a “DUUUUUDE!!!!” moment

when’s the last time you had one of those “DUUUUUUUDE!!!!” moments while reading the Bible?  I totally had one of those moments this week as I read Ephesians 5…and couldn’t get past the first 2 verses.  :)

oh my goodness I get so excited when God’s Word comes alive in fresh ways!!!  watch out, world!

ok dude – totally grab your Bible right now.  I’ll wait.  or go to www.biblegateway.com.  it’ll be fun, I promise.

if you continued reading and you never grabbed your Bible or went to the website, I have 1 word for you: Revelation 21:8 (yes, that’s 1 word…1 word, 3 numbers, and a punctuation mark…or something).

I just had coffee.  and I’m stoked on Jesus.  the combination creates quite the energetic, rabbit-on-steroids effect.

ok, ok, I’ll make it easy on you – here’s what Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT) says:

^“1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”

isn’t that mind-blowing?!?!

no – ok – I mean yes, it is.  but let me explain what I’m finding in these 2 verses.

first off, did anyone notice it calls us to be imitators of God??  what??  and it says to imitate God in everything we do.  hokey pete.  and why?  because we are His dear children.  I like how the NIV puts it: it says we are His “dearly loved” children.  ok so you’ve got all the who, what, why, where, when’s all answered right in this verse.  who?  us.  what?  be imitators of God.  why?  because we are His dearly loved children.  where?  well, I guess everywhere, because it says in everything we do.  when?  …all the time, because, again, it says in everything we do…  BAM!

class dismissed.

no I’m kidding, don’t leave yet. there’s more.

so we’ve got all that going on in verse 1.  then in verse 2, it says live a life filled with love.  the Greek word for “love” in this verse is “agape”.  the definition for “agape”, according to my Strong’s concordance, is:

“…usually the action love of God for His Son and His people, the action love His people are to have for God, each other, even enemies…”

the action love!  I don’t know if I’ve ever heard “agape” explained as the “action” love.  so verse 2 says, “Live a life filled with love [in action], following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered Himself as a sacrifice for us…” 

right there it tells us what living a live filled with agape, action-love looks like: it looks like following the example of Jesus, who loved us so much with agape love, that He offered Himself as a sacrifice for us.  so what does agape love look like?  serving.  forgiving.  praying.  sacrificing my own selfish desires/wants for the good of others – for the glory of Jesus.

living a life FILLED with agape love looks like living out the “one another”’s in the Bible.  wash one another’s feet.  love one another deeply.  forgive one another.  pray for one another.  everyone who’s up for doing a “one another” study of all the “one another”’s in the Bible, raise your hand!

(my hand’s raised.  you can’t see it.  but it really is.)

living a life FILLED with agape love looks like following the example of Jesus in everything that we do.  in EVERYTHING that we do.  and by doing this, we will be imitators of God.  dearly loved children imitating their perfect Father.

#bassdrop

did anyone else have a “DUUUUUUUDE!!!” moment??

may our lives be filled with agape, action-love.  for Jesus.  and for others.  even our enemies.

the reality of “Christmas”

today I got to take communion in a way I never have before.  I had to walk through dirt and bend down before a cross to take the elements.

see, our church doesn’t have a building.  we rent a place at the local fairgrounds, but sometimes other events want the building on Sundays and we have to meet somewhere else.  we’ve met outside a few times (thankfully it was in the summer-ish months).  and we’ve met in the indoor roping/rodeo arena quite a few times.  today, we were in the arena.

and it was cold.  it’s been in the 50’s and 60’s for so long, but today it decided to be about 15 degrees with a windchill of –6 or something insane like that.  while there was some heat in the building, I still kept my 2 coats on.

there was nothing “pretty” about it.  it was dirty.  it smelled (or so I was told).  it was cold.  condensation dripped on us from time to time.

but as I walked across the dirt in the arena to take communion, I had to hold back tears as suddenly, the birth of my Savior and the death and resurrection of my Savior became even more real to me.

in the modern day church, we like things neat and clean.  we like our services to be neat and clean.  we like to appear neat and clean (regardless of what our hearts look like).  we often like to go to church, leave feeling good, and then go about the rest of our week.

and Christmas has turned into the exact same thing.  we focus way too much time and money on gifts.  we like our houses to be all decked out with “holiday cheer” and the gifts under the tree to look just right.  we love to read books that recount the Christmas story of little baby Jesus, all clean and neatly wrapped in a blanket in a manger with nice looking parents looking over him and curiously tame donkeys and cows laying near by (which – in reality, I’ve rarely seen tame donkeys and cows that like to lay angelically next to people.  and where is the manure?  like, really.)

the reality of it all is: the birth of Jesus wasn’t clean.  it wasn’t clean at all.  in fact, it was really really messy.

I mean, have you been inside a stable before?  they’re not exactly the most sanitary of places.  there’s manure.  there’s dirty hay.  I’ve heard they can smell pretty bad (I wouldn’t know firsthand).  I guarantee if you tried to have a baby inside a stable these days, child services would be called on you.

and there was bloodshed.  there was a lot of bloodshed.  Herod was King at the time, and when he heard there was a newborn “King of the Jews”, he was furious.  he ended up ordering his men to kill all baby boys under the age of 2 in and around the city of Bethlehem (check out Matthew 2).  I think most of my life, I’ve heard that part of the “Christmas story” and haven’t really given it a second thought.  but this really happened.  baby boys were murdered left and right.  mother’s screamed and begged for their child’s life to be spared and they were shown no mercy.  their baby boys were murdered before their very eyes, their blood covering the their mother’s clothing.

the birth of Jesus wasn’t neat and pretty.

then there’s the whole genealogy of Jesus, the line from which He came.  there was nothing pretty about this either.  if you read the genealogy of Jesus (like in Matthew 1), you’ll probably recognize some of the names from their stories in the Old Testament.  Jesus came from a line of murderers, adulterers, liars, prostitutes…the list goes on.

the birth of Jesus wasn’t neat and pretty.

which leads me to ask – what kind of God would send His own Son to be born in a messy, lowly stable?  what kind of God would choose a completely messed up line of people to send His Son to be born into?  what kind of God would send His own Son to earth anyway?

the God who loves us so much more deeply than we will ever comprehend.  the God who created the whole ability to love, the whole concept of love.  the God who is love.

He sent His Son, Jesus, to be the Ultimate Sacrifice to pay for our sins.  To anyone who chooses to believe and follow Jesus, God extends this awesome gift of grace.  restoration of our relationship with God.  a personal relationship.  He is not a far-off God that just watches things happen.  He is personal.  He is involved.  He desires for us to know Him and He delights in us!

^”And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”  ~Ephesians 3:18-19

Where is the sun?

Dear Wyoming,

If you do not allow the sun to shine soon, I may have to take more frequent trips to my other home in Florida. Yes, my other home - how does that make you feel, hearing that you're not the only home in my life? I hope this news causes great jealousy to rise up within you and it leads to the cloudy skies clearing and the sun shining brightly. Your cloudy December skies are killin' me.

Sincerely,
Jen

I just looked out the window and saw a dog walking with its leash dragging behind it. About 20 feet behind him, I saw his owner come into view - a very old woman slowly walking with a cane. Sweet, but It begs the question - how on earth is she going to catch the dog's leash if it tries to take off??

Random event of the day.

My days are numbered

Today my friend told me I have lived out West now long enough that I could get a ticket if I don't change my Florida license plates.

I asked how a cop would know I've been out here long enough. And they gave me a "seriously?" look and reminded me its a small town and my car stands out.

I would blow them off. But they also happen to be a state trooper. Ok so maybe they know what they're talking about. Maybe.

Oh sad...I might have to relinquish my Florida plates. This is a sad day.

finding rhythm

hello, blog.  I have neglected you for a couple weeks.

I was in florida working and visiting family/friends for a couple weeks, then came back out here and went straight to a weekend high school retreat, followed by Thanksgiving week and the change of pace that brings.  now I’m starting to get my feet back on the ground.

this week I am trying something new.  I’m trying to stop striving.

yes, that means I lay in bed all day long and sleep and do nothing.

