Attn: Pastors/Worship Leaders/the Church

In regards to treasuring the Word of God... "Referencing rock stars, funny stories, or lines from a recent movie can appear relevant & trendy. But in doing so we can leave people starving for what they need most to hear from God." - Bob Kauflin, from the book "Worship Matters"

The Bible (the Word of God) is alive and active and is sharper than any double-edged sword (Heb. 4:12). It has stood up against the harshest of critics and skeptics. It is infallible.

He will provide

this past Monday I had off from work (Christmas holiday) – my first day off since getting back in the Keys (besides Thanksgiving).  when I came home, I flew in Monday night and was working the next day.  so I was super excited to have a day off to enjoy this place that I love.

I went to one of the quieter beaches that not so many tourists know about (although plenty still seem to find it).  sat down on my towel about 15 feet from the water and journaled and processed and prayed.  I flipped back through some of my journal entries – I like doing that from time to time.  it reminds me of God’s faithfulness and His provision.  and I started thinking about what my future might hold and spent some time sitting in the quiet, asking God what He wanted to do in the upcoming months and wondering how He was going to provide for what I needed (and/or deeply wanted…haha because needs and wants are often 2 entirely different things, aren’t they?).

I sat there and also asked God if I could see His glory in Creation in some way – to open my eyes, because His glory is all around.  how callous I often become to seeing it.

…I love how God delights to reveal Himself to us when we ask to see Him in a fresh and/or deeper way:

I looked up to look at the ocean and this flock of little birds swooped down right in front of me near the water’s edge.  they all flew in unison – the kind where if 1 turns, they all turn. SO cool!  I was thinking of how amazing it is that God created them to do that – it’s part of their nature.

I went back to reading thru journal entries and I looked up again and saw these same little birds, 1 by 1, marching across the shore right in front of me, pecking through the seaweed looking for food.  I don’t normally get excited and all “awww” about birds, but these were so cute :)  as I watched them, I was reminded of Matthew 6 where Jesus says:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

BAM.  a beautiful reminder of God’s provision.  nothing is too big for Him.  He is so beyond money.  these little birds had full bellies (at least they appeared to – they were nice and plump little guys).  my Father takes care of His creations, even the tiny birds – I can surely trust He will take care of me.

and this week I have been blown away by His provision!  this week, I have been given amazing, gracious, super generous financial gifts from people I love (not because they give me money…hahaha).

when I head back out West, I’m hoping to raise some support to enable me to do ministry more full-time.  I am super thankful for the 6-week temp job I was able to have in the Fall when I was out there; however, I realized I missed out a lot on the ministry-side of things because I was working a full-time job.

so … hey, it’s like…the end of the year tomorrow… I’m just sayin’, if you’re looking to donate extra money before the end of the year, Continuous Worship ministries is an excellent ministry to support!  :D  if you would like to make any donations, feel free to email me @ stokedauntjen@gmail.com and I’ll let you know how you can do so.  I’ll be sending out a support letter soon as well, but I figure quite a few of you who actually read this thing (…or maybe there’s only 1 person…hi Mom!!), already know what I’m up to out West and if you don’t, you can always peruse through my posts from this past Fall. or…email me and ask me!  or call me.  if you have my #.  but I’m not posting that on here because I’ll probably get creeper phone calls from random people who happen upon this blog.

:)

Zealous

I'm attempting to read thru the Bible yet again (I've attempted this many times and stop around Leviticus/Numbers every time). This morning I read in Numbers 25 about the Israelites and Phinehas. The Lord was furious with the Israelites who had started worshipping the Baal of Peor and was going to destroy all those who had turned from Him to worship this other god.

Enter: Phinehas. This dude sees blatant sin go on right before his eyes and he immediately puts an end to it (it's um...not pleasant. Go read Numbers 25, it's a short chapter).

Because of Phinehas' willingness to stand up for God's honor, the Lord turned His anger away from the Israelites. The Lord said, "Phinehas...has turned my anger away from the Israelites; for he was as zealous as I am for my honor among them..."

Wow. Phinehas understood the holiness of God. He understood what sin was and he was determined to fight for the Lord's honor. He was willing to stand up for the Lord's glory.

I'm not saying we should go run spears thru people (go read Num. 25 if you didn't yet...I know you didn't...go read it!). But what would it look like to be zealous for the honor of God in our lives?

Christmas a year ago

This Christmas i was remembering throughout the day where i was a year ago. Last Christmas was definitely a memorable one... thankful to be in the Keys with my family and friends for this Christmas!

get stoked: stranded: this morning, 6 of us + 1 leader and our contact (Helina) went to work at a soup kitchen. we walked to the train station and waited but the...

where You go i'll go

I have quite this beautiful tension going on inside of me these days.

this is where I ate my lunch today.  I sat down on the sea wall.  at the 7 Mile Bridge.  I didn’t alter these pictures at all.  it was just…purely beautiful.  the water was so blue and green today, even without my polarized sunglasses on.

and see, this is where the beautiful tension comes in.  this place has captured my heart time and time again.  I love it. God’s beautiful creation surrounds me.  beautiful people whom I love deeply surround me.  sunshine and warmth surround me year round.  and yet – the beautiful tension.

the beautiful tension of wanting to be called here so badly by God, yet having peace that He’s called me else where for now.  there is peace in that calling, a peace that transcends my own understanding (Phil. 4:4-7) because here – here amidst the blue green waters and the beautiful people that I love – here is where I want to be called to.  it doesn’t make sense to me that I would have peace about surrendering this love.  from the worldly point of view, it doesn’t make sense.

but I serve the One and only God.  the God who desires to do so much more than I could ever hope for or imagine (Eph. 3:20) for His glory.  that is what I live for, though my heart and mind are so easily distracted.

right now, I feel like He has called me to Torrington, WY.  a small town (village?  j/k) right on the edge of WY/NE where I never in my life imagined living.  while interning with Continuous Worship, we’ve come alongside a brand new church plant in Torrington, called SONrise Chuch.  none of us imagined actually moving to Torrington. it started off as like…a 2 month commitment or something.  when Paul and Cristine initially told me they felt God was directing them to commit longer to SONrise and to pretty much move out there, my first reaction was, “hmm.  well, that’s great for you.  there’s no way I’m moving out there.”.

see, if you’ve never been to Torrington (and I’m willing to bet most of you haven’t even heard of it), let me tell you something about it.  there’s no legit grocery store.  there’s no walmart.  there’s no target.  there’s no wendy’s, starbucks, or Chipotle.  you can’t see the mountains.  you can’t see water.  you can hear and see the coal train that goes through like 50 times a day (or at least it feels like it goes thru that often).  it’s…not my idea of earthly paradise.

but I have fallen in love with the people I’ve gotten to know at SONrise.

so going back to the night Paul and Cristine dropped the news on me.  I went to bed wondering what in the world was next for me.  I figured my internship was done.  it was time to move on.  because there was no way God could be calling me to Torrington, WY. :)

I went to bed.  and woke up wide awake at 4am the next morning.  all I could think about were all the opportunities God might have for me in Torrington.  I was filled with so much excitement.  I even tried reasoning things out and tried not to get myself excited.  I tried to get back to reality.  but the reality is – there are so many opportunities to share God’s love and to serve in Torrington.  I still get so stoked thinking of different ideas of what He might possibly want to do.

I never fell back to sleep that morning.

sweetly broken.  wholly surrendered.

story of my life lately.  :)

this is who I shared the sea wall with today over lunch…

Some mornings

Some mornings I enjoy my quiet time and coffee so much that I don't want to get ready and go to work. Today is one of those days. :)

Wish I was a little bit talla

Tonight I was doing some online Christmas shopping and realized the NCAA women's volleyball semi finals were on.

Hoooooold up.

Needless to say, my shopping took a lot longer than I planned because I was thoroughly distracted with watching a ball get hit back and forth. Hey - it's not every day you can catch volleyball on TV. Gotta embrace the opportunities as they come.

So Illinois has a player that's 6'6"...that's over a foot taller than me!! And USC has a 6'5" player...that's STILL over a foot taller than me!!

It's ok. I have come to accept that I will probably never reach 5'4". And I'm ok with that. God made me just the right size for what He created me for. :)

Like hiding in washing machines...

Circa 2006ish

Ol Blue

This is my super sweet ride while I'm home - an '85 Ford Ranger! Her name is Ol' Blue, but sometimes she gets called the Smurf. She loves the ocean so we try to see it every day. ...not too hard when you live on an island ;)

None But Jesus

I've been listening to the song "None But Jesus" a ton in the midst of trials lately. Challenged to the core by the words.

