reoccurring theme: surrender

it seems God’s been working on my heart for months now on the subject of surrender.  last April I felt like He was asking me to surrender my small-minded, one-directional dreams of what I wanted to do with the life He’s given me.  I felt like He was asking me to surrender my stubborn, “I’m not goin’ anywhere” attitude toward the Keys (have I ever mentioned I love it here?  I love the people.  the culture.  the scenery.  the weather.  pretty much everything).  so that’s what I did.  (see entry: http://getstoked.blogspot.com/2011/04/doors.html)

and God blew me away.  opportunities for things I wouldn’t have pursued in the past popped up.  I got to help out at a youth group for awhile (Momentum – represent!!!!).  I got a super sweet place of my own to rent for dirt cheap (I have good friends, definitely blessed).  I got the opportunity to head out West to intern with my cousins’ worship ministry (Continuous Worship Ministries) for the month of July (had the privilege of doing worship at 2 camps, a family camp in NE and a jr high camp in WY).

once again, I feel God calling me to surrender (seems to be a daily, if not moment-by-moment choice sometimes).  to surrender my stubborn attitude of staying in the Keys, mostly.  He has reminded me this week that Jesus surrendered His life & died on a cross – just to save me.  the least I can do is surrender my comforts & one-directional dreams, take up my cross (dying to my selfish desires), and follow His leading.

and I feel He’s leading me to continue my time out West right now.  I am shocked at the peace and vision He is giving me for this crazy, unexpected turn of events.  I have no idea how long this is for.  it could be short.  it could not be.  I just know that I’ve told God “no” for waaaay too long of my life in the area of using the gifts He’s given me.  it’s time I surrender my fears/unsurity of the gifts He’s given me and trust Him. (un-sure-ity…maybe that’s not a word, but it is now because I went to college & have a degree & therefore should have the right to make up words).

surrendering is not without pain.  it is not easy at all to think about packing up and heading out of the Keys again.  I think I’ve mentioned before that I love it here?  oh…yeah…I think I did. ;)  praying God leads me back down here quickly…

And they call the thing rodeo

2 rodeos in the past 2 days. Cheyenne Frontier Days (the "Daddy of 'em All") and Scottsbluff County fair rodeo in Mitchell, NE. Definitely felt it was the appropriate time to listen to "Rodeo" by Garth Brooks on my drive home. Watched the bull ridin movie, "8 Seconds", with Paul & Cristine tonight. Yep. I'm definitely out West.

:)

Planet Earth

We're watching a Planet Earth episode right now and my 9-year old cousin was trying to explain a certain crab to me. He starts comparing it to a snail by saying, "you know how sometimes snails have eyes that stick up out of their head and..." and he continued describing the snail. And I go, "yeah?" and he paused and goes, "well it [the crab] looks nothing like that."

...

Hahaha cracked me up :) pretty good for a 9-year old.


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cool people I’ve met

I have met some really cool, random, interesting people since coming out West 3 weeks ago:

-a woman who previously lived in LA working as a paparazzi.  totally legit.  I’ve never met anyone from the paparazzi career field until now.  she was so fun to talk to!

-our first session at camp this week, I see this kid walk in with a “Rockford football” shirt on.  afterwards, I found him and it turns out he goes to the same high school I went to.  when he told me his name, I realized I knew who his brother was (didn’t actually know him) – his brother had bought a couch from my parents back when they were moving from MI to FL.  his brother was going to be going to Bible college out in La Grange, WY.  ok so then yesterday he comes to the session wearing a shirt sporting the name of the church I went to for awhile up in Michigan.  small world.

-on our trail ride yesterday, I was talking to the head wrangler dude and found out he just did his YWAM DTS in WY last fall and he’s thinking about going on staff there!  YWAMmers have like…an instant friendship because you’ve both been thru a DTS and know the experience.

just a few of the cool run-ins I’ve had out here.

did I mention I am absolutely loving this time out West?

Tornado Warning

This is what a tornado warning looks like...