NO!  come on now.  anyone who knows me knows I’ve got way too much energy to stay in bed all day!!!  yes, I can turn the energy switch off when I need to (like when I greeted my brother-in-law at 6 in the morning with an ecstatic “HI!  Welcome to Tuesday!!” and he gave me the stink eye), but inwardly I am almost always a combusting party of excitement just waiting to burst out.

wow, back on track.  this always happens.  squirrel.  what?  ok, no, keep focus…

this week, I am trying to take a break from trying to be everything to all people.  meaning, usually if someone asks me to do something or do work for them, I readily accept it.  I have been reminded time and time again lately that by saying “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to other things.  and that’s ok, if you’re saying “yes” to what is in line with what you feel God is calling you to do.  I made a list last week of the commitments I currently had made to people, and realized there’s not a cohesiveness between the things – they’re going all different directions and only a few went along with the direction I am feeling God pulling me to pursue.

meanwhile, I get stressed out, strung out, and find myself going from early in the morning to late at night like a hamster on steroids.

this week, I am working on finding a rhythm.  a way of doing life that allows me to get done what needs to be done, yet allows for more time for what really matters.  I fully believe that what matters in life comes down to God and other people.  it does not matter how much money I make.  it does not matter what car I had (although you must admit, Zeva is one sweet ride).  it does not matter whether or not my furniture matched and looked trendy.  it does not matter whether I appeared to have everything all together or not.
life comes down to God and how I am loving and serving others for His glory.

so this week I have been trying to slow down and not worry about what I didn’t get done the day before.  taking time to talk to people when I see them and not being in a spastic rush to get something done.  I went for a run and ended up walking for a good chunk at the end – simply because I realized I didn’t need to impress anybody and I didn’t need to prove anything to myself.  and guess what?  I enjoyed the grace that I gave myself!!  and yesterday, I took like 20 minutes to read in the afternoon with a cup of coffee and it was very delightful.  :)

I have been reading through Psalm 119 this week and I am loving it.  it stirs up within me a refreshed desire to know God’s Word, to take more time to study it and to cherish it.  when we follow His Word, it brings freedom (Ps. 119:45).  quite often, people think being a “Christian” means following a bunch of rigid rules and looking like a constipated water rat.  but in reality – being a Christ-follower means living in freedom – freedom to dance and rejoice in unending grace and unfailing love!

on a slightly different but kind of the same note: this song started playing on my iTunes this week and I thought I’d share it.  I wrote this last May when I was out at the ranch for a weekend.  Paul, Meghan, and I did a rough recording of it this summer and that’s what this is.

You Will Remain – click to hear it
Holy Spirit, fill me with desire for Jesus
Illuminate Your magnificence
That everything else would fade away
That everything else would fade away
You alone are deserving of all my affection
You alone are deserving of all of my praise
You alone are worthy of all of my worship
On the throne You will remain
Holy Spirit, cause my heart to hunger for Jesus
Captivate my mind
Without You, God, this life is not worth living
I need You – I need You by my side

morning run carnage

yesterday morning i went for a run with my dad and my sister. it was the first time all 3 of us had run together - EVER. it was great and i don't take it for granted! however, the carnage on the road was disturbing. along our run, we saw: -squished frogs -a squashed gecko -a smashed crab -a schmooshed snake -a 1/2 eaten fish (i gave up on finding an "s" word to go with this one) welcome to the Florida Keys. :)

Snapshots of today

Today we went to Pigeon Key for pirate day. :) Some of us took the ferry out. Some of us walked out (on the old 7 mile bridge). Some of us ran the 2 miles out (sisters = hardcore). The girls liked the pirates. Ben just wanted to see the bobcat and John Deere tractor. We also checked out the solar system my dad and his company are installing on the island. Beautiful day!

Country Boy

We were sitting in the van last night and Ben (2 1/2 yrs old) was telling me some story (probably involving semi trucks, cranes, and bobcats).  Andy put this country song on (“Cruise)" and Ben instantly snaps into musical trance mode.  This kid loves music and loves country music, especially.  He even has boots, chaps, and a cowboy hat.  The kid would be right at home in Wyoming.

Snapshot

I'm on a work/visit trip this week. Loving the time I'm getting with family and friends!

The other day, I was sitting on the back porch. My sister, bro-in-law, and their 3 blondies (ages 8, 5, and 2) fling open the doors of the mini van and Taylor Swift's song, "Mean", comes blaring out of the van's speakers. And then each of the little offspring came bouncing out of the van, singing along at the top of their lungs.

Classic.

removing Jesus from the equation

what if you took Jesus out of the equation?

if I were to hear just that question with no context, red flags would go up and I’d say that sounded like some type of Rob Bell question.  I mean, you can’t take Jesus out of the equation.  You can’t remove Him from the Bible.  You can’t remove Him from the Christian faith.  You just can’t.

ok but what if you did?  wait – ok, stick with me here for a minute.

at worship team practice last night, we were discussing Psalm 97.  Here are the first 7 verses -

¹ The Lord is king!
Let the earth rejoice!
Let the farthest coastlands be glad.
² Dark clouds surround him.
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.
³ Fire spreads ahead of him
and burns up all his foes.
⁴ His lightning flashes out across the world.
The earth sees and trembles.
⁵ The mountains melt like wax before the Lord,
before the Lord of all the earth.
⁶ The heavens proclaim his righteousness;
every nation sees his glory.
⁷ Those who worship idols are disgraced—
all who brag about their worthless gods—
for every god must bow to him.

So you read that and if you’re like me, you think “Yeah…totally.  Wow, God – You are awesome!”  You can read all through the Old Testament of crazy accounts of God’s unfailing love and compassion, and also accounts of God’s wrath and justice.  But in the New Testament, you don’t read those same kinds of accounts – at least ones about God wiping out entire nations and requiring all these sacrifices to keep people in right standing with Him.  We don’t see these stories because…well…enter Jesus.  The ultimate sacrifice, our ultimate rescuer, the One who redeems us and restores our relationship with the Father.

I don’t know about you, but often when I read the Old Testament, I think “God, I don’t understand why You do the things You do, but I know You’re good and I know You’re just.  and I’m glad Jesus’ blood covers me.”

ok so now – what if you removed Jesus from the equation?

as we read Psalm 97 last night, I was challenged by this.  I re-read Psalm 97 with this in mind, and suddenly…God’s holiness and His righteousness hit me in a whole new way.

“Fire burns up His foes…His lightning flashes out across the world…the earth sees and trembles!  Mountains melt like wax before the Lord…those who worship idols are disgraced…every god must bow to Him…”

see, when I’ve read passages like this before, I think I’ve always kept Jesus in the back of my mind – yeah, God’s holiness and splendor is terrifying (beyond what I can comprehend, for sure)…but I’ve got Jesus.  I mean, in the New Testament, we are told we can boldly approach the throne of God because of Jesus (Heb. 4:14-16, for example).  it’s almost like I have grown accustomed to this feeling of entitlement, for lack of a better word.  I take it for granted that I can approach the throne of God because of Jesus.

but when you remove Jesus from the equation, when you read these Old Testament passages with the mentality of “ok, this is how God is and I don’t have Jesus here to vouch for me”…oh.  my.  goodness.  Our God, the Creator of the Universe who holds it all together…is terrifying.  He is Holy.  He is Righteous.  He is Just.  in His presence, sin cannot exist.  without Jesus, I would not exist in His presence.

