn’t get boring?  what is my stage presence like?  does it even matter what my stage presence is like?  what am I going to eat for dinner? (ok maybe that thought didn’t go through my head – although there is a good chance it did because food is often part of my thought process)

I finally stopped.  I stopped playing.  I stopped singing.  I just wanted to get in my car, drive, and cry because I couldn’t get past the wall.

as I processed through what happened, I realized one of the biggest culprits of the wall was “comparison”.  I was trying to lead like someone I’m not.  I was wanting to lead like someone I’m not and getting frustrated that I couldn’t be free enough to lead like they lead.

I had forgotten what it was like to simply…worship.  I had forgotten what it was like to simply worship my Creator as He has created me to be.  not as He has created others to be.  but as He has uniquely created me to be.

funny enough, I heard Kari Jobe say this on a youtube video I was watching only a couple weeks earlier.  she said, “Comparison will be the #1 thing that keeps you from doing what God is calling you to do".

when I first heard that, I thought, “wow, yeah – that’s really good”.

then it REALLY hit me last week.

comparing ourselves may very well be the #1 thing that keeps us from doing what God is calling us to do.

and so, in an effort to re-learn what it’s like to simply worship my God who sits on the throne, I’m taking a break from the studying.  I’m taking a break from the listening.

what do you need to re-learn?

“What was there to fear???”

I’ve put off writing this post for nearly a month now, mainly because I didn’t want to say one thing on here and live differently in my every day life.  but after going back and forth for nearly a month now, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m human.

surprise!!!  I’m human!!!

I know, most of you are probably sitting there with your mouth dropped open in shock.  I totally understand. 

but yes, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m human.  it is inevitable.  I will come across as a hypocrite sometimes because I’m human.  I mess up.  I slip back into bad habits.  I’ve got my own struggles that remind me that I am a sinner saved by grace.  and that grace is so sweet.  that grace is patient.  that grace is forgiving.  that grace is wrapped up and given to me with unfailing love.  I’ve got my own struggles that remind me that I am weak.  crazy weak.  in desperate need of an unfathomably strong Savior.

all that to say, I’m continuing on with the battle against fear.  one of the hardest battles of my life, that’s for sure.  but blessed and thankful to be surrounded by amazing people who love Jesus deeply. and that love, patience, and encouragement overflows to me in unbelievable amounts.

I recently found out that my grandpa, who passed away in 2007, battled fear all his life.  I had no idea.  yet it was a really big battle in his life.

about a month ago, I was nearly at the end of my rope with this battle.  I felt defeated, like it was a hopeless cause.  so I got in my car and drove.  because what else do you do when you’re in that state of mind?  :)

I drove about 30 miles or so to Scottsbluff, NE – mainly because it was the closest resemblance to civilization, plus my mom’s side of the family is from that area so it feels like another home.  I drove all around Scottsbluff, going to random places.  I decided to drive up to the Monument.  I turned down the road I thought might lead to it, and as I drove I realized it was the road that went by the cemetery where my grandparents are buried.  I had completely forgotten it was on the same road as the Monument.  so I pulled in.

it was a beautiful day.  like in the 70’s and sunny.  so I got out of my car and sat on my grandparent’s headstone (I don’t know if that’s proper etiquette, but I don’t care – I know my grandpa wouldn’t have minded :) ). 

as I sat there, I was thinking about my grandpa and his own battle with fear.  I wondered, now that he’s in Heaven and has seen Jesus and everything else we can only imagine, what would he say now about fear? 

would he still be like, “oh – yeah, I see You now, Jesus – You’re pretty awesome, but I still had reason to fear while I was on earth”?

um…pretty 157% sure that’s a huge NO.

as I thought about this, I came to the conclusion that, upon entering the glorious presence of His Savior, my grandpa probably at some point exclaimed, “WHAT WAS THERE TO FEAR??”