"There is no one else for me - none but Jesus..." NO ONE. No friend. No spouse. No one. He is to be my everything. Do i really believe that? Do I really live like i believe that?

"Crucified to set me free..." He humbled Himself to die on the cross to set me free from the chains of sin. From the strongholds battling to weigh me down. Because of Jesus, and only Jesus, I am FREE!! ...do I really believe that? Do I really live like I believe that?

"All my delight is in You, Lord - all of my hope and all of my strength..." ALL of my DELIGHT is in You, Lord! All of it. ALL of my HOPE is in You, Lord! All of it. ALL of my STRENGTH is in You, Lord. All of it. What does "all" really mean? EVERYTHING. ALL. Do I really find ALL my delight, ALL my hope, ALL my strength in Jesus? Do I really?

My friends - may we not merely sing familiar words, but may we take seriously the words we are declaring to our Lord and Savior.

---------
None But Jesus - by Brooke Fraser (Hillsong)

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

So when You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You, Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You, Lord, forevermore

urgency

if you knew you were going to die tonight, how would that affect how you lived the rest of today?

well first off, if you don’t know Jesus…my goodness.  He is who He says He is.  He is who the Bible says He is.  He is the Son of God and God is who He says He is.  Jesus humbled Himself and became the ultimate Sacrifice to cleanse you and me of our sins so that we can spend eternity with the AWESOME God, the Creator of the universe, the Creator of life.

and for those of us who know Jesus as our Savior – are we living as though Christ may return today?  because He totally could.  and He will one day.  maybe today.  maybe tomorrow.  maybe years from now.  we don’t know.

a couple weeks ago, at the high school retreat we were leading worship at, I was struggling Saturday night with having the courage and faith in God’s strength to get up and lead one of the songs that night during the session.  but then Paul (not Paul in the Bible…living, breathing today Paul – Continuous Worship Ministries Paul…haha) posed a couple questions to me that I think might forever change my mindset.  I hope.  he challenged me with this: if I knew that later that night God was going to take me Home (aka die an earthly death), would I really not take this last chance I had to share this life-changing, life-saving message that I knew to be Truth?  Would I really not go out there and use the gifts God’s given me and allow Him to use me to reveal His power, His greatness, more of who He is to those teenagers we were about to worship with?  Or what if I knew God was going to take away my voice for the next 6 months – would I still wuss out and not do what He was calling me to do that night?  would I not worship with all that I have?

totally rocked my world.  it has stirred up a sense of urgency within me. when Christ returns, I want to be building His Kingdom.  I want to be found building the Kingdom of Light in whatever I’m doing and not building the Kingdom of Darkness.

it also challenged me to worship God with all that is within me.  I want to give Him everything.  I want to love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind and likewise, I want to worship Him with all my heart, soul, and mind.  He is worthy!!

I fail at it a lot.  but by His grace, we can get back up and start fresh.  refocus.  and move forward.

I came home to find that Shley has been filled with the same urgency, so much more so than I have.  I love it!  I want to be filled more and more with this urgency.

don't lend me your vehicle

over the past 2 weeks, i've had a really back track record with people's vehicles...i don't know what's going on... -took Paul & Cristine's suburban out...got rear ended -borrowed Andy's big dog truck...backed into the tent pole. i was hoping he wouldn't notice one of the tent poles was bent. he...definitely did. ok so it's kind of hard to miss. -borrowed Andy's other truck, ol' Blue, today. i ended up switching vehicles with my dad 1/2 way thru the day so i could take Claire & Lucy to the beach. i get home and my dad thanks me for the surprise. what surprise? oh - i left the lights on on ol' Blue and the battery was dead when he went to drive her home. :) -oh - no, that's not the end. so my dad tells me about the dead battery. then i go to eject the CD i put in his Sequoia. and the cd is stuck in the player. like, stuck stuck. it says "error" on the screen. and it makes thunking noises when you try to eject it. this is just a fair warning to everyone.

Lunch

I'm eating my lunch today (Publix sub - yum) overlooking the Gulf at the 7 Mile Bridge. So beautiful. I just looked up from writing this and I saw like 4 or 5 people all taking pictures of something out in the water. I thought they saw dolphins or something. Then I realized they were all tourists just taking pictures of the view. :) I can't blame 'em. I had to take a pic myself and I live here (...errr...off and on...hahaha its home base).

Staying in the truck though. It's only 75 and there's a breeze so it feels cold.

Over bridges

Today I went down to Big Pine and had lunch with Amanda at Bagel Island. A little disappointed they aren't making my Hawaiian bagel sandwich anymore. But the mango smoothie was good an mangoey. :) then we picked up Zoe and went for a little adventure. Great time with great friends! Bob Marley, Jack Johnson, and Josh Garrels included.

have guitar? automatically cool.

I had never flown with my guitar until this past summer and I noticed I got a few comments about it and thought it was funny.  but then I flew home again with it this past week and it struck me: if you carry a guitar, people automatically associate this level of coolness with you.  they have no idea if you can really play – they just assume you can.  I’ve therefore concluded that if your self-esteem level is low, the solution is to go on a trip and bring your guitar.  I felt like a rock star by the time I made it to Fort Lauderdale!  first it was the super cute little 4 or 5 year old boy in front of me in the security line.  he turns around and goes, “I like your guitar!!  well…I can’t see your guitar…but I like your case!!” so cute.  then one of the security people picks up my guitar (in the case) and pretends to play it and sings some old country song to another security person!  as I was boarding one of the planes, the attendant taking tickets goes, “aw, I wish we had more time, we could’ve jammed!”  and then when I got off the plane, I heard a guy exclaim to his friend, “I didn’t know you could bring a guitar on the plane??”  quite the conversation piece, I’m tellin’ ya.

duuuude.  I am SO glad I changed my ticket and stayed the extra 2 weeks in Cheyenne.  yes, I got sick.  and yes I got rear ended.  but it was totally worth it!  :)  I am so so soooo glad Paul & Cristine talked to me before I was supposed to leave the first time.

this past weekend we were out at Maranatha Bible Camp where Ty was heading up a high school retreat.  we teamed up with him and Alanna and lead the worship with them for the sessions.  so much fun.  Saturday night was so super cool to see God moving in the hearts of a lot of the teens.  Praying He continues to work in their hearts & lives now that they’ve gone back home.

I continue to be amazed at how God has been using the song “Like an Avalanche” during our times of corporate worship.  we ended up doing it twice Saturday night and once Sunday morning because the speaker kept requesting it.  I love the words to the song, it hasn’t gotten old to me even after doing it so many times over the past few months.

so as many of you know, one of the biggest fears of mine in worship leading is that I’ll throw up while leading.  hahaha true story.  wow, this blog has become a really transparent look into my life.  :)  hoping my honesty will connect with others and spur them into deeper leaps of faith with our Almighty God.  ok so anyway, I’ve never actually thrown up while up there.  I’ve thrown up before hand (just once so far, I think).  but not while we’re actually up there, though I’ve come really close a couple times (amazed how God has always calms my stomach literally RIGHT before I start the first song…He is so strong, I am so not – it is by His Spirit and Him alone.).  ok so this weekend my throat was getting bad again (hadn’t gone to the doctor for the strep throat yet) and I had this lump in my throat Sunday morning that was triggering my gag reflex every time I swallowed (haha again, true story – it was so weird).  when Paul said the speaker requested that we do “Like an Avalanche” again, I’m thinking…”oh great…how am I going to do this when I’m already gagging because of this lump in my throat??”  so we go back up on stage while the guy is praying and I swallowed as I sat down at the keyboard and what do you know, it triggered my gag reflex.  so I’m sitting there, gagging over and over while the speaker’s praying, and I’m panicking, thinking, “what do I do?  what do I do?” and praying.  begging.  pleading.  and…gagging.  haha :)  I tried to get Paul’s attention to motion for him to take the song but he didn’t look at me.  then right as the speaker was closing, everything settled down inside of me and we started the song…

I was reminded recently about how our gifts that God has given us are for us to use to edify the church.  they’re not for our own boasting.  they’re not for our own glory.  they are to be used to edify the body of Christ.  that sure takes a lot of pressure off of us, doesn’t it?  I mean, He’s given us each gifts that He wants us to be willing to let Him use to edify the church.  it’s nothing we can do – we can’t change people’s hearts.  we can’t convince people of Truth.  but we can be willing to allow Him to use us and the gifts He’s given us, and the Holy Spirit does the rest.

God.  Is.  So.  Awesome.