I think by removing Jesus from the equation, I realize my sinful wretchedness in a whole new way.  and at the same time, I realize my need for an Advocate, an Ultimate Sacrifice that will cleanse me of my unrighteousness and allow me to come before the throne of the Holy God.

may we come to recognize on whole new levels the holiness and righteousness of God.  and may we fall deeper in love with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

our God is worthy.

my top 7 reasons for liking the snow tonight

it’s snowing right now.  it’s actually beautiful, it’s the big fluffy flakes that just gently fall to the ground.  I’d take a picture but it’s night and the camera won’t do it justice.

normally, I would be twitching involuntarily and going around with my hands in fists and exclaiming, “I HATE THIS!!”

but tonight, no.  I am quite at peace about it.  here are my top reasons (perhaps my only reasons) why:

1. The farmers/ranchers need moisture (look, I put that one first so I sound super selfless and hopefully appear to be the most humble person you know).  (please regard anything in parentheses as completely sarcastic).  No but really, they really do need the moisture.
2. I have an amazing, warm, squishy, down coat that I just got a couple weeks ago.  Not only is it amazing, warm, and squishy, but I also look like a slightly-deflated black marshmallow.  or the Michelin man.  and I feel squishy.  and it’s awesome.
3. I have super warm gloves that Cristine introduced me to last winter.  And since I went home to Florida for 1/2 the winter last year (don’t hate), now I can get more use out of them!
4. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t have to drive to work on the icy, gross, freezing, snowy roads.  My jobs rock.  The furthest I have to walk tomorrow is from my bed to the coffee pot, back to my desk in my bedroom.  Given the fabulous layout of our house, that means I don’t even have to walk outside.  it’s a beautiful thing, really.
5. I can drink the same large amount of coffee I normally drink, but now use the legitimate excuse that it helps keep me warm and my body temperature stable.
6. I have a space heater that cranks up to 80 degrees and I can have my own Jack Johnson/Bob Marley festival in my room and put on surf documentaries.
7. In 10 days, I will be in SoFla (South Florida) for 11 days.  This might be my #1 reason for being at peace with the snow tonight, but I put it last so it appears that I’m not rubbing it in.

today: random bewilderments

I had to look up the word “bewilderment” after I wrote it.  true story.  it’s like one of those words that nobody really uses a lot, but at random times it just seems like the best word to use.  I had to dictionary.com it to make sure I used it correctly.  ain’t no shame.

today as I was driving, I saw a dog on the side of the road…happily frolicking…in poop.  or a dead animal.  I couldn’t tell for sure as I drove by.  but it was wagging it’s tail and rolling around over and over.  as I passed, I laughed but felt bad for the dog’s owners.

about 50 feet past the dog, there was a cow on the side of the road that had gotten out of its pasture.  I would prefer him on my plate.  but hey, as long as he stays off the road, I’m OK.

I went to a coffee shop today, one that my cousin and i have had numerous “wow, really?” moments at.  so, normally I now just get a decaf coffee or an Americano to keep it simple.  but today, I ordered a soy hazelnut decaf latte.  because it’s Sunday.  and I was craving something sweet.  and like I said, it’s Sunday.  c’mon.  I should’ve known this wasn’t going to end well the moment the barista turned to her co-worker and said “it’s an iced coffee”. …  I interrupted her and asked if they were making my latte iced.  and she looked at me confused and said, “well yeah, that’s what a latte is - all lattes are iced.”  … oh boy.  I had to give a polite lesson in what a latte was.  to the coffee shop.  this was the same place that I once ordered decaf coffee and the barista (a different one) looked at me totally confused and asked, “so…do you like…want that brewed or…?”  … ????  over 5 minutes later, I left with milky coffee.  sigh.  I guess I’ll stick to homemade lattes.

on the flip side, one of our high school girls gave her testimony at church today and it was amazing!  I LOVE seeing God work in and thru people.  turning ashes into beauty.  it’s awesome.  we serve a GREAT God who is so much more incomparably better than bad coffee drinks.

A great day continues

So I've had an amazing day today in Denver. Went to a coffee shop and worked a couple hours-ish. Then went to Red Rocks and laid down on the amphitheater bleachers for awhile. Now I'm at a coffee shop with Rachel and we're sitting outside on the deck and it was all nice and warm until the sun went down. Then I started getting cold.

No. Wait for it...

THEN this wonderful old man comes out and turns on the outdoor heaters and lights the fire pit things. Oh. My goodness. It is so warm and cozy outside on this deck now. And I'm enjoying a good book and time with my great cousin!

Trips to Denver might have to be more frequent...

Stay classy, Stella's.

a quick status update

I wish you could be here with me right now.  I don’t even care who you are.  as long as you’re not a creeper.  assuming you’re mentally stable and healthy, I wish you could be here with me right now.

I came down to Denver for a couple nights to hang out with my cousin.  she’s at work right now, so I’m at a coffee shop.  trying to force myself to get at least SOME work done.  it is absolutely beautiful out.  the sky is so blue and the mountains are so crisp and it’s WARM!  it’s supposed to be in the 70’s today!

as I headed to the coffee shop, I had vague but pretty easy directions from my cousin on how to get there. so I headed West on the road.  and my heart nearly bursted (burst?  bursted?) out of my chest.  the view of the mountains was MAGNIFICIENT.  oh my goodness.  snow on the higher peaks.  I quickly decided I didn’t even care if I found the coffee shop, I was just going to drive West until I could get a clear view of the mountains.

then the road ended in a parking lot surrounded by buildings.  epic fail.

so I told myself if I could work for at least 2 hours at the coffee shop, I could go drink in the beauty of God’s creation.  :)

my heart is full.  I have tasted and I have seen the power of God the past 3 weeks specifically in my life.  speaking at church, leading the worship gathering, completing my first 1/2 marathon.

today is a day to breathe.

and breathe deeply the greatness of my Creator.

i am not the same

a year and 1/2 ago, if you had told me I’d be on a worship team – I may have thrown up on you (OK maybe not that extreme, but my stomach would’ve turned and I would’ve said “no…I don’t think so”)

a year ago, if you had told me I’d be living in a small town in Wyoming – I would’ve laughed and sarcastically told you you’re cute.

a year ago, if you had told me I may go a whole year without visiting the islands I call home – I would’ve said there was no way.

a year ago, if you had told me I’d be on staff at a church – I would’ve wrinkled up my face and said, “mmm…probably not”.

a year ago, if you had told me I would share for nearly 10 minutes in front of 260+ people – I would’ve ran to the giant bean bag that I love at my friend’s house, curled up in a ball, and buried myself in it for…days.

a year ago, if you had told me I’d be leading worship – I would’ve thrown up on you (no, really - that one’s for real this time).

a year ago, if you had told me I’d be leading entire worship gatherings – I probably would’ve had a heart attack right then and there.

a year ago, if you had told me all of the above would be possible by God’s power and strength – I would’ve agreed, wanting to believe God could really do that, though not totally believing God would do it.

now I can truly say I believe my God can do anything.  nearly all my life, I would’ve told you God could do anything – and I believed it.  but I didn’t always live like I believed it.  fear and worry had such a grip on my life.

I am blown away by the power of God.  I am not the same person I was a year ago because of the power of God that breaks chains of strongholds that weigh us down.  strongholds that keep us from living lives fully alive & fully dependent on our Creator.

and I am so beyond thankful for my family and friends who God’s surrounded me with.  for the ones who don’t take fear-driven “no’s” for an answer.  for the ones who cover me in prayer time and time again.  for the ones who are willing to ask the hard questions.  for the ones who show me God’s grace, over and over.

I write this because I so strongly desire for YOU to know that God is real.  He is mighty.  He is strong.  He has incredible plans for YOU that you could never imagine.  and any fear that is holding you back from pursuing what you know He is calling you to do IS able to be conquered by His strength and power alone.

I am not the same.  may you know His unfailing love and His almighty power and may you be able to say the same – whether it be now, or a year from now.

First snowfall

This morning I woke up and looked outside to see the first snowfall of the season. At the same time, Bob Marley's "Stir It Up" started playing in my head. I'm not sure what that means. But I think it means I'm ready for summer.

Continuous Worship Conference 2013, Feb. 7-9th

COME!  you will NOT be disappointed.  and it’s so cheap and there’s an endless flow of free coffee.  one of my favorite places on earth.  :)  @ Maranatha Bible Camp, near North Platte, NE.

www.continuousworshipconference.com

the gift of space

have you ever had a time in your life where you felt like your joy had been stolen from you, and you didn’t know why and you didn’t know what had stolen it?  it was just…gone.  and you knew it should be there…it just…wasn’t.