I’ve been trying to remind myself of this lately.  for example, last Sunday, during the Easter service, I had a moment of freak-outage while playing the drums.  I realized there was a ton more people there than we had expected.  I found myself thinking, “what am I doing?!  I’m not a drummer!  I can’t do this!”  then God’s grace kicked in.  He reminded me of that warm, sunny afternoon sitting on my grandparent’s headstone.  “What in the world is there to fear??”

oh the peace that comes when you realize the very One who created “strength” to begin with is inconceivably stronger than you could ever imagine.  He’s got you.  He created the vast universe, then decided to create these living, breathing specimens called humans.  He was loving enough to create these things called humans with a choice – to choose whether they wanted to love Him and glorify Him or not.  He knew we’d choose to love other things besides Him.  He knew we would choose to do things our own way (AKA sin).  He cared enough about us to send His own Son, Jesus, to come to earth in human form to die a horrid death on the cross, as the ultimate sacrifice to conquer sin and death so that we could have a restored, personal relationship with the living God, the Creator of everything we see, the Creator of the vast universe.

um…He loves us.  a lot.  that’s an understatement.

so what is there to fear?

Ode to Zeva Louise

 

you know you’ve bonded with your car when, after over 2 years of driving her, you still walk out to the parking lot and as soon as you see her, you exclaim, “oh look at her!  she’s so cute!”  when I’m out of town without Zeva, I often greet her upon my return with, “awww!  hey baby girl!”  true story.

in Florida, Zeva was just plain cute and fun.  here in Torrington, WY, Zeva turns heads.  some of the memorable experiences so far:

-a friend of ours came over and when he walked in, he goes, “Did you know someone left a box on your driveway with an engine in it?”  now, since we had just moved in, I was thoroughly confused and thought that, well, maybe this was some kind of cowboy-culture welcome gift I didn’t know about.  some initiation to the neighborhood, if you will.  our friend kept telling us he was serious.  eventually, I realized he was referring to my car.  :)

-while going through the drive-thru at McDonalds (I was getting oatmeal, ok?  c’mon!), the kid working the window exclaims, “cool box car!!!!”  the kid was so stoked to see Zeva.  he knew all about Scion xB’s.  yet his eyes were so big with excitement that I wondered if he’d ever actually seen one in real life.  I like to think that Zeva totally made his day.  realistically, he probably totally forgot about her within 45 seconds of me pulling away.  but I didn’t tell Zeva that.

-the other day at church, Paul told a high school boy to take some of the music equipment out to my car.  the conversation went something like this:

Paul: “Hey – take this out to Jen’s car.”"
Kid: “Which car is it?”
Paul: “The car that looks like a box!”
Kid: “OH!  That one?  The one that totally doesn’t look like it belongs in Wyoming?”
Me (I was walking right behind him, he didn’t realize it): “That’s because she’s from Florida!!”
Kid (turning around, surprised I had heard him): “Ooooh – that explains it.”

-while getting out of Zeva at the coffee shop, an older man walking by stopped and had a big smile on his face.  he asked me what kind of car it was, how it handled with the wind, and what kind of gas mileage it got.  I’m pretty proud of her gas mileage (once I got 36mpg with her!) – but she does get blown around a lot with the wind.  so when I told him that part, I made sure we had walked a little ways away from Zeva so she didn’t hear.

-while leaving the grocery store the other night, a dad with his little boy (maybe 3 or 4 years old) walked by and the kid was looking at my car and exclaimed, “cool car!!!!!”  sooooo cute.

I definitely have not seen any other xB’s in town yet.  sometimes I feel totally out of place driving Zeva around.  but that’s OK.  if we start feeling too comfortable, it’ll be a sign to move on I suppose.  ;)

Costa Rica la Minita!

actually that’s just a really good coffee blend I love getting from a coffee shop called Herman’s Boy in Rockford Michigan.  they also sell the coffee that’s pooped from monkeys or cats or something.  that coffee is NOT called Costa Rica la Minita.

ANYWAY – I’m headed to Costa Rica for a short, 1-week missions trip in July!  check it out:

Howdy!  Ok I’m kidding.  I can’t pull off the “howdy” greeting.  I may be living in Wyoming right now, but I am totally not “country” – not yet, anyway.  :)  I want to let you know about an opportunity I have to go to Costa Rica this summer!

