i will not fear

for the month of july, i am interning with my cousins’ worship ministry called Continuous Worship.  this week we are out at Maranatha Bible Camp right outside North Platte, NE.

this morning we led worship for the family camp that is going on this week.  ha – that’s kinda funny.  the 3 of us doing the worship are family, and it’s family camp.  :)  it’s ok, you can giggle.

this morning was humbling.

so, as colds always seem to have the best timing ever, I started coming down with a cold Sunday night and it’s continued to progress over the past couple days.  last night I skipped the 4th of July festivities in hopes of sleeping from 7pm-7am.  I slept from about 7pm-11pm.  then I tossed and turned the rest of the night.  I hate colds.  pretty sure they’re a result from the fall of man.  thanks, Eve.

(side note: if this post is jumbled and out of order, I blame it on this cold – I keep getting up every few minutes to blow my nose)

this morning I read through Psalm 103.  I love that Psalm.  these 3 verses stood out to me today:

verse 8: “The Lord is compassionate & gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.”

verse 11: “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him.”

verse: 13: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”

while I feel like God has called me to be a worshipper (as all His children should be), I wrestle with Him because I get scared out of my mind about being a lead worshipper – I don’t like getting up in front of people and singing.  but ever since I surrendered that to Him while I was on outreach in Norway and started trusting God instead of fearing man, I have experienced His strength and power over and over.  He is faithful.

so those verses in Psalm 103 were awesome reminders of God’s promises to those who fear Him, for those who trust in Him and His character.  so I resolved not to be anxious about leading worship, but instead to trust in God’s unfailing character.

however – lest I start relying on my own strength and not God’s, He keeps me humble.  about 3 minutes before the worship time started, my cousin asked how I was doing.  I told him I wished I wasn’t sick with this cold, but that I felt peace about being on stage.  as soon as I said that, I suddenly felt like I was going to throw-up. haha :)  I made a urgent trip to the bathroom and, sure enough, as soon as I got to the bathroom, I threw up.  :)  which was the exact reason I always turned people down when they asked me to lead worship over the past 26 years of my life.  I was afraid I’d throw up.  :)  because that’s what Jen does.  when she’s had to give speeches in the past, she’s thrown up.  it’s just what Jen does best sometimes.

it was at that moment in the bathroom stall that I was faced with a big decision.  either give in to this thorn in my flesh and run from the task ahead, or defiantly decide to fear God and not fear man and go forward anyway – whether I threw up on the stage or not.  :)

in the past, I would’ve fled.  I would’ve ran.  but I have experienced God’s strength in my weakness far too many times now to let fear of man determine my actions.

I didn’t feel like getting up and worshipping this morning.  I didn’t feel like singing into a mic with the altered voice this cold has left me with.  but I tried to do my best and let God take care of the rest (movie quote: Facing the Giants), voice cracking and all. it probably was a bit of a funky worship time on my part, but I have to trust God can and will still use me even when I’m not only weak, but sick and weak.  :)  and PS - I didn’t throw up during the worship time.  :)

later in the day, a jr high/high school age girl came up to me and told me she really liked my voice.  I was shocked.  I’m like, “really??  but I’m…sick…” and she goes, “oh, well I really liked your voice!”.  it was the encouraging reminder I needed – the reminder that God can use us even when we think we’re weak.

I hope that what you get from this entry (if you’re still reading) is that God is strong.  He is strong enough to help us face any battle that comes our way. and He is faithful.  His love for those who fear Him, who trust Him, is greater than the space between the heavens and the earth.

2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Overheard

I overheard 2 older women talking today about the new styles of clothes. About the younger generation, they said, "what we tried to cover up they're trying to show". they have a point. They were cute. :)


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Here we go again

On the plane from fort Lauderdale to Denver right now. Headed out West for the month of July. Spending a couple weeks with my cousins at Maranatha Bible Camp in North Platte, NE, spending a week out at our family's ranch in western NE, then maybe Cheyenne/Denver for the last week.

My focus will be on the following, in no particular order:
-enjoying time with family whom I love!!!!
-growing in the musical giftings God's given me
-take lots of time to process and re-prioritize and get ready to hit the ground running when I return to my beloved island community

Stoked to see what God wants to do in and thru me during this time. Not really knowing what to expect. That makes it more exciting. ;)

So on another note, as we were taking off, this little kid behind me goes, "WE'RE LANDING! WE'RE LANDING!!" - to which his mom said, "No, honey, we're taking off." it was so cute - the kid sounded like the adorable little girl on YouTube that recites the story of Jonah.




The next time I meet a grumpy person, I'm going to prescribe to them a flight on Southwest Airlines. I don't think it's possible to not smile on their flights. On landing, as soon as the tires hit and the slowing down process began, one of the flight attendants came over the speaker hollering, "WHOOOOAAA NELLY!!!!" and then made the hoof clopping noise - and yes, the clopping slowed down as the plane did. Hahaha :D
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Crazy fishermen

I'm getting my oil changed (I gave in this time instead of doing it myself) right now. This guy comes in and is talking about how he puts ballyhoo (a bait fish) in his mouth and lets barracuda come and grab it from his mouth. He said barracuda are harmless, to which I agree - when you're just snorkeling or diving. But if you have bait hanging out of your mouth...

I fully expect to see a man walking around here without a face in the future.


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headed to Nebraska

leavin' the beautiful blue waters and palm trees for cornfields this week...it's only for a month. i can do this. God created cornfields. I will find beauty in them. :)

Key West day

Down in Key West for Boonie's wedding! The wedding's in marathon but we are in key west for the day. Her and Z went parasailing and now we are at El Meson de Pepe - YUM!!!






Great Cuban restaurant. Complete with roaming chickens.



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A Kelly Clarkson Morning

Sometimes Kelly just says it best... :)

"I dont wanna be tough. And I dont wanna be proud. But I dont need to be fixed and i certainly dont need to be found - i'm not lost." (song: Maybe)

Once in awhile it's a Kelly Clarkson type day - where I just want to listen to her and sing along, pointing fingers and fist pumping the air. Today is one of those days. :)


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Hammocks

Quite possibly the best laptop set up I've ever created. It drives me nuts to be on the computer. But when I need to get things done, this spot at least makes it a little more bearable. :)


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Keys day

Today was full of Keysiness. Chopping up palm frons (how do you spell that?) with a machete. Cutting coconut clusters out of palm trees. Bike ride to Bo & Brende's for fresh smoothies (complete with mango) and great stories. Leechees. Working on the sailboat (polishing railings was my job). Sushi with friends.

I am blessed. :)



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blast from the past

from my blog entry October 22, 2009:

”and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.”

I was taking a stroll down blogging memory lane tonight and reading thru my posts in 2009 (apparently there were only 10 of them…I was hard core into blogging that year…ha).  I came across this and it stoked me – because over the past 6 or 7 months, I have experienced God do things in and thru me that I never thought was possible.  things that I look back on and think, “there’s no WAY I could have done that on my own”.

I think it’s funny I said “bracing myself – for I know I am inviting God to turn my life upside down” in that post because that’s exactly what He has been doing!  I feel like I’m finally living.  like – really living.

 

I remember when facebook first came out with the whole “status” thing – way back when it was first created and only college students could have it – and people would often put “I’m on facebook when I should be doing homework…” as their status.  well, right now I’m blogging when I should be cleaning my place.  ugh.  sucked in again.

this was a good sucked in though.  reflecting back on where God has brought me from.  seeing His faithfulness, once again.  He’s so awesome.  :D

calling all guys

…who like long walks on the beach, surfing, can change their own oil…

oh my goodness I’m totally kidding.  completely and 100%.

the following stats I read from the Acquire the Fire (ATF) Collision Course (a 6-week-ish follow-up study to the ATF weekend we took teens to in Tampa in April):

• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988).
• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (U.S. Center for Disease Control).
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Bureau of the Census).
• Tonight, about 40% of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live (Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn).
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).

does that rock anyone else’s world?  it totally rocks mine.  I knew youth from broken homes are more prone to have their share of struggles.  but to have stats laid out like that…?

it’s at times like these that I wish I was a guy.  :)  but God made me a girl.  and I know girls have their own roles and influences and all that.  but when I hear stats like that, I just want to be a guy and go mentor youth and be a father to them.  thankfully, my God is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).  He can fulfill the Father role abundantly more than I ever could, even if I was a guy.

which leads me to 2 conclusions.  youth need to know about this Father to the fatherless, especially those without an earthly father in their lives, but even those who do have dads in their lives – because even our earthly dads will fall short sometimes because they’re human (although my dad pretty much always rocks and I love him :) ).

and secondly, guys need to step it up.  fathers need to be fathers.  fathers need to be mentors to those without fathers.  guys who aren’t fathers need to step it up and be mentors to those without fathers.  even be mentors to those with fathers.

guys – go do something.