I had this occur in my heart recently, and I still don’t know what caused it.  everything was going great around me. God was providing all I needed and so much more, doors were opening left and right…and yet I suddenly found myself fighting to regain the joy I’ve had for so much of my life.  what in the world?

I found myself with a couple days of no scheduled meetings and no scheduled commitments.  this is rare in my life these days.  I’m in awe of God’s perfect timing.  He knew I needed to get away in solitude and seek Him.  so I got away.

the first morning, I found myself drawn to read Galatians 5.  I intended to read about the fruit of the Spirit, to remind myself of all the fruit I’m currently missing.  haha :)  but I ended up starting at the beginning of Galatians 5 and was struck, once again, by this verse:

“You were running the race so well.  Who has held you back from following the Truth?  It certainly isn’t God, for He is the One who called you to freedom!”

that narrowed down the suspects to my own flesh or satan.  God was definitely not the one who stole my joy – He has called us to freedom!  I love this verse because I relate to it so much.  I’ll be going on, running the race and relying on God’s strength.  and then BAM!  something happens and I get off course.  it reminds me of this passage in Hebrews 12:1-2 --

“…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.  And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus…”

I eventually got to the part of the chapter that talks about living the power of the Holy Spirit and the fruit of the Spirit.  I’m reading along and think, “ok, love, joy (missing that), peace (missing that), patience, kindness…” and so on.  I finished reading the list and sat back with my coffee and asked God why I was lacking joy and peace so much right now.  immediately, this came to mind: “LOVE.  it’s the 1st fruit.  and it’s the greatest commandment.”  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s what God’s answer was for me.  I love that He wants us to know Him and He wants us to sit with Him and ask Him questions and be still and listen.  I love that He’s personal and loves us so deeply beyond our comprehension.

here I was, wondering why I was missing joy and peace and I was skipping over the 1st fruit that was on the list.  I’m going to go out on a limb (again – I’ve been getting to spend a lot of time outside the last couple days, I’m very naturey now I guess) and suggest that “love” wasn’t listed 1st for no reason.  it is, after all, the greatest commandment.  like, THE greatest commandment.  I wonder if, without love, maybe the rest of the fruits just don’t ripen and flourish like they would if we first and foremost loved God and loved one another?

love.  serve.  wash one another’s feet.

I later made a list of ways God has blessed me, specifically over the past year.  wow…for the love…the list goes on (ha – there’s a shout out for the dynamic Braddy duo!!).

if you’re ever lacking in joy or are worried how things are going to work out or how God’s going to provide, make a list of how He’s blessed you and/or been faithful to you.  I guarantee it will only fill you with greater confidence in the One who is above all and it will turn your chaos and confusion into peace and joy.

one more verse I want to leave you with.  we actually had a songwriting session last week, hoping to write a song around this verse.  sometimes when we schedule a songwriting session, we hit a wall.  but last week, this song emerged from Isaiah 26:3 and my cousin reminded me of the verse this week as I was away.  I love how God orchestrates our lives!  last week, we wrote this song on Isaiah 26:3 and yeah, I love the verse and the Scripture around it.  but this week, God was like, “no – I led you to that verse for a reason.  now I want you to really meditate on it, and live it.”

“You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in You
all whose thoughts are fixed on You.”

thankful for the gift of space God has blessed me with these last couple days. 

The Game That Wouldn't End

I'm currently watching the Denver / Atlanta game on Monday Night Football. Quite possibly the longest football game of my life.

Not only is it painful to watch (I think the Broncos forgot to show up tonight), but all of the time-consuming bad calls by the refs is dragging this game out to a length that makes me want to poke my eye out.

:)

Or at least give up on the NFL for this season. I won't rant on the replacement refs. I'll just say...I have to constantly remind myself that they're human and Jesus loves them and therefore I should be trying.

Thank goodness, in the grand scheme of things, football does not matter.

And so here I sit, reminding myself that I don't have to stay up and put myself thru this unnecessary suffering. I gave up yelling at the TV in the 2nd quarter because I felt like it wasn't getting thru.

Hey Tebow, how you doin'?

checking in

the past 2 weeks of my life have been especially busy.  hence the lack of posting.

I used to think I wanted to be busy from the time I woke up in the morning ‘til the time I went to bed at night.  I love being around people, so the thought of not being on the go and not being around people didn’t sound appealing to me.

I’m also not very good at telling people “no”.

meanwhile, I’ve felt the increasing longing to be able to be still.  to be able to study the Word or take time to spend in prayer or listen to a podcast from one of my favorite pastors.  or read a good book that challenges me or leaves me in awe of my God, my Savior.

I remember last fall, I ended up with this 6-week temp job at the Secretary of State.  on the weekends, we’d travel to Torrington for worship team rehearsal and church.  but other than that, I didn’t have any other obligations.  so I got to read.  a lot.  and drink a lot of french press coffee with my cousins.  and take time to be still.  and I felt so much more focused.

right now I just feel scattered.  :)

I’m realizing that by filling up my days and being on the go all the time, it adds up to a lot of…noise.  noise that keeps me away from the quiet, sweet times with my Savior.  noise that keeps me scatter brained and distracted, taking me away from my focus.

I was reminded today by a friend that by telling someone “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else.  and sometimes that’s OK.  but I wonder how often I say “yes” to someone or something for fear of letting someone down, and inadvertently end up saying “no” to something that was actually a lot more important. 

deep.

ironically, (although with God…nothing’s actually ironic) I ended up coming down with this cold last weekend that knocked me down for the first 1/2 of this week.  today is the first day I felt my energy had come back and I could actually breathe again.  at the beginning of the week, when I first got sick, my thought was, “I cannot afford to be sick right now!!”  but it forced me to slow down (ok, only a little).

we need to make the time and take the time to do what fills us.  what brings us deeper in our love of Jesus.  what brings us in awe of our Creator, the God of all.  it’s so crucial for all of us!

turn down the noise.

the week of “whaaat??!!”

I have to summarize my week that happened a couple weeks ago because it is drenched in God’s faithfulness and awesomeness and…I’m still blown away when I think about it.

Aug. 21 – for a few days, anxiety had been building up more and more inside of me because I wasn’t finding anything available to rent and my bank account balance was dwindling and my credit card balance was growing.  I was starting to think there was no way I could afford a place to rent because the couple places that were available were a lot bigger than I needed and more than I could afford.  and I couldn’t think of any girls in this town that I know that I could share a place with (everyone I knew at the time was either in high school or married…yes, the ever-increasing problem when you get older and are still single).  I started questioning if I had heard God’s call wrong.  I thought He was opening doors and directing me to stay out here for now.  but 2 major components to me staying were missing – a place to live and an income to support it.

desperate to hear from God, I went for a drive.  because that’s what jen does.  I literally cried out to God for some type of direction.  something clear, because I was at the end of my rope and so confused as to what I was supposed to be doing all of a sudden.  everything that had seemed so clear was suddenly a puddle of mush in my mind.  it was at this point that I realized I 100% needed God.  there have been so many times I’ve cried out to God for direction or answers, but I had an “alternate plan” in my back pocket just in case He didn’t give me a clear direction or answer.  does that make sense?  but now I really needed Him.  I had no alternate plan.  I had no extra $$ sitting in my bank account.

and…oh my goodness.  God answered.

that night, that same exact night, I was given the amazing opportunity to come on staff at my church (part-time)!!!!  what in the world?!

Aug. 22 – I wake up with my hope renewed.  I had confirmation from God that this is where He wanted me.  He was providing the finances for me to stay.  I knew He was going to provide a place for me to live.

that day, my friend who works as a paraprofessional at the high school called me, asking if I wanted to sub for her that Friday.  I’d never subbed before in my life, but I took the job because it wasn’t as intimidating as subbing for a teacher.  I couldn’t believe it – God was dropping another opportunity in my lap to provide more $$ income!

Aug. 24th – received a $$ bonus from my work back home for reaching a milestone mark in online store sales!

Aug. 25th – received a $$ support check from one of my friends back home!!