Since July 2011, I have been interning with Continuous Worship ministries, a ministry my cousin (Cristine) and her husband (Paul) started in 2010.  When I first came out, we were based in Cheyenne, WY.  Recently, we’ve moved to Torrington, WY where we a part of a new church plant that started in the summer of 2011.  I am loving it!  There is a crazy hunger for God in this community.  Week after week, we continue to see new faces on Sunday morning.  As an intern, I’m getting to learn and grow in the gifts God has given me, specifically in the area of music.  Leading worship has been something I’ve felt God asking me to do for years upon years, but always told Him “no” out of fear (I love being in front of people – and that is a totally not true statement. Ha J ).  But I came to the point where I knew I had to be obedient to the passion God had placed in my heart, and be obedient with the gifts He has given me to use for His glory.

And so here I sit, in Torrington, WY.  Land of…cows.  And rodeo.  Feeling totally out of place but feeling more alive than I have in a long time.  I’m learning what it means to step out in faith, doing hard things, and relying on God’s strength and not my own – because, after all, He is shown so strong and magnificent in our weaknesses, isn’t He?  (2 Cor. 12:9)  I’ve been trying to capture some of the things on my blog, getstoked.blogspot.com – check it out!

I am really excited to share with you what God is doing in my life and ask that you would consider praying for me over the upcoming months as I prepare to head to San Jose, Costa Rica for a week in July (the 6th-14th).  

Why I am super excited for this trip:
·         I have been praying for an opportunity to go to a Spanish-speaking country for a couple years now.  I really enjoy the warm, Hispanic culture and the language.  Over the past year or so, I have been working on learning the Spanish version of worship songs.  I am hoping to be able to lead others in these songs of worship while I am in Costa Rica.
·         Of the 8 people going on this trip from our church, 6 of them have never been on a missions trip outside of the US.  I am SO excited to walk with them through this adventure, because I know how God has used these types of trips to radically change my life.  Additionally, 2 high school girls from our church are going and I am hoping to get to disciple them in and through this opportunity.
·         We are also partnering with SportReach, a ministry that uses sports as a mean to share the Gospel.  We are hoping to run a sports camp for the week we are down there and this would include volleyball – a sport I could play all day, every day if I could.  :)
·         The organization we are, E3, is dedicated to truly partnering with the churches they minister with.  This means returning to the same place over and over, building relationships and encouraging the local believers.

The cost of the trip is $2,100. $2,100 seems like a lot for a 1 week missions trip to Costa Rica, right?  After talking with those involved with E3, I now understand where the money goes.  Yes, it goes toward airfare, lodging, food, travel insurance, etc.  But it also goes toward equipping us with ministry tools (sports equipment for sharing the Gospel, eye glasses to give out at an eye clinic, Spanish Bibles, etc.) as well as equipping the local church in San Jose that we are partnering with, leaving them with resources to continue with “I am Second” small groups and other evangelism tools.

I would be incredibly blessed and strengthened if you would partner with me in praying for our team, the people in Costa Rica we will come in contact with, and for myself.   If you feel led to give financially, I would also be incredibly blessed.  If you feel God is giving you this opportunity, please send checks to our church and make a note of my name on the check or on an enclosed slip of paper: SONrise Church, PO Box 415, Torrington, WY 82240

Thank you so much for taking the time to read all this!!!

keep it real.
-Jen
E3: http://e3partners.org/ 
My email: stokedauntjen@gmail.com

the man with the green, fleece beret

ever have one of those moments where you just keep asking yourself, “is this really happening?”

I had one of those today.