 

and as a disclaimer, yes, girls/mothers have their roles too and we definitely need to step it up as well.  this list of stats was just about the fatherless homes though – hence the sound off on guys.

totally off topic, but I kind of think it’d be funny to make a shirt that says, “I Survived the Rapture of 2011”. but then I wonder if it’d be taken as humorous to others.  :)  it’s more pointing out the foolishness of claiming we know the day and hour when Jesus returns – when Scripture says no one knows and that He will come like a thief in the night.

I laid sod today.  that was fun.  I felt like…I don’t know what I felt like, but I felt good.  :)

keep it real.

good morning, Friday!

last night I set my alarm for 6:20am to wake up this morning.  but I decided if I happened to wake up earlier, I would get up, hang out with God, and then get an early morning workout in before work.  sure enough, I woke up at 5:20 ready to go.

so after spending some time in the Psalms, I set out for a short run.  dude.  it was 81 degrees with a heat index of 86 degrees.  at 6:30 in the morning.  summer is fast approaching.  kept a decent pace and did some interval/speed training on the way back.  when I got home, I did a couple pull-ups on the bar out back.  just to be like Kate Bosworth in Blue Crush.  I only did a couple pull-ups.  but I justified it by believing she probably didn’t actually do full pull-ups while filming.  all you see is the top part of her – like her head and neck as the pop up over the bar.  for all I know, and this morning I chose to believe, there was someone holding her lower half and pushing her up.  at least, that’s what I chose to believe this morning as I did my measly 2 pull-ups.  unassisted.  BAM!

:)

oh yeah – speaking of early mornings -

2 nights ago (or…yesterday morning) i woke up at 4am and didn't fall back asleep 'til after 5am.  cancelled my morning workout because i knew i needed more than 5 hours of sleep to function all day/night.

and what, you may ask, woke me up?

a dream about a cow.

yes.

a cow.

i was at some rodeo thing and everyone got a cow and mine came and sat
so nice and quietly beside me.  and she followed me wherever i went.
she was so sweet.  and then Asian girls came out and stood by each of
us and put bags over the cow's heads and said we had to go to get them
slaughtered.  and i was like "but...i like my cow!!" and my Aunt Roxie was there and i said to her, "Aunt Roxie, was your cow sweet and calm too?  Are they all like this?" and she goes, "no way! i had to chase mine all over the place!"  so then i fell even more in love with my cow.  and my dream ended with the Asian girl handing the
cow over to be slaughtered.

traumatizing.

Random

An American guy just stopped me in the parking lot and asked if I speak English. Classic.


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I love my Mom!

 

my mom ROCKS!  if you don’t know her, you should.  she’s a cute little thing.

I love when we go out to the ranch in Nebraska – she turns into this uber legit ranch chick because, after all, that’s how she was raised.  it’s in her blood. 

yesterday my mom bought me a tervis tumbler cup and made a special trip to deliver it to me!

my mom was the first to introduce me to exercising.  she’d let us ride our bikes while she walked all over the neighborhoods.  I swear she walked like 10 miles every time.  ok probably not THAT many but I’m sure it was a lot.  and then there were the days of Tony Little, the short crazy energized man with the long pony tail.  when the VHS exercise tapes first came in the mail, my sister and I went a little gung-ho with them and were sore for a few days.  but we wanted heart shaped calves, just like Tony Little kept yelling about.  my mom told us we had to ease into it.  we didn’t listen.  :)

I don’t think I’ve ever heard my mom raise her voice.  she’s incredibly patient.

my parents took us all to Disney World a couple months ago to celebrate their 30th anniversary.  my mom was like a kid again!  I loved watching her dance in the streets with her granddaughters as the Disney parade went by.  I think she had more energy than Lucy and Claire!  :)

I LOVE MY MOM!

pirate man

I went to the beach after getting out of work early this fine Friday.

I went for a swim (salt water immersion=always refreshing). This guy was snorkeling and he surfaces. Looks up, pulls his mask up and looks at me, exclaiming, "I just looked up and here is this mermaid right in front of me!" and I go, "oh, really?" and he gasps and goes, "And she talks!!! She's a real mermaid!!!"

I forgot to mention he looked like a pirate. He was older, red bandana on, and missing lots of teeth. The teeth he did have were...in great need of dental work.

He proceeded to turn his back to me and started reaching for his shorts as he says, "you wanna see my secret?" Completely not knowing what to expect, realizing it was the Keys and strange things happen, but feeling he was harmless, I said, "sure", even though he was already reaching down the back of his shorts. He pulls out a near empty plastic water bottle and held it high in the air, huge gnarly grin on his face. "It helps me float!! They try to sell all these expensive floatation things and this works just fine! Plus I get some cool water to drink on my way out!"

Oh the Keys. :)

I'm in love.


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Proverbs 3:3-4

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man."

I CAN cook!!

Chicken was moist!!!

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Headed home...again

On the plane back to Fort Lauderdale! So stoked. :)

Great time in MI though!! Saw some great friends/family. Super fun time at Becky's wedding. Learned more Spanish to add to my vocab. ;)

There's a little kid sitting behind me that keeps kicking or hitting the back of my seat. It's lovely. I was starting to get a headache from my head being continuously jarred. Then I had the brilliant idea of sitting up so I wasn't leaning back on the headrest.

Yep, I'm smart, I went to college. So did my mom.


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Rain

Oh, Michigan. Some things never change. I thought over the 3 1/2 years I've been gone you would've accepted some global warming. Maybe tried letting the sun shine a little more often. I guess you need to visit Florida and get some ideas of what you could do better.

Rain, rain, go away.

:)

Good excuse to get another chai latte from my new love, Biggby Coffee. Which, by the way, was a great addition to your coffee house selections, Michigan. That's something you could share with the rest of the country.

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back in the North

i'm back in G-Rap for Becky's wedding! i think the last time i was here was 2008. it's stinkin' cold. but i get to fly back to warm sunshine on saturday so i can do this.

it's so fun being back! seeing friends who are family. had Becky's bachelorette party friday night (woot woooot!). seeing the old stompin' grounds. i went to Herman's Boy to get a chai and i ended up getting my drink for free because someone earlier in the day had "paid it forward"! haha it was cool!! drove by my 2 old houses.

this morning we went to church at Ada Bible Church - the campus that meets in Cornerstone University's gym. i realized gyms are not a good place for me to go to church because during the message, i easily start dreaming about playing volleyball and invision the chairs and stage moved and the court there and...then i start thinking about the gym (as in weights, cardio machines, etc) and what i want to train for and...then i start thinking about food because working out makes me hungry all the time and...oh it's just not good. haha :) i guess it gives me an opportunity to practice taking captive every thought...haha :)

i also watched Inception last night and finished it today (fell asleep last night - what else is new). totally lost. i should watch it again sometime and see what else i can catch.

busy but fun week ahead! Becky & Mario's boda (wedding) on Friday!

having fun speaking/learning Spanish with Mario and his parents here! totally legit at speaking spanglish.

Returning to the cold

Currently - Marathon: 84. Grand Rapids: 38. 10 days. I can do this.

:)


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Gospel Ninjas

So our ATF group is small - 4 students and 2 leaders. While a big group is fun, we've realized a small group is too! We've gotten to eat at Cracker Barrel, Panera, Olive Garden, Smokey Bones, and Applebee's. :) and with such a small group, a quick escape from the ATF parking lot chaos is always a great thing. Hannah commented, "it's kinda like we're...Gospel Ninjas!!" :)



The Gospel Ninjas.




Sanctus Real wishes they were Gospel Ninjas.

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Olive Garden

Eating at the O.G. tonight before going to session 1 of ATF. Last time I ate here was late at night in February. Both of our DTS outreach teams had just flown back to the States and we had just been reunited at the airport. Awww!!! :) great memories. So much more awake this time... ;)


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Welcome to the Circus

My apartment's under there somewhere...

