He drank...my cup.
for awhile now i've realized that i so often become almost callous to the cross - Jesus's death. growing up in a Christian family, going to church all my life - i've heard about the cross my entire life. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16. great. killer. sometimes it would evoke emotion within me. other times i'd read Scripture that talked about Christ's sacrifice and i'd read it just like it was any other passage in the Bible. not really contemplating the depth of it.
and i hate that i become callous to the magnitude of it so easily.
i came across a book nearly a year ago while shopping online with a B&N giftcard. the book is called "Living the Cross Centered Life - Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing" by C.J. Mahaney. i had read his book called "Humility" and loved it, so i bought this book. i didn't start reading it though until about a month ago.
the Truth this book talks about is overwhelming. so much more than any of my blogs could ever cover.
i just finished a chapter last night about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. if i could copy and paste the whole chapter here, i would. i was wide awake when i finished the chapter but was so overwhelmed by God's love for me displayed on that cross thru His Son Jesus Christ that i couldn't read on yet.
"In the mystery of His mercy, God - the innocent, offended party - offers up His own Son to death, to satisfy His righteous wrath and save the guilty party from it." - pg. 70
To satisfy His righteous wrath...His "righteous wrath" alone deserves so much thought about what that means. but i will try to stay on topic and not ramble. As Jesus is praying to His Father, He asks if there's any way for the cup to be removed.
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39
Jesus prayed this at least twice that night in the garden. He was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" - Matt. 26:38. Why was He overwhelmed? because He was about to drink of this cup - this cup of God's righteous wrath against the sin of all mankind. He was about to experience total abandonment from His Father. Jesus was about to become "the object of God's full and furious wrath" (pg. 80). for me. for you. for all of mankind.
"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, 'This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it.' This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours." (pg. 82)
but He doesn't. no...He drinks the cup - the cup intended for me.
God loves me...you...so much that He was willing to let His innocent, perfect Son, Jesus Christ, come to earth to be the perfect, final sacrifice for the sin of all mankind.
He drank my cup...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
life is short
life is too short to waste doing things day in and day out that i'm not passionate about. sitting behind a desk, billing customers for things they don't need in the first place, when their money could be going toward helping other people...yeah, not my passion.
i worked for j crew for the majority of time i was at college. i sat in a little cubicle, answering phone calls from materialistic people who wanted new clothes and wanted them yesterday (meaning: "i want this cashmere sweater overnighted to me for free because i'm greedy and want things now."). i enjoyed the job for awhile, just because it was fun to "sell" things (who didn't play store with their friends/siblings when they were little?). but then i went on a trip to the Dominican Republic during summer 'o6 and when i got back to work, i was overwhelmed by the fact that here i was, feeding greedy people with more clothes they didn't need while the Haitian refugee friends i made sat in their makeshift huts hoping they would have at least 1 small meal that day. seriously? drove me crazy.
it doesn't make sense that we settle doing jobs that have no eternal value. maybe i'm being irrational. but seriously? God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth where He was treated like the lowly. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of our sins. And He conquered death - that we may have eternal life with our Creator and know true peace, hope, joy...fullness in this life. So how will i spend this life He has given me?
restlessness. each day that goes by that i continue to do the same thing in life drives me nuts. i become almost apathetic toward my job.
i ought to be content that i even have a job. and i am, to an extent. i'm thankful i have a job. it's just...hmph.
and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.
i hardly know what it is to live by faith. i have a steady income (relatively). i have an over abundance of food available to me. i have a roof over my head. i have many friends who will offer their roofs over my head. :) i have good health. so where do i have to rely on God? how am i living today that requires me to rely on God?
i worked for j crew for the majority of time i was at college. i sat in a little cubicle, answering phone calls from materialistic people who wanted new clothes and wanted them yesterday (meaning: "i want this cashmere sweater overnighted to me for free because i'm greedy and want things now."). i enjoyed the job for awhile, just because it was fun to "sell" things (who didn't play store with their friends/siblings when they were little?). but then i went on a trip to the Dominican Republic during summer 'o6 and when i got back to work, i was overwhelmed by the fact that here i was, feeding greedy people with more clothes they didn't need while the Haitian refugee friends i made sat in their makeshift huts hoping they would have at least 1 small meal that day. seriously? drove me crazy.