Aug. 26th – my friend Megan took me over to her friend’s house.  her friend owns this house and rents out the basement to another girl and had an open room upstairs she was looking to rent!

WOW.

I am blown away by God.  I am blown away by His grace to answer my desperate call for help.  I never had any reason to doubt or question or worry…but I still did.  and yet He is so gracious and patient.  and forgiving.

Growing Up

28 years old. Just got my first ever kitchen appliance!!!! Watch out, world!!

Isaiah 41:10

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you.
Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 NLT)

Sometimes the Word of God is so tangible. This verse sums up this week.

God is amazing.

the day Smith Optics made me smile

this is a shameless, unsolicited plug for my favorite pair of sunglasses.

probably 3 or 4 years ago, I scored a pair of Smith sunglasses (Smith Optics), the Gallegos model with polarized lenses (because in the Keys, polarized is the only legit way to go).  and I mean scored.  as in, I think I paid $20 for them. :) one of the marine stores in town was moving to a new location and so they were selling all their inventory for dirt cheap.

I loved these Smith Gallegos sunglasses.  they accompanied me on many trips all over the US and around the world.  they went out on many boat rides & fishing trips with me.  they helped me win every beach volleyball match I ever played (…hey, this is MY story, I can make up whatever I want!).  ok I haven’t won every match I’ve played.  you got me.  lying is not my forte.

back on track…

but eventually, the lenses became so scratched that it drove my eyes nuts to wear them.

and I was very sad.

I then scored a great pair of Costas that I love as well.  however, they just weren’t like my Smiths.  and every so often I would pull out my Smiths and put them on, hoping the scratches had gone away.

but they never did.

then one day I got smart.  I decided to send them in to Smith Optics to see if the lifetime warranty would cover them.  and since they’re a fixed-lens, they can’t just replace the lenses.  so I sent them in, 1/2 expecting to get a call from customer service asking if I wanted to purchase a replacement pair.  to which I probably would’ve sadly declined because money is also not my forte right now.

alas, within a week, UPS pulls up to my door.  my heart leapt for joy with anticipation of what that great person in brown would deliver.

dog bones for the dogs!!!

NO!  I mean, yes – they did.  but that’s not the point…

my friends, Smith Optics has made my day.  they sent me a brand new pair of the Gallegos sunglasses!!  including a sticker!!  (hey, those of us with sticker-drenched guitar cases get excited about new stickers to add to the conglomeration)

um.  Smith Optics might quite possibly be my most favorite sunglasses brand EVER.

and if you work for Smith, you can pay me now for gaining you tons of business!  :)

I just want to wear my new sunglasses and run around!!!  except…it’s dark out.

“I wear my sunglasses at night…”

(does anyone actually know the rest of that song?  I think not.)

quote of the day

"i just want to go stick my head in a bowl of chocolate and never return" - spoken by one of my friends who shall remain nameless :)

He…overwhelms me.

i.  feel like.  i.  could EXPLODE.

GAAH!

my heart, my spirit is overwhelmed by the hand of God.  the goodness of God.  the patience of God.  the strength of God.  …I am overwhelmed by God.

I feel like if I just start typing, I will verbally spew so much into this post and it will turn into a 20-page, single spaced, size 8 font post.

a year ago today, I was packing up my apartment in the Keys, throwing away tons of yearbooks, pictures, notebooks… downsizing in order to fit everything I owned into my Scion XB (aka Zeva, akaa [also known affectionately as] the Toaster).  I had always thought my friends in the Keys were crazy when they’d talk about moving off the rock – I was determined to stay in the Keys because I love living in the beautiful islands, I love that my family all lives there, I love my friends, I love the culture, I love the weather, I love the landscape…(the list goes on).

the ironic thing is, sometimes God calls us to surrender what we love.  it’s like He says, “wow…I know you love all this, but trust Me – there is SO much more I have for you!”

and it’s up to us to accept His invitation, to take the leap of faith, and trust Him.

so for the past year, I’ve been interning under Continuous Worship ministries.  ok I won’t give minute by minute details.  I realize the average attention span is currently 12.882 seconds and so I want to stick to the point before I lose you.  (and yes, I’m totally making up the average attention span thing – but you totally know it’s true!)

but the past year of my life has possibly been the most amazing, most challenging, most stretching, hardest, best years of my life.  I have never felt more alive in my life.

I now know that even when God calls you to something, He’s not necessarily calling you to something easy.  but there’s such beauty in that – because when we are weak, His strength carries us.  He is shown powerful and through that, His Spirit works in and through us.

2 Corinthians 12:9
”Each time He [the Lord] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

I have had so many weak moments during this past year.  so many times I wanted to just curl up in a ball and wait for the task at hand to pass me by.  so many times I saw the mountain in front of me that I needed to climb and just wanted to quit and go back to the Keys where life was relatively easy and comfortable.

I have clung to this passage in 1 Corinthians 2 so much over the past year:

1 Corinthians 2:1-5 – “And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. ² For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. ³ I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. ⁴ My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, ⁵ so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.”

I always think of Paul as being this amazing speaker, this guy who never wavered in his faith and was so confident in who he was in Christ that he never feared anything.  don’t get me wrong – he was an amazing follower of Christ.  but he wasn’t perfect.  he had fears.  he had weaknesses.  but he knew the beauty of being willing to operate even in his weakness.

I have experienced God’s faithfulness in so many awesome ways over this past year.  His faithfulness to provide.  His faithfulness to lead me.  His faithfulness to be more than enough strength in my weakness.  His faithfulness to be patient with me.  His faithfulness to love me through the good and the bad.

I have experienced God’s grace in so many awesome ways over this past year.  His grace to forgive me when I doubt Him.  His grace to surround me with friends and family that love me and encourage me (and still love me even on my bad days).  His grace to use me even when I feel so unusable.

today I got the opportunity to lead the entire worship service (well, the music part) at church.  it was completely by God’s strength alone.  leading up to this opportunity, for years upon years, just the thought of being on a worship team made my stomach turn with anxiety, with fear.  so the idea of leading was always out of the question.

until this last time I was asked.

please don’t take this as me boasting about what I’ve done.  it is completely not that, and if it comes across that way, I will probably be physically sick to my stomach.

I say all this because I want you to know we serve a STRONG God.  we serve a BIG God.  we serve the ONLY TRUE God.  all things are possible through His strength when we have our sights on glorifying Him.

how hard do I seek?

I got to have coffee with a good friend of mine tonight.  I love grabbing coffee with Teah because she loves Jesus and she loves Him deeply and our conversation quickly turns toward deeper things than talking about the weather.

we started talking about what it means to truly seek the Lord.

in Jeremiah 29:13 it says:
”You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

the Hebrew word used for “seek” is “darash” and it means to seek with care, to be sought.

in Matthew 7:7, Jesus says:
”“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

the Greek word used in Matt. 7:7 for “seek” is “zēteō” and it means “to crave” or “to seek in order to find”.

I loved Teah’s analogy.  how often do we lose something and are desperate to find it?  when I was home this winter, I was staying at my family’s place.  my 2-year old nephew, Ben, loves car keys.  like, literally – as soon as you turn the car off, he’s on you.  “Keys!  Me want…CAR KEYS!!” and he looks at you with these big, innocent blue eyes and holds out his hand and cocks his head to the side and smiles.  and he has this adorable deep, husky voice because he screamed so much as a baby (true story).  you can’t deny the kid.  so, wanting to be the cool aunt that I am, I gave him my keys and told him not to lose them (hindsight is 20/20).  I went inside and later that night, when it was dark and I needed to leave, I remembered I didn’t have my keys.  and Ben was asleep.  and we all know the cardinal rule – never wake a sleeping toddler once you’ve gotten them to bed.

so we checked his shorts’ pockets.  we checked drawers.  we checked counter tops and tables.  we checked his toy trucks.  we looked everywhere.  then we remembered he was playing outside when I gave him the keys and he had continued playing outside for awhile.  so outside we went, flashlights in hand, scouring the yard around the swing set and anywhere else we thought he may’ve gone.  nothing.

how often do I seek that desperately after God?  how often do I desperately seek to know Him more, to gain wisdom and understanding from His Word?  how often do I earnestly sit in stillness and quiet and wait to hear His voice?