On our way to Tampa for Acquire the Fire! Super stoked!
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Steak!!

Totally just used the grill all by myself and grilled my very first steak!!!! I wanted it medium rare but it turned out medium well. That's ok. It was edible!!! Seasoned with Everglades seasoning. And I made black beans and rice!

I also feel the need to mention that I grilled 2 steaks tonight and gave one to Shane and he ate it!! The grill/steak master ate MY steak!!!

Living on my own this time around is going better already. ;)


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doors

recently, I’ve been trying to figure out if God was calling me to surrender some of my own dreams or if it was just doubt/confusion - which is not from God.  wrestling.  I kept feeling like God was saying, “Look – surrender your small-minded dreams to Me because I have much bigger plans for you – things you can’t even imagine.” 

I decided to surrender my dreams to God, anyway.  I figured that way I couldn’t go wrong.  :)  and I kinda felt like God was wanting me to surrender like…my small-minded, one-direction dreams to Him.  as if He wanted me to keep my desires and passions, but allow Him to show me different ways He wanted to use them instead of me just heading one specific way that I had chosen.

but I also realized surrendering my plans and dreams isn’t the easiest thing to do.  the selfish side of me wants to do what I want. the controlling part of me wants to be in charge of what direction I go and what my plans will be.  so the past few weeks have been a wrestling match between me and God.  but it’s been worth it.

as soon as I truly felt like I surrendered my plans and dreams to God, things started changing.  out of the blue, I got a call from a friend who wanted to have lunch and discuss ministry opportunities.  turns out their church is looking for someone to take over the youth ministry and they wanted to know if I was interested.  hello!  of course I’m interested!  :)

a few days later, my cousin calls from out West and encourages me again to come out there, even if it’s just for a month this summer, to get some worship leading experience with him.  play some music, write some music, do worship at youth camps.  hello!  of course I’m interested!  :)

I believe God has much bigger plans for each of us than we could ever imagine.

Eph. 3:20-21 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than al we ask or imagine, according to His POWER that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.”

there is freedom in surrender.

WPB - you are loved

Had a super great time up in the West Palm area this past weekend, picking up Meredith and moving her home! Met so many amazing people, including my new fellow YWAM friend Leo! She's great! YWAMmers have an instant friendship.

It was a refreshing trip, though we got little sleep.

Here's a pic from our family's Disney trip. I was looking thru pics on my phone and saw it and thought, "wow, that one turned out decent!" :) here's to Mickey...



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because I should

I’m writing this because I feel like I should.  I haven’t posted in a week (mainly because I was up in Orlando).  I don’t want to go too long without posting or else I might stop updating this thing.  which wouldn’t be the end of the world.  but I enjoy looking back, every once in awhile, thru my posts over the years.  it brings back memories and reminds me of phases or stages in life.  and sometimes I read a post and think, “what in the world?  I don’t remember that…” – haha :)

uncertainty of my plans hangs in the air.  actually, they all sit nice and comfortably in Abba’s hands.  but to my human nature, they seem to be hanging in uncertainty.  trying to figure out if God’s shutting doors and opening new ones or if He’s calling me to persevere past the appearance of closed doors.  the last thing I want to do is “run” when things get a little tough – I want to pursue a direction because I feel God’s leading me to it, not because it’s the easier route.

sometimes I wonder if there is an “easier” route each year I get further away from the days when all I had to do was go to school, work a little, but mainly just hang out with my friends.  do easy routes even exist as you get older?

I do know, however, that adventurous, exciting routes exist!!  that’s what I’m goin’ for. the ones where I couldn’t begin to imagine doing things on my own – but where I need God to come through.  where I need to rely on Him, in faith.

but I’m keeping the rest of my thoughts about my plans under wraps right now (as in, I’m not blogging about it yet until I’ve made a decision – but you can pray for wisdom and discernment for me!).

tonight I went to see the little Segard offsprings – I was going thru withdrawal.  I hadn’t seen them since saturday when we got back from O-town.  I love those little boogers.  I missed the rest of my fam too (really, Mom – I missed you! awww!) oh and Kristi got here today!!!!

we are studying Romans in small group. this week we did Romans 6.  it talks a lot about not being a slave to sin, but being free in Christ and a slave to righteousness.  it was an uber good reminder that I don’t have to be a slave to sin, like the ones that aren’t so much obvious from the outside.

this weekend, Amanda and I are headed up to Boca to get her sister, Meredith!!  so stoked to have these amazing sisters BOTH living back down here!  we’ve already all agreed that before we come home Sunday, a stop at the beach is necessary.  the real beach, you know – the one with waves.  ;)  even if it’s a short stop.  and I’m praying for waves so we can play in them and sit in awe of surfers and kiteboarders.  seeing them play in our awesome Creator’s ocean makes me giddy.  :)

and that about wraps it up for this “because I should” post.

Road Trip to Orlando

My parent's 30th wedding anniversary was In December and they wanted to do something with our whole fam. But since I wasn't home, they waited and decided to take us all on a trip to Disney World! So here we are!









Ready to hit Disney tomorrow! Magic Kingdom, here we come!

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Cooking Revisited

Dude. Totally cooked last night. No fires. Totally edible. Holla!! :D

I learned a lot. For instance, when it calls for 2 cloves of garlic, that does not mean 2 whole bulb-things of garlic. I never even knew there were cloves in garlic. My friend walked in right when I was peeling the first garlic thing and I asked how I chop up garlic because I never had before. So they peel it and go "here's a clove, here's a clove, here's another one..." and I said, "wait...so if it calls for 2 cloves of garlic, that doesn't mean 2 whole things...??"

Yeah, definitely glad I asked how to cut garlic.

I also learned what al-dente means. I don't know if I spelled that right. But apparently lots of people know that term.

It was supposed to be a "20 minutes or less" meal. It took me over an hour.

But - let me remind you - there were no fires in the kitchen this time!!!!
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a good week

this has been my 4th week back in the Keys.  first week having a set schedule for work.  I’m working part-time right now for my dad, 8-noon every day (mon-fri).  got my first paycheck today in like 5 months!  I decided to go retro and revert back to my days working at j crew in college – where every friday (payday), as soon as I got out of work, I would jump in my car and play NSYNC’s song “Just Got Paid” really loud and dance.  so that’s what I did today.  after I got a chai at Leigh Ann’s (hey, it’s been like 2 weeks since I got one).  a cold front blew in last night so today was a perfect “cool” day (high 60’s) to get a hot drink!

my friend brandon and I went up to play volleyball last friday night and had some great talks on the drive.  the dude’s cool – if you don’t know him, you should.

among other things, we talked about what my plans are for the near future – a topic that brings much confusion and frustration to me because I can’t figure out what direction to head.  but he had an uber cool outlook on what it looks like to be “in God’s will”.  he doesn’t worry about being in God’s will because in the morning when he wakes up, he tells God to take all of him.  then he goes about his day trusting that God is directing his steps.

so that’s what I’ve been doing this week.  and it’s been amazing.

I wasn’t going to share what I did this week because I absolutely do not want it coming across as boasting about what great things “I” did.  but I realized that – who knows – maybe by me sharing what God’s been leading me to do will inspire others. so I share the following to point out His glory and His awesomeness and not my own, ok?  it’s nothing I would have done on my own, that’s for sure.

so sunday night I was about to feel overwhelmed with the “ok I have every afternoon free this week…what in the world am I going to do to fill my afternoons??”.  I’ve truly enjoyed having a couple weeks off of nothingness planned.  it was great, after having the last 5 months planned out for me and having always had a job since moving down here to the Keys.  so it was really fun.  but it eventually got to be overkill and I was ready to be active and involved again.

