bittersweet saturday

hey that title would make for a cool name for a song, eh? eh!!!! (can you answer a question with an "eh!"? ... shoot, i'm not sure, i thought i had learned all the in's and out's of using the canadian fun phrase by now).

so yes, today was a bittersweet saturday. let's start out with the sweet part, 'cause that's always funner. today was my first saturday in lynchburg in over...2 months i think, that i didn't have to work all day!! AMEN! it was absolutely amazing and everything i could have dreamed of and less! HA, fooled ya :) just seeing if you guys are really reading this or just skimming. anyway, i had my last shift at j crew last night, and i am job-less now until about...may 17th. but then i'll be working for my dad and with fun people so that's cool. plus it sure makes for a fun, flexible schedule! (i'm spoiled, dad, aren't i? okay i'll admit it...you, mom, & sadie were right all along)

so this morning started out superbly (ah - great word) with a delicious pancake breakfast at tara's house with some of my most favorite people in lynchburg! it was the spring break crew, minus jamie and plus sarah, who was being the good one of the group over spring break by going on a missions trip. hehehe :) good times, as always, this morning!

OH! and then we drove by the site for our new house for next year! they finally dug a hole for the foundation. that's a good place to begin i suppose. there's not much else there yet, but there is a port-a-john, so if all else fails, we'll have that as a multi purpose room. SO stoked about next year!

then later this afternoon, me and benton (jessica, for those of you less familiar with the beautiful cali-sister blonde i spend much time with) went to roanoke to get a hollister fix in. mmmm! i got a track jacket, that's it. but that's more than enough to satisfy me. and i also stocked up on some much needed CD's i've been holding out for. i got Vertical Momentum-Trading My Sorrows (a various artist worship CD with this amazing song called Search Me, Know Me), Jack Johnson-Brushfire Fairytales (ROCK ON!), and Lauryn Hill-The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (_____-fill in the blank, i don't know what to say right now, but it's a good CD). um...i think that's all i got. yeah, it is. and another plus about going to the r-to-the-oanoke is that my cell phone goes back to digital service so i can send and receive pictures & update my phone's "roaming capabilities" as the verizon lady always says when i call her. it's great, you always feel like you have a new phone when you do that. i do, anyway. oh the joys of small things in life.

then the bitter part of my bittersweet saturday. i got back to campus and went to make coffee (yeah, imagine that) and realized jen's (the other one, not me) coffee maker was gone. so i checked her room and all her stuff was gone, too. for those of you that don't know the background, jen sorta disappeared on us right before spring break. she came back a couple days after spring break just long enough to pack a suitcase and then she was off again to "go home just for Easter". we didn't see her again for a couple weeks, but then she popped in just a couple times. i still haven't seen her since that one day right after spring break. no one's seen or heard from her now for...i don't even know, atleast 3 weeks i guess. anyway, because of some other things that went on, i was (and still am) really worried about her not only for her well-being, but also for her spiritually. there's just some stuff that went on that led me to believe there was a lot more going on inside of her than just "rebellion" or whatever you'd call running away. i've been praying so much for her, praying God would bring her back to Him soon and also bring her back to us. yeah, it's been weird not having her around, but i felt like as long as her stuff was here, we'd see her again. but now that it's all gone...it's just hit me all over again that this is real and i may never see her again, this girl that i had gotten to know and love thru living with her thru the majority of this school year. even if i never saw her again, i would settle for just knowing she was following God with her life and was His child. urgh - it's SO FRUSTERATING and discouraging and...empty feeling with not knowing what's going on and not seeing her come back. it's really unsettling.

i know God is just and He is good, yet it i still struggle with understanding why He would let His child to continue down the wrong road and allow the powers of satan to overtake His child's life...it must have to do with that whole "free will" thing...but i sure wish sometimes that we didn't have a free will when it came to these things. it's like...i'm praying so much for her and don't see why God would withold answering my prayers (and other people's, because i know others are praying for her too) for His child to come back to Him. but then when i start questioning God like that, i feel guilty and know i have no right to question His ways. so then i just feel bad like i'm going against God by questioning Him. i've concluded it's a lose-lose situation.

but then i know that's where faith comes in. because i KNOW God is just, He is good, He is merciful, and He is love. sometimes all we'll be able to do is come to Him with our burdens and trust that He's in control, no matter the outcome.

and so concludes my rants and raves about my bittersweet saturday. :)

sike - just kidding, i remembered something else. tonight benton got a call from her friend she was going to have an apartment with next year. her friend decided she wants to live on campus next year, so now benton has no idea what she will do. :( so that was a big bummer for her, and a bummer for me 'cause i feel bad for her. :( we'll see what we can do.

okay, i'm concluding now, incase any of you are still with me here.

keep it real.
~jen~