it doesn't make sense that we settle doing jobs that have no eternal value. maybe i'm being irrational. but seriously? God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth where He was treated like the lowly. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of our sins. And He conquered death - that we may have eternal life with our Creator and know true peace, hope, joy...fullness in this life. So how will i spend this life He has given me?
restlessness. each day that goes by that i continue to do the same thing in life drives me nuts. i become almost apathetic toward my job.
i ought to be content that i even have a job. and i am, to an extent. i'm thankful i have a job. it's just...hmph.
and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.
i hardly know what it is to live by faith. i have a steady income (relatively). i have an over abundance of food available to me. i have a roof over my head. i have many friends who will offer their roofs over my head. :) i have good health. so where do i have to rely on God? how am i living today that requires me to rely on God?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
3 years ago
almost 3 years ago to the day, i wrote a blog about wanting to go to med school and become a surgeon. (see Oct. 26, 2006 post for details) i didn't pursue it though. but about a month ago, after a conversation with my friend Natalie, i learned about the surgical tech position in the O.R. and instantly was intrigued. the main reason i didn't pursue the medical route was because in high school i realized that as a surgeon, i would be holding people's lives in my hands and if they died on my operating table, it would be my fault. now, ultimately, i know that God is in control but my sinful, controlling nature would easily be swayed to believe it was my responsibility alone and i couldn't handle that.
as a surgical tech, you get to be in the O.R., right there next to the surgeon. you assist with tools and holding clamps, etc. and you help prep patients and surgeons. you get to be right there with the surgeon!! ahh - it makes me giddy just thinking about it!
the surgical tech program at most schools is about 18-24 months. that's it. not 10 years of schooling or anything. so...i'm looking into it. who knows what'll happen. but i am looking at a school in lynchburg (yay!!) and west palm beach. i don't want to leave the Keys!!!! but the fact that the program isn't years and years long makes it a little easier. a little. not a lot. :P
Natalie also told me about Mercy Ships - www.mercyships.org. from what i know, it's a volunteer-based ship that is anchored off the west coast of Africa (they've had other ships but i think the one in Africa is the only one right now). there are tons of positions open on the ship and you can volunteer for as long as you want. some positions want at least a 1 month commitment, some 3 months, some 6, etc. how cool would that be?!
i have such a longing for adventure within me. maybe this is the start of one...
as a surgical tech, you get to be in the O.R., right there next to the surgeon. you assist with tools and holding clamps, etc. and you help prep patients and surgeons. you get to be right there with the surgeon!! ahh - it makes me giddy just thinking about it!
the surgical tech program at most schools is about 18-24 months. that's it. not 10 years of schooling or anything. so...i'm looking into it. who knows what'll happen. but i am looking at a school in lynchburg (yay!!) and west palm beach. i don't want to leave the Keys!!!! but the fact that the program isn't years and years long makes it a little easier. a little. not a lot. :P
Natalie also told me about Mercy Ships - www.mercyships.org. from what i know, it's a volunteer-based ship that is anchored off the west coast of Africa (they've had other ships but i think the one in Africa is the only one right now). there are tons of positions open on the ship and you can volunteer for as long as you want. some positions want at least a 1 month commitment, some 3 months, some 6, etc. how cool would that be?!
i have such a longing for adventure within me. maybe this is the start of one...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
it has begun...again.
let it be known that i have re-started my blog. thank you, Marissa. :P my last post was Nov. '06 - nearly 3 years ago. that means i'm 3 years older than i was then. and probably 3 years worth smarter. maybe.
but because my computer is going anciently slow right now, i only have time to post this and now have to leave for the ICS boy's football game - 6 man football at it's finest!