I realized last week that I think I’m actually a people person.  I don’t think of myself as one.  but I realized that when I’m around people, I’m energized.  I love being with people.  too much alone time and I go nuts.  give me people!!

sorry, getting off topic.

so – sunday night – yes. I decided to ask God what I should do this week (great idea, right?).  and I felt like I should do a prayer walk thru the city, down US 1, from Coco Plum down to the 7 Mile bridge.  not all in one day. :) so two days this week I walked and prayed during the afternoon for 1-2 hours each time, praying over the city – for people in general, for specific people, asking God to have His heart for this city and asking for vision and direction as to what He wants to accomplish here.

it’s been awesome. the first day I walked Coco Plum to Walgreens and back (about 3 miles).  the second day I walked from Walgreens to Publix and back (about 5.25 miles).  I still have the other half of town to do.  but it’s really cool how praying for your city/community brings up a new love and perspective for the people.  I can’t really explain it.

the other end of town starts to get rougher…I’m kinda hoping someone wants to go with me.  preferably someone big but I’ll take anyone.  :)  so if anyone’s reading this and lives in the area… hint hint.

the other cool thing that’s been goin’ on this week is Ms. Kelly and I have been hanging out with the homeless that hang out around the bus stop.  they’re fun, they love to entertain us with their jokes.  :) a lot of the jokes are dirty.  so every time they say “ok I have a joke!” I tell them it has to be clean.  sometimes they clean the joke up.  and then sometimes they go “well…it’s cleaner than that other one I told…”  :) one of the guys (whose pupils were like pin dots because he was so loaded up on drugs) gave me the rest of his can of beer.  I set it beside me and hoped he wouldn’t notice.  he didn’t. :)

what was interesting was 3 of the 4 conversations we had with people quickly turned to talking about God.  they always brought it up, not us.  so either that was a God thing or they are used to “Christians” ministering to them that they know how to play the game.  who knows.  either way, it was an open door to talk about Him.

we got to take one of the women we met out to lunch at McDonald’s – happy meals for all of us!  she is so cute – she’s so little!  today was her birthday so we went early this morning to the tree they hang out by and decorated it and put a happy birthday sign up.  then this afternoon we stopped by and she was there and we gave her cookies.

I honestly don’t know what the “end goal” (that sounds so manipulating…ugh) is.  yeah it’d be awesome if they all became followers of Jesus and cleaned their lives up and helped others do the same. it’d be awesome if they could get off the drugs and alcohol and “do something” with their lives.  but what does that look like for them?  my idea of a “good life” and their idea of a “good life” and God’s idea of a “good life” may all look totally different.  I want to know what God’s vision for them is.  in the meantime, I suppose it’s just about building relationship and friendship and seeing them as Jesus sees them and not as “those people” (as we often separate the working class from the homeless).

it’s been a good week because I’ve tried to give each day to God and allow Him to guide my steps.  and I’ve walked, trusting that He’s guiding my steps because I’ve asked Him to.  He is faithful.

Barbara!!!!

I just saw a manatee!!!! It's in the middle of this pic! I spotted it from the balcony and ran down as fast as I could (via elevator). Yay!!!



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Mr Jim and Ms Kelly rock and are so gracious!! My current crib...


Riding the elevator to the top - 14th floor... :)



Aww look at Zeva down there! She looks so cute and little...


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sand in my ears

this morning i went up to Key Largo w/Marty to play beach volleyball. loved it. missed it incredibly. i don't think i've played since last summer. i forgot how different of a game it is from indoor. but it's good. so good. after i showered, i was still cleaning sand out of my ears.

i've moved over to Jim & Kelly's penthouse and am staying with them for at least the next week or 2. it's...a-mazing. i keep telling people it's bittersweet because while it's amazing, it also reminds me of when some of us girls came down here for spring break in college and stayed in the other penthouse. so i keep feeling like i'm on spring break and get all excited...and then remember i'm not on spring break and i don't have my girls here. sad. :)

headed up to Lifepointe Church tonight - holla!

there's a guy out in the water riding his jet ski in circles...over...and over...and over... haha what an exciting ride he's having...???

oh yeah - i upgraded to the iphone 4 yesterday :) Radio Shack gave me like $132 for my iphone 3G (+ my old charger). sweetness! i decided to upgrade while they were offering that much $ - i was afraid i wouldn't get that much, if any, if i waited too long. and i got a free case. hahaha 'cause i'm ridiculously good looking. really.

keep it real.
-jen

Jesus!!

Um. I get to see Jesus face to face one day!!! I get to fully be in God's Presence!!! Ahh!!! Sometimes those facts just feel so far off and I become callous to them because we toss it around so much in the Christian world. But dude it's for real and it's gonna happen!!! Stoked!!!


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“Jesus Calling”–Feb 28th

I don’t know the rules of blogging things from books…so I’m just going to do it and if someone has a problem with it, I’ll remove it. :)

I’m really lovin’ the daily little devotions in this little book called “Jesus Calling”.  Here are excerpts from today’s:

“Stop judging and evaluation yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both.  I [God] lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.

“Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is My [God’s] unconditional Love…

“I died for your sins, that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness…

“Immerse yourself in My [God’s] loving Presence.  Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.”

One of the Scripture references for this entry is Isaiah 61:10:

“I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

I love Isaiah 61.  I could do a whole blog entry on it.  ok maybe I will.  :)

great is His faaaaaithfulness

I got the Jesus Culture “Come Away” album this past week.  if you have it, you’ll know the song the title of this entry is from.

saturday morning I filled up a page in my prayer journal listing areas I saw God’s faithfulness over the past 5 or 6 months of my life.  I could’ve filled a lot of pages, I’m sure.  but it was so cool to do that – to remind myself of His faithfulness.  all He has provided for me, how He was carried me by His strength when I’m weak.

re-entry back into the real world has its rough times.  so confused at where I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to be doing.  there’s 2 directions I’m still trying to choose between (and maybe God wants me going a totally different direction and I’m not picking up on that yet…).  youth ministry in the Keys or pursuing worship leading up in the Denver/Cheyenne area.  I absolutely love my car and don’t want to sell her, but there are some days I wonder if I should just sell it and go live in Australia or a Spanish-speaking country for a little while.  live off the money from selling my car.

on 1/29/11 I posted an entry on here and said this: “i guess God knows i work best on short notice, when i dont have time to worry about it beforehand.”  a day or 2 later, our team all got little cards that staff/students at the YWAM Skien base had written for us.  they were things they had prayed about, asking God for words/pictures for each of us.  mine was crazy dead-on.  I’ll list the other things and explain why they’re dead-on but 3rd on the list says this: “Picture of an 8 ball, you are good under pressures –it’s a gift”.  ok that was like 1/30/11 that we got these cards.  look again at the beginning of this paragraph – the quote from my blog entry that I wrote 1/29/11.  haha whaaaat?  it’s so true.  I can focus better and work faster and “just do it” when I’m under pressure.  it was crazy to see that on this card (I’m always a bit skeptical when people pray to get “words/pictures” for others).

the other things on the card:

-“The more you know your identity, the more you will walk in Authority.”  Identity is one area that God has really been shaping within me over the past year or so and an area I really felt God grew confidence in me over the 5 months I was at YWAM.  and that statement is so true.  know Whose you are.
-“You are a leader” – this is something I never believed about myself until I went thru outreach and realized I DO have leadership ability in me.
-“God used the weak in the world’s eyes to glorify Himself.  He wants to use you.”  there are some things in life (like leading worship) that I always thought I was too weak to do and I would never be able to do it.  I determined to try it over outreach if the opportunity came up – to operate in my weakness and allow God to be my strength.  when Shane took me to the airport to fly to YWAM last September, he reminded me of this super cool dude (I can’t remember his name…Nick?) from Australia with no arms and no legs and how he’s changing lives by sharing his testimony and doing what he can, in spite of the “weakness” of having no arms/legs.  he’s allowing God to use him in mighty ways.  I used to (and still often do) see myself as weak weak weak – but I know and have experienced God’s strength and power to use the weak.
-“Song: Lead Me to the Cross” – this was the last song I had led at the youth group we went to the weekend before in Holum!  it was the one and only time I did that song during the whole outreach – and I gave it all to God when I led it.  worshipped abandoned to fear of man and keeping my eyes on Jesus.
-this last one was written by a Norwegian I think, because some of the wording doesn’t make sense but I think this is what it was saying: “Picture of a boat and you were controlling the boat.  But Jesus wanted to control the boat for you.  He wants to take all your burdens, all your tears.  He just wants to love you and show you where to go…”

Sail Away

Today was a fun day! Amanda and Zoe spent the night after vball. This morning we went to the Stuffed Pig for breakfast and they were having their annual pig races. :) then we went out on Shane's sailboat and anchored off a nearby island (not before seeing a stingray jump out the water and a sea turtle!!) and we all jumped in the water to scrape the barnacles off the bottom of the boat. It was surprisingly not AS cold as I thought it'd be! My teeth were chattering by the time we finished though. Then we got to go for a sail - it was so beautiful and calm!! Mmm!!! Then we brought her back in and gave her a good scrub down. She looked so beautiful!!







