an afternoon hiatus

I feel like I took a hiatus from life this afternoon.  not on purpose.  it just…happened.  which I think was my body’s way of telling me that it had finally reached “empty”.

I woke up around 3:45am today and couldn’t fall back asleep.  after church, I came home and crashed on my bed, hidden under my electric heating blanket and with my electric fireplace blazing heat into my room.  and I laid there for 3 hours.  doing…absolutely nothing.  you would think one would fall asleep during this time.  I guess I forgot to mention that as soon as I got home from church, I had a cup of fully caffeinated coffee.  because I hadn’t had coffee all day yet.  and I have no self-control in that area.  #epicfail.

I watched 1 episode of “Beyond Boarders”, a surf documentary series put out by Steelroots – a Christian extreme sports ministry.  and then I was curious to see what Steelroots was currently putting out, so I pulled up their website on my phone – and they are no more.  that was sad.  they put a super cool video on their site though, explaining that they had closed down production for now.  what I loved about it is that they also totally encouraged viewers to go be the Gospel to others.  if you’re interested to see it, you can go here: http://steelroots.com/

anyway, I had no motivation whatsoever to get out of bed all afternoon.  this is totally not like me.  but at the same time, I didn’t feel guilty about it – because I can’t even remember the last time this happened.  I eventually got up to say hi to my roommate who came home.  I made my bed.  turned off the heating blanket.  stood in my room staring blankly at nothing in particular.  looked back at my now-made bed.  and threw myself down on it again for another 1/2 hour or so.

I really have no point to this post.  but I suppose that’s OK.

prayer

saw this post on a friend's facebook status:

"If we love people and have the power to help, then WE ARE GOING TO BE BUSY. (If Jesus lived today his cell phone would ring non-stop) Learning to pray doesn't offer us a less busy LIFE; it offers us a less busy HEART. In the midst of outer busyness we can develop an Inner Quiet. B/c we are less hectic on the inside, we have a greater capacity to love. So when things get busy it actually drives even more into a life of prayer." -Paul Miller (The Praying Life)

lent

"Unfortunately, the Lenten season often gets reduced to the question, “What are you giving up for Lent?”...but it can only take us so far. The real question of the Lenten season is, “How will I return to God with all my heart?' " -Ruth Haley Barton

my love for allegory

i'm not a very allegorical person.  i don't understand allegory and most of the time, it goes right over my head.      allegorical songs, allegorical poetry, allegorical short stories... yeah.  they don't do much for me.  i often get done reading/hearing them and want to yell at the author, "I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE REFERRING TO, SO IF YOU WANT ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS YOU NEED TO SHOOT STRAIGHT WITH ME!!!!"  pretty sure there were times in college where i did throw books down in frustration and yell something to that effect.  to which my roommate, who was an english major, (hey Boone!!) would come in my room, laughing, and patiently tried to explain what the author was saying.

and then i would conclude the discussion with, "well why didn't they just get to the point and say that?"

i remember once i had to write an allegorical poem for a class in college.  i was thrilled to get to try my hand at it (that was a completely sarcastic, untrue statement).  annoyed that i had to do the assignment, i sat down for like 3 minutes and wrote down everything random that came thru my head.  i read what i wrote, thinking maybe since it came from my own head, maybe i'd understand my own allegorical poem.

i got nothin'.

then i wondered if people who write allegories actually understand their own allegories?  maybe they write something, then sit back and scratch their head and conclude, "well...maybe somebody will pull something out of this..." and then send it off to the publisher, who also doesn't understand the allegory but concludes that since this author's previous works were a big hit, there must be somebody who will understand it.  so the publisher publishes it and critics and analysts read it and conclude that it must mean this and that and proclaim that the author is absolutely brilliant.  and then the author reads what the critics and analysts conclude and, confused but wanting to act like it was totally what they meant when they wrote the allegory, accept the praise and say, "yes...that is exactly what i meant."  except they probably wouldn't say that.  they'd probably say it in an allegorical way so that the critics and analysts would continue to be astounded by their "brilliance".

i wish i had my allegorical poem that i wrote.  i would share it with you.  but i don't have it.  and i don't feel like making one up right now.  and i'm hungry and i should go find food.  how's that for a totally anti-climatic end to this story?

is vague the same as being allegorical?  i don't think so.  i can be vague.  and that's what i want to be in the remainder of this post.

the reality of public has created hindrance.

shop amazon!