I have to admit, I searched harder for those car keys than I often seek after God.  we live in a “I want it now” culture.  fast food.  fast internet.  everything right at our fingertips with our smart phones.  we are accustomed to getting what we want, when we want it.

I think we’ve lost the art of seeking.  the art of patiently yet earnestly seeking.

I don’t think God responds to us instantly a lot of times.  I know He can and He does.  but I think a lot of times, He desires to refine us, restore us, reveal Himself to us through a process and not with instant answers.  I mean, we’re told to seek.  to search after.  to think, to meditate.  none of that jives with the “I want it now” mentality we’ve come to accept.

and so – may we seek the Lord.  may we truly seek with our whole heart, our whole mind – with everything that is within us.  may we not be satisfied with instant answers but may we continue to search after Truth and wisdom from the Creator of Truth and wisdom.

oh to be a desperate seeker.

Costa Rica Rundown

I had the blessing of getting to go to San Ramon, Costa Rica for a 1-week missions trip last month.  first off, can I just tell you how awesome it was to watch God provide the $$ for me to go on this trip??  I’ve been on a lot of mission trips, but I can only recall 2 of them that I signed up for knowing I did not have enough $$ in my bank account to cover the trip in case I wasn’t able to raise the support.  all the other trips I signed up for knowing that if the money didn’t come in, I could cover the difference (now THAT’S called faith, right?  goodness…please sense the heavy sarcasm there).

what’s kind of funny is that the trips I signed up for knowing I had the money to cover any lacking financial support, I think I always ended up having to pay quite a bit of my own money to go.  however, the trips I signed up for knowing I didn’t have enough money and needed God to provide, those were the trips that were fully paid through generous financial support from family, friends, and random people I didn’t even know.

it’s like the trips I had a “backup” plan for in case “God didn’t come through” (although I would’ve never admitted that was my mindset, but really…it was), God was like, “if you don’t think you need Me, then fine – spend your own money.”  and the trips I needed Him to provide, He delighted in giving and giving generously.

He delights in giving good gifts to His children.  (check out Matthew 7:11)

ugh.  why does coffee get cold so fast?  I just went to finish my cup and spit it out as soon as I realized it was cold already.  sad.

off topic.  coming back…

anyway, I signed up for this trip needing God to provide the funds and He totally did!  and for our entire team!

our entire team of about 24 (I think) split into 5 smaller teams for the week.  4 teams each had a church/community they worked with every day, mainly doing door-to-door evangelism and leading a small group at night (I AM SECOND groups).  the 5th team was the sports team, AKA SportReach, and I was on that team.  we traveled each day to a different church/community and met up with our team that was there.  we did sports camps for kids/youth in the morning and afternoon, teaching them volleyball, basketball, futbol (soccer…although they totally knew more than we did and a lot of us decided it was safer to just give them the ball and we’d stand on the sidelines and cheer – haha), and one day we taught them ultimate frisbee, which was a hit.

every night, our entire team would gather together and debrief over the day, sharing stories of what God had done or was doing.  I loved these times.  but after a couple days, I was starting to get discouraged.  we’d hear all these awesome stories of how all these people were coming to know Jesus through the door-to-door evangelism.  but on the sports team, we really didn’t see a lot of decisions like that.  we would take a break in the morning and the afternoon and share the Gospel with the kids using a multi-colored soccer ball (red, green, yellow, black, and white).  we’d share one of our testimonies.  but then when we’d ask if anyone wanted to accept Jesus as their Savior, they’d all stare at us.  then we’d ask if they already knew Jesus…and they all said yes.  :)  a lot of them came from the churches we were working with.  but whether or not these kids actually knew Jesus, it didn’t really give us the opportunity for a lot of deeper, one-on-one conversations with the kids.

so I was getting discouraged.  I was thinking, “man…all we do all day is play with the kids and have fun…I haven’t seen anyone come to know Jesus yet…how can I be more faithful with this week God has given me here?”

I went to bed Tuesday night discouraged by this.  Wednesday morning, I woke up and had some time with Jesus on the porch, wrapped up in a big soft blanket and drinking coffee.  :)

(my view)

God really spoke this to my heart that morning. “It’s not about what I accomplish – how many people I share the Gospel with, how many people come to know Jesus, etc. – it’s about being faithful and obedient with what God has given me to do.”

I thought about that awhile.  I thought about what He’d given me to do that week.  He had placed me on this sports team for a reason (and not just because I love sports).  He was giving me the opportunity each day to meet kids and spend my entire day loving on them.  spending time with them, playing with them.  showing them they have worth and value by giving them my time and attention.  and through that, the love of Jesus is shared with them.

a couple pics of friends I made and miss very much in Costa Rica:

 

(our sports team)

a 1 minute post

I have 1 minute before 9am and I need to get to work at 9.  therefore: prepare for the 1 minute post.

some days my heart aches to be in the Keys more than other days.  I miss the atmosphere.  I miss the palm trees, the unending beautiful views of the ocean.  the sand.  the beach volleyball matches.  the laid back, no-worries people.

I miss having a full afternoon of intense beach volleyball followed by a jump in the ocean, followed by an outside shower at the beach.

but it’s OK.  there will be plenty of time for that when I get to Heaven.  :)

oops.  that took 2 minutes.

tonight, we eat steak

(monday, 7/30/12)

this morning I woke up to 3 cows outside my window.  mooing.

when I say outside my window, I mean … literally right outside my window.

during the night, the cows got out and all through the night we kept waking up to the sound of unusual mooing.  around 5am, I finally got up to look out the window to see what was clanking around outside my window.  I didn’t have my glasses on, so at first I saw this huge black animal and I thought, “IT’S A MOOSE!!!!” and I was so excited.  then I thought it was a black bear.  then I grabbed my glasses.  and realized they were cows.

I heard my dad go outside.  then I heard a pack of coyotes howling and it sounded like they were right outside my window.  I thought for a second that maybe my dad had gotten attacked by the coyotes.  then I decided that would be absurd.  then I decided I should see if my dad needed help.  it was at that point that I realized my dad’s true calling: to be a shepherd.  that guy had all but a couple calves rounded up and herded back into the right pasture!  that’s MY DAD!  :)

we got back in around 6am.  since the cows kept everyone else up all night, almost all of us slept past 9am this morning.  we didn’t even eat breakfast until 10am.  totally not normal for us.

I have never had a dislike for cows.  until this morning.

I decided we should eat steak tonight.  just to spite them.

the convergence of family

today was a great day.

I don’t know if the title of this post makes sense, but when I told Mika what I was going to write about, I dramatically (in my deepest theological sounding voice), waved my hands in the air and said, “the convergence…of family.”

so whether or not that really captures the subject, the point is – tonight my heart is full because today I saw numerous pieces of my family intersect.  and…converge.  ha.  there ya go.  the convergence of family.  totally legit title!

I just had coffee.  yes, consider yourself warned.

it started out with sound check/run-thru with our worship team at church.  our worship team is part of my family.  we share meals together.  we study the Word together.  we pray together.  and make music together.  and we laugh a lot…together.  :)  family.

then during the sound check/run-thru, 6 friends from our Costa Rica missions team family came in – our church’s team that went on the Costa Rica trip shared today at church and our friends from the Cheyenne church came to support us!  and we got to introduce them to some of our church family.  convergence of family. :)

my family is in town for a couple weeks and today they got to come to our church for the first time!  it was so cool to look out and see them out there and to introduce them to some of my church family afterwards.  it was so cool to see my parents talking with my pastor and his wife, long time family friends who knew my grandparents very well.  of course, Claire and Ben needed to test out the drums before we left.  ;)  convergence of family.

after church, my family and Paul & Cristine’s family went out to lunch together.  OK so it’s not completely a foreign convergence of family instance because Paul & Cristine really are family…like legit, Cristine’s my cousin.  :)  but it was a new feeling, a very sweet feeling – after living with Paul & Cristine for a year now and getting to really know them, it was different from when our family would come out West to visit and we would see our aunts, uncles, and cousins that we saw an average of…once a year.  here I was, sharing a meal with 2 parts of my legit, blood-related families, whom I know and love so so much.  I just wanted to give everyone a ginormous hug.  a sweet convergence of family.  :)

now here I sit, out at our family’s ranch.  4 of my cousins are here, along with my 2 nieces and 1 nephew.  we’re having one big, cousinly sleep over tonight.  :)  just 1 more beautiful convergence of family today.