Tonight we had porterhouse steaks, black beans & coconut rice, and clams. Oh my goodness. A great day. :)
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El Mismo Dios (the same God)

God gave me a much needed realization this past Monday.  there have been many times over the past months where I’ve thought, “oh my goodness – what do I do after DTS is done??” and it’s kept me awake for hours on some nights. 

I’ll get back to that…but first…

I am completely 100% stoked to be home – oh my goodness.  my parents picked me up from the Fort Lauderdale airport Saturday evening and before we made it to the turnpike I had stuck my head out of my car (they brought Zeva up!!) twice and squealed with delight that my face wasn’t freezing off!  Palm trees.  Beautiful orange/pink sunset.  Pollo Tropical (Cuban fast food restaurant) at Exit 16 and Starbucks at Florida City before getting on the 18-mile stretch into the Keys.  I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole 2 1/2 hour drive home.  Sunday morning I couldn’t wait to take Zeva for a drive so we went down the 7-mile bridge and pulled off at the little beach area on the left and I got out and put my toes in the sand – mmmm!

Sunday my head felt like it was spinning – not the dizzy kind of spinning, but the kind of spinning where you’re like “…is this for real?”  my family moved houses while I was gone, so coming “home” didn’t really feel like home to me – this foreign house on a road I had hardly been down before.  it felt more like a cool house we were renting for a week of spring break.  so Sunday I still had this feeling like…am I really in the Keys?  then I realized what I needed.  I went to Shane’s house and jumped in the big bean bag (even though he wasn’t home) and then it hit me – I was home.    something of familiarity.  when I walked in the door, I actually took a deep breath as if to take in the smells…sometimes I forget I have no sense of smell.  haha true story.

so I laid in the bean bag for a couple hours (it’s a magical place – quite possibly my most favorite indoor place in the world – and I have travelled the world now!).  I started getting hit with the reality of the fact that I had no job (no income), I didn’t know where I was going to live after these 2 weeks, and I didn’t know what direction God was calling me to go.  I tried to shove off those thoughts for the day, though.  I wanted to enjoy my first day home.

of course, Monday morning rolled around (it always does.  good ol’ faithful Monday).  I started getting caught up in those thoughts of reality again.  I went to Psalm 34, a chapter I have been delighting in over the past few weeks.  I love the whole chapter, but I’ll just put a couple parts of it in here:

Psalm 34-
¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
² I will glory in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
----------
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
⁹ Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

 

I am loving this Psalm right now because I know it to be Truth.  I saw it played out in my life over the past 5 months, especially over the 2 months I was overseas.  I could go into it, but it might be off topic so if you want to hear more on that, ask me.

but God reminded me that He is the same God here, in the Keys, as He was when I was in Denver.  He is the same God, here, in the Keys, as He was when I was overseas in Estonia, Latvia, and Norway.  He does not change.

if He showed me His faithfulness over the past 5 months, why would He suddenly become unfaithful?  If He provided everything I needed and more over the past 5 months, why would He suddenly remove His provision?  the God that shared many adventures with me over the past 5 months is the same God that wants to continue having so many more adventures with me! He delights in me!

I had this illogical fear while I was away that I would come home and have no income and would not be able to afford rent anywhere and I was going to have to be homeless and eat out of dumpsters.  haha   hey, if it came to that – I know God is still good.  but I don’t think that will happen.

this morning I was meditating on Psalm 19 (SO good!!!) and I found myself sitting there in bed, staring off across the room, my mind trying to grab hold of God’s voice, seeking direction from Him and not hearing anything.  I started getting lost in my thoughts again.  and then…

this huge neon sign came down out of the ceiling and told me what to do.  ok I’m totally kidding.  that didn’t happen.  what DID happen was I went to take care of some business (cough, cough) and saw a book called “Jesus Calling – Enjoying Peace in His Presence” and so I opened it and it’s this book that has a little devotion to read each day.  so I opened to February 16 and the first 2 lines said, “Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.”

the same God that spoke to me over the last 5 months is the same God that will continue to speak to me as I be still and listen.

Tampa

I'm sitting on my last plane!! Just boarded in Tampa and oh my goodness - it's only 55 out but inside the plane is the familiar feel of slightly stuffy heat...oh my goodness it feels so wonderful!!!! :)


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Surreal

So I'm on the plane, headed first to Tampa and then to Fort Lauderdale - same stop I had on my way out to Denver. It's crazy to sit here and think about how I felt on the way out 5 months ago. Is this really happening? Did I really just spend 5 months away? Did I really go to Europe for 7 weeks??


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2 more things to do

2 more things i want to do when i get home:

1-watch movies in Spanish so i can learn more
2-seriously commit to learning guitar so i can lead worship on my own when there's not a band to play with

i think if i vocalize it (or...whatever it's considered over a blog), then i can be held accountable and it makes the commitment more secure (that's not the word i was thinking of, but i'm still suffering from vocab loss after traveling thru Europe for the past 2 months).

jargmine peatus...FLORIDA!

that's Estonian for "next stop - Florida!" (i memorized it from our endless hours riding busses in Estonia).

i'm sitting in the Denver airport, waiting to board - which is in about 2 hours. :P this morning on the way to the airport, we saw a beautiful orange/pink sunrise with the city lights shining underneath and the downtown skyline looking fabulous amidst it all. as if that weren't beautiful enough, we had the sunrise out our right windows and the beautiful snow capped rocky mountain range on our left. pictures couldn't do it justice - i tried.

i am so stoked to get home and squeeze the little Segard offsprings and my family and friends!! i can't wait to go to the beach. i can't wait to go to LPC. i can't wait to drive Zeva. i can't wait to lay in my hammock. i can't wait to get some color back into this pasty white skin of mine (it's kinda to the point of embarassing).

it is going to be SO WEIRD to not have my YWAM family around 24/7.

i had my flip flops attached to my carry on. somewhere between checking in and getting thru security i lost 1. sad. at least they were worn out and way past due for throwing away. i called my mom and asked her to bring me a pair to change into. priorities, man.

i cannot wait to have lots of quiet time over the next couple of weeks!! there is a lot i want to share on here about what God has taught me and/or has done in my life over the past 5 months.

5 months. wow. that's almost 1/2 a year. it didn't sound like long when i entered in to this adventure. now when i look back it seems like a long time.

i wish airport food wasn't so stinkin' jacked up expensive. my schedule for treats today:
first, coffee - i was going to go with a chai from Starbucks but i'm getting that later. i settled for McD's.
second, jamba juice smoothie. maybe the acai/oatmeal topper.
third, pollo tropical - exit 16, baby!
fourth, Starbucks for a soy chai latte - Florida City, right before hitting the 18 mile stretch into earthly paradise!!

eeeek!!

man i miss traveling with people - there's no one to watch my bags so i can wander off.

within the last week, by the end of today, i will have hit up 6 different airports - 1 of which (Denver) i'll have hit twice...so that would be 7 airport visits, but 6 different ones.

i've continued to wake up by 4:15am everyday this week (except Sunday). this morning i woke up at 3:30am. beautiful. :P hey, at least it was easy to be up and ready for our 6am departure from the base.

oh my goodness i just started singing "Avalanche" in my head and almost teared up thinking of Kate. man, withdrawal from my YWAM fam is gonna be rough (rough...aw, angel!). i swear, so many things i say/hear/see remind me of people now!

jargmine peatus...FLORIDA!

wrapping it up

today we had "report back" - where all the returning teams from outreach gave quick 10-15 minute reports to the current DTS students. we really don't have much left now - tomorrow we have small group in the morning. not sure what else. Friday we have graduation. Saturday...um...HELLO! JEN FLYS HOME!!

i was laying in bed this morning (wide awake for the 3rd day in a row at 4:15am - thank you jet lag) and thinking about flying home and then got SO excited because i thought, "OH! maybe we can stop at pollo tropical on the way home!!" oh be still my heart! the simple pleasures of life!

there is so much i'm so excited to get home to!! mmm!

definitely going to miss living in community with people though. i love living in community.

i make myself stay awake until 8pm. but at 8pm - jen goes to bed and literally crashes on her pillow.

antsy

this last week of DTS (debrief week at the Eagle Rock base in the mountains) is killin' me. it's crawling by. i just want to be back in the Keys. trying hard to live in the moment but failing. :P anyone want to pay the extra $ for me to fly home early? anyone??

last night in Norway!