but because my computer is going anciently slow right now, i only have time to post this and now have to leave for the ICS boy's football game - 6 man football at it's finest!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
the real purpose of the moon
i've started reading a book that's sat on my shelf a good year or so now. it's a John Piper book called "Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ". so while the following thoughts are spurred on by things i've read in the book, the elaboration are my own thoughts and ideas (wow that sounded professional...yes, that's right, i'm in college).
i was driving the other night and it was well past darkness-time and a huge glowing mass caught my attention. any other day, i would probably have just glanced at it and thought "hey, cool", but this night was different. it was a full moon, huge, bright. as i stared at it while i was at a red light, i thought more and more about the existence of that moon.
i've always excepted creation as-is. the moon's the moon. the sun's the sun. the moon comes out at night, the sun's out in the day and the sun's hot and i love the sun. simple. the grand canyon's huge. God created it. simple. not much thought about it, i just accept such creations as, well...normal.
but this night, at the stop light, i realized...God didn't HAVE to create the moon. He didn't HAVE to create the sun. He's God, He created the world, He didn't have to create us so that we needed the sun or benefited from the moon (...do we benefit from the moon?...i'm not into science). the grand canyon doesn't actually do anything for us, it doesn't sustain our life at all in any way.
He created these things for His glory! so that when we see them, we stand in awe, we be still and think, "wow...God, You made this. this...this is beautiful. this is amazing. and You created it for Your glory."
and to take it one step further. to realize that the Creator who created such beautiful, amazing, profound creations...has to be so much MORE beautiful, amazing, and profound. ahhhh :)
i look at creation so much more differently right now.
keep it real.
~jen~
i was driving the other night and it was well past darkness-time and a huge glowing mass caught my attention. any other day, i would probably have just glanced at it and thought "hey, cool", but this night was different. it was a full moon, huge, bright. as i stared at it while i was at a red light, i thought more and more about the existence of that moon.
i've always excepted creation as-is. the moon's the moon. the sun's the sun. the moon comes out at night, the sun's out in the day and the sun's hot and i love the sun. simple. the grand canyon's huge. God created it. simple. not much thought about it, i just accept such creations as, well...normal.
but this night, at the stop light, i realized...God didn't HAVE to create the moon. He didn't HAVE to create the sun. He's God, He created the world, He didn't have to create us so that we needed the sun or benefited from the moon (...do we benefit from the moon?...i'm not into science). the grand canyon doesn't actually do anything for us, it doesn't sustain our life at all in any way.
He created these things for His glory! so that when we see them, we stand in awe, we be still and think, "wow...God, You made this. this...this is beautiful. this is amazing. and You created it for Your glory."
and to take it one step further. to realize that the Creator who created such beautiful, amazing, profound creations...has to be so much MORE beautiful, amazing, and profound. ahhhh :)
i look at creation so much more differently right now.
keep it real.
~jen~
Thursday, October 26, 2006
maybe i'll go to med school.
i'm thinking maybe i'll just switch direction and become a surgeon.
i love what i do. i love media. i love the thought of reaching people with the Gospel through film/video.
but from the time i was 2, when i had eye surgery, until just before i graduated from high school, i wanted to be a surgeon. i love the intrigue of the human body. i was great at gameboy (random, i know, but people have said if you're good at video games, you'll be good in surgery with the equipment - haha). i like to be able to fix things.
so i was thinking tonight about how i used to want to be a surgeon. and i realized...hey, i can surf and make videos all i want in Heaven (that, or i'll be so incredibly wrapped up in just worshiping my Creator that i won't even care about surfing or making movies). but i can't be a surgeon in Heaven. there'll be no need for surgeons. at least, i don't think there will be...i could be wrong though. i guess if there is a need for surgeons in Heaven, that'd be great because then i wouldn't lose any of my patients.
so back to this surgeon idea.
ah - but then i have to go through lots of med school. there's no way i'd ask my parents to help support me financially through that. so maybe this is what i'll do for now: i'll finish my degree at LU. i'll work in the field for awhile, saving up money. then if i have money for med school and still want to be a surgeon, i'll consider it further then.
i'd want to be a surgeon in Hawaii or Southern Cal. yeah. and take medical mission trips. to Tahiti. and other places. and i could bring my camera along and document it. and surf for a stress-reliever.
i might be on to something here.
or i might just be dreaming.
i should go to bed.
keep it real.
