i regret not updating this more while ive been in Norway! ive been keeping a written journal though. i havent talked to my parents in over 2 weeks i think...sorry parental unit, i will try to call you soon! i would call you right now but its 4:25am your time and, though i know you love me, i dont know that you would be enthusiastic to talk to me at that time of morning... ;)
my time in Norway was been fabulouso! it has been marked by a growing confidence in God's strength and not my own. our main areas of ministry have been playing in coffee shops and running youth group nights. those have been the main things.
there's a large part of me that wants to do youth ministry when i get home. sometimes i wonder, "do i really have a heart and passion for youth ministry or does it just sound fun?" i think that question was answered this past week when i got to lead a Bible study with Liz at a local public high school. i absolutely loved it. it energized me. they had studied spiritual gifts the week before (1 Cor 12) so we felt like we should follow it up with 1 Cor 13 and 1 John 4 -- which is on the topic of love. i loved this group of students and the time we got with them. i didnt want it to end! it inspired and stoked me for when i get back to the fabulous islands (which...ah-hem, ah-hem, is 2 weeks from TODAY!).
there's also a large part of me that wants to pursue worship leading and whatever else goes along with that. i look back over my time in Norway and am floored to see what God has given me strength to do! yesterday morning we did a "concert" type thing at a Christian high school and Denise and i were supposed to both sing but her voice wasnt wanting to do it (the infamous cold that keeps going around our group - im staying strong - praise God i havent had it!). so i ended up being the one up there leading the singing. haha thats how its been most of the time - i go into a time of worship with a band and other people are supposed to lead and they either lose their voice that day. i guess God knows i work best on short notice, when i dont have time to worry about it beforehand. :) last night a small group of us went to a youth group for the evening and Kaley & i led worship (i love that girl!) - fog machine and bright lights included. haha - first time leading worship in that kind of setting.
what was really cool was it was probably the 1st time ive looked out over the people and saw them responding in worship. most of the time when ive led here, they show little emotion or response and i wonder, "ok God, what am i doing wrong here?" i have had to remind myself over and over that its not my responsibility to make sure everyone "gets on the train", as Will taught us during the "Heart of Worship" teaching week in Denver. some people will choose to stay behind at the station. and thats OK. its a problem when im the only one on the train and EVERYONE is left behind at the station - then i really need to seek God's direction and ask if there's a place where i got off track and need to change something.
another thing ive had to remind myself is that Norway is a generally cold-culture. the majority of people arent prone to showing emotion. one girl i talked to said Americans are so willing and wanting to show emotion and they cry all the time, like on talk shows. haha :) i have only led worship in Norway. it makes me excited to lead worship in the States, where the songs we do are more well known and people more often show their response in worship.
last night i messed up on "How He Loves" by cutting out the first part of the 2nd verse...oops. :) thankfully, Kaley is amazing and she followed and made it flow (i love leading worship with her). but afterwards i was tempted to believe that lie that i totally messed it up and failed and never wanted to lead again. but that lie kept getting shut out of my head by this - i am human. i will mess up. its ok. i will do my best and keep my eyes on Jesus and let Him do the rest.
i remember i went to a Hillsong United concert (i hate calling it that...lets call it worship time) once and Brooke Fraser (love her) was leading None But Jesus and she sang the wrong line. she totally kept going, because she's amazing. but it impacted me so much - i had always feared leading worship because i was afraid i would screw up. but when i saw her do that, i was like, "whoa...she just messed up...and she's Brooke Fraser...she's part of Hillsong...and she just messed up...she's human...she just messed up and it is totally OK" :) and besides that quick time of revelation that she messed up and it was completely fine, it didnt distract me from worship at all. i was reminded of that last night. and its OK. its going to happen. but God is faithful. He is the One doing the work, not me.
the fact that that lie that wanted to creep into my head last night got shut out is a beautiful testimony of God's work in my life. i use to be so prone to believing lies about myself. God has strengthened within me a growing confidence in who i am in Him and Him alone. i remember when i said bye to shane at the airport way back in September, he said this: "remember Whose you are and who you are in Him".
i am my Beloved's and He is mine...
1 comment:
I can't begin to tell you how proud of you I am... especially when I read this post. You'd already told me some of it on the phone but the night when Denise couldn't sing but you didn't back out. And when you sang the wrong line and didn't allow yourself to believe a lie that made you want to quit. That's a huge thing I'm working on right now. Recognizing the lies I believe and then counteracting them with truth. It's hard, and I'm proud of you.
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