Jae surprised us with a hotel this last night in Norway!!!! we thought we were going to spend the night in the airport here in Oslo, but instead we are in a hotel!! what a blessing!!! breakfast is at 5am and then we head back to US soil! oh my heart leaps! i cannot wait to be back in the States - back to where i know how much things cost and they're cheaper and there's Starbucks and most everyone speaks English! i cannot wait even more to be back in the KEYS! oh my heart!!!!!!!! i get so giddy!

Oslo, Norway

2/1/11 12:40am
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY BEN!! Awwww!!! :)

We made our way to Oslo today (err...now yesterday). We are staying in a big church that requires cards to enter a lot of the rooms (like hotel room cards). For the 1st time on outreach we are sleeping on the floor without real mattresses. Using my sleeping pad! Finally a taste of "real" outreach - haha :)

We are doing cleaning at the church for the first couple days. Then we don't know what. Oh and having debrief meetings with our leaders. I had mine today - woot woooot!

I can't sleep. I'm not tired. I listened to my iPod. I watched the rest of Princess Bride. I played Snake on my phone. So I decided to be more productive and write up a blog.

We found out today that we'll be staying up at Eagle Rock during our time in Denver. Sad. We're all bummed. We wanted to be in Arvada, either at the base or at least near it. Sadly, there is no cell service and no Starbucks and no fantastic sams up at the Eagle Rock base. Just...more snow. Fabulous. :)

4 more days til we fly back to the States! I hope I can get starbucks during our layover in Chicago.

I think I can't sleep because I'm so stinkin excited to be back in the Keys!!!!!!!

I'm laying on my back and this exit sign is so bright that I could probably read if I wanted to.

Free days ahead

So I'm laying here in bed, unable to fall asleep (thanks, coffee). I was thinking about what I want to do when I get home. I realized that, for the first time in a long time, I will have no job I have to get up for on Monday morning! Like...I will be totally, completely free of any committed schedule. I can go play. I can go relax by myself. I can go see people and spend as much time with them as I want.

Ahhhh!!!!!!

I'm listening to Misty Edward's "Always on My Mind" album right now. It's not helping me fall asleep. I can breaking out in throwing fist pumps up into the air (I'm laying on my back).


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random Norway observations

brown cheese. ya either hate or ya love it. i'm in between.

Mother's Day is in February.

they don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

married couples wear their rings on their right hand. this led to a good week or so of total confusion as i would hear people talk about their husband or wife and i would see no wedding ring on their left hand. then i would see them cuddling up to a member of the opposite sex and think..."wow, Norwegians are friendly people..." then i figured out they wear their rings on their right hands. suddenly it all seems so clear...

when you enter a building, you push the door IN. you don't realize how different that is until you experience it. i never noticed how doors opened in the States. but now i find that half the time i think i'm locked out of a building because i go to pull the door open and it doesn't budge. this has led to many freak out sessions, thinking i'm forever locked out in the freezing Norwegian winter weather. just kidding.

toilets flush by pulling up on a knob on top of the toilet. this was the way it was in Estonia and Latvia, too.

contrary to other "cold-cultures", at stores in Norway the cashier usually hands you your change instead of putting it on a plate, like in Latvia.

cars actually stop for you at cross walks. this was true in Latvia, too. i am SO not used to that. well, i wasn't. now i am getting used to it. which could quite possibly endanger my life when i return to the States and go to cross the street, thinking the cars will automatically stop...

YWAM bases are notorious for bad coffee. i've determined this. that's not a Norwegian observation. that's just a YWAM observ...no, a YWAM fact.

1 week left

1 week from today, i will be on an airplane headed back to the U-S-of-A! um. yeah im excited. :)

i regret not updating this more while ive been in Norway! ive been keeping a written journal though. i havent talked to my parents in over 2 weeks i think...sorry parental unit, i will try to call you soon! i would call you right now but its 4:25am your time and, though i know you love me, i dont know that you would be enthusiastic to talk to me at that time of morning... ;)

my time in Norway was been fabulouso! it has been marked by a growing confidence in God's strength and not my own. our main areas of ministry have been playing in coffee shops and running youth group nights. those have been the main things.

there's a large part of me that wants to do youth ministry when i get home. sometimes i wonder, "do i really have a heart and passion for youth ministry or does it just sound fun?" i think that question was answered this past week when i got to lead a Bible study with Liz at a local public high school. i absolutely loved it. it energized me. they had studied spiritual gifts the week before (1 Cor 12) so we felt like we should follow it up with 1 Cor 13 and 1 John 4 -- which is on the topic of love. i loved this group of students and the time we got with them. i didnt want it to end! it inspired and stoked me for when i get back to the fabulous islands (which...ah-hem, ah-hem, is 2 weeks from TODAY!).

there's also a large part of me that wants to pursue worship leading and whatever else goes along with that. i look back over my time in Norway and am floored to see what God has given me strength to do! yesterday morning we did a "concert" type thing at a Christian high school and Denise and i were supposed to both sing but her voice wasnt wanting to do it (the infamous cold that keeps going around our group - im staying strong - praise God i havent had it!). so i ended up being the one up there leading the singing. haha thats how its been most of the time - i go into a time of worship with a band and other people are supposed to lead and they either lose their voice that day. i guess God knows i work best on short notice, when i dont have time to worry about it beforehand. :) last night a small group of us went to a youth group for the evening and Kaley & i led worship (i love that girl!) - fog machine and bright lights included. haha - first time leading worship in that kind of setting.




what was really cool was it was probably the 1st time ive looked out over the people and saw them responding in worship. most of the time when ive led here, they show little emotion or response and i wonder, "ok God, what am i doing wrong here?" i have had to remind myself over and over that its not my responsibility to make sure everyone "gets on the train", as Will taught us during the "Heart of Worship" teaching week in Denver. some people will choose to stay behind at the station. and thats OK. its a problem when im the only one on the train and EVERYONE is left behind at the station - then i really need to seek God's direction and ask if there's a place where i got off track and need to change something.

another thing ive had to remind myself is that Norway is a generally cold-culture. the majority of people arent prone to showing emotion. one girl i talked to said Americans are so willing and wanting to show emotion and they cry all the time, like on talk shows. haha :) i have only led worship in Norway. it makes me excited to lead worship in the States, where the songs we do are more well known and people more often show their response in worship.

last night i messed up on "How He Loves" by cutting out the first part of the 2nd verse...oops. :) thankfully, Kaley is amazing and she followed and made it flow (i love leading worship with her). but afterwards i was tempted to believe that lie that i totally messed it up and failed and never wanted to lead again. but that lie kept getting shut out of my head by this - i am human. i will mess up. its ok. i will do my best and keep my eyes on Jesus and let Him do the rest.

i remember i went to a Hillsong United concert (i hate calling it that...lets call it worship time) once and Brooke Fraser (love her) was leading None But Jesus and she sang the wrong line. she totally kept going, because she's amazing. but it impacted me so much - i had always feared leading worship because i was afraid i would screw up. but when i saw her do that, i was like, "whoa...she just messed up...and she's Brooke Fraser...she's part of Hillsong...and she just messed up...she's human...she just messed up and it is totally OK" :) and besides that quick time of revelation that she messed up and it was completely fine, it didnt distract me from worship at all. i was reminded of that last night. and its OK. its going to happen. but God is faithful. He is the One doing the work, not me.

the fact that that lie that wanted to creep into my head last night got shut out is a beautiful testimony of God's work in my life. i use to be so prone to believing lies about myself. God has strengthened within me a growing confidence in who i am in Him and Him alone. i remember when i said bye to shane at the airport way back in September, he said this: "remember Whose you are and who you are in Him".

i am my Beloved's and He is mine...

Holum, Norway

We are in Holum, Norway for the weekend. We hung out with a youth group Friday night and tonight we did worship, testimonies, and dramas for them. Before the stuff tonight, we went to Kristiansan (??), an uber cool city by the sea!!! It was so cool!

Today we had peanut butter for the 1st time since coming on outreach!!! Praise God!! :) it was sooo good and tasted more like the natural PB. Mmm!! And we ate at Dolly Dimples, a pizza place, for lunch.