I had gone to the library to get some work done early this evening and decided to stop by the coffee shop connected to the library first (because I had a coupon for a free drink – um, hello – don’t have to ask me twice).  I order a decaf soy hazelnut latte.  and a voice behind me asks if I had just ordered soy in my drink.  totally confused, I turn around and there is this man (probably in his 50’s at least), wearing amazingly short shorts (yes, sadly, shorter than I would ever wear – I kid you not), a white shirt (or so I thought – I’ll get back to that), a jacket, black ray ban sunglasses (yes, we were inside…yet he was wearing them) and a green, fleece beret.

ok back to ordering the latte.  so he starts asking all these questions about soy – he didn’t know you could put soy in coffee drinks.  he wondered what the benefits were to it.  he wondered why I chose soy.  to which I told him I was allergic to dairy.  to which he threw up his hands and apologized for asking.

then he noticed that the back of my shirt said “Marathon, Florida” and he asked if I was from there and said he used to live in Jacksonville.  he was so excited to hear I was from Marathon – for a split second I felt like a celebrity.

then my drink was ready and I go to leave and he asks if I had a minute, that he would love to hear about the Keys if I had time.  I figured God had put this guy in my path for some reason so I sat down.

about 1/2 way thru the conversation, he takes his jacket off to reveal he wasn’t wearing a white t-shirt – no, he was wearing a stretched out wife beater.  so suddenly the already awkward situation turned even awkwarder (that’s not a word but it should be),

so there I sit across the small table from this man wearing illegally short shorts, a stretched out wife beater, ray bans, and a green fleece beret.  he kept his sunglasses on most of the time and would talk to me while looking over the top of his glasses.  it was very interesting. and confusing all at the same time.

we talked about a lot of random things.  he ended up pulling out his laptop because he wanted to look up pictures of Marathon, FL.  one of the pictures that came up was the Dolphin Research Center, which is right by my house.  I shared my fun bit of info that the original Flipper dolphin was buried under the dolphin statue in the picture.  he was totally stoked.  we talked about Key West.  a lot.  I had to keep reminding him I didn’t live in Key West.  but if you’re not from the Keys, it’s hard to understand that the “Keys” consist of more than just Key West.  :)

the whole time we were talking, I was silently asking God to allow the conversation to move toward Him.  I assumed this unexpected coffee chat was happening for a reason.

God is always faithful.  :)

sure enough, God allowed the conversation to be steered toward the “spiritual” side of things.  this guy is an agnostic, so he doesn’t really know what he thinks about God.  it was cool to get to converse with him about the Bible and Jesus and whether Jesus was who He said He was.

an hour later (yes…an hour…), I finally told him I had to go so I could get some of my work done.  I left him googling Lee Strobel and his book, The Case for Christ.  :)  as I left, I prayed he would really read it like he said he might.

did I mention he asked if he could take me out for dinner some time and play trivia? (he loves trivia – he was googling the Berean church and quizzing me – to which I unfortunately let him down many times because I didn’t know the answers to the random questions)  yeah – hmm…I just kind of giggled and quickly changed the subject.

and so me and the man with the green, fleece beret parted ways.

Dr. Daaaaaaaan

so this should be interesting.  after months of pressure from various family members up here, I decided to give the “country doctor” they swear by a chance.  after all, the 1st 2 visits are free.  so to appease my family and so I could say I at least tried it, I went this past week. :)

it was the weirdest doctor’s visit I have ever been to.

but it was so cool all at the same time!!

so before I went, I thought the country doctor’s office was way out in some random field in the middle of nowhere.  I figured he was a crazy, little old man who squints are you through his glasses and talks in a tiny little voice.  at times I thought maybe he even threw “magical” herbal dust over you.

none of that was true, which, I was a little disappointed there was no magical herbal dust to dance in.

a “Country Doctor” is a naturopath doctor, they are all about healing the body naturally by changing diet and taking natural supplements that the body is deficient in.  here’s a definition I found of a naturopathic doctor:

“Naturopathic medicine is based on the belief that the human body has an innate healing ability. Naturopathic doctors (NDs) teach their patients to use diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and cutting edge natural therapies to enhance their bodies’ ability to ward off and combat disease.”