(covering the driveway with sidewalk chalk creations)

God has blessed me with so many different families.  I love seeing Him intertwine different parts of those families.  He is all about relationships.  He created us for relationship, first & foremost with Him, and then with others.

my heart is full tonight :)

6 weeks of WOW

for all of you who check my blog daily for updates (HA – j/k), you may’ve noticed I haven’t updated for a month now.  I would love to give you a detailed update on all that God has been teaching me over the last month.  but I am so tired right now that I don’t think I could form that many coherent sentences in 1 go-around. :)

a quick recap of the amazing opportunities God’s given me over the last month:

week 1: cabin leader at senior high camp
week 2: day trip to cheyenne, overnight trip to Casper to see one of my bestest friends Marissa and her family whom I love so much!!  immediately followed by a trip to CO to hike my first 14-er (Mt. Antero) with some friends, followed by a Beth Moore conference in CO Springs
week 3: worship team at jr high camp
week 4: missions trip to Costa Rica

over the past month, I have slept in my bed a grand total of 3 nights.

needless to say, I have had no time to blog.  :(

and the excitement’s not over!  I am home today and tomorrow and then tuesday my family comes from the Keys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  for 2 whole weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!  aunt jen is completely and 135% stoked out of her mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  we are going to spend more of the 2 weeks out our family’s ranch.  I cannot wait.

I hope to write a more detailed blog tomorrow about my time in Costa Rica.

my eyes are closing…

buenos noches.

It's all relative

When you live in the Keys, getting off "the rock" and going to the mainland (usually Miami or Fort Lauderdale) is a big deal. You make your list of places you need (or think you need) to go. You bring the cooler to load up on cheaper food prices.

When I came to Cheyenne, getting to go to Denver became my "Miami".

Now that I'm in Torrington, Cheyenne has ironically become my "Miami".

It's all relative.

One day I'm going to live in a hut on the beach in like, Nicaragua. I'm not sure where my "Miami" will be then. I'll keep ya posted.

forgiven and free

because it’s Friday and because I got to eat Chipotle today, have a power smoothie from Ruby Juice, enjoy my smoothie as I drove to Bob Marley, and because it was warm and sunny with a warm breeze today and I found $110 trail running shoes for $17 at the Sierra Trading Post Outlet, and because Jesus is so incredible in His love and grace, I decided I would share a verse that’s impacted my life hugely.  I figured those were enough reasons.

there’s this verse that every time I hear it or read it, I’m instantly taken back to the first moment this verse radically changed my life.  I remember at that moment, I swore that was the first time I’d ever heard that verse in my life – though I’m sure I’d read it or heard it many times before.

I’m not going to tell you what verse it is.

 

 

HA!!!!  I’m freakin’ hilarious.  you know you’re laughing, too.  at least giggling?  at least smirking a little with a hint of amusement showing in your eyebrow?  (…”a hint of amusement showing in your eyebrow”???  what in the world?  who’s coming up with this nonsense??  oh…shoot…it’s my blog…I can’t blame someone else…)

oops.  back on track… (I swear 1 day a study is going to come out saying everyone has at least some level of ADD or ADHD in them)

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…” – Romans 8:1

now let me tell you why this verse brought so much life and freedom to me.

when this verse hit me, it was probably in…2008 (I can’t remember the exact year).  we had taken a group of high schoolers to Acquire the Fire (ATF) in Miami and at one point, they had a time for all the leaders to get together and hear this one dude talk.  side note: God’s real sly like that.  I think He slips into stealth mode at these youth things.  you know, you take these students to these youth events, praying all the while that God will meet them where they’re at and that He’ll capture their hearts.  but most, if not all of the time, He teaches the leaders just as much and captures (or…recaptures) our hearts as well.  He’s good.  He’s reeeeeal good.  :)

anyway, I have no clue what this dude talked about now, but I will never forget the moment he read that verse and he passionately encouraged us that any mistakes, any sins, any failures we were holding against ourselves – in Christ, we are forgiven!  He does not hold any of that against us.  And neither should we hold it against ourselves.

I was rocked.

by that point in my life, I had had plenty of instances of feeling like I failed God, and others.  I had allowed those feelings of failure to take root in me and I just never felt like God was going to want to use me ever again because I had failed Him so many times.

so I hear this verse at ATF and it rocks me but I didn’t have time to process it at the time because we quickly had to get back to our group and make sure nobody killed each other (totally kidding – we had a great group of teens).  as soon as we got home, I remember sitting in my friend Lisa’s living room (staring out across the back yard to the beautiful ocean and palm trees, I have to mention…oh my heart…how I miss the islands!).  I’m sitting there on her couch and I asked what verse that was that the guy read, the one about “there’s no condemnation”.  I asked, “is that really in the Bible??” and she laughed and had that expression on her face that said, “…are you for real?”  she showed me where it was in Romans and the beauty and freedom of that verse continued to become more and more real to me.

if we are followers of Jesus, we are cleansed by His blood, the Ultimate Sacrifice that was required to restore us to God.  we are completely forgiven and God does not condemn us anymore!  it doesn’t matter what we have done, how we think we’ve failed Him, or how many times we’ve messed up.  He loves us unconditionally.  the blood of Jesus is grace that runs deeper than any of our sins, any of our failures.

“Therefore, there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

let those words soak.

confessions from a recovering church-hopper

I have been a dead member of the local church for the majority of my post-high school life.

this realization hit me recently when I had the opportunity to visit another church.  I love my church.  I love my family there.  I love seeing God changes hearts and lives in this community.  but I felt like I needed just 1 weekend off to just…be.

it sounds kind of selfish.  and maybe it is.  but I wanted to just be able to go somewhere and be refreshed and not serve.  haha wow that sounds terrible.  but anyway, I wanted somewhere to be poured into and re-energized for this next month and 1/2 of pure craziness (camps, missions trip, hiking Pike’s Peak, women’s conference, family here…the list goes on).

so I got the weekend off from worship team (which was so hard to follow-thru on…I love my worship team family and the sweet times of fellowship we have Saturday nights!).  that Saturday night I visited the church my grandparents were members of when they were alive.  the message was great, and it was challenging (I mentioned it in the previous post).  it was nice to be able to worship through singing from my seat in the congregation and not be thinking about what chords I was playing or what drum I was hitting.  it was nice to just…be.

and it was awful to just…be…all at the same time.  it was heartbreaking, in a way.  I realized that what I did Saturday night at this church service was exactly what I had done for most of my post-high school life.  I went to church.  I showed up.  I worshiped from my seat.  I maybe shook some hands and talked to some friends (people I knew of course…because that’s comfortable).  heard the message, maybe felt challenged by it & maybe not.  and then I’d get in my car and leave until the next Sunday.  and the next Sunday I might go to a different church.  wherever I felt like going when that Sunday morning rolled around.

the life of a chronic church-hopper is empty and lifeless.  I know.  I was one.  I’m a recovering church-hopper.