~jen~
i love what i do. i love media. i love the thought of reaching people with the Gospel through film/video.
but from the time i was 2, when i had eye surgery, until just before i graduated from high school, i wanted to be a surgeon. i love the intrigue of the human body. i was great at gameboy (random, i know, but people have said if you're good at video games, you'll be good in surgery with the equipment - haha). i like to be able to fix things.
so i was thinking tonight about how i used to want to be a surgeon. and i realized...hey, i can surf and make videos all i want in Heaven (that, or i'll be so incredibly wrapped up in just worshiping my Creator that i won't even care about surfing or making movies). but i can't be a surgeon in Heaven. there'll be no need for surgeons. at least, i don't think there will be...i could be wrong though. i guess if there is a need for surgeons in Heaven, that'd be great because then i wouldn't lose any of my patients.
so back to this surgeon idea.
ah - but then i have to go through lots of med school. there's no way i'd ask my parents to help support me financially through that. so maybe this is what i'll do for now: i'll finish my degree at LU. i'll work in the field for awhile, saving up money. then if i have money for med school and still want to be a surgeon, i'll consider it further then.
i'd want to be a surgeon in Hawaii or Southern Cal. yeah. and take medical mission trips. to Tahiti. and other places. and i could bring my camera along and document it. and surf for a stress-reliever.
i might be on to something here.
or i might just be dreaming.
i should go to bed.
keep it real.
~jen~
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
$1.95
i filled up for gas this morning for a whoppin' $1.95/gallon!! talk about exciting. i finally could fill up a full tank of gas for under $20. what a beautiful da-a-a-aaaaay!! (can anyone name the song that that's from?)
the church service we usually go to starts at 11. it's late. i usually automatically wake up after getting 7 1/2-8 hours of sleep, so this morning i woke up at 7:35am, though i didn't get out of bed for about another hour. i get myself in trouble on Sunday mornings because i wake up so early before church that i putz around and work on things, thinking, "oh, i have so much time, i can do this too" - and then before i know it, i'm rushing around trying to be ready on time for church. go figure.
and so i sit here, 9:55am, writing on my blog.
i paid my credit card off this weekend!! that's a huge relief. i celebrated by leaving work a couple hours early yesterday (it was slow, they were offering time off) and renting X-Men 3 :) a-mazing movie.
i love the x-men triology, i don't know why, but i do.
speaking of work, (well...i was a few thoughts ago), i enjoy my job. yes, i'd rather be out in 80+ degree weather and filming a surf documentary or something, but for the part of life that i'm at right now, this job works just fine. and i love giving the gift of free shipping & handling. :) sometimes i throw that in for various reasons when people call in. and when they're not demanding that they get free shipping, they're always so excited to save the extra cash. i feel like santa almost.
speaking of work and santa (wow, i'm really building on my thoughts, this is technical) - last week, on saturday, i was at work and got a call from a retail store (we have red phones in our retail store that customers can pick up and order from if we don't have their item in the store). so, i answer the call and on the other end is this little boy that couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old. and our conversation goes as follows:
boy: "hello?"
me, realizing it's a little guy who probably won't be ordering today: "hi! how are you?"
boy: "are you santa clause??"
me: "...yes. ...yes i am!"
boy: (turning away from the phone) "Daddy! it's santa clause!!"
--the boy's dad either didn't realize his son was actually talking to someone or he was distracted, because he just kinda went "oh, really? okay"
boy: (back on the phone) "Do you have trains??"
me: "...um...yes! we DO have trains!"
boy: (turning away from the phone) "DADDY! they have TRAINS!!"
boy: (back on the phone) "What kind of trains??"
me: "oh...um...big ones. yeah, lots of them. they're red." (they're red?? haha i didn't know what else to say)
boy: (turning away from the phone) "DADDY! they have big red ones!!)