so I go and he does this series of crazy, freak you out tests where you lie down and put your arm straight up in the air and he lightly puts pressure on 1 side of your wrist and you match the pressure by lightly pressing back with your arm.  as he does that, he’s pushing on different areas of your body.  you can match his pressure just fine until he finds an area that needs attention – then it’s a lot harder to push back.  IT’S SO WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I became a little bit more a believer when, without me telling him, he was adamant I had a problem with milk when he pushed somewhere and my arm’s strength went down by a lot.  I developed a milk allergy when I was really young, like 3 or 4 probably.  and he totally knew it by doing this crazy test!!!!!!

long story short, I’m pretty healthy (SCORE!  BAM!) and the only area I need help with right now is digestion.  apparently, my body has a super whacked out sugar metabolism – which explains why I feel like my sugar levels drop suddenly.

so, for the next 90 days at least, I am supposed to cut out the following from my diet:
-oats (sad, but not too hard)
-wheat (seriously?!  shoot me now)
-corn (random, but not too hard)
-brown and white sugar (another killer) – I can have cane sugar, fruit sugar, and honey though!
-milk (no surprise – easy, I cut that out a long time ago) – I can still have soy milk, though!

meanwhile, I’m supposed to be taking these 2 supplements – Diaplex and Multizyme – that aid in breaking down sugar & carbs, digestion, and I really don’t know what else.

this is Day 3 of the 90.  the first morning I woke up and went to eat breakfast and was having a hard time figuring out what I could eat.  I suddenly had a wave of despair wash over me, feeling like I was going to starve for the next 90 days for sure.  thankfully, Cristine has had to do this before, too, and is brilliant when it comes to substitutions and alternatives.  her and Paul assured me I wouldn’t starve to death.  so after that initial freak out moment on the morning of Day 1, I was doing pretty good Day 1 & 2.  feeling healthier already.  determining to use this to change my eating habits to be healthier and to match it with working out (which will be a lot easier once my ankle heals and I can run again).  not doing too bad.

enter today, Day 3.  hello, killa.  come lunch time, I was seriously contemplating whether it would really be that bad if I went and splurged – got a hamburger and something sweet to eat.  the nectarine I tried to satisfy myself with just didn’t cut it.  I felt like all I could eat was fruits and veggies and I was starving.

thankfully, my intervention team (haha j/k) stepped in before I went off the deep end.  Cristine quick defrosted hamburger and cooked it up for me and I put veggies on it that everyone else had used to have fajitas with.

and now I sit here with a full belly, far from starving.  the world is OK once again.  for now.

did I mention I can still have vitamin water?  made with cane sugar.  BAM!  I win!

and I can eat all the meat I want – Dr. Dan said my body loves meat – it didn’t take a country doctor to tell me THAT.  ;)  show me the steak!!!

I weighed myself today.  I’m interested to see how this 90 days affects my body (inwardly, of course, but also outwardly – pretty sure I’m goin’ for the six-pack abs).

The local coffee shop in this small town is super cute and trendy inside and has some cool people working at it. it's one of the only real places to hang out in this town. However, they haven't quite figured out how to make coffee drinks. This has resulted in us normally just ordering Americanos. Today, I thought i'd go super easy and ask for a decaf coffee. To which the kid, looking confused, asked, "So like...did you want that brewed or...?" ...or what?! instant?? warmed up in the microwave?? what other ways are there?? I was just as confused as to what he was asking. So i said, "um..." Thankfully, the other girl working with him knows I normally get Americanos so she asked if that's what i wanted. so I said yes - i went with the Americano to avoid any confusion of what i wanted when i originally ordered a "decaf coffee". :) just another comedic event in this small town in Wyoming. and i can't complain because the internet has been down at our house almost all day and so i need to come here to get my work done on the internet. ;)

I always wanted have a dirt bike and a truck. And put the dirt bike in the back of the truck. And like...go get gas.

Maybe that can be my next adventure. Or like when I have health insurance. Because I would ride my bike. A lot. And I would go over jumps. And probably hurt myself eventually.