Processing

I've been home a couple days now and have had the house to myself while Andy & Sadie and the kids are gone for Thanksgiving. It was sad to come home and not have them here, but it has been a really cool blessing to have a whole place to myself for a little bit. It'd be like a vacation...except I started back at work the day after I got back. :)

But I've loved having quiet nights to put on my iPod (last night, mainly Josh Garrels, tonight Misty Edwards) and lay on the floor. Haha :) praying. Thinking. Dreaming. Processing thru the amazing, overwhelming journey God has taken me on recently.

Normally when I'm in the Keys, I go go go. I'm reminding myself its ok to be still. I don't take nearly enough time to be still before God. This is good.

CW internship thus far

I returned to my muchly loved islands last night, pretty much exactly 3 months from when I got to Cheyenne, WY.  even though it was dark when we drove down thru the keys last night, I couldn’t help but sporadically taking a deep breath, followed by sighing as I said, “…I sure love it here.”  I probably did it at least 4 or 5 times.  :)

I just don’t know that it’s where God wants me right now.  I want it.  but His ways and His plans are so much bigger than I can imagine and I so often settle for what my small mind can wrap around.

interning with Continuous Worship Ministries has been incredible and one of those things that I still can’t believe I’m getting to do.  and even with this internship, I’m realizing more and more how small my view of what I think God wants to do can be sometimes.

and so this is a re-cap of my internship thus far.  I’ve blogged about a lot of the stuff over the past few months, so this will be more of my thoughts on the internship as a whole.

I started off by just committing to intern for the month of July this summer…because, in my small mindedness, I figured God couldn’t possibly be asking me to surrender my comfort in the Keys to pursue something bigger that He had planned.  ;)  1 month wasn’t scary to commit to.  so at the end of June, I flew out West.

have you ever interned under Paul Braddy?  no.  you haven’t.  I know because I’m the first to intern under him with Continuous Worship. :)  BAM!  well let me tell you something about Paul.  he likes to push people out of their comfort zones.  and funny enough, Cristine (his wife, my cousin!!) likes to too.  I didn’t realize this going into the internship.  which is a good thing.  ha :)  that first week we did the worship at a family camp out at Maranatha and the very first session, Paul asked me to lead a song (I think it was Mighty to Save…I’m pretty sure).  so what did I do?  I went and threw up in the bathroom right before the session started.  hahaha true story.  I don’t think I ever told Paul & Cristine that..but I’m pretty sure they’re going to know now… hahaha um hi guys.  :)

even during just that 1 month of interning, I got so many different experiences.  leading a song.  playing keys.  running the slides (I got a miserable cold that 1st week…nice timing).  songwriting.  practicing guitar and keys.  I got to play pads for the 1st time in my life.  learning the sound board.  Paul & Cristine were also the speakers at the jr high camp we did that month and I got to sit in with them as they developed the theme and messages they were going to bring.  we drank a lot of coffee (hey french press, how you doin’?).  we laughed a ton.  and we talked a lot.

that’s another thing you should know about Paul & Cristine.  they’re super intentional.  I loved that right away, Paul gave me a couple things to read/listen to on worship and then we’d talk about what I was learning/thinking.  the first book I read was “Facedown” by Matt Redman.  amazing.  personally, I can’t think of a better book to start off this type of internship with.

anyway, needless to say, God really worked on my heart during that month and by the end, I decided this was what I felt God was asking me to continue doing for now.  so I flew home, worked a couple weeks, packed up my place, simplified my belongings to what could fit in my Scion XB, and drove out to the great, freakin’ windy & cold & desolate state of Wyoming (still working on loving WY…can you tell?).  :)  Cristine even flew down to help me drive back!  she’s pretty much amazing and now one of my favorite people to road trip with!

I keep wanting to give a play by play of the whole last 3 months but I have to keep reminding myself I’ve already blogged about the details of most of the things.  stay general, jen.  stay general.  overview of internship.  stay on track…

one thing that has blown me away during this internship is how much Paul & Cristine have come along side me and walked with me thru the good, bad, and the ugly.  like…I think they might genuinely love me and care about me… which is hard for me to believe/receive sometimes.  but I think maybe they really do because if they didn’t, I would imagine they would’ve kicked me out a long time ago and said “adios” because I’m not always the easiest to work with.  (imagine me with a really big smile…HERE)

we laugh a lot.  and Paul is like a master at throwing “your mom” remarks in at just the right moments (which, when their kids are around, totally confuses them and makes it even more hilarious).  we drink a lot of coffee and eat a lot of popcorn and mexican food.  but we also talk a lot, too, about worship and life and what a life of worship is supposed to look like.  we talk about our own struggles and take time to pray together.  another thing I totally wasn’t expecting but am truly thankful for is that Paul & Cristine aren’t afraid to confront me when they see things in my life that I usually am not aware of (or am aware of and just choose not to work on).  we’ve had some tough conversations, but, like I said in a previous post, it is so evident that they are doing it in love and God has used them in huge ways in my life to gently give me a kick in the rear when I need it.  :)

Paul is like the coolest person to intern under.  I’ve gotten so many experiences and opportunities to serve, to grow, and to learn.  I’ve gotten to join with him and Cristine and various other people to serve thru leading worship in different ways.  camps, conferences, seminars, retreats, and churches.  I’ve really loved that these last 3 months, we’ve also partnered with a brand new church plant in Torrington and have been helping develop a worship team.  this has been amazing for me to get to experience because it’s literally starting from scratch and building a team of lead worshippers.  I love the community that has come from these times of spending time together as a team, having a meal together, studying the Word together, and then rehearsing together.

alright once again, I’ve written a book.  oops.
dude.  so in awe of how big God is and yet how intimately involved He is in each of our lives.  His plans are so much bigger than we could imagine.  I’m getting just a tiny taste of that.

Passing time

Sitting in the Orlando airport. Noticing lots of super white people wearing shorts, t-shirts, and of course the mandatory tourist visor. They have "hey sun - come burn me!" written all over 'em.

O-town

I've decided that flights to Orlando have got to be some of the funnest flights. Tons of kids giddy to see Mickey...shrieking in joy/terror when we hit turbulence. And then the flight attendant sang "Zippidee-do-dah" when we landed and everyone clapped. :)

I realized on the flight here that I've flown at least once during all but 2 of the months so far this year. I don't foresee myself flying anywhere in December so I'll finish the year having flown 9 of the 12 months of this year. Blessed. :)

one of those days

I had one of those days today.  we’ve all had ‘em.  you know – when 1 thing happens.  and then another.  and then another.  and you kind of feel like you should just go back home and hide out ‘til the next day and start over.

:)

ok, I didn’t really get to the point where I just wanted to go to bed and start fresh in the morning.  amidst the mishaps, my joy remains.  :)

the good news is, I was in the suburban…

so this morning we all went down to Loveland, CO.  Paul & Cristine and the kids were meeting with friends and I needed to find a cheap pair of jeans since my last pair of non-holey jeans just got big holes in them last week.  I took the suburban to go find jeans.  I found a great deal at this one place, so I got them.  then I thought I should at least look a few other places just in case I could find something better (although 2 pairs for $30?  totally a steal).  it was then that a big dodge diesel truck towing a big trailer rear-ended me at a stop light (the light was yellow, I stopped, the truck apparently didn’t).  amazingly, the only damage to the suburban was to the back bumper, which got dented and shoved around a little so we couldn’t get the back doors open (but later Paul took part of the bumper off and the doors work again).  the truck had more damage than the suburban. when I got out of the suburban, I kept apologizing to the guy and asked if I slowed too fast and he started laughing and was like, “dude…it totally wasn’t your fault!!”  :)  I guess it’s just my nature to assume it was my fault somehow.  and even though I feel terrible that I was driving Paul & Cristine’s suburban, I am at the same time incredibly thankful that I wasn’t driving Zeva because she would have crunched a whole lot more and I probably would be hurting a lot more than I am tonight.