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If you shop on Amazon, please consider doing so by clicking on the above link first!  A percentage of your purchase will automatically go toward Paul & Cristine's Ugandan adoption!  Make sure your Amazon shopping cart is empty BEFORE you click the link, though - otherwise the items won't count.

The accordion is the new violin.

Tonight at worship team rehearsal, I learned 2 new instruments: the bass guitar and the accordion!!!! Ok so I have a lot to learn on both. But let's just say, if you were at a U2 concert and the bassist got sick, I could totally fill in. Ok that's stretching the truth. The point is...ok there is no point.

No, ok wait - I've got one.

The point is, I can't believe I get to do what I do and I get to create music with great people as we worship a GREAT God!

"Warm" is relative.

Today it was 50 degrees out and I was walking thru a parking lot. I passed a guy wearing shorts and a tshirt. Meanwhile I'm wearing jeans, a tank top under my tshirt, under a sweater, which was all under my down coat. Really, kid? Apparently he was NOT recently in Florida.

It did warm up to 61 for a little bit today. I sat out on my front porch in the sun and read. Until I got cold. And I looked at the temp at it had gone down to 60. Yep. It was time to go inside.

Good read. Good homemade mocha latte.

a clarification

i recently put up a post called "restoration and grace" and it seems that i did an amazingly, epic-cally bad job at explaining what i meant.  and so i took down the post because i realized that the message some were getting from reading it was completely NOT what i was intending.  i received some loving yet concerned feedback from others and for that i am grateful because i had no idea that the way i worded things and unintentionally left out clear explanations seemed to be sending a message that was not Biblical at all.

that's the hard thing about blogs, i think.  yes, i share quite a bit about my journey on my blog as it's my personal, online journal.  i try to be transparent, but there are just some things that you don't need to share with the whole world - like what i had for breakfast.  do you really care what i ate this morning?  it wasn't that exciting.  it involved peanut butter - big surprise.  :)

along that same line, those who have journeyed with me through the ups and downs and know more of the details of my journey that i don't always share on my blog knew where i was coming from and what i was meaning by this recent post.  things like grace... finding restoration and healing by repentance & forgiveness, by trusting & knowing Jesus as my Savior... re-discovering my identity in Him...trusting who He says i am instead of my own self-assessment of who i am... the list goes on.  i had the epic realization (some would call it common sense, but sometimes it just doesn't seem very common) that not everyone has been a part of the numerous discussions with me over coffee, the questions around dinner tables, and the conversations over email that i've had with various friends who have been walking (graciously) with me along the way and looking at the Truth in God's Word with me.  i realized without knowing the background behind the post, it did have potential of coming across entirely wrong.

and so, if you happened to read that post during the 15 hours or so that it was up, i would like to clarify at least this: i was not saying that people do not need saved.  i was not saying that people do not need to trust & know Jesus as their Savior.  that makes my stomach turn just hearing that that's how it was coming across to some.

i don't know what else from that post was specifically raising eyebrows, but if you read it and had concern or wanted clarification, i would love for you to message me on facebook or shoot me an email (stokedauntjen@gmail.com) so i could specifically address things.  or call me.  but i'm not posting my # on here because of whackos.  i mean, whackos who need Jesus.  :)

may Jesus be glorified despite my flawed attempts at communication :)

Passion 127 - An Adoption Journey

I am so excited to post this link - I will have to find out a better way to post it so it stays up all the time - but for now, it's going to go in this post.  :)