--phone hangs up
absolutely hilarious. i got off the phone and laughed so hard. kristen tried to make me feel guilty by reminding me, "Jenny! you just lied to that poor kid and told him you're santa clause!"
nah - just gave the little guy a bit of excitement for the day :)
oh...i should probably go get ready for church.
keep it real.
~jen~
the church service we usually go to starts at 11. it's late. i usually automatically wake up after getting 7 1/2-8 hours of sleep, so this morning i woke up at 7:35am, though i didn't get out of bed for about another hour. i get myself in trouble on Sunday mornings because i wake up so early before church that i putz around and work on things, thinking, "oh, i have so much time, i can do this too" - and then before i know it, i'm rushing around trying to be ready on time for church. go figure.
and so i sit here, 9:55am, writing on my blog.
i paid my credit card off this weekend!! that's a huge relief. i celebrated by leaving work a couple hours early yesterday (it was slow, they were offering time off) and renting X-Men 3 :) a-mazing movie.
i love the x-men triology, i don't know why, but i do.
speaking of work, (well...i was a few thoughts ago), i enjoy my job. yes, i'd rather be out in 80+ degree weather and filming a surf documentary or something, but for the part of life that i'm at right now, this job works just fine. and i love giving the gift of free shipping & handling. :) sometimes i throw that in for various reasons when people call in. and when they're not demanding that they get free shipping, they're always so excited to save the extra cash. i feel like santa almost.
speaking of work and santa (wow, i'm really building on my thoughts, this is technical) - last week, on saturday, i was at work and got a call from a retail store (we have red phones in our retail store that customers can pick up and order from if we don't have their item in the store). so, i answer the call and on the other end is this little boy that couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old. and our conversation goes as follows:
boy: "hello?"
me, realizing it's a little guy who probably won't be ordering today: "hi! how are you?"
boy: "are you santa clause??"
me: "...yes. ...yes i am!"
boy: (turning away from the phone) "Daddy! it's santa clause!!"
--the boy's dad either didn't realize his son was actually talking to someone or he was distracted, because he just kinda went "oh, really? okay"
boy: (back on the phone) "Do you have trains??"
me: "...um...yes! we DO have trains!"
boy: (turning away from the phone) "DADDY! they have TRAINS!!"
boy: (back on the phone) "What kind of trains??"
me: "oh...um...big ones. yeah, lots of them. they're red." (they're red?? haha i didn't know what else to say)
boy: (turning away from the phone) "DADDY! they have big red ones!!)
--phone hangs up
absolutely hilarious. i got off the phone and laughed so hard. kristen tried to make me feel guilty by reminding me, "Jenny! you just lied to that poor kid and told him you're santa clause!"
nah - just gave the little guy a bit of excitement for the day :)
oh...i should probably go get ready for church.
keep it real.
~jen~
Thursday, August 31, 2006
mmmmmmm...to have wisdom
i heard it said this way wednesday night: "every piece of wisdom began as doubt"
appealing to emotion is big these days in churches. some are all for it. some are totally against it. i'm in the middle. but when your faith is feasting merely on emotional experiences, your faith will be like a rollercoaster. i've done it before. i've had a beautiful "experience" at church, left, and hardly touched my Bible for the next week until i went to church again. those who feed off of emotion often tend to suppress their questions, their doubt. i know i've been doing that for awhile now. i tend to think, "yeah, i don't know why this or that has happened, or why God allows this or that, but hey - He's God, i will never understand His ways, so i'll just accept that and not worry about the answers".
mmmmmmm.....but how much deeper my relationship with my Lord would be if i questioned Him, if i wrestled with Him and didn't let go until i had His answer. if i didn't write off my doubts and just accept things "as-is".
oh, to have wisdom. True wisdom. Godly wisdom. and to know my Savior the way He desires me to know Him.
wisdom is gained when you ask the questions that nag you. the questions that leave you saying, "i don't know why, and it bugs me".
so, question. question - not to run away from God, but to run toward God.
keep it real.