But it would rock. :)

Quote of the week, maybe even month

"God doesn't reveal His will through puking. Check the Bible. It's not biblical." - Paul Braddy

The irony of it all

So 2 days after I ordered a subscription to Runner's World magazine (gearing up to start running again now that it's warmer out), I rolled my ankle. Humorously ironic to me. A week and a 1/2 later I still can't run on it. Meanwhile, the beautiful weather continues on and I can only sit outside and read :P wait. Let's shift the attitude... at least I can sit outside and read. ;) and I can walk (for the most part).

It's not the end of the world. Far from it. Just a minor frustration. Excited for it to be all healed up.

On a much more exciting note, I'm headed to Costa Rica with a missions team July 6-14! STOKED! More details to come.

I guess running is on hold...

I was super stoked for the high 60 degree weather we had forecasted for last weekend. And the 70 degree week we have ahead of us (75 on a couple days!!). I was so stoked to get to start running outside again (because running like a hamster on the treadmill and getting nowhere just doesn't cut it for me anymore).

So Friday afternoon I got all geared up and excited for a run. Life was goin good. We were just walking past the house next to ours and I went to step down to the street so there'd be more room to run. The gutters on our street are like...really wide. I don't know how to explain it. But as I stepped down, I looked sideways at the dog who was barking behind the fence. And I heard a "pop!". And I hit the ground.

I never even got to run. Not even for a second. Oh sad.

Looks like running is out of the picture for at least a couple more days. At least til the swelling is gone ;)

it’s easy to ask, hard to trust

I’ve been challenged to the core, once again.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be worrying about something or battling something and I go before God in prayer.  so far so good, right?  I mean, that’s what He wants us to do, right?

the problem is – I can’t tell you how many times I say “amen” and then walk away still worrying about the same issue, still believing the lies that are battling in my head. still replaying possible scenarios and wondering “what if…?”

I didn’t realize I even did this, but then I was struck by this fact this past week.  Paul and I were meeting together about the internship and talking about plans for the next Sunday gathering.  I was struggling with anxiousness and fear because I was supposed to be leading a couple songs.  I kept playing possible scenarios thru my head (hardly ever a good idea).  but at the end of the meeting,after praying, Paul said, “Now you have to walk away from this conversation, from this time of prayer, in faith.  You have to walk away trusting God – knowing that you have brought this before Him and He is faithful and He is strong.  Now you have to trust Him and stop worrying.”

James 1:6-7
^“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.”

I am so sickly guilty of doing this!  it’s easy for me to go to God and ask – it’s so much harder for me to trust after I ask.

this realization has brought me so much peace and freedom the last few days.  a few weeks ago, when Paul had asked me to lead a couple songs for our time of corporate worship (that was yesterday), I freaked.  haha :) the next day I threw up because I was so stressed out about it. so  I expected myself to be an emotional, tense mess last week leading up to this time.  I get so fearful of doing what God is asking me to do (especially in the area of leading worship).  I pray and I pray and I pray for strength.  I ask others to pray for me.  but I still dread that moment of getting up in front of everyone.

this last week was different.  once my eyes were opened to this chronic problem I’ve had of asking God and walking away not trusting Him, everything changed.

I cannot begin to try to put words to the peace and freedom I felt leading up to this Sunday.  I prayed a lot this past week about this Sunday.  I knew I had others praying for me.  and this time around, by God’s grace, I chose to trust that He is faithful and He is strong.  I chose, by God’s grace, to not go down the path of worry.  to not go down the path of negative thoughts.  to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.  every time I started going down the path of worry, God’s grace allowed me to realize it and He gave me the strength to cut it out – to remember that all the stuff I was worried about had been taken to Him and laid before His feet and I could walk in peace, trusting that He is good and He can use anything that happens for His glory.

we must walk in faith, trusting God is good no matter what.  He’s got our back.

ask.  and then walk away trusting.

FaceTime Fun

I am so thankful for FaceTime – the video calling feature on the iPhone.  it makes the couple thousand miles between me and my family feel a lot less far away.  here are some highlights from my time with them last night…

 

then everyone started getting goofy…

and Ben attacked Claire while she was trying to show me her cartwheels…

and Claire gave Lucy the phone so Lucy could hold it while Claire jumped off the bed…and Lucy decided to play her role as the older sister and turn the camera on herself instead of Claire… :)

and my beautiful Mama, AKA Nana, who keeps them all under control…

needless to say, every round of FaceTime with the fam is guaranteed to be entertaining :) oh how I love them!!