I get everything squared away with the po-po and then decided that the $10 uber comfy sweat pants I had seen when I got my jeans earlier were now OK to buy because I had just been in an accident.  :)  at the time, they just seemed like extra clothes that I didn’t need and I don’t have the money for them anyway.  but now, I had them justified.  so I went back and bought them.  :)

ok so then I go meet up with Paul and the kids and the other kids he was watching at Chick-Fil-A while Cristine was at a lunch with friends.  suddenly, I feel this little kid’s cup drop behind me on my side of the booth.  I turn to get it for him and realize it was a bottle of chocolate milk…that was open.  so now I have chocolate milk on my back.  at this point, I don’t even care if it stained my shirt.  the poor dad was kept apologizing and saying how embarrassed he was.  I wanted to say, “dude…I have strep throat, i just got rear ended, and anyway, I am around kids all the time…this is nothing!” but then I thought that actually might make him feel bad if he knew I was sick and had just had an accident so I just reassured him it was totally fine.  :)  I did also consider asking if he’d like to donate to the ministry (I had heard their table talking about church so I thought for sure I’d have a good candidate).  totally kidding.  no, ok I really did jokingly consider asking him.  that part is true.  :)

and then the least climatic but still funny just because it followed the other 2 incidents.  we were on our way home and the boys started fighting and one threw a rubber ball and it hit me in the head.  hahaha :)

tonight while the kids were at AWANA, Paul, Cristine & I went to the Tortilla Factory for dinner and then got starbucks and talked at Barnes & Noble.  a good way to end a day that was long for all of us. Oh but I just remembered - my car wouldn't unlock when I got to Tortilla Factory...so I was stuck in my car trying to get it open and Paul and Cristine walk by and wave and I motion toward the lock on my car but I guess they just thought I was excited to see them. Which I totally was. Come on, now. They're super cool people! But I was also being held hostage by my car. Eventually it decided it was ok to let me unlock the door.

so. Here i sit.   popped a couple motrin.  got out the heating pad.  we’re good to go.  thankful for God’s protection.  thankful for the joy of knowing Him because He sustains me even when days don’t go how I would have planned.  I honestly never got mad at any point today.  thankful for God’s grace.

now I will go to bed and see what tomorrow holds.

:)

con toooo-doh

so i just randomly remembered going to this youth conference in Miami a few years ago and the worship team, bless their hearts, decided to throw in the Spanish version of "With Everything" (by Hillsong United). i think because it was in Miami and the majority of the people at the conference were fluent in Spanish. so when it comes to the "Con todo...con todo..." part ("with everything...with everything..."), the lead worshipper sings it like this, "Con too-oo-doh, con too-oo-doh...". now, if you know nothing about the Spanish language, you won't find that funny. you'll be wondering what's the big deal? but for the rest of you...feel free to giggle :) let's just say, the next time they sang it that weekend at the conference, someone had informed him of the correct pronunciation. :)

wanted: new throat

so it looks like i have strep. woohoo! my throat is killin' me. it even hurts to just move my neck much. there's a PB&H sandwich sitting next to me that i know i should eat but i just don't have the desire to because i know it's not going to be enjoyable. drinking hot things like coffee and tea also does not appeal to me. that's when you know something's wrong with jen. :) but God's allowed this to happen for a reason. while i lay low at the house, it's slowing me down to spend more time with Him. and that's never a bad thing. :) super exciting things taking place and in the making! God continues to stoke me. i can't post everything yet but just know that He is orchestrating the future and i've experienced Him working in such tangible ways lately. and i've been seeing/hearing of how He's working in some of my friend's lives lately too and i'm so so so stoked!!!! today while i was having Cristine look at my throat, Benji (9) goes, "Well - looks like we have a sick one in the house!" he also told me last week, as i was leaving to go to the gym, "You don't need to work out, you're already as skinny as a pancake!" ...a pancake?? haha the kid cracks me up.

surrendering to God’s sovereignty

in church yesterday, this phrase stood out to me from the message – “Surrender to God’s sovereignty”.  if I had that down, I would never worry.  it might have to be a new mantra for me.  :)

wow I am so glad I changed my ticket and stayed for these 2 weeks.

God has continued using Paul & Cristine to push me out of my comfort zone even more.  every saturday afternoon we drive to Torrington, WY and have dinner with the worship team from the brand new church plant there.  then we have a time of Bible Study/discussion before we rehearse for the service.  I absolutely love these times.  I think every worship team should do this.  :)

so saturday night I led the discussion for the first time after dinner (hi, I greatly dislike speaking in front of groups).  Paul asked me to share on Psalm 1 – which was ironic because that was the only chapter of Scripture that my dad had me and my sister memorize with him growing up.  really cool to go back and actually study it now that I’m older. 

and that Saturday morning Paul told me (notice I used the word “told”…I think him and Cristine have quickly learned they shouldn’t ask me if I want to do things…I’m working on being willing still :) ) I was leading None But Jesus and This Is Our God during the Sunday morning corporate worship time – 2 songs of which I totally love the lyrics.

even though I’ve been getting up more and more in front of people and singing/playing…dude it is still a huge battle in my mind.  I think it’s because after 20+ years (no one really asked me to sing in front of people when I was 2…at least not that I can remember…although I probably would’ve rocked Twila Paris or Sandi Patty because I belted my heart out to their songs…yes…I was THAT cool) of saying “no” when asked to sing on worship teams and giving in to the fear of being in front of people, I’ve developed a super strong thinking pattern.  my automatic response is to fear.  I’m trying so hard not to do that, but it just…happens still.  I know only God can remove that from me, and I beg Him to take it away so I can get up, confident in His strength and His sovereignty.  He is so completely worthy of all our praise and all our affection.  I want to lead others in worshipping Him for who He is.  I just haven’t conquered the fear yet.  I would love to be covered in prayer in this area, if you feel led.  :)

BUT – 1 Cor. 12:9 – His power is made perfect in my weakness.  and therefore I press on, trusting in His sovereignty.  whatever happens, He can use it for His glory.  whether my voice is shaking or not.  whether I throw up or not.  :)  He is stronger and He is greater and He is worthy.

totally stoked for the senior high retreat this weekend out at Maranatha.  5 sessions with the students.  praying for revival in hearts and that eyes will be opened to more and more of God’s greatness and who He is.

ooh!  this morning Paul & I got some time to do more song writing.  sometimes when we do that, we hit a wall and get nowhere.  other times the words/melodies just flow.  today was one of those days the words/melodies just flowed.  we got 2 songs closer to being completed – now we need to play them for people and get feedback.   thank You, God, for providing the songs that bring You glory!

on a sad note, we have all be battling sickness after sickness.  over the past month, I’ve had the flu, a cold, and now something new where my throat is so sore and it feels like I’m swallowing golf balls.  it really puts a cramp in my workout schedule.  ah, the downside of living in community and traveling so much.  :)  it’s all good though.  God is good no matter what and we all have so much to be thankful for.

headed home to the islands next Monday (the 21st) for an “extended” time…whatever that means! :)

sweetly broken

in just over 2 hours, a plane will be taking off in Denver, headed for Fort Lauderdale.  I had a seat on that plane.

and in 2 hours that plane will take off without me.

disclaimer: this might turn into a long post.  so here, I’ll summarize and then if you want the details, keep reading.  :)

Paul & Cristine came to me Sunday night, feeling that God had laid on their hearts to at least talk to me about sticking around 2 more weeks.  no pressure to change my ticket, but they just felt like they couldn’t not say something.  if I left today, I would miss out on the opportunity to join with them in some super exciting ministry times (mainly worship leading) that are coming up in the next 2 weeks.  God convicted me of selfishness and the desire to be in control (once again – a common fault of mine).  He reminded me thru a friend that the whole reason I came up here was to pursue using the gifts God’s given me in ministry.

there.  that’s the super short, condensed version.  I personally think the detailed version is a lot more exciting but I won’t make you read it all.  but if you do read this whole post, there is a secret prize hidden within the text.

ok I’m totally lying about the secret prize.  I know, some of you probably totally fell for it.  I’m so bad at lying.

the details (probably more for my own interest, because I also use my blog as a journal and I want to be able to look back on this and remember):

2 Fridays ago, I left work not sure at all when my temp job’s end date was.  I kept getting mixed answers and the last I heard, it was going to go longer than the original agreement, which would end this past Friday (the 4th I think).  so in my mind, I was prepared to work thru like the 15th or something, stay for the high school retreat that weekend that Paul’s in charge of the worship at, and then head home the 21st or 22nd.  and I was OK with that plan.

last monday, my supervisor pulled me aside and told me that that Friday would be my last day.  she’s so great :)  she’s a friend of my Aunt’s and the previous week she had asked me what my thoughts were about staying on at the job and I was honest with her that I was wanting something more flexible because my whole point of coming up here was to do ministry.  so, in her words, she was going to “release” me to pursue where my heart was.

so my mind flips into survival mode.  I’m super stretched on money.  now I wouldn’t have those 2 extra weeks of work for income.  and if I still stuck around for the high school retreat, that would mean 2 whole weeks of not having a job to keep me occupied. killer.  I nearly went crazy when I first got up here and didn’t have a job for the first 2 1/2 weeks. so last tuesday I booked a ticket to fly home this tuesday (today).  I planned to get right to work at my dad’s this week and start saving up $ for my return up here in january.  totally made sense to me and gave me relief knowing $ would be coming in and I wouldn’t be sitting around going crazy with so much free time.