If you shop on Amazon (and if you don't, you should), I would love for you to shop by clicking on the link at the bottom of this post!  My friends are raising money to fund their adoption of children from Uganda and as one way to raise money, they have signed up with the Amazon Affiliate program.  The way the affiliate program works, is when you shop on Amazon by first clicking on the link at the bottom of this post, a percentage of whatever you purchase will go into their Amazon Affiliate fund.  It's so easy and all you have to do is do your Amazon shopping by going through this link: 

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I will be posting more about their adoption and ways you can help as the process continues!   You can also follow their blog at:

I Am Sojourner - Passion 127

epic birthday gifts

This year I got some of the coolest, most creative birthday gifts EVER!  I have to share them.  Because they are so great.
First off, a tower of decorated toilet paper rolls.  This is epic.  I actually used to collect toilet paper rolls when I was younger (as in, last year.  oh my goodness I’m totally kidding.  I was a LOT younger).  At one point, my mom finally convinced me that if I threw them away, she would give me 10 cents a roll.  I made $30. For those mathematically challenged, that’s 300 rolls.  True story.  So this gift has extra specialness to it!  And each roll was decorated with things I love!

The whole top is Despicable Me rolls – how great are those minions??  Seriously cute.
The second row has running shoes, “13.1” for the 1/2 marathon Kendra and I ran, weights (complete with straps – love it), Broncos, a “Look Good, Play Good” roll, and a few other randoms.
The bottom row is a mix of music and Florida!
What’s also amazing is that this was a collaboration of like…7 or 8 people or something.  The pictures don’t do it justice, but here are some shots…

You can’t really see it in the pic, but the dolphin on the bottom has a googley eye glued on!!

             


and Mika made me a Starbucks roll! Hokey pete, this thing is LEGIT!
“
"Jen This is for you because you like chai and I like Chai so this works.” – love it!
                
and what would this be without a Zeva roll???

The Wyoming/Florida plates and the statutes referencing state laws regarding license plates shows that a State Trooper made this.  Ok so we may have had a few debates as to whether or not I really needed to change my FL plate to WY…Ok so maybe he won and Zeva has WY plates now…Zeva’s still cute, the WY plates actually look really cute on her :)

The “Rock It” portable amplifier that turns any cardboard box or hard object into a sweet stereo!  I tested it out on a homemade “boom box” :)


and the big finale picture.  a hilarious card from my great friend, Boonie (NOT Bonnie – it’s BOONIE!).  and a sweet card from my sister – the blue represents continual filling from Jesus, the red represents love, and the green represents growing.  love it.  :)  I am one blessed girl, so many amazing family and friends.

Sudden death of winter

This morning, at 6:30am, I walked outside in shorts and a tank top. And I was not freezing. There was no frostbite. My nose hairs did not freeze.

Because it was 75 degrees. And the sun wasn't even up yet.

Yes, my friends - it is possible to not suffer through negative degree winters. A land of year-long warmth and sunshine does exist on earth.

But alas, I must soon leave this home and return to where God has called me for now, another one of my homes. To the land of electric fireplaces and heating blankets. He is so good - He provides warmth for me no matter what conditions I'm in! :)

today is my birthday!

today is my birthday!

for the majority of my life, i have tried to hide on my birthday.  but this year i decided to turn over a new leaf.  God created me.  He's given me gifts and talents that are unique to me - just as He has given them to us all.  i can look back over my life and see awesome high times, rough times, comfortable times, challenging times - and i can see His faithfulness on it all.  i can celebrate what He has done, what He is doing, and look forward with great anticipation of what He is going to do!

i was so blessed today to get SO MANY facebook "happy birthday" wishes - from all over the world.  Australia, Estonia, Norway, Costa Rica, Canada, and all over the states so far.  each person's post brings back fun memories and i am reminded how incredibly blessed i have been to get to travel all over the world and live in so many places across the US.  ahhh!

i love my life!  i love where God has me.  i love what He is teaching me.  i love that He has a plan for me and it's so much more awesome than i could ever dream up!  He has plans for YOU too - get excited!!!

my heart is so full!

here's to another year - let the adventure continue!