~jen~
appealing to emotion is big these days in churches. some are all for it. some are totally against it. i'm in the middle. but when your faith is feasting merely on emotional experiences, your faith will be like a rollercoaster. i've done it before. i've had a beautiful "experience" at church, left, and hardly touched my Bible for the next week until i went to church again. those who feed off of emotion often tend to suppress their questions, their doubt. i know i've been doing that for awhile now. i tend to think, "yeah, i don't know why this or that has happened, or why God allows this or that, but hey - He's God, i will never understand His ways, so i'll just accept that and not worry about the answers".
mmmmmmm.....but how much deeper my relationship with my Lord would be if i questioned Him, if i wrestled with Him and didn't let go until i had His answer. if i didn't write off my doubts and just accept things "as-is".
oh, to have wisdom. True wisdom. Godly wisdom. and to know my Savior the way He desires me to know Him.
wisdom is gained when you ask the questions that nag you. the questions that leave you saying, "i don't know why, and it bugs me".
so, question. question - not to run away from God, but to run toward God.
keep it real.
~jen~
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
why not me?
going to the Dominican Republic this past summer, though just for a week, has completely rocked my world. it was my 1st time in a 3rd world country. i saw desperation for food/water/clothing at a whole new level. adults taking children's cups of curdled milk, the only cup of milk the child might have for the next week or two. children begging for just 1 pair of shoes so that they could go to school. what? children BEGGING to go to school?
how easy it would be to harden my heart to what i saw. to leave in the Dominican what i saw in the Dominican and go about living my relatively easy life in America. how easy it would be for me to keep the memories tucked inside my head somewhere and forgetting to tell their stories. eventually the memories would fade and the burden i feel for them would subside.
but i don't want to waste the trip that God soverignly planned for me to go on. i can't. what a waste it would be to experience so many different things and not do anything with what i learned.
not only would it be a waste, it would not be fair to my friends i made in the DR. the Haitian refugees that risked their lives to bring their families across the Haiti/DR border in hopes of a better life for their children.
no, not every post from now on will be about the DR. but i hope that there will be many.
this is Callilina. precious. Callilina latched on to me from the first second we jumped off our safari truck in her village. she was no more than 5 years old and had an adorable, gruff/husky voice. she insisted on holding my paint bucket as i painted the door and windows the 1st day we came into the village. her and her sister, Natalia, played around me the entire time i painted. i was their "gringa amiga" and we tried to have as much as a conversation as possible with the little spanish that i know. :) we ended up laughing a lot and in the end, we sang about "cuckarachas" (cockroaches).
with the loving and joyful spirits that Callilina and Natalia show, you would never guess that these girls sometimes go a couple days without food. me and about 4 others in our group got to visit these sister's house in the village and bring juice and crackers to their family. their mom only spoke spanish, but she kept telling us that sometimes they go days without food. they were all skinny. all had torn raggedy clothes. there were actually 5 kids in the family, no dad. their dad had abandoned them.
hardly a meal goes by where these girl's faces don't flash through my mind. why am i able to fill my plate with food and at the end of the meal, sit there with food still on my plate and a full belly? why do i have the choice of what i want to eat at each meal? i sit here now, my belly warm and happy from the chai tea i just finished. Callilina is quite possibly laying in her bed (actually, i don't think she even had a bed) tonight, her stomach empty. and here i sit, my stomach full. it sickens me.
it's not fair. why is it not me in their shoes? why does it have to be like this? why do i get to have so much in America and they have so little? why is it that i can be working 2 jobs and yet their parents struggle to find even a small job that will bring them a dollar a day for their family?
these children have ruined me. ruined me in the best way possible. i drive myself crazy with the things i've spent my money on. it's ridiculous to look at the DVDs that i have, and to think that all of that money could be going to feed this kids, to clothe them, to send them to school.
it's getting late, i have a 7:50 tomorrow, and i feel like i'm rambling.
keep it real.