it started around my last year or 2 of high school.  this new church had exploded and it was modern and different (they met in a warehouse…that screams “cool” to those of us that grew up in conservative, church buildings with hymnals and pews).  I started going to that church here and there, partly because I felt alive there and loved the worship and teaching.  and partly because almost all my friends & church leaders from my other church didn’t like this new church – so in my selfless rebelliousness (HA, sarcasm), I wanted to prove that there was more to life than singing hymns and dressing nice.  plus I could stop by the gas station and get a coke in a styrofoam cup and take it in with me and not get dirty looks from the older generation.  ;)  (side note – this was pre-soda-less days, people.  I’ve been soda-free for 3 1/2 years!!!!  yes, I’m also a recovering soda addict.  that’s not even an exaggeration.  haha that’s a whole ‘nother blog post)

it just got worse from there, though.  I went to college and there were so many churches to choose from that I figured why stick with 1?  it was like a smorgasbord for a “church consumer”.  try out 1 church.  see what I got from it.  try out another church.  see what I got.  oh, don’t feel like getting out of my sweats to go to church?  not a problem – just go to campus church.  or better yet, drive to the park (grab a coke on the way, of course) and listen to campus church on the radio.  oh, that campus pastor’s speaking today?  nevermind – I’ll put on my ipod and listen to a podcast.

and it only continued from there, even after college.

it wasn’t until I relocated out West (yes, I still say “relocated” because to say “moved” would sound way too permanent) that I tried something new.  actually I didn’t “try” it.  I got thrown into it because of the internship I’m doing.  I had no intention of really getting connected and sticking around because I couldn’t imagine myself sticking to 1 church for too long (God is awesome – He is so sly sometimes).  but I started serving on the worship team (which I had never in my life done before).  then I joined a Bible study.  then I started getting involved with the youth group…

I love my church.  I love serving in the local church.  wow that sure feels crazy to say, after so many years of church-hopping, being a “consumer Christian” and being frustrated with local churches.  I now realize in a whole new way how much just going to church and leaving is full of emptiness.  it’s not what church was created to be.  the church was established for fellow believers to come and fellowship together.  to share what they had, to live in community with one another.  to serve each other and to love one another deeply.  to then go out and share Jesus with others and serve others and love others and…the list goes on.

I remember at my Grandpa’s funeral in 2007, his pastor (who is now MY pastor…just another example of God’s crazy, unpredictable plan for our lives!) said that my grandpa loved the local church.  he LOVED it.  him and my grandma served faithfully and loved, even when they weren’t huge fans of the addition of drums to the worship team.  :)  they still loved the person playing the drums and didn’t complain and didn’t throw in the towel and go to a more “conservative” church.  they were committed.  I specifically remember right then and there at the funeral service that I longed to one day love the local church again.  obviously, it didn’t happen over night (here I am, 5 years later, just now rediscovering that love).  but that moment at the funeral service has stuck with me ever since.

by the grace of God, I am a recovering church-hopper.

running in circles

I love when I get hit from so many different angles on the same exact topic.  that’s when I know God is really trying to get my attention, and out of His great love & mercy (and amazing patience), He is going to use all these different avenues until I get it.

I won’t cover every detail (although knowing me, this will turn out long anyways).  you can always ask me for the full story. :)  but this past week I realized I needed to start thinking about the future (“future” as in 2 months down the road, not 5 years down the road – I am SO not a 5-year plan person – way too much can happen and change in 5 years!).  I’ve been praying quite a bit about what to do once I’m done with this internship in August.  in reality, I could go anywhere.  anywhere in the world.  I don’t own a home.  I have no rental lease.  my source of income lets me work wherever I can get wi-fi access, which I’m sure there’s some sweet tiny hut on the island of tahiti that has wi-fi and I could totally go there.  in reality, I don’t need much to live.  just food, sunshine, and Jesus.

I often think about where I want to go next.  but my daydreaming doesn’t go far at all.  I start to think of a place, and then I get stumped as to what I would do there.  the only place I can see myself being right now is where I am…right now.  in this tiny Wyoming community that I have quickly grown to love.  God continues to open door after door here and He continues to blow me away by giving me the desires of my heart.  Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  I am experiencing this verse to be true and it is blowing my mind.

however – yes, there’s a “however”.

as much as I felt like God was leading me to stay here past August, I hadn’t verbally (or…textually…is that even a word?  it totally is now) made this known to anyone.  oh sure, I’d mention that I might stay around but still left it open in case God “moved me elsewhere”.  you know, the classic non-committal response to people’s questions as to what I’m going to do next.  ;)

well this past week, I talked with Paul & Cristine (refresher: I’ve been interning under Paul for the past year) about my plans.  I verbally acknowledged that I felt I was supposed to stick around past August.  why is it that when you finally verbalize something, it’s at that moment that you realize what that something really entails?  leading up to the verbalizing, you’re like…thinking it all out in your head and everything’s great and seems all put together.  then you verbalize it.  and then it’s like “oh…crap…wait a minute…now this is real…”

yeah that moment totally happened.

as soon as I verbalized it, I realized I didn’t have a place to live in this plan to stick around.  minor detail, right?  …yeah.

for various reasons that don’t need to be detailed on this blog, I went into a tailspin the next couple days.  I quickly started jumping to conclusions.  I started questioning if I had sensed God’s leading correctly.  maybe I really was supposed to go somewhere else.  but everywhere I kept running through my head as an option was just not glowing with the bright neon light saying “YES!  Go THERE!”  I had this overwhelming sense that if I gave up on this leading and went somewhere else, I would be restless and non-peace-having (I know there’s a word for that, but I can’t think of it).

so in my tailspin state of mind, I came to a logical conclusion.  I would live in my car.  that was the only solution so that I could continue on with what I felt God leading me to do.  that night I started sorting through my clothes, deciding what I could get rid of to downsize.  no really, I totally did.  haha

hey, at the time it seemed logical!!

thankfully, I have good friends who helped me regain common sense and put an end to the tailspin madness.  I realized I put God in WAY to small of a box.  my dreams are pathetically small.  I set my sights way too low.

I am created and sustained by the God of universe.  of the UNIVERSE!  the One who holds it all in motion!  the One who sent His Son to die for me so that I could have a right relationship with Him!  the One who gives me my every breath!

then this past Saturday night I had the chance to visit another local church (the one my grandparents went to when they were still alive, actually).  and the pastor’s message centered around Adam & Eve and the Fall. He pointed out that when Adam & Eve became discontent with what they had, they lost focus.  And then they became entangled in sin.  they had perfection fellowship with God.  they had it all.  but they became discontent with that.  they wanted more.  they wanted to be like God.  they wanted to know what He knew.  living in discontentment, satan striked.  Eve ate.  Adam ate.  and you know the rest.

Likewise, when we focus on what we don’t have, we lose sight of what we DO have.  we lose focus of Jesus.  we lose focus of all that we have and all that we are in Him.  we start to doubt.  we start to seek comfort/control/security/whatever from people or things other than God.

BAM #1.  actually BAM #2 – BAM #1 was the conversation I had earlier with my friend who all but whacked me alongside the head and challenged me with the fact that either I trust God or I don’t.

then this morning at church, my pastor brought another message that I swear was just for me.  he talked about Peter and what happened when he saw Jesus walking on the water to the boat.  I know I’m totally cutting this summary of the message way short – you should listen to it when it’s up (SONrise Church Messages).  first he pointed out that Jesus was walking on the water – like, do you realize what that proves?  He is the God of all creation, He commands even the waters in the seas.  He.  Is.  AWESOME.  how quickly I fail to trust Him!

but then he pointed out that Peter at first walked on the water to Jesus.  he had faith.  then he started to sink.  he lost focus.  he began to doubt.  he began to focus on the waves, not on Jesus.  then he cried out for Jesus to save him.  and Jesus did.  oh the grace of God!!

dude – you need to just listen to the message.  I’m totally slaughtering it because there was so much more to it.

but – BAM #3.

focus.  it comes down to focus.  am I going to keep my focus on God and what He has called me to?  or am I going to worry and fear and doubt?  am I going to trust God or am I not?  there’s no in-between.

this song has been in my head so much this past week.  I decided I’d bite the bullet and record it and share if with you guys.  I don’t like hearing myself sing.  and I definitely don’t like sharing it with whoever comes across this post.  haha :) but it has been on my heart and I need to share it.

and forgive me that it cuts off at the end.  I couldn’t figure out how to fade it out on garageband.  :)  this is a song by United Pursuit Band called “Running in Circles”.

Running in Circles (Orig United Pursuit Band)