it’s funny, looking back on everything, I specifically remember every time I told people I was going home and that it was more of a “financial reason”, I had this whisper in my head going, “financial reason?  wow…that’s a pretty selfish, wanting-to-be-in-control reason”.  but I kept telling myself it was just me being wise.  which maybe it totally would be.  but … ok I’m getting off track…

SO.  anyway.  here comes Sunday night.  hey, Sunday night, how you doin’?  I had gone to Denver to meet up with my YWAM fam friday night and came back saturday afternoon so I didn’t get to go to Torrington with my family here. (we’ve been going there almost every saturday afternoon, having dinner/Bible study with the worship team and then rehearsal.  then we spend the night out there and help with the service in the morning.  it’s a brand new church plant that started in August).  Paul & Cristine & the kids returned sunday afternoon and we’re all sitting around drinking french press coffee, watching football, playing words with friends (and getting ticked at each other but that’s beside the point) :), and then watching Despicable Me with the kids. you know, enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon/evening.  I was planning to pack on Monday.  I had already talked to like 2 or 3 people that afternoon about coming home and getting excited.

and then it happened.  yeah, IT happened.

oh wait!  no no no – hold on.  I forgot a detail.  I know, hard to to believe because right now, this is going so long that if you’re still reading, you probably can’t remember a time before this blog post started.  (Mriss – that was an allusion to a movie quote – c’mon, call it!)  but this detail is the whole reason for the title of this post.

earlier in the evening, I had left my guitar out hoping Paul would play. :) and then I got out the chord chart for “Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle because I had heard it a few times on the radio and found out Paul knew it and had the chord chart and I wanted to record it before I went home so I didn’t have to buy the real version (hi, el cheapo talking here). but he didn’t really want to play it because he didn’t want to play it just to play it.  it had to be the right moment.  which I wasn’t sure was going to come that night and I was bummed.  but then…

IT happened.  (did you just hear a suspenseful musical moment in your head?  like we’re in a movie and “dun-dun-duuunnnn”… ok yeah me neither)

hold on, I’m getting goofy now.  this is totally not goofy.  ok let me regain seriousness (it’s really hard for me sometimes).

so sunday night Paul and Cristine wanted to talk with me.  God had laid it on both of their hearts to share their thoughts with me before I left.  I totally love these guys.  we’ve had a few tough conversations over the past couple months while I’ve been up here but every time it is completely evident that they’re doing it in love and that makes all the difference in confrontations, doesn’t it?  because I’ve certainly had those conversations with people where I go away from it thinking, “were they just doing that because they’re trying to find something to pick on?”

they asked me to reconsider staying for a couple more weeks.  to live intentionally these next 2 weeks and be willing to be “all in” and be willing to be pulled even more out of my comfort zone.  we have ministry opportunities at church this weekend and then at the high school retreat the following weekend (which I had originally really wanted to stay for anyway because I love high schoolers!).  but they were clear that no matter what decision I made, they would support me and that I couldn’t make a '”wrong” decision because God is so much bigger than that.  nonetheless, the majority of the time we talked I curled over in my chair with my head buried in a pillow…did I mention I don’t take confrontation well?  hahaha :)  I had no idea what to do.  my mind was set that I was going to be leaving Tuesday for the Keys.  I was going to be able to go to Tiff’s wedding this friday.  and yeah, the whole time since I booked the ticket there was a part of me sad that I was going to miss the high school retreat and also just having some time to chill and write/play music (I’m totally thankful for God’s provision of the temp job here and I think I blogged about that a little while back – but working full time did take me away from some ministry opportunities and that irked me).

so like…I’m sitting there, head buried in the pillow, not saying a whole lot.  wrestling with God.  was He really asking me to surrender my desire to be warm and be in the place that I love with people that I love and was super excited to see?  wasn’t I make the wise decision by doing what was financially smart?  and yet I couldn’t just take this decision lightly anymore because it was obvious God had laid this on their hearts for a reason and they had the balls to come to me with it.

and then Paul picked up the guitar and started playing/singing Sweetly Broken.  I’ll put the lyrics at the bottom of this post. but it’s all about Jesus and what He did on the cross and our response.  this line, “You draw me gently, to my knees…I’m sweetly broken…wholly surrendered” wrecked me.  I felt God was asking me, once again, to wholly surrender to Him.  to trust Him to provide anything I was going to need financially by staying up here 2 more weeks.  by trusting that He is all I need and that He is enough to satisfy me during these 2 weeks of not having a job to occupy my time.  it was like He was saying, “we get these 2 weeks together to really hang out together.  I want You to be in My Word.  I want you to sit and write the songs that I give You.  I want You to surrender your fear and go all in these next couple weeks, especially in ministry.'”

and I love that phrase, “You draw me gently to my knees.”  He doesn’t forcefully throw us down.  He is so kind.  He is so gentle.  and thru Paul & Cristine, I felt His caring love.

so.  I had texted Lisa later that night and asked her what she thought I should do.  :)  and the turning point came when she reminded me that the whole reason I came up here was to pursue worship leading and using the gifts God’s given me and here there were going to be like…at least 4 or 5 opportunities in the next 2 weeks to do just that.  and that I was crazy for not staying.  :)  so monday morning I changed my ticket to Nov 21st (for now).

and I am filled with this eager expectancy of what God wants to do these next 2 weeks.  oh that His glory would be revealed and reflected!

Sweetly Broken
by Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Bridge:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Happy Place

Fact: when I was driving home from work in the beginning of the snow storm tuesday night, I put on my "Island Happiness" playlist on my iPod, which consists mainly of Bob Marley, Jack Johnson, and Josh Garrels. I should add more Braddigan to it, there's just one song on the playlist right now.

And this playlist makes me happy.

Stranded

I'm stranded at work today. Look at the picture. Would you drive in that?! I think from last night til this afternoon we've gotten around 8 inches maybe. Cristine is my favorite cousin ever (the rest of you...I love you all but today, she wins for best cousin ever). She took me to work today. :) She drove Zeva - Zeva did so well! I'm so proud of her. I think this was her first time even seeing snow. Although...I heard on the way home Zeva got stuck...and my Uncle came to the rescue. :)

Speaking of my Uncle Richard, he and my Aunt Toni rock my face off!!! Yesterday as I was at work and the snow began to fall, my aunt texted me and told me my Uncle cleaned out the garage so I could park in it!!!!!!! Zeva was so happy to get into the warm garage that she almost drove into the fridge.

Passin time at my desk during my lunch hour...

Kiera

Saw the dog out on the back porch...made me laugh :) I haven't seen her lay with her head like this before. And she has a sticker stuck on her rear. Hahaha rough day for Kiera...

get stoked: the teddy bear

i don't know how this link will work...experimenting...

i was reading thru some posts from last year. came across this one. i've been, once again, questioning if i put God in a box still. questioning "Holy Spirit" movements going on among various groups. processing thru, once again, my own experiences and skepticism. yet when i remember this moment, i'm reminded that God cannot be put in a box. that's not to say i believe everything that is supposedly "Holy Spirit" workings really is...but i'm just sayin'...i have to remember not to put God in a box and to remember to go back to the Word of God and see how it lines up with things that are going on.

so here's the link to the post...
get stoked: the teddy bear: we stayed at a Salvation Army community center in downtown Denver this week, having class in the morning and doing ministry in the afternoon...

almost a horrible day but totally a great day

we flew back from CA Saturday night, spent the night in Denver at Rachel’s and then she drove us to Cheyenne on Sunday.  so today was my first day back at work.

I was rushed getting ready for work – just one of those mondays where it totally felt like a monday and getting up and awake was one of the hardest parts of the day.  :)  hello, monday.

work was busy (as always…and I love that about this job!).  at lunch I was running errands and went to wendy’s to get lunch.  while in the drive-thru, a woman kept motioning to me and I had no clue what she was trying to tell me.  finally the guy working the drive-thru stuck his head out the window and yelled “you have a flat tire!”  I was borrowing a station wagon today, it wasn’t Zeva.  so I called my cousin and she came and brought me back to work.  and for some reason, the flat tire didn’t bum me out like they have in the past (not that I’ve had a lot of flat tires in my life…or…ok…maybe I have…).  I just laughed about it.

right after I got back to work, I was told I didn’t get the position I interviewed for.  to which I responded with a big smile because after interviewing for it, I realized I’m not at a time in my life right now where I want a full-time, hard-core job.  my whole reason for relocating up here was to pursue God whole-heartedly in the musical gifting people keep telling me He’s given me.  interning with Continuous Worship ministries.  and after being in CA all last week doing a worship seminar and helping with the worship at a pastor’s convention, I felt even more peace that this was the right direction to be heading.  so I’m totally stoked I didn’t get the job!  hahaha :)  and what helped, too, was hearing that I was so close to getting the job but someone else had a little bit more experience than me.  and they encouraged me to pursue a couple other openings that will be coming up.  I was glad I hadn’t bombed the interview (which was intense – being interviewed by a panel of 5 people).