On the drive to Kristiansan, I listened to Jack Johnson's album, "To The Sea", and then Braddigan. :)

I did worship tonight with Jordan, Bob, Kate, Tim, and Angel.

I didn't have wifi in Latvia but I feel like I kept this better updated there than here...go figure.

Oh! Norwegians put pineapple in their tacos!!! Brilliant!!!!

It's Saturday night. I haven't showered since Tuesday...the house we're staying at doesn't have hot water. Killer... :P



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Comparing breakfasts

My toast...




A Norwegian's toast...




Sure, it looks good. But I pointed out to the maker of this toast that he needed something sweet to finish it off because nothing on this plate was sweet. He thought that was a good idea. I like to think I taught him something about toast...haha just kidding :)
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Bienvenido a Skien, Norway!

We are now in Norway for the remainder of outreach!! Found out today that we will actually be going to 3 cities (Skien first, then somewhere in south Norway, then back to Skien, then finishing in Oslo). Right now we're at the YWAM Skien base - it is sa-weeeet!!!! It's an old prison!

I loved our time in Latvia and miss our friends so much! That's the hard part of outreach - building relationships and then leaving. First Estonia, then Latvia, and in a few weeks...Norway.

I am stoked to be in Norway and for what God wants to do in and thru us here. It sounds like we will get to do a lot of cafe ministries and youth ministry. Stoked!!!!!

My birfday was yesterday! And I got to start this new year of life in Skien, Norway!! A few friends at the base here wanted to pray for me and get words for me from God. Hey, who am I to say no? ;) one said God had big plans for me. Another said they got a corny but powerful rhyme "jen can" - meaning God was saying I can do it.

Last night we headed up a youth group service and I was part of the worship team and led Where You Go I Go and did You Won't Relent with Bob. I sang. Loud. With a mic. On a stage.

Jen can. With God's strength, Jen can - she did, and she will do. All glory to God!

We weren't going to do You Won't Relent because we didn't get to practice it during sound check. But we had extra time left at the end and the youth pastor wanted us to do something. so we werent prepared. as we walked up, Bob whispered to me, "just sing your heart out!" so I did.

When I was up there, I kept asking God for His strength and peace. And He did not withhold either from me. I am amazed at the things "i" am doing on this outreach. I say "i" because it is not by my own means or strength - it is by God's grace that I am able to do anything!

Praise Him!


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Almost but not quite

Tonight for dinner we had big potato fries and meat balls. When you mix them together, it's almost like eating pica macchu!!!! Almost...yeah not quite though.

We have 4 meals a day in Norway! Breakfast, lunch, dinner @ 4:30pm and supper @ 8pm (which is just cereal).

Today we had mid-outreach debriefs so we all met individually with the leaders. It left us with much of the day off, which was great! We explored the local shopping/cafe scene. Um. Totally love getting to be here for the last 3 weeks of outreach!!!!


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Sounds replace smells

1/11/11 Most people associate things with smells. Smelling something specific brings back specific memories.

I don't get to have that. :) but, like many people, music/sounds bring back memories.

I'm laying on the couch right now (my bed in Latvia) and a couple nights I've listened to Spanish lessons on my iPod as I fell asleep. Tonight I saw a "Spanish Guitar" album at the top of my "Spanish" list so, curious, I clicked it and as soon as it started I knew exactly where I'd heard it before! It's a cd that has been in Shane's multi-disc CD/DVD player for like forever. It's one that you don't necessarily realize you're listening to because it's great background music. But it's one that almost always plays when people are over and we all make food together!! Mmmmm!! Smiling so big right now! Great memories of lots of great friends and great food!!

...wait, i think it might actually be one Sadie plays when we cook Cuban/Mexican type food...shoot, now I'm not positive...!

Either way, thank you, Spanish Guitar, for taking me to very happy places!!


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1:45am

we leave at 2am this morning - in about 15 minutes! i got in bed around 9pm, hoping to sleep a little. i never fell asleep. i finally got out of bed around 1am because i knew people were up downstairs and i was hungry. so i ate a 2nd dinner (chicken, rice, potatoes, and tea) and can now travel on a full, happy stomach. :) we are taking a bus to Riga (2-3 hr ride), then fly out of Riga to Oslo, Norway around 6am. from Oslo we take another 2-3 hr bus ride to Skien.

i think i couldnt sleep because everyone here has got me so excited about Norway! excited to experience it and see it! excited for what God wants to do with the last 1/2 of this outreach!

hopefully we will have wifi at the YWAM base in Skien!

Randomness

I'm just recording random things on my phone as they happen/come to mind until I have wifi and can upload this...

Light switches are outside the rooms, next to the doorway - both in Estonia and Latvia.

In Latvia, you have to wear a type of reflector at night. You can get a ticket if you don't. I still feel like this is just a rumor though.

To flush a toilet, you pull up on a knob on top of the toilet. You also throw TP in the trash in Latvia.

Conversation between me, Kate, and Katrina:
Me (to Kate): "that would be like a forever blunder..."
Katrina (overhearing us): "since when did we start speaking pirate?"
Me: "...that's plunder..."

Waking up to Kaley falling thru the bunk in Estonia will forever bring me laughter. She literally fell thru from the top to the bottom. I look over and she's sitting on the bottom bunk and her head's sticking thru the top. This was like 2 weeks ago and I'm laughing so hard I'm crying as I write this...

On Jan 1, 2011 Estonia switched currency to the Euro. It was the Krown (I know I probably spelt that wrong).

My brain is so confused. Yes, more than normal. Trying to learn/speak Estonian in Estonia. Trying to learn/speak Latvian in Latvia. Meanwhile, trying to learn more/speak Spanish with Angel (he's on our team and his family's from Mexico - he's from WA). I sometimes get tongue tied just saying hi to people in Latvia because I want to say "Tere", which is Estonian, "Ciao", which is the easiest way in Latvian, "Hi" or "Hola". Yesterday I was praying (not out loud) and I started in Spanish! The other day, a little girl at the camp was sad and I couldn't speak Latvian so I started consoling her in Spanish...because obviously she must know any language but Spanish...(?? Sarcastic. I don't know how my mind works sometimes - haha). Next up, Norway. Let's throw one more language into the mix! :) I find that when I talk with Americans now, I speak slower and am constantly trying to think of simple, common words to use because I have gotten so used to speaking with people who's 1st (or even 2nd) language isn't English. It'll take a little while to break that when I get home. :)

In Latvia, it is very common for guy's names to end in "s". Like Edgars. Bobs. Tims. Maris. Dad- your name would be Chucks! Or probably your real name would be used (Charles) since it already ends in an "s". And girl's names often end in "a" or "e". Anda. Liga. Amanda. Esthere. Elizabite. Often times my name is translated to "Jenna" here.

On New Year's Eve night on the city streets of Tallinn, Estonia, I was talking to a guy from Sweden (I don't think he was drunk yet, but he had a beer in his hand). I'm talking about God's goodness and he puts his hand up to ask me to wait, leans closer to me and says, "I appreciate what you are saying, but I must say - you have a really good American accent!" ...to which i respond, "...thanks...I'm from America...". :) I think he was surprised by my great American accent because he had been talking with another guy with us from South Africa who definitely had a non-American accent. It made me laugh :)

1/10/10 1pm I just saw (Boone - here is the rest of it!!) the sun!!! (later) and tonight i saw the moon!!! just for a few seconds. but i saw it!! first time seeing the moon since starting outreach! before coming on outreach, we heard it was going to be dark for the majority of the day. since coming, i can clarify what its like. we usually have daylight from like 9:30am-4pm or something. but its almost always overcast. i never really saw the sun in Estonia - i saw it behind some clouds (see photo on facebook).





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Let down

You know how sometimes you're really hungry and you go to the store and see something that seems like it'd be a really good tasty treat? Yeah. I was in that situation last night. Strawberry wafers. Def weren't as tasty as I had imagined.



But this juice was good!


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Extraño el sol

Here comes the sun, do-do-do-do!!!!