Tonight I opened my sister's fridge to pull out leftover black beans and coconut rice that she told me were in there. Seeing 2 jars on the top shelf that resembled black beans and rice, I pulled them out and asked her if they were the right containers. To which she busted up laughing and pointing at each jar, said, "Um...that's blueberry syrup and that's parmesan..."

Did I mention I got in from traveling at 2:30am this morning? :) and I can't smell.

End of the day

The part of the day where I crawl into bed & go 10 toes up, warm under my heating blanket with the fireplace going 4 feet from my face, reminded again of God's great love He has lavished on me. Yep. I love this part.

a “DUUUUUDE!!!!” moment

when’s the last time you had one of those “DUUUUUUUDE!!!!” moments while reading the Bible?  I totally had one of those moments this week as I read Ephesians 5…and couldn’t get past the first 2 verses.  :)

oh my goodness I get so excited when God’s Word comes alive in fresh ways!!!  watch out, world!

ok dude – totally grab your Bible right now.  I’ll wait.  or go to www.biblegateway.com.  it’ll be fun, I promise.

if you continued reading and you never grabbed your Bible or went to the website, I have 1 word for you: Revelation 21:8 (yes, that’s 1 word…1 word, 3 numbers, and a punctuation mark…or something).

I just had coffee.  and I’m stoked on Jesus.  the combination creates quite the energetic, rabbit-on-steroids effect.

ok, ok, I’ll make it easy on you – here’s what Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT) says:

^“1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”

isn’t that mind-blowing?!?!

no – ok – I mean yes, it is.  but let me explain what I’m finding in these 2 verses.

first off, did anyone notice it calls us to be imitators of God??  what??  and it says to imitate God in everything we do.  hokey pete.  and why?  because we are His dear children.  I like how the NIV puts it: it says we are His “dearly loved” children.  ok so you’ve got all the who, what, why, where, when’s all answered right in this verse.  who?  us.  what?  be imitators of God.  why?  because we are His dearly loved children.  where?  well, I guess everywhere, because it says in everything we do.  when?  …all the time, because, again, it says in everything we do…  BAM!

class dismissed.

no I’m kidding, don’t leave yet. there’s more.

so we’ve got all that going on in verse 1.  then in verse 2, it says live a life filled with love.  the Greek word for “love” in this verse is “agape”.  the definition for “agape”, according to my Strong’s concordance, is:

“…usually the action love of God for His Son and His people, the action love His people are to have for God, each other, even enemies…”

the action love!  I don’t know if I’ve ever heard “agape” explained as the “action” love.  so verse 2 says, “Live a life filled with love [in action], following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered Himself as a sacrifice for us…” 

right there it tells us what living a live filled with agape, action-love looks like: it looks like following the example of Jesus, who loved us so much with agape love, that He offered Himself as a sacrifice for us.  so what does agape love look like?  serving.  forgiving.  praying.  sacrificing my own selfish desires/wants for the good of others – for the glory of Jesus.

living a life FILLED with agape love looks like living out the “one another”’s in the Bible.  wash one another’s feet.  love one another deeply.  forgive one another.  pray for one another.  everyone who’s up for doing a “one another” study of all the “one another”’s in the Bible, raise your hand!

(my hand’s raised.  you can’t see it.  but it really is.)

living a life FILLED with agape love looks like following the example of Jesus in everything that we do.  in EVERYTHING that we do.  and by doing this, we will be imitators of God.  dearly loved children imitating their perfect Father.

#bassdrop

did anyone else have a “DUUUUUUUDE!!!” moment??

may our lives be filled with agape, action-love.  for Jesus.  and for others.  even our enemies.

the reality of “Christmas”

today I got to take communion in a way I never have before.  I had to walk through dirt and bend down before a cross to take the elements.

see, our church doesn’t have a building.  we rent a place at the local fairgrounds, but sometimes other events want the building on Sundays and we have to meet somewhere else.  we’ve met outside a few times (thankfully it was in the summer-ish months).  and we’ve met in the indoor roping/rodeo arena quite a few times.  today, we were in the arena.

and it was cold.  it’s been in the 50’s and 60’s for so long, but today it decided to be about 15 degrees with a windchill of –6 or something insane like that.  while there was some heat in the building, I still kept my 2 coats on.

there was nothing “pretty” about it.  it was dirty.  it smelled (or so I was told).  it was cold.  condensation dripped on us from time to time.

but as I walked across the dirt in the arena to take communion, I had to hold back tears as suddenly, the birth of my Savior and the death and resurrection of my Savior became even more real to me.

in the modern day church, we like things neat and clean.  we like our services to be neat and clean.  we like to appear neat and clean (regardless of what our hearts look like).  we often like to go to church, leave feeling good, and then go about the rest of our week.

and Christmas has turned into the exact same thing.  we focus way too much time and money on gifts.  we like our houses to be all decked out with “holiday cheer” and the gifts under the tree to look just right.  we love to read books that recount the Christmas story of little baby Jesus, all clean and neatly wrapped in a blanket in a manger with nice looking parents looking over him and curiously tame donkeys and cows laying near by (which – in reality, I’ve rarely seen tame donkeys and cows that like to lay angelically next to people.  and where is the manure?  like, really.)

the reality of it all is: the birth of Jesus wasn’t clean.  it wasn’t clean at all.  in fact, it was really really messy.

I mean, have you been inside a stable before?  they’re not exactly the most sanitary of places.  there’s manure.  there’s dirty hay.  I’ve heard they can smell pretty bad (I wouldn’t know firsthand).  I guarantee if you tried to have a baby inside a stable these days, child services would be called on you.

and there was bloodshed.  there was a lot of bloodshed.  Herod was King at the time, and when he heard there was a newborn “King of the Jews”, he was furious.  he ended up ordering his men to kill all baby boys under the age of 2 in and around the city of Bethlehem (check out Matthew 2).  I think most of my life, I’ve heard that part of the “Christmas story” and haven’t really given it a second thought.  but this really happened.  baby boys were murdered left and right.  mother’s screamed and begged for their child’s life to be spared and they were shown no mercy.  their baby boys were murdered before their very eyes, their blood covering the their mother’s clothing.

the birth of Jesus wasn’t neat and pretty.

then there’s the whole genealogy of Jesus, the line from which He came.  there was nothing pretty about this either.  if you read the genealogy of Jesus (like in Matthew 1), you’ll probably recognize some of the names from their stories in the Old Testament.  Jesus came from a line of murderers, adulterers, liars, prostitutes…the list goes on.

the birth of Jesus wasn’t neat and pretty.

which leads me to ask – what kind of God would send His own Son to be born in a messy, lowly stable?  what kind of God would choose a completely messed up line of people to send His Son to be born into?  what kind of God would send His own Son to earth anyway?

the God who loves us so much more deeply than we will ever comprehend.  the God who created the whole ability to love, the whole concept of love.  the God who is love.

He sent His Son, Jesus, to be the Ultimate Sacrifice to pay for our sins.  To anyone who chooses to believe and follow Jesus, God extends this awesome gift of grace.  restoration of our relationship with God.  a personal relationship.  He is not a far-off God that just watches things happen.  He is personal.  He is involved.  He desires for us to know Him and He delights in us!

^”And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”  ~Ephesians 3:18-19

Where is the sun?

Dear Wyoming,

If you do not allow the sun to shine soon, I may have to take more frequent trips to my other home in Florida. Yes, my other home - how does that make you feel, hearing that you're not the only home in my life? I hope this news causes great jealousy to rise up within you and it leads to the cloudy skies clearing and the sun shining brightly. Your cloudy December skies are killin' me.

Sincerely,
Jen

I just looked out the window and saw a dog walking with its leash dragging behind it. About 20 feet behind him, I saw his owner come into view - a very old woman slowly walking with a cane. Sweet, but It begs the question - how on earth is she going to catch the dog's leash if it tries to take off??

Random event of the day.

My days are numbered

Today my friend told me I have lived out West now long enough that I could get a ticket if I don't change my Florida license plates.

I asked how a cop would know I've been out here long enough. And they gave me a "seriously?" look and reminded me its a small town and my car stands out.

I would blow them off. But they also happen to be a state trooper. Ok so maybe they know what they're talking about. Maybe.

Oh sad...I might have to relinquish my Florida plates. This is a sad day.

finding rhythm

hello, blog.  I have neglected you for a couple weeks.

I was in florida working and visiting family/friends for a couple weeks, then came back out here and went straight to a weekend high school retreat, followed by Thanksgiving week and the change of pace that brings.  now I’m starting to get my feet back on the ground.

this week I am trying something new.  I’m trying to stop striving.

yes, that means I lay in bed all day long and sleep and do nothing.

NO!  come on now.  anyone who knows me knows I’ve got way too much energy to stay in bed all day!!!  yes, I can turn the energy switch off when I need to (like when I greeted my brother-in-law at 6 in the morning with an ecstatic “HI!  Welcome to Tuesday!!” and he gave me the stink eye), but inwardly I am almost always a combusting party of excitement just waiting to burst out.

wow, back on track.  this always happens.  squirrel.  what?  ok, no, keep focus…

this week, I am trying to take a break from trying to be everything to all people.  meaning, usually if someone asks me to do something or do work for them, I readily accept it.  I have been reminded time and time again lately that by saying “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to other things.  and that’s ok, if you’re saying “yes” to what is in line with what you feel God is calling you to do.  I made a list last week of the commitments I currently had made to people, and realized there’s not a cohesiveness between the things – they’re going all different directions and only a few went along with the direction I am feeling God pulling me to pursue.

meanwhile, I get stressed out, strung out, and find myself going from early in the morning to late at night like a hamster on steroids.

this week, I am working on finding a rhythm.  a way of doing life that allows me to get done what needs to be done, yet allows for more time for what really matters.  I fully believe that what matters in life comes down to God and other people.  it does not matter how much money I make.  it does not matter what car I had (although you must admit, Zeva is one sweet ride).  it does not matter whether or not my furniture matched and looked trendy.  it does not matter whether I appeared to have everything all together or not.
life comes down to God and how I am loving and serving others for His glory.

so this week I have been trying to slow down and not worry about what I didn’t get done the day before.  taking time to talk to people when I see them and not being in a spastic rush to get something done.  I went for a run and ended up walking for a good chunk at the end – simply because I realized I didn’t need to impress anybody and I didn’t need to prove anything to myself.  and guess what?  I enjoyed the grace that I gave myself!!  and yesterday, I took like 20 minutes to read in the afternoon with a cup of coffee and it was very delightful.  :)

I have been reading through Psalm 119 this week and I am loving it.  it stirs up within me a refreshed desire to know God’s Word, to take more time to study it and to cherish it.  when we follow His Word, it brings freedom (Ps. 119:45).  quite often, people think being a “Christian” means following a bunch of rigid rules and looking like a constipated water rat.  but in reality – being a Christ-follower means living in freedom – freedom to dance and rejoice in unending grace and unfailing love!

on a slightly different but kind of the same note: this song started playing on my iTunes this week and I thought I’d share it.  I wrote this last May when I was out at the ranch for a weekend.  Paul, Meghan, and I did a rough recording of it this summer and that’s what this is.

You Will Remain – click to hear it
Holy Spirit, fill me with desire for Jesus
Illuminate Your magnificence
That everything else would fade away
That everything else would fade away
You alone are deserving of all my affection
You alone are deserving of all of my praise
You alone are worthy of all of my worship
On the throne You will remain
Holy Spirit, cause my heart to hunger for Jesus
Captivate my mind
Without You, God, this life is not worth living
I need You – I need You by my side