I am, once again, blown away by seeing God’s hand on my life.  as soon as I got up here, I put my resume in to like 6 or 7 places.  didn’t hear back from any of them (they all were permanent, “real” jobs).  then this 6-week-ish temp job fell in my lap.  then the opportunity to interview for a permanent position came up and, trusting whole heartedly that God would direct me in this decision of work, interviewed for the job just in case that was what He had prepared for me.  it stokes me to look back so far and see how He’s kept me from getting a full-time, permanent job since coming up here.

I really want to be traveling with Continuous Worship, meeting and encouraging people and leading others into encountering the greatness of our God.  I absolutely loved what we got to do last week.

this morning before work, I asked God to help me with my responses when people at work asked how my vacation was or, more specifically, what I did on my vacation.  I was tempted to give the “I went to the coast, drove thru some redwoods, drove up Mt. Shasta…” and leave out the ‘I went out to help with a worship seminar and help lead worship at a pastors’ convention.”  but I didn’t want to be ashamed of pursuing God.  so of course, eventually the specific question came from one of my co-workers.  and, still to my own amazement, I gave the fully honest answer that included the ministry side of things.  I tried not to flinch as I said it.  haha :)  I mean, how does it sound to non-Christ-followers when they hear you flew somewhere to lead worship?  but it was cool – the person told me their brother was a pastor and their sister was a Sunday school teacher.  it was completely painless.  and I didn’t walk away thinking, “um…sorry, God, that I didn’t mention You in that response…”

so today definitely had events that I could’ve gotten bummed about.  it could’ve been a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Monday”.  but it totally wasn’t.  I was so overflowing with joy at work today.  I can only attribute it to God’s grace in my life. starting off the day with Him and in His Word and prayer are so crucial.

is it worth it?

“I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.” 1 Cor. 2:3-5 9 (NIV)

this passage came alive to me in a whole new way this week.  it’s one of those passages I know I’ve read before but it never really sank in until yesterday.  Todd (Nighswonger) has been teaching at the pastors’ convention we’re leading worship at this week in Grenada, CA.  he’s been teaching out of 1 Cor. 1-3.

I always think of Paul as being this super passionate, calm, collected guy.  but I don’t think that was always the case.

I’m reminded of the passage in 2 Cor. 12 where Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh that he had begged God to remove.

anyway, this passage resonated with me because I am a wreck before I get up to lead worship and/or speak.  seriously, a mess.  physically, emotionally, mentally…it’s a battle.  actually, last week (the week leading up to leaving for CA), I started questioning if it’s even worth it.  do I really need to continue pursuing growing as a worship leader and taking the opportunities that come my way?  is it worth the restless nights, the upset stomachs, the anxiety/panic attacks (I don’t know if there’s a difference between the 2…I just know whatever it is is not fun when it hits)?  is it worth the stress I go thru physically, emotionally, and mentally?

as I was wrestling with this question, the image of Jesus hanging on the cross came into my mind.  and as He was hanging there, in agonizing pain I will never comprehend, I heard Him yell to His Father, “IS SHE WORTH IT?!  IS SHE WORTH THIS PAIN??"

…ouch.  Jesus died for me.  He died for me. I was worth hanging on a cross, nails ripping thru His hands and feet, taking on the unimaginable weight of the world. I was worth it to Him because the Father loves me so much that He wanted me to be His child.

in light of what Jesus went thru for me, suddenly my struggles are…nothing.  He is totally worth it.

which brings me back to Paul.  he’s so stinkin’ inspiring.  even if I’m battling fear and shaking as I’m up leading worship, I’m going to do it anyway.  because He is worth it.

I am completely amazed and humbled that God uses us so powerfully in our weakness.

I'm goin' back to Cali

On the flight to Medford, OR right now, headed to Grenada, CA. I haven't set foot on California soil since we moved from CA 17 years ago!! Actually...it was around this same time in 1994 that we moved to Michigan. Whoa!!

So I just saw a fly flying around this woman's hat on the plane. That is a smart fly. He's getting a free trip to Oregon from Denver right now. If he had to fly that himself, he probably wouldn't even make it.

Seeing a fly on the plane is weird...it's not a normal passenger.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Famous

This week there've been a lot of elementary school field trips passing thru the Capital (were I work). I like to come out of my office and offer to sign autographs.

Ok that last line is not true.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Psalm 145:1-12

"I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; His greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends Your works to another;
they tell of Your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty—
and I will meditate on Your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of Your awesome works—
and I will proclaim Your great deeds.
They will celebrate Your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
He has compassion on all He has made. All Your works praise You, Lord;
Your faithful people extol You. They tell of the glory of Your kingdom
and speak of Your might, so that all people may know of Your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom."


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

epic step

disclaimer:  I write this post only to boast in God’s strength, for His glory – because on my own, I could never accomplish any of this.  so when I say “I did this” or “I did that”, I mean by God’s strength.  I thought I should set that straight so that I don’t have to say “by God’s strength” over and over again. :) not that that’d be bad…but…um ok I’m just going to move forward with this post now… ;)

this past Sunday I did something I’ve never in my life done before.  something I’ve been asked to do many times and have always said “no”.  I did a song in church this past Sunday.  like, not leading a song, but doing a song while everyone listened.  that kind of song.  on top of that, I played the keyboard while I sang – also something I’ve never done before (in public).  Paul played guitar and backed up with vocals.  we did “Like an Avalanche”.

I still can’t believe I lived through it.  hahaha :) I battled fear from saturday afternoon (when I found out I was supposed to do it) up until the minute before starting the song.  it’s in those moments that all I can do is constantly refocus back on God, seated on His throne.  I am singing to Him, I am not singing for anyone else.  I am playing for Him, I am not playing for anyone else. and my prayer is that, somehow, God draws others to Him through that.

right before we started the song, Paul read a passage from Scripture.  I didn’t know what he was going to read, but I sat at my keyboard, eyes closed, completely focused on the Truth he was going to read.  the passage he ended up reading was incredible – Phil. 2:5-11 (The Message):

^“Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.”

it lead up to the song perfectly – praise God for the guidance of His Holy Spirit!

anyway, anyone who has known me thru the years knows this is an epic step.  nothing compares to doing something that forces you to completely rely on God’s strength and not your own.  I am so weak.  He is so strong.

2011 has been epic for me.  fully alive.  I used to have an ache in my heart – I felt like if I were to stand before the Lord, He would ask what I did with the gifts He’s given me.  and I wouldn’t be able to say anything.  yeah, I’m a lot late on using the gifts He’s given me.  but by His grace, I am using them now.

I was telling a little part of my story to a worship team at a camp we were at this past summer.  I mentioned that I finally led worship for the 1st time in my life this year in Norway and someone stopped me and was like, “in NORWAY??”  -- it reminded me of how crazy awesome God is.  and it was on my birthday.

1 month

I've been here 1 month now - wow. Feels like longer but at the same time the past week and 1/2 have flown by - literally. Thankful to have income, thankful that I work with nice people and the work isn't bad. I stay so busy at work that the day/week flys by. It's insane. Missing some of the freedom with time that I had while I was unemployed. :) haven't made time to blog. I have a huge epic accomplishment that I have to share, but too much to type on my phone. Maybe tomorrow night.

Tomorrow's Thursday already?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Henri Nouwen quote

"...we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying, doing. We simply go along with the many 'musts' an 'oughts' that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord." - Henri Nouwen, from his book "The Way of the Heart"


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Ultimate Sacrifice

Jesus gave up all authority that was rightly His and, in an act of humble servanthood that has never been & will never be matched, allowed Himself to be the Ultimate Sacrifice for you, for me, for every face that you see today.

Oh how He loves us!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a day of blessings

today was full of great things!