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post #200!

this is my 200th post on here! kinda cool.

we are watching Deadliest Catch - Behind The Scenes right now. its about the cameramen filming Deadliest Catch. just watching the greenhorns and seeing them get sea sick makes me nauseous. haha ugh thats a horrible feeling to be sea sick.

in other news, this morning i gave my testimony at the church! it was about 30-40 people. it was a lot smaller than they usually have because of the weather and also because of sickness. i was ok with it being smaller. :) i talked about the fingerprints of God and how i love taking time to look back over my life and see how He has led me from place to place, even in the bad times. i felt such peace leading up to it and during it! praise God! afterwords, i just thought about all that i have done over the past 4 months that i never thought i would be able to do - public speaking, leading worship, etc. how am i doing it? the only answer is God. it is by His strength and His grace that i am able to do it. i love relying on His strength in my weakness!!!!

tonight we will go to the local YWAM base and do a church service there. im stoked to go - i have quickly discovered that when you meet fellow YWAMers, there is an instant connection. friendships come naturally. its so encouraging and fills me.

oh! dude! so yesterday we went to Talsi to visit a safe house for children and their moms. i loved getting to play with the kids - as crazy as they were! it was so much fun! it tore me apart to not be able to really communicate with the moms. there was such sadness on some of their faces and i just wanted to talk with them so badly. afterwards, we were hanging out in the bus station and there was a woman there who saw our guitar and found out we were Christians and she was also a Christian. she was so excited that we were there and asked if we would sing worship. there was a man in the corner of the room and (in Latvian) she stands up in the middle of the room and shares her testimony with him! then she joined us in singing. she had to leave, and then the guy had to leave but he said he would be back. believe it or not, he came back and sat down! Elizabeth, one of our translators, continued talking with him and he ended up inviting Jesus into his life! it was amazing!!!!!!!!!! i am so stoked how God threw that opportunity into our lap!

that woman is inspiring and our team could learn a lot from her. to summarize in 1 word: INITIATIVE.

when we were flying to Estonia, i asked God what He wanted to teach us on outreach. the one and only thing that came to mind was 'CHOICE' in big, bold letters. it quickly became clear in Estonia what that meant. without bags for 10 days, attitudes sucked. over and over again, from different outside sources, we were reminded of how we have to choose the attitude we have in every situation. we choose how we react. we choose if we give God our all in every situation or if we just do enough to get by. choice.

i feel like the word for our time in Lativa is 'initiative". it is greatly lacking in all of us on our team. i am trying to allow God to build confidence in me to take initiative. i dont do very good at it. but im trying to grow in this area.

keep it real.
-jen

PS i apologize for wrong punctuation - still havent quite figured out all the keys on the Latvian keyboard. :)

1.7.10

yesterday we cancelled all plans and stayed home because so many in the house are sick with a horrible cold/cough/fever. it was sad. but it was OK because we had had 3 days full of doing a kids camp. tons of fun! just a little tiring. :)

today we hung out at an orphanage for those with special needs. they
were mainly in their 20s and older i think - hard to tell though. it was great! as soon as they started walking into the room,
their faces lit up and they trampled us with hugs!!!! they give the
best hugs, too!! so tight and they hold on forever!! we led a bunch
of songs with actions and did a couple kid skits and then we just had
hang out time - which mainly consisted of them hanging on us and
jumping into our arms (though most were too big to hold - they managed
to jump into our arms anyway!) and pulling on us to take their picture
(they were enthralled with the camera!!).

in the afternoon we did a program at a retirement home. that went
well too. it was sooo good to be out and doing things today after us
all being couped up inside yesterday!!

today Edgars drove us to the places we went. a lot of the roads were snow covered and we slid around the corners. as many of you can imagine, aunt jen needed to go into her happy place. so i pulled my beanie over my eyes and put Braddigan & Jack Johnson on my ipod and imagined myself in the Keys, in Fort Lauderdale @ the beach, and in the Dominican surfing. happy place.

herring for breakfast yesterday. that is the craziest thing ive gotten to eat so far on outreach. it was really good!

Latvia warms my heart

1/5/10
I am enjoying the people here in Latvia! Granted, we have been living with a pastor and his familia and working with a kids camp put on by the church - so most of the people we have had contact with so far are probably Christians.

There are 2 older, well "rounded" Latvian women who make soup for lunch for everyone doing the camp. They make my heart smile!! When I saw them coming in this morning, I said "ciao! Lab briet!" (hi! Good morning! - pronounced "lawb-breet") and they repeated "lab briet" for me a couple times and I copied them - they are so cute! They help us pronounce the words correctly (err...more correctly, at least - haha).

They don't seem to know a lick of English (at least, they don't let on that they do). But they get a kick out of confusing us and seeing us fumble around in the kitchen. :) I went in this morning to make tea and I smiled and waved hello and timidly said, "Ciao", (side note: it's so intimidating at first to attempt speaking another language in the native country!! Even easy words like ciao!). The women started smiling and one of them starts going on and on in Latvian and waving her hands and getting all animated while talking to me (as if she was saying, "come on, English girl, don't you speak Latvian yet??). The other sat there, smiling sweetly and giggling every so often. I threw up my hands as if to say "I have no clue what you're saying!!" and the woman laughed and kept going on and on as if she was telling me, "look American girl, you're going to learn Latvian one way or the other because I'm not gonna try to learn English at my old age!!" (it was a very hilarious situation, she wasn't being mean - just to clarify). Finally I managed to say "tea!!" and pointed at my empty mug and she goes, "Ahh! Tea! Yes!!" as if to applaud me for saying a word correctly! Hahaha :) so then I got my tea and decided to try and impress them so I point to it and go, "paldies!!" (pronounced "pal-dee-es" - "thank you" in Latvian). You should've seen their faces light up!!! So I said it a few more times as I walked out of the kitchen, then said ciao and left. They are great!!! Later they told me (my friend translated to me) that the kitchen was my home too and to feel welcome to get whatever I wanted. Something like, "always feel at home, but never forget you're a guest". I'm not entirely sure what that means here yet - in America I could assume what it meant but you never know in other cultures since they have their own phrases and ways of saying things. I need to ask our translator. :)


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First moments in Latvia

1/2/11

Stacie Orrico song playing in Latvian food court.

Pay to use the toilets. I knew places in the world were like that, but this may be the first time I've gotten to experience it! Took TP from the counter where you pay. Jae paid for us. Best outreach leader EVER! :D

The bus driver wasn't jumping at the opportunity to help us load our bags. That's ok. We made him late, he was probably a little ticked. Oops. :)

Saw the first sunset there's been since we flew to Europe!! On the bus from Riga to ...? It wasn't huge, but I had my eyes closed and opened them just in time to see it (there was like a lake or something). Most of the sky was still cloudy but it broke open just enough to show a little bit of a sunset. "You are Faithful" by Kim Walker was playing on my iPod. God's intimate timing. :)

Reminder to self

Jesus spoke words of correction and direction to His disciples, but He also led by example (washing of their feet, as 1 instance).


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HUGE EXCITEMENTS!

um - God has blessed me over and over today!! i am overwhelmed! i'll try to just list it:

5:45am - got up to do a Christian radio station talk show with Tim and Jae (Helina translated). it was in this guy's house (really nice place) and his wife made us tea. the show was broadcasted on the radio and the web (video...haha) - live. we get there, not knowing a ton about what this is about. the guy asks if we can each give a 10 minute message. haha no notes, no prep - just...do it. thankfully, it went a little differently. he interviewed each of us, asked us our testimony, asked some other questions, and then asked if we had a message to share - so by that time, it didn't have to be a full 10 minutes. i shared part of my sermon i had prepped for outreach. then i lost my train of thought while Helina was translating a verse. so i said "...that's it" - haha and the guy followed up with some more questions. when we were leaving, he handed Jae a wad of krowns (the currency here). we got in the car and Jae counted...and counted...and counted. haha each of us (4) got about $100 US each!

we got back around 9:15am and the Latvia YWAM team was here for a time of worship and intercession (YAY!!!!). soooo great!

music camp from 1-3pm and the 2nd half of the time we put all the instruments/vocals together for practice for the concert tomorrow. it was so fun!

OUR BAGS CAME!!!! praise GOD! it's like Christmas! hahaha :) Tim and Anna's bags didn't come, but we're takin' care of 'em :) and my sleeping bag made it! i was afraid it'd come unattached during all the traveling and i would lose my sleeping bag and broncos blanket (i was more concerned about the broncos blanket).

Aunt Toni sent me on outreach with 12 presents to open on the 12 days of Christmas so since that starts the day after Christmas, i had 3 days worth to open!! such great presents!!

ok Kevin needs his laptop. Thank You, God, for fun days with huge excitements!!