Things I’ve Learned Out West

when you think of being in a culture completely foreign to you, you normally think of another country.  I do, anyway.

not anymore.

welcome to the West.

I can talk sports.  I can talk music.  I can talk about Jesus.  I can even carry on conversations about boats and alternative energy to a certain extent.

throw me out West into cowboy-culture and I am totally lost.

it’s led to some comical situations.  so, drum roll please…….

Things I’ve Learned Out West – A Comical Approach
-Never make a big deal when a cowboy is wearing a cowboy hat. Do not excitedly exclaim, “Aw you’re wearing your cowboy hat!  That’s so cool!!”  … and especially don’t follow it with “You look like a real cowboy!”  Act cool.  Nonchalant.  A calm, “nice hat” is about as far as you want to go with that one.  (Hi Pastor Scott!! :) )

-Rocky Mountain Oysters are not from the sea.  At all.  When asked if I liked oysters, I said, “Yeah!”  When asked if I’d had Rocky Mountain oysters, I said, “No – but I’d try them!”  To which I was disgusted to find out they’re bull calf testicles.  Why in the world anyone would EVER think to even eat those things is way beyond my comprehension.  Why in the world anyone would ever think to CONTINUE making those things after the initial test is even farther beyond my comprehension.

-Cows are not just "cows”.  A cow is a female.  A bull is a male.  and a steer is a…castrated male.  So out here, when someone’s talking about a cow – they are actually talking about a legit female cow.  not just a cow in general.  When I found out what a steer actually is, I suddenly felt the urge to go pet the steers hanging out in the chutes waiting to be roped.  Which leads to…

-Never pet the steers in the chutes when you’re working the chutes for the ropers.  It’s just not cool.

-Never hoot and holler when you go to a roping.  Cowboys don’t tend to show emotion and apparently they highly frown upon people hootin’ and hollerin’ and holding signs at their ropings.  I don’t know.  We just thought it would be encouraging.  We left the signs at home and I only accidentally let a “YEAH!!!!” escape out of my mouth a couple times.

-When people ask if you “ride”, they aren’t just asking if you’ve ridden a nearly-deceased horse on a trail at some youth camp sometime during your life.  a girl asked me this past weekend at the coffee shop if I “ride”, to which I answered, “Not really – I mean, I have for fun but that’s it.”  - thinking that was an honest and safe answer.  then she followed that question up with “Do you ride English or Western?” …uh… to which I responded, “Um…I have no idea, whatever the safest and easiest is…?”  Apparently I’ve ridden Western.  now I can tell people “Yeah, I ride Western…you know, just on occasion…and like…you know, at slow paces…”

 

so, needless to say, I have a lot of learnin’ to do out here.  I feel SO out of place.  I’m just thankful that the people here are so nice and I’ve found that as long as I’m honest about not having a clue as to what they’re talking about, they’re more than willing to explain things to me.  :)

I have a dream that one day I’ll come across someone out here that loves surfing and I can talk about the Hobgoods, Hamilton, Slater, Machado, etc. and all the sick breaks they surf.

until then, cows it is.

15 degrees & snow = God’s grace??

after being back out West now for a month and a 1/2, the winter has started to wear on me.  the snow.  the bitter cold.  the lack of flip-flop wearing.

but Paul keeps reminding me that it’s just God’s grace.  what??  I think I probably rolled my eyes at that comment the first 5 times or so that he’s said it. :P

I mean, he might have a point…I suppose.  God has created the earth with just the right levels of nitrogen and oxygen and whatever else so that we can live.  He’s tilted the earth at just the right angle to the sun so that we don’t burn up and we don’t freeze over.

he reasons that anything between –20 deg F and 120 deg F is just God’s grace – it’s not cold enough to freeze us to death and not hot enough to burn us to death.

an overly-excited exclamation of, “Wow, isn’t this great??  Just another taste of God’s grace!!” is not really something you want to hear when you’re running to the car in bitter cold wind and snow.  it’s not really something you want to hear when you’re staring out the window at the snow, daydreaming about being home on the beach.  BUT – I’m starting to learn to just embrace it.  and not complain.

because, after all – I got to go home to the Keys for a month and a 1/2 this winter.  :)

and it’s true.  God’s grace can be seen (and felt) even in the weather.