I woke up this morning feeling like maybe I should put an “end date” on my time here, like if I don’t have a job by a certain date, I’ll head home.  in other words, jen started (once again) getting nervous about the depleting money situation that occurs when you aren’t working.  I fail so easily at remembering God’s faithfulness that He has shown me time and time again in the past.

today I got to babysit my cousin’s daughter - she’s 2 and completely adorable.  but she hadn’t really warmed up to me yet – except I did get a “pound it” out of her one time this summer.  that was monumental.  so I wasn’t sure how today was going to go but I was excited to help out and get to watch her (and her 3 year old cousin from the other side of her family).  we had so much fun!  i think we’ve finally established that she’s cool and I’m cool and we might as well just be cool together.  ;)

then I got to go with Paul to meet Larry, a house church pastor who’s phenomenal on the guitar and is passionate about teaching others guitar.  did I mention that he roasts his own coffee?  yeah.  totally rocks.  today we had coffee from papa new guinea.  and we all played guitar together for a couple hours and he gave me pointers and encouraged me to stick with the right-handed guitar since I can already play it, instead of learning the left-handed guitar.  not only that, but he gave us this guy’s # in town who works on guitars and can make pretty much any guitar (cheap or expensive) sound great.  I had been thinking I needed to upgrade to a better guitar if I was going to stick with a righty…which means $$ that I definitely don’t have right now.  but this guy works on guitars for like $30 and makes them sound great!!!!!!  dude – totally stoked because I love my red gitter.

I left Larry’s really encouraged.  not only did I learn a lot, but he also loves God and loves people and as soon as you meet him, you feel like you’ve been friends for awhile.  he offered to continue getting together with us to teach once a month or so for free – um…hello.  that would be amazing and so generous of him!

while I was at Larry’s, my Aunt called me to tell me her friend may have a 6-week temp job for me!!!  starting immediately!  I’ll be getting in contact with the woman first thing tomorrow morning to find out more.  TOTALLY STOKED!  praise God for such a huge blessing that has restored my hope once again!  I def will update on if this works out or not!

tonight I went for a run and really pushed myself – well…I pushed myself for awhile but then needed to be pushed to keep going (thankfully Paul was feelin’ good).  some days I really miss living at sea level.  :)  this 6,300+ ft elevation kills me when it comes to long-distance running.  I’m improving, but slowly.  plus there are hills here.  double whammy.  but it feels good to have had a good run tonight.

oh – note to self – eating a full dinner of spaghetti and going running immediately afterwards does not come highly recommended.  I nearly left my dinner on the side of the road a couple times.  and it’s taken me about an hour after the run to not feel like I was going to see my spaghetti dinner floating in the porcelain bowl.

dude…God has overwhelmed me today with His blessings.  He never gives us more than we can handle.  right when I was starting to lose hope, out of His grace and everlasting love He threw blessing upon blessing on me today.  Praise Him!

epic discovery: the library

I’ve always steered clear of libraries since maybe 3rd grade.  I used to love going to the library when I was younger, picking out tons of kids books or documentaries on the ocean and surgeries (yes, I was THAT cool of a kid.  recognize.)

but after probably 3rd grade, the library was no longer “cool”.  it was a place to go to get books for research papers.  once in awhile in college I’d go sit in the library with my computer and coffee and get a stack of books and work on research papers.  just to feel sophisticated.

now: the library rocks my face off!!!!

I’m just now discovering how great the library can be!!  there are so many books, ones that you see in real bookstores that cost lots of money.  that’s like the best thing about the library: it’s FREE!!!

you know how sometimes you go to a store and buy something (or multiple things) and you walk out, feeling the tension of “ooh I’m so excited I have this now!” mixed with “I shouldn’t have spent that money…”?  buyer’s regret?  yeah.  like even with books – how many times have we bought books and then never read them?  totally have done that many times. but this doesn’t happen with the library!!

it’s this wonderful concept of going to a huge “bookstore” (the library), picking out as many books as you want (the limit at this one is 100…wow), and walking out with them without paying a penny.  seriously??  how could it get any better?  instant gratification.  no buyer’s regret because it didn’t cost you anything.  no feelings of “where am I going to put these books after I’ve read them??”  nothing. just pure excitement of “owning” a new book (or…100), gaining knowledge and insight from reading it, and then returning it and not getting overtaken by stacks of books at your house.

confession: sometimes I’ve checked out books just to feel studious and sophisticated and then flipped thru them, maybe reading a paragraph or 2, and then returning them a couple weeks later.

come to think of it…I haven’t actually read a whole book I’ve checked out yet (since getting to Cheyenne 2 1/2 weeks ago).

but one day I will.

in the meantime, I will continue to enjoy checking out books, feeling like I got them for free (‘cause I did) and then returning them.  especially while I’m unemployed and getting poorer by the day.

ooh this is fun (though costly so I can’t do it often) – there’s a cool coffee shop attached to this library so I’ll check out a few books, then go sit in the coffee shop with a coffee (well, a dirty soy chai) and work on my laptop.  I usually pull at least 1 of the books out that I checked out, even if it’s just to read the back cover and put it back in the bag.

the library rocks!

:)

oh the discoveries of the unemployed…

speaking of which – I’ve gotten 6 resumes/apps out over the past 2 weeks of being here.  nothing yet.  pray for me if you think of it!!!

Los Canciónes

With my free time lately, I've been working on learning Hillsong songs in Spanish. :) I will use them someday. I know it.

I have "This is Our God" ("Es Nuestro Dios) memorized!! Working on "Hosanna" and "Desert Song". Ooh - just remembered I need to go back and learn one of the verses to "Revelation Song" and I'll have that one down too!!

¡Le alabaré! Praise Him! :)

What happened to Barney?

Watching Barney right now with a 1 year old. I've only watched a few Barney episodes (not on my own, I promise - they were all while baby-sitting) but I know for a fact that this is not the original Barney voice. This one's a fruity, nasal-infested creepy voice.

I wish I could record his voice to share with you.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Overheard at the coffee shop

Today at the coffee shop, I overheard a woman, probably in her 40's, talking to the barista about what she should order. She said, "I'm just getting in to the coffee scene-".

Props to that woman for making it that far in life before entering the "scene". I'm going to guess she didn't go to college. :)

College was when I fell into the scene. Freshman year. I distinctly remember my first drink (we're talking coffee here, remember?). I was training for work, which involved 2 weeks of 40 hours of training each week. Taking a full load of classes. Because I went straight from class to work until around midnight, i had to study for an exam in the wee hours of the morning. My roommate, Boonie, helped me out by making me coffee and loading it with cream (no sugar, of course - gross). And I was hooked. Coffee got me thru the juggle of school, work, and a social life.

I hope that woman enjoys her drink today.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

it’s monday, monday

that was to the tune of the horrendously annoying song, “Friday”.  just FYI.

we had a great time in Torrington, WY this past weekend.  Paul & Cristine (Continous Worship Ministries) are helping a brand new church there get a worship team developed. Saturday night we all had dinner with the worship team, discussed a chapter or 2 from the book “Facedown” by Matt Redman (incredible book), then practiced for Sunday morning.  it was so great to hang out with the team and get to know some of the people and worship along with them while they practiced!  church was great Sunday morning – they did “cardboard testimonies” where people had taken a piece of poster board and on 1 side wrote a short summary of where they were before Christ and on the other side wrote what Christ did in their lives.  for example, 1 side might say “Alcohol, lies, and worthlessness” and the other side might say “Free from addiction, valued as God’s Child”. so one by one they walked up on stage, held the “Before Christ” side out for everyone to see for like 3 seconds, then flipped it to the “Because of Christ” side.  it was so powerful!!!!!  I’d never seen that done before.  Paul played/sang a super great song called “Honestly” by … Vota?  not sure on the spelling.  but it went along perfect while they walked across stage with their signs.  I think about 20 people did it.

it was soooo life-giving to be able to be apart of ministry this weekend.  refreshing.  filling.

after church we went to see Fort Laramie.  for some reason, I thought Fort Laramie was something you hiked.  it’s entirely NOT something you hike – it’s an old historic Fort. hahaha :)

today I spent close to 2 hours on the phone with Microsoft, spoke with 4 different people, explained the situation to all 4 people over and over again, and got no where.  I’m trying to track down the product key for my Microsoft Office suite because I want to reformat my computer but can’t find the key to reinstall Office.  urgh.

on the flipside, last night we all watched Soul Surfer after getting home from Torrington – 2nd time seeing it.  love that movie.  so inspiring.

tonight everyone is out of the house, which is weeeeeird.  soooo quiet.  except for the dogs barking.  I’m about to dispose of them.