~jen~
how easy it would be to harden my heart to what i saw. to leave in the Dominican what i saw in the Dominican and go about living my relatively easy life in America. how easy it would be for me to keep the memories tucked inside my head somewhere and forgetting to tell their stories. eventually the memories would fade and the burden i feel for them would subside.
but i don't want to waste the trip that God soverignly planned for me to go on. i can't. what a waste it would be to experience so many different things and not do anything with what i learned.
not only would it be a waste, it would not be fair to my friends i made in the DR. the Haitian refugees that risked their lives to bring their families across the Haiti/DR border in hopes of a better life for their children.
no, not every post from now on will be about the DR. but i hope that there will be many.
this is Callilina. precious. Callilina latched on to me from the first second we jumped off our safari truck in her village. she was no more than 5 years old and had an adorable, gruff/husky voice. she insisted on holding my paint bucket as i painted the door and windows the 1st day we came into the village. her and her sister, Natalia, played around me the entire time i painted. i was their "gringa amiga" and we tried to have as much as a conversation as possible with the little spanish that i know. :) we ended up laughing a lot and in the end, we sang about "cuckarachas" (cockroaches).with the loving and joyful spirits that Callilina and Natalia show, you would never guess that these girls sometimes go a couple days without food. me and about 4 others in our group got to visit these sister's house in the village and bring juice and crackers to their family. their mom only spoke spanish, but she kept telling us that sometimes they go days without food. they were all skinny. all had torn raggedy clothes. there were actually 5 kids in the family, no dad. their dad had abandoned them.
hardly a meal goes by where these girl's faces don't flash through my mind. why am i able to fill my plate with food and at the end of the meal, sit there with food still on my plate and a full belly? why do i have the choice of what i want to eat at each meal? i sit here now, my belly warm and happy from the chai tea i just finished. Callilina is quite possibly laying in her bed (actually, i don't think she even had a bed) tonight, her stomach empty. and here i sit, my stomach full. it sickens me.
it's not fair. why is it not me in their shoes? why does it have to be like this? why do i get to have so much in America and they have so little? why is it that i can be working 2 jobs and yet their parents struggle to find even a small job that will bring them a dollar a day for their family?
these children have ruined me. ruined me in the best way possible. i drive myself crazy with the things i've spent my money on. it's ridiculous to look at the DVDs that i have, and to think that all of that money could be going to feed this kids, to clothe them, to send them to school.
it's getting late, i have a 7:50 tomorrow, and i feel like i'm rambling.
keep it real.
~jen~
Sunday, August 27, 2006
where i want to be
oh how strongly i don't want to be at school right now. my heart is in the Keys. i love my apartment up here, i love my roommates, i love my friends i have here(the ones that haven't graduated and left, that is). but i just do not want to be here. i have no desire to go to any of my classes except my theology (sects & cults) class that Caner's teaching.
i get a phone call tonight and hear mass chaos in the background. then i start being able to make out people's words and realize it's a group of my friends from the Keys, calling me on speaker phone :) oh it was torture! they had played ultimate frisbee (the Sunday night ritual) and were at taco bell and the phone got passed around from person to person (including lucy!) - oooooh how every ounce of my body yearns to be down there!
it doesn't help that i now realize how much of a joke my major is at this university. you know it's bad when 2 of the head professors in the degree tell you to look at different schools to finish your degree. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i had 2 of the professors tell our video production class last year that the broadcasting major at our school is a joke, we don't have the right equipment to learn what we need to, and we should consider other universities. one even proceeded to ramble off a list of schools he'd recommend. yeah...that really motivates you to finish up and get your degree, knowing that you won't be taught what you need to know to have the experience and knowledge to get a credible job. goodness.