Between the rattlesnakes and the tornado warning, this had been one of the more exciting trips I've taken to Nebraska :) I forgot to mention we found a dead baby rattlesnake today. Paul found it while digging up the snake hole. We think it died from either oil ingestion, drowning, or smoke inhalation. The reasons we think that shall go unposted. ;)

A few after-the-storm pics...









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My hero

Yesterday I decided maybe it was ok to walk around the yard at the ranch - we hadn't seen any snakes around the house yet. So I ventured out in my flip-flops. I spotted a cool rock so I walked over to it to get a closer look and came across a baby snake about a foot in front of me. It looked like a rattlesnake but it was too young to have a rattle so it was hard to tell. My dad came over with a shovel to kill it but decided instead to pick it up to look at it. So we're standing there inspecting it and my mom got close enough to see it and yells, "Charles!! That's a rattlesnake!!!" Baby rattlesnakes are usually more poisonous because they shoot all their venom when they bite.




Even after half severing it's head, it was still a fighter...


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Ode to the Coyote

To the coyote who woke me up with it's howling this morning at 5:15am:
That is not cool. You're not supposed to be howling after the sun rises. Plus, you didn't even have a pure howl. It was like a howl mixed with barking. Not a noise to be proud of.
Because of you, I will probably require more coffee today. Should you decide to have a repeat of this morning, I might have to try out my aim with the gun.
However, I can choose to have an attitude of gratitude toward you. And so I'll thank you, random coyote, because I got to have lots of extra quiet time with your Creator this morning.

:)


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Storm

Before the storm...



Heading into the storm...




Coming out on the other side of the storm...






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The green couches

This afternoon I'm laying low in the house we're staying at this week out at Maranatha Bible Camp. It's right on the lake and the living room windows overlook it and it's so bright and nice inside. I've spent the last 2 afternoons by the pool, so I'm giving my skin a little break. Plus I'm fighting a cold and felt more like laying low inside, spending some QT (quality time) with God.



The pic is dark but it's from where I'm sitting right now. Lake outside on the left. And the slit of light coming from the windows on the right? Every so often I look up just at the right time to see a body flying through the air. The blob. Quite hilarious because I can't see the blob or the lake thru that window. Just bodies flying in the air. Hahaha :)



And the amazing green couches make it. Totally.
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i will not fear

for the month of july, i am interning with my cousins’ worship ministry called Continuous Worship.  this week we are out at Maranatha Bible Camp right outside North Platte, NE.

this morning we led worship for the family camp that is going on this week.  ha – that’s kinda funny.  the 3 of us doing the worship are family, and it’s family camp.  :)  it’s ok, you can giggle.

this morning was humbling.

so, as colds always seem to have the best timing ever, I started coming down with a cold Sunday night and it’s continued to progress over the past couple days.  last night I skipped the 4th of July festivities in hopes of sleeping from 7pm-7am.  I slept from about 7pm-11pm.  then I tossed and turned the rest of the night.  I hate colds.  pretty sure they’re a result from the fall of man.  thanks, Eve.

(side note: if this post is jumbled and out of order, I blame it on this cold – I keep getting up every few minutes to blow my nose)

this morning I read through Psalm 103.  I love that Psalm.  these 3 verses stood out to me today:

verse 8: “The Lord is compassionate & gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”

verse 11: “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him.”

verse: 13: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”

while I feel like God has called me to be a worshipper (as all His children should be), I wrestle with Him because I get scared out of my mind about being a lead worshipper – I don’t like getting up in front of people and singing.  but ever since I surrendered that to Him while I was on outreach in Norway and started trusting God instead of fearing man, I have experienced His strength and power over and over.  He is faithful.

so those verses in Psalm 103 were awesome reminders of God’s promises to those who fear Him, for those who trust in Him and His character.  so I resolved not to be anxious about leading worship, but instead to trust in God’s unfailing character.