I’ve been reading and re-reading Philipians 3 again and again lately.  I love the Truth that is in that chapter. the reminder of the all-surpassing greatness knowing Jesus Christ – it far outweighs any earthly pleasure.  finishing the race, pressing on toward the goal, forgetting what is behind.  discovering true contentment no matter the circumstance.  the reminder that contentment is possible thru Christ, who gives us strength.  and the reminder that this world is not our final home – our citizenship is in Heaven. earthly gains fade away.

week 1–kids, chai, and lefty guitars

week 1 of my temporarily relocation to Cheyenne, WY is quickly coming to a close.  actually it didn’t come quickly.  the week has gone slow – not in a bad way though.  it’s just felt oddly slow.

oh – PS.  I call this my temporarily relocation because a “move” sounds too permanent and committal.  and, wanting to fit in with my generation, I try to be as non-committal as possible.  totally kidding.  ok, like 1/2 kidding.  but I’m making no promises that I’ll make it thru the cold winter.

I just finished a chai.  with espresso.  aka a dirty chai.  espresso’s coursing thru my veins right now.  can you tell?

ok so this post might be more sporadic than others.  I blame it on the espresso.

my fingers are FREEZING.  I should’ve brought gloves to this coffee shop.  but who thinks to bring gloves with them in 85 degree weather?

so, after almost a week here, I’ve had it confirmed that I will probably not struggle with being alone for too long involuntarily.  2 days this week we had 12 kids under the age of 12 at the house.  plus like…6 or 8 adults over the course of the day.  it’s been fun!  at one point I had like 6 kids (which I think all of them were under the age of 6) surrounding me as I sat on the couch and each was trying to tell me a story (except the 1 year old – he was just trying to put small objects in his mouth).  chaos?  yes.  but very entertaining.

I need to get a job so I can support myself going to the coffee shop regularly for quiet time and chai.

speaking of jobs – I’ve sent in 4 resumes this week (they were all my resumes – although maybe I should have sent in other people’s so I’d have a better chance of getting a job).  there’s like 3 of them that I am really interested in.

oh my goodness I’m freezing.  somebody cut the a/c!!

ok I did something that maybe I shouldn’t have but I did and maybe it was OK to do it (wow, hi espesso).  I went to Guitar Center in Park Meadows, CO on Wednesday while my aunt and cousin were in IKEA (which is almost inevitably always a minimum of a 2 hour shopping event).  they had 1 lefty guitar – an Ibanez acoustic/electric.  it was black with like flame-type things around the hole.  I wasn’t crazy about the flame-type things.  and it was $329.  which my ideal budget was $350.  but the case was like $80.  so that would’ve been too much, plus I’d be stuck with non-extinguishable flames I didn’t like.  plus I don’t have a job yet.  no job=no income=no money for a guitar.  but I did find out they have a 30-day return policy.

so yesterday my cousins and I went to the Guitar Center in Fort Collins, CO and they had 1 lefty guitar – a Fender acoustic, natural color.  she looks like a Taylor…only with “Ibanez” written on her.  she was $229.  so with the case, she came out under $350…which was my ideal budget.  I would prefer an acoustic/electric, but really I just need any lefty to test out and see if I really do want to switch to a lefty.  so…knowing there was a 30-day return policy…and knowing I had a Guitar Center credit card that allows me to have 0% financing for 12 months…I bought her.  ok but don’t freak out.  I firmly decided that when 30 days is coming up, I will return her if I don’t have a job.  I’m committing to that (wow – committing – such a new concept…j/k).  and, if when 30 days is approaching, I have gotten no where in picking up the lefty, I will return her and refocus back on the right-handed guitar and try not to chuck it at anybody in frustration with my strum deficiency.  I’m committing to that as well.

so like, I bought her, but I didn’t “really” buy her.

and if you’d still like to donate toward my guitar fund, please feel free to!

ok dude – I am frozen.  I have to get out of here.

time to go home and pick up the lefty.  and play my keyboard.  and practice espanol.

into the unknown

I realized for quite possibly the first time in my life, I have made a move where I have no clue what’s going on.

when I went away to college, I knew that’s what I was doing – for the next 4 years of my life, I would be going to college (wow…4 years of sitting in classes?  sounds awful now…haha).  when I moved to the Keys, I knew where I would be working.

now I have packed up my life (reduced to the size of my toaster…aka Zeva…aka my Scion xB). I have travelled over 2,400 miles.  I have no income.  I have no idea how long I will be here.  I have no idea whatsoever how I’m going to survive winter (I cringe at the thought – so let’s think happy thoughts…it’s 91 out right now…that’s really happy).

it’s tempting to dwell on the fact that there are many unknowns in my life right now.  but that just leads to anxiety.  instead, I have to choose to take every thought captive and refocus on Jesus.  because it is only thru Him that I have any hope, strength, or sanity.

living by faith.  fully alive.  there’s really no better place to be.

and I’m not alone.  besides knowing God is omnipresent (although I wouldn’t blame Him if He chose to stay in the tropical sections of the world during the winter), I am blessed to have family here to live with!!  I have great family here, great family in Nebraska, a great cousin in Denver as of last week (shout out to Rachel!!), and a crazy amount of friends in the Denver area that I can visit.  I’m so thankful that I know people out here because I could have taken this crazy move 1 step further into craziness by going somewhere where I knew nobody.

hey this was fun – I’m sitting here at a coffee shop attached to the library downtown (sweeeeet library, by the way – I feel smarter just being here).  all of a sudden my cousin & her husband walk in (Cristine and Paul).  it was so fun, in a city full of people I don’t know, to have 2 people I DO know walk in!  they’re so great :)

PS – still in desperate want for a left-handed guitar.  my current donation fund for such a purchase is…drum roll please…$0.  that’s including interest.  if you feel so led as to contribute to this purchase (estimated to be around $350), you just let me know!  ;)

ok – now off to finding my way back home…I swear I almost had like 5 accidents in parking lots today.  I have no idea why, but I’m going to blame it on weird Cheyenne drivers because OBVIOUSLY it can’t be me.  :)

Dear keyboard,

I'm so glad you're coming out West with me. I think you're gonna enjoy your time out there.
(testing out resizing pics-lately they've been posting ginormously)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

right wasn’t right

while I was up in Cheyenne, WY a couple weeks ago, I had what could possibly be a huge revelation that could lead to HUGER things.

for over 10 years, I have tried learning the guitar.  I bought my first guitar about 10 years ago, a classical.  soon after that I bought an acoustic-electric that I’ve had ever since.  but I’ll try playing the guitar for a little while, then get frustrated that I can’t keep the rhythm when strumming to songs.  for the life of me, I can’t do it.  being somewhat musically inclined, this has frustrated me to no end.

yes, I’m a white girl, but I do have some rhythm.  ;)

so these 10 years I’ve claimed that I’m strum-deficient.  and really, if you ever try to sing along with me playing the guitar, you’ll quickly agree. i've literally had friends give up trying to teach me at times because i just can't get strum patterns down. my poor friends :)

while contemplating this dilemma yet again a couple weeks ago, I had this revelation:  I’m left handed. ok so I’ve known I’m left-handed since before like kindergarten.  but I realized maybe I ought to be playing a left-handed guitar because when I hear music playing, my left hand starts “air-guitaring” – strumming to the music.  I think my rhythm is in my left hand.  I just learned to play on a right-hand guitar because that’s what the majority of people play, and all my friends had right-hand guitars.  the thought never crossed my mind that this may be my problem.

so.  I am now on the quest to save up enough money for a lefty.  I’ve priced them, and I think I can get one for as little as $350 at Guitar Center.  that is, if I can’t find a used one through craigslist or through connections first.

oh – what’s that?  you wanted to know if you could donate to my left-handed guitar fund?!  awwww!  I want to give you a huge hug!!!  of course you can!!!  just message me on facebook or email and we’ll talk ;)

shameless plea for monetary donations are the best, aren’t they?  :)

no, but really – this revelation could mean HUGE things for future lead worshipping.

Yard Sale Success

Today we had a yard sale. I sold more than I thought I would - made around $100! Stoked!
So thankful for how the yard sale went - even more thankful that it's over and the leftovers have mostly been taken to a couple charities. Now I can focus on packing up what's left. Cristine flys in Tuesday and I'm hoping to be on the road Thursday. Mega road trip!!!
Love this pic of Claire petting Mocha...



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Simplifying

This last week I've spent most of my time (after work) sorting thru my stuff. Throwing a lot away (including high school yearbooks). Putting a lot in a garage sale we're having this Saturday.
I can't wait until this part is over. I want to be reading/makin music/playing volleyball/hanging out with people. So stoked for when this transitioning part is over and I can focus on what God has for me.
Although...I suppose THIS is what God has for me right now - sorting and packing. :) so I will try not to get stressed anymore about it. It will be over soon.

Meanwhile, I'm sure going to miss my nieces and nephew...






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone