“Jesus Calling”–Feb 28th

I don’t know the rules of blogging things from books…so I’m just going to do it and if someone has a problem with it, I’ll remove it. :)

I’m really lovin’ the daily little devotions in this little book called “Jesus Calling”.  Here are excerpts from today’s:

“Stop judging and evaluation yourself, for this is not your role.  Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people.  This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both.  I [God] lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her.  Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.

“Don’t look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only source of real affirmation is My [God’s] unconditional Love…

“I died for your sins, that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation.  This is how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness…

“Immerse yourself in My [God’s] loving Presence.  Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.”

One of the Scripture references for this entry is Isaiah 61:10:

“I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

I love Isaiah 61.  I could do a whole blog entry on it.  ok maybe I will.  :)

great is His faaaaaithfulness

I got the Jesus Culture “Come Away” album this past week.  if you have it, you’ll know the song the title of this entry is from.

saturday morning I filled up a page in my prayer journal listing areas I saw God’s faithfulness over the past 5 or 6 months of my life.  I could’ve filled a lot of pages, I’m sure.  but it was so cool to do that – to remind myself of His faithfulness.  all He has provided for me, how He was carried me by His strength when I’m weak.

re-entry back into the real world has its rough times.  so confused at where I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to be doing.  there’s 2 directions I’m still trying to choose between (and maybe God wants me going a totally different direction and I’m not picking up on that yet…).  youth ministry in the Keys or pursuing worship leading up in the Denver/Cheyenne area.  I absolutely love my car and don’t want to sell her, but there are some days I wonder if I should just sell it and go live in Australia or a Spanish-speaking country for a little while.  live off the money from selling my car.

on 1/29/11 I posted an entry on here and said this: “i guess God knows i work best on short notice, when i dont have time to worry about it beforehand.”  a day or 2 later, our team all got little cards that staff/students at the YWAM Skien base had written for us.  they were things they had prayed about, asking God for words/pictures for each of us.  mine was crazy dead-on.  I’ll list the other things and explain why they’re dead-on but 3rd on the list says this: “Picture of an 8 ball, you are good under pressures –it’s a gift”.  ok that was like 1/30/11 that we got these cards.  look again at the beginning of this paragraph – the quote from my blog entry that I wrote 1/29/11.  haha whaaaat?  it’s so true.  I can focus better and work faster and “just do it” when I’m under pressure.  it was crazy to see that on this card (I’m always a bit skeptical when people pray to get “words/pictures” for others).

the other things on the card:

-“The more you know your identity, the more you will walk in Authority.”  Identity is one area that God has really been shaping within me over the past year or so and an area I really felt God grew confidence in me over the 5 months I was at YWAM.  and that statement is so true.  know Whose you are.
-“You are a leader” – this is something I never believed about myself until I went thru outreach and realized I DO have leadership ability in me.
-“God used the weak in the world’s eyes to glorify Himself.  He wants to use you.”  there are some things in life (like leading worship) that I always thought I was too weak to do and I would never be able to do it.  I determined to try it over outreach if the opportunity came up – to operate in my weakness and allow God to be my strength.  when Shane took me to the airport to fly to YWAM last September, he reminded me of this super cool dude (I can’t remember his name…Nick?) from Australia with no arms and no legs and how he’s changing lives by sharing his testimony and doing what he can, in spite of the “weakness” of having no arms/legs.  he’s allowing God to use him in mighty ways.  I used to (and still often do) see myself as weak weak weak – but I know and have experienced God’s strength and power to use the weak.
-“Song: Lead Me to the Cross” – this was the last song I had led at the youth group we went to the weekend before in Holum!  it was the one and only time I did that song during the whole outreach – and I gave it all to God when I led it.  worshipped abandoned to fear of man and keeping my eyes on Jesus.
-this last one was written by a Norwegian I think, because some of the wording doesn’t make sense but I think this is what it was saying: “Picture of a boat and you were controlling the boat.  But Jesus wanted to control the boat for you.  He wants to take all your burdens, all your tears.  He just wants to love you and show you where to go…”

Sail Away

Today was a fun day! Amanda and Zoe spent the night after vball. This morning we went to the Stuffed Pig for breakfast and they were having their annual pig races. :) then we went out on Shane's sailboat and anchored off a nearby island (not before seeing a stingray jump out the water and a sea turtle!!) and we all jumped in the water to scrape the barnacles off the bottom of the boat. It was surprisingly not AS cold as I thought it'd be! My teeth were chattering by the time we finished though. Then we got to go for a sail - it was so beautiful and calm!! Mmm!!! Then we brought her back in and gave her a good scrub down. She looked so beautiful!!







Tonight we had porterhouse steaks, black beans & coconut rice, and clams. Oh my goodness. A great day. :)
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El Mismo Dios (the same God)

God gave me a much needed realization this past Monday.  there have been many times over the past months where I’ve thought, “oh my goodness – what do I do after DTS is done??” and it’s kept me awake for hours on some nights. 

I’ll get back to that…but first…

I am completely 100% stoked to be home – oh my goodness.  my parents picked me up from the Fort Lauderdale airport Saturday evening and before we made it to the turnpike I had stuck my head out of my car (they brought Zeva up!!) twice and squealed with delight that my face wasn’t freezing off!  Palm trees.  Beautiful orange/pink sunset.  Pollo Tropical (Cuban fast food restaurant) at Exit 16 and Starbucks at Florida City before getting on the 18-mile stretch into the Keys.  I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole 2 1/2 hour drive home.  Sunday morning I couldn’t wait to take Zeva for a drive so we went down the 7-mile bridge and pulled off at the little beach area on the left and I got out and put my toes in the sand – mmmm!

Sunday my head felt like it was spinning – not the dizzy kind of spinning, but the kind of spinning where you’re like “…is this for real?”  my family moved houses while I was gone, so coming “home” didn’t really feel like home to me – this foreign house on a road I had hardly been down before.  it felt more like a cool house we were renting for a week of spring break.  so Sunday I still had this feeling like…am I really in the Keys?  then I realized what I needed.  I went to Shane’s house and jumped in the big bean bag (even though he wasn’t home) and then it hit me – I was home.    something of familiarity.  when I walked in the door, I actually took a deep breath as if to take in the smells…sometimes I forget I have no sense of smell.  haha true story.

so I laid in the bean bag for a couple hours (it’s a magical place – quite possibly my most favorite indoor place in the world – and I have travelled the world now!).  I started getting hit with the reality of the fact that I had no job (no income), I didn’t know where I was going to live after these 2 weeks, and I didn’t know what direction God was calling me to go.  I tried to shove off those thoughts for the day, though.  I wanted to enjoy my first day home.

of course, Monday morning rolled around (it always does.  good ol’ faithful Monday).  I started getting caught up in those thoughts of reality again.  I went to Psalm 34, a chapter I have been delighting in over the past few weeks.  I love the whole chapter, but I’ll just put a couple parts of it in here:

Psalm 34-
¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
² I will glory in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
----------
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
⁹ Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

 

I am loving this Psalm right now because I know it to be Truth.  I saw it played out in my life over the past 5 months, especially over the 2 months I was overseas.  I could go into it, but it might be off topic so if you want to hear more on that, ask me.

but God reminded me that He is the same God here, in the Keys, as He was when I was in Denver.  He is the same God, here, in the Keys, as He was when I was overseas in Estonia, Latvia, and Norway.  He does not change.

if He showed me His faithfulness over the past 5 months, why would He suddenly become unfaithful?  If He provided everything I needed and more over the past 5 months, why would He suddenly remove His provision?  the God that shared many adventures with me over the past 5 months is the same God that wants to continue having so many more adventures with me! He delights in me!

I had this illogical fear while I was away that I would come home and have no income and would not be able to afford rent anywhere and I was going to have to be homeless and eat out of dumpsters.  haha   hey, if it came to that – I know God is still good.  but I don’t think that will happen.

this morning I was meditating on Psalm 19 (SO good!!!) and I found myself sitting there in bed, staring off across the room, my mind trying to grab hold of God’s voice, seeking direction from Him and not hearing anything.  I started getting lost in my thoughts again.  and then…

this huge neon sign came down out of the ceiling and told me what to do.  ok I’m totally kidding.  that didn’t happen.  what DID happen was I went to take care of some business (cough, cough) and saw a book called “Jesus Calling – Enjoying Peace in His Presence” and so I opened it and it’s this book that has a little devotion to read each day.  so I opened to February 16 and the first 2 lines said, “Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.”

the same God that spoke to me over the last 5 months is the same God that will continue to speak to me as I be still and listen.

Tampa

I'm sitting on my last plane!! Just boarded in Tampa and oh my goodness - it's only 55 out but inside the plane is the familiar feel of slightly stuffy heat...oh my goodness it feels so wonderful!!!! :)


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Surreal

So I'm on the plane, headed first to Tampa and then to Fort Lauderdale - same stop I had on my way out to Denver. It's crazy to sit here and think about how I felt on the way out 5 months ago. Is this really happening? Did I really just spend 5 months away? Did I really go to Europe for 7 weeks??


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2 more things to do

2 more things i want to do when i get home:

1-watch movies in Spanish so i can learn more
2-seriously commit to learning guitar so i can lead worship on my own when there's not a band to play with

i think if i vocalize it (or...whatever it's considered over a blog), then i can be held accountable and it makes the commitment more secure (that's not the word i was thinking of, but i'm still suffering from vocab loss after traveling thru Europe for the past 2 months).

jargmine peatus...FLORIDA!

that's Estonian for "next stop - Florida!" (i memorized it from our endless hours riding busses in Estonia).

i'm sitting in the Denver airport, waiting to board - which is in about 2 hours. :P this morning on the way to the airport, we saw a beautiful orange/pink sunrise with the city lights shining underneath and the downtown skyline looking fabulous amidst it all. as if that weren't beautiful enough, we had the sunrise out our right windows and the beautiful snow capped rocky mountain range on our left. pictures couldn't do it justice - i tried.

i am so stoked to get home and squeeze the little Segard offsprings and my family and friends!! i can't wait to go to the beach. i can't wait to go to LPC. i can't wait to drive Zeva. i can't wait to lay in my hammock. i can't wait to get some color back into this pasty white skin of mine (it's kinda to the point of embarassing).

it is going to be SO WEIRD to not have my YWAM family around 24/7.

i had my flip flops attached to my carry on. somewhere between checking in and getting thru security i lost 1. sad. at least they were worn out and way past due for throwing away. i called my mom and asked her to bring me a pair to change into. priorities, man.

i cannot wait to have lots of quiet time over the next couple of weeks!! there is a lot i want to share on here about what God has taught me and/or has done in my life over the past 5 months.

5 months. wow. that's almost 1/2 a year. it didn't sound like long when i entered in to this adventure. now when i look back it seems like a long time.

i wish airport food wasn't so stinkin' jacked up expensive. my schedule for treats today:
first, coffee - i was going to go with a chai from Starbucks but i'm getting that later. i settled for McD's.
second, jamba juice smoothie. maybe the acai/oatmeal topper.
third, pollo tropical - exit 16, baby!
fourth, Starbucks for a soy chai latte - Florida City, right before hitting the 18 mile stretch into earthly paradise!!

eeeek!!

man i miss traveling with people - there's no one to watch my bags so i can wander off.

within the last week, by the end of today, i will have hit up 6 different airports - 1 of which (Denver) i'll have hit twice...so that would be 7 airport visits, but 6 different ones.

i've continued to wake up by 4:15am everyday this week (except Sunday). this morning i woke up at 3:30am. beautiful. :P hey, at least it was easy to be up and ready for our 6am departure from the base.

oh my goodness i just started singing "Avalanche" in my head and almost teared up thinking of Kate. man, withdrawal from my YWAM fam is gonna be rough (rough...aw, angel!). i swear, so many things i say/hear/see remind me of people now!

jargmine peatus...FLORIDA!

wrapping it up

today we had "report back" - where all the returning teams from outreach gave quick 10-15 minute reports to the current DTS students. we really don't have much left now - tomorrow we have small group in the morning. not sure what else. Friday we have graduation. Saturday...um...HELLO! JEN FLYS HOME!!

i was laying in bed this morning (wide awake for the 3rd day in a row at 4:15am - thank you jet lag) and thinking about flying home and then got SO excited because i thought, "OH! maybe we can stop at pollo tropical on the way home!!" oh be still my heart! the simple pleasures of life!

there is so much i'm so excited to get home to!! mmm!

definitely going to miss living in community with people though. i love living in community.

i make myself stay awake until 8pm. but at 8pm - jen goes to bed and literally crashes on her pillow.

antsy

this last week of DTS (debrief week at the Eagle Rock base in the mountains) is killin' me. it's crawling by. i just want to be back in the Keys. trying hard to live in the moment but failing. :P anyone want to pay the extra $ for me to fly home early? anyone??

last night in Norway!

Jae surprised us with a hotel this last night in Norway!!!! we thought we were going to spend the night in the airport here in Oslo, but instead we are in a hotel!! what a blessing!!! breakfast is at 5am and then we head back to US soil! oh my heart leaps! i cannot wait to be back in the States - back to where i know how much things cost and they're cheaper and there's Starbucks and most everyone speaks English! i cannot wait even more to be back in the KEYS! oh my heart!!!!!!!! i get so giddy!

Oslo, Norway

2/1/11 12:40am
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY BEN!! Awwww!!! :)

We made our way to Oslo today (err...now yesterday). We are staying in a big church that requires cards to enter a lot of the rooms (like hotel room cards). For the 1st time on outreach we are sleeping on the floor without real mattresses. Using my sleeping pad! Finally a taste of "real" outreach - haha :)

We are doing cleaning at the church for the first couple days. Then we don't know what. Oh and having debrief meetings with our leaders. I had mine today - woot woooot!

I can't sleep. I'm not tired. I listened to my iPod. I watched the rest of Princess Bride. I played Snake on my phone. So I decided to be more productive and write up a blog.

We found out today that we'll be staying up at Eagle Rock during our time in Denver. Sad. We're all bummed. We wanted to be in Arvada, either at the base or at least near it. Sadly, there is no cell service and no Starbucks and no fantastic sams up at the Eagle Rock base. Just...more snow. Fabulous. :)

4 more days til we fly back to the States! I hope I can get starbucks during our layover in Chicago.

I think I can't sleep because I'm so stinkin excited to be back in the Keys!!!!!!!

I'm laying on my back and this exit sign is so bright that I could probably read if I wanted to.