however – lest I start relying on my own strength and not God’s, He keeps me humble.  about 3 minutes before the worship time started, my cousin asked how I was doing.  I told him I wished I wasn’t sick with this cold, but that I felt peace about being on stage.  as soon as I said that, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw-up. haha :)  I made a urgent trip to the bathroom and, sure enough, as soon as I got to the bathroom, I threw up.  :)  which was the exact reason I always turned people down when they asked me to lead worship over the past 26 years of my life.  I was afraid I’d throw up.  :)  because that’s what Jen does.  when she’s had to give speeches in the past, she’s thrown up.  it’s just what Jen does best sometimes.

it was at that moment in the bathroom stall that I was faced with a big decision.  either give in to this thorn in my flesh and run from the task ahead, or defiantly decide to fear God and not fear man and go forward anyway – whether I threw up on the stage or not.  :)

in the past, I would’ve fled.  I would’ve ran.  but I have experienced God’s strength in my weakness far too many times now to let fear of man determine my actions.

I didn’t feel like getting up and worshipping this morning.  I didn’t feel like singing into a mic with the altered voice this cold has left me with.  but I tried to do my best and let God take care of the rest (movie quote: Facing the Giants), voice cracking and all. it probably was a bit of a funky worship time on my part, but I have to trust God can and will still use me even when I’m not only weak, but sick and weak.  :)  and PS - I didn’t throw up during the worship time.  :)

later in the day, a jr high/high school age girl came up to me and told me she really liked my voice.  I was shocked.  I’m like, “really??  but I’m…sick…” and she goes, “oh, well I really liked your voice!”.  it was the encouraging reminder I needed – the reminder that God can use us even when we think we’re weak.

I hope that what you get from this entry (if you’re still reading) is that God is strong.  He is strong enough to help us face any battle that comes our way. and He is faithful.  His love for those who fear Him, who trust Him, is greater than the space between the heavens and the earth.

2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Overheard

I overheard 2 older women talking today about the new styles of clothes. About the younger generation, they said, "what we tried to cover up they're trying to show". they have a point. They were cute. :)


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Here we go again

On the plane from fort Lauderdale to Denver right now. Headed out West for the month of July. Spending a couple weeks with my cousins at Maranatha Bible Camp in North Platte, NE, spending a week out at our family's ranch in western NE, then maybe Cheyenne/Denver for the last week.

My focus will be on the following, in no particular order:
-enjoying time with family whom I love!!!!
-growing in the musical giftings God's given me
-take lots of time to process and re-prioritize and get ready to hit the ground running when I return to my beloved island community

Stoked to see what God wants to do in and thru me during this time. Not really knowing what to expect. That makes it more exciting. ;)

So on another note, as we were taking off, this little kid behind me goes, "WE'RE LANDING! WE'RE LANDING!!" - to which his mom said, "No, honey, we're taking off." it was so cute - the kid sounded like the adorable little girl on YouTube that recites the story of Jonah.




The next time I meet a grumpy person, I'm going to prescribe to them a flight on Southwest Airlines. I don't think it's possible to not smile on their flights. On landing, as soon as the tires hit and the slowing down process began, one of the flight attendants came over the speaker hollering, "WHOOOOAAA NELLY!!!!" and then made the hoof clopping noise - and yes, the clopping slowed down as the plane did. Hahaha :D
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Crazy fishermen

I'm getting my oil changed (I gave in this time instead of doing it myself) right now. This guy comes in and is talking about how he puts ballyhoo (a bait fish) in his mouth and lets barracuda come and grab it from his mouth. He said barracuda are harmless, to which I agree - when you're just snorkeling or diving. But if you have bait hanging out of your mouth...

I fully expect to see a man walking around here without a face in the future.


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headed to Nebraska

leavin' the beautiful blue waters and palm trees for cornfields this week...it's only for a month. i can do this. God created cornfields. I will find beauty in them. :)

Key West day

Down in Key West for Boonie's wedding! The wedding's in marathon but we are in key west for the day. Her and Z went parasailing and now we are at El Meson de Pepe - YUM!!!