Eph 1:19-21

"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe Him.

This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms.

Now He is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come." (Ephesians 1:19-21 NLT)

Now, if that doesn't get you excited, I don't know what will.

:)

I love the way it's said in this song by Hillsong:
"The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, lives in me. Your love that rescued the earth lives in me, lives in me."

Sing it from the rooftops!!

Wyoming Winters

You know how like, in the old days people wouldn't be able to get places because of the weather? Like a pass would be closed or whatnot? Well i thought that was only in the old days - like before snowplows and salt trucks.

Apparently I was wrong.

I was planning to drive my Zeva girl (a Scion xB) out to Torrington this Wednesday (we're moving this week!!). No snow in the forecast. Good to go, right?

Well then a high wind warning popped up on the forecast. And everyone was talking about how bad the road to Torrington would be and I'm thinking...it's just wind. C'mon.

After everyone kept talking about the roads, I finally decided maybe they knew something I didn't (i know, kinda a stretch, right? ...jk :) ). So I decided to head out to Torrington today with the rest of the crew so I wouldn't get into nasty driving by myself tomorrow.

Sure enough, a little ways down the road there was blowing snow and slush on the roads. One section had like...3-5 inches on snow on the road. We saw 2 cars and a semi in a ditch.

...I'm so glad I didn't have to drive my car. :) I rode with Cristine in the suburban.

A few weeks ago, the road from Torrington to Cheyenne was closed for awhile due to snow. Like, they really can close roads. With this gate-like thing.

I'm used to checking the weather to see if we can get a couple hours of beach volleyball in during rainy season. I'm used to checking the winds to see if we can go sailing. But this checking the weather for winter storm warnings and high wind warnings? Not so much something I think to do yet.

Good thing I live with smart people.

Feel free to send big warm coats and hoodies.

Aw look at Zeva, conquerer of the high wind warning!!

Graduating

This past Sunday I graduated to the full drum set at church! I'm growing up so fast!! I had to promise to play responsibly. And I played pretty safe. Although "Blessed Be Your Name" may've had a slight runaway train feel at one point ;) hey, we just be excited about praisin' Jesus - ain't no shame in that! :)

We'll see what kind of setup I get next week...

Subliminal message to Paul...let her have the whole set again...let her have the whole set again...let her have the whole set again...

I totally rock at the subliminal messages.

It 27 degrees out and the kids are outside playing with just sweatshirts on. Meanwhile, I'm sitting inside wearing more layers than they are and drinking hot chai.

Yep. It's official. Some of us were not made for cold weather.

Missin' the SoFla heat.

Ephesians 1–Identity

I’ve never read Ephesians 1 before and seen who I am in Christ so clearly.  I mean, there’s a ton you can take away from Ephesians 1.  but my identity in Christ hasn’t been something that’s stood out to me from this passage until this week.

I am blessed.  Eph. 1:3

I am holy & blameless in God’s sight through the blood of Jesus.  Eph. 1:4

I am chosen.  Chosen by the Almighty God, the One who rules of all.  Eph. 1:4

I am loved.  So dearly loved by the Creator of the Universe.  Eph. 1:4-5

I am a child of God, His daughter through the all-sufficient sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  Eph. 1:5

I am covered by & shown glorious grace freely through Christ Jesus.  Eph. 1:6

I am redeemed and forgiven through the blood and work of Jesus Christ on the cross.  Eph. 1:7

I am created to bring praise to the King.  I am created to glorify Him and bring glory to His Name.  Eph. 1:12