Great Cuban restaurant. Complete with roaming chickens.



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A Kelly Clarkson Morning

Sometimes Kelly just says it best... :)

"I dont wanna be tough. And I dont wanna be proud. But I dont need to be fixed and i certainly dont need to be found - i'm not lost." (song: Maybe)

Once in awhile it's a Kelly Clarkson type day - where I just want to listen to her and sing along, pointing fingers and fist pumping the air. Today is one of those days. :)


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Hammocks

Quite possibly the best laptop set up I've ever created. It drives me nuts to be on the computer. But when I need to get things done, this spot at least makes it a little more bearable. :)


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Keys day

Today was full of Keysiness. Chopping up palm frons (how do you spell that?) with a machete. Cutting coconut clusters out of palm trees. Bike ride to Bo & Brende's for fresh smoothies (complete with mango) and great stories. Leechees. Working on the sailboat (polishing railings was my job). Sushi with friends.

I am blessed. :)



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blast from the past

from my blog entry October 22, 2009:

”and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.”

I was taking a stroll down blogging memory lane tonight and reading thru my posts in 2009 (apparently there were only 10 of them…I was hard core into blogging that year…ha).  I came across this and it stoked me – because over the past 6 or 7 months, I have experienced God do things in and thru me that I never thought was possible.  things that I look back on and think, “there’s no WAY I could have done that on my own”.

I think it’s funny I said “bracing myself – for I know I am inviting God to turn my life upside down” in that post because that’s exactly what He has been doing!  I feel like I’m finally living.  like – really living.

 

I remember when facebook first came out with the whole “status” thing – way back when it was first created and only college students could have it – and people would often put “I’m on facebook when I should be doing homework…” as their status.  well, right now I’m blogging when I should be cleaning my place.  ugh.  sucked in again.

this was a good sucked in though.  reflecting back on where God has brought me from.  seeing His faithfulness, once again.  He’s so awesome.  :D

calling all guys

…who like long walks on the beach, surfing, can change their own oil…

oh my goodness I’m totally kidding.  completely and 100%.

the following stats I read from the Acquire the Fire (ATF) Collision Course (a 6-week-ish follow-up study to the ATF weekend we took teens to in Tampa in April):

• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988).
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (U.S. Center for Disease Control).
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Bureau of the Census).
• Tonight, about 40% of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live (Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn).
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).

does that rock anyone else’s world?  it totally rocks mine.  I knew youth from broken homes are more prone to have their share of struggles.  but to have stats laid out like that…?

it’s at times like these that I wish I was a guy.  :)  but God made me a girl.  and I know girls have their own roles and influences and all that.  but when I hear stats like that, I just want to be a guy and go mentor youth and be a father to them.  thankfully, my God is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).  He can fulfill the Father role abundantly more than I ever could, even if I was a guy.

which leads me to 2 conclusions.  youth need to know about this Father to the fatherless, especially those without an earthly father in their lives, but even those who do have dads in their lives – because even our earthly dads will fall short sometimes because they’re human (although my dad pretty much always rocks and I love him :) ).

and secondly, guys need to step it up.  fathers need to be fathers.  fathers need to be mentors to those without fathers.  guys who aren’t fathers need to step it up and be mentors to those without fathers.  even be mentors to those with fathers.

guys – go do something.

 

and as a disclaimer, yes, girls/mothers have their roles too and we definitely need to step it up as well.  this list of stats was just about the fatherless homes though – hence the sound off on guys.

totally off topic, but I kind of think it’d be funny to make a shirt that says, “I Survived the Rapture of 2011”. but then I wonder if it’d be taken as humorous to others.  :)  it’s more pointing out the foolishness of claiming we know the day and hour when Jesus returns – when Scripture says no one knows and that He will come like a thief in the night.

I laid sod today.  that was fun.  I felt like…I don’t know what I felt like, but I felt good.  :)

keep it real.