on a much lighter note, i have had a very enjoyable weekend. that's probably because i was gone all saturday and sunday afternoon. saturday a group of us went to VA beach for the ECSC (East Coast Surf Competition) which i've gone to every year i've been at Liberty. it's worth the 4 hour drive over there and the 4 hour drive back :D i got to watch amature surfers showing off their skills and, my favorite, the super groms showing off their mad skills - SO adorable. AND i got to run into the salty ocean water and be reunited with its beauty and experience its unfailing ability to wash away every care in the world, though temporary. i absolutely love that God has created the ocean for us to enjoy. absolutely love it.
today casey's "boyfriend" (she doesn't like calling him that, but for lack of a better word...:) ) todd took us out on his boat on Smith Mountain lake and we got to go water skiing. i chose not to, after being reminded of my failed attempts at wakeboarding a year ago. and the wipeouts look painful. maybe next time. :) but it was SO great to just be out on the boat, jumping into the middle of the lake and experiencing FRESH water. it's crazy to jump in and surface for air without having that super salty taste in your mouth. and i got to drive the boat while todd water skiied - that rocked. it was my 1st time driving a boat with someone skiing off the back.
and here i sit, once again back in l-burg at my apartment. sipping my decaf coffee. wondering if this update will mean that Becky will update her blog now :)
keep it real.
~jen~
i get a phone call tonight and hear mass chaos in the background. then i start being able to make out people's words and realize it's a group of my friends from the Keys, calling me on speaker phone :) oh it was torture! they had played ultimate frisbee (the Sunday night ritual) and were at taco bell and the phone got passed around from person to person (including lucy!) - oooooh how every ounce of my body yearns to be down there!
it doesn't help that i now realize how much of a joke my major is at this university. you know it's bad when 2 of the head professors in the degree tell you to look at different schools to finish your degree. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i had 2 of the professors tell our video production class last year that the broadcasting major at our school is a joke, we don't have the right equipment to learn what we need to, and we should consider other universities. one even proceeded to ramble off a list of schools he'd recommend. yeah...that really motivates you to finish up and get your degree, knowing that you won't be taught what you need to know to have the experience and knowledge to get a credible job. goodness.
on a much lighter note, i have had a very enjoyable weekend. that's probably because i was gone all saturday and sunday afternoon. saturday a group of us went to VA beach for the ECSC (East Coast Surf Competition) which i've gone to every year i've been at Liberty. it's worth the 4 hour drive over there and the 4 hour drive back :D i got to watch amature surfers showing off their skills and, my favorite, the super groms showing off their mad skills - SO adorable. AND i got to run into the salty ocean water and be reunited with its beauty and experience its unfailing ability to wash away every care in the world, though temporary. i absolutely love that God has created the ocean for us to enjoy. absolutely love it.
today casey's "boyfriend" (she doesn't like calling him that, but for lack of a better word...:) ) todd took us out on his boat on Smith Mountain lake and we got to go water skiing. i chose not to, after being reminded of my failed attempts at wakeboarding a year ago. and the wipeouts look painful. maybe next time. :) but it was SO great to just be out on the boat, jumping into the middle of the lake and experiencing FRESH water. it's crazy to jump in and surface for air without having that super salty taste in your mouth. and i got to drive the boat while todd water skiied - that rocked. it was my 1st time driving a boat with someone skiing off the back.
and here i sit, once again back in l-burg at my apartment. sipping my decaf coffee. wondering if this update will mean that Becky will update her blog now :)
keep it real.
~jen~
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
one more thing
i thought i'd post the website of the ministry we're going down to the DR to help.
http://www.dominicancrossroads.com/
http://www.dominicancrossroads.com/
His fingerprints
Can you see God's fingerprints on specific events in your life that led to specific events that led to specific events? if you be still and reflect on what's happened in your life over the past year or so, i bet you'd be able to see some of His fingerprints. tonight i was hit by an awareness to God's fingerprints in my life over the past year in a specific area.
i'll try to keep this relatively short and non-ramblish. :)
last fall, God really laid something on my heart during a "missions emphasis" week at school that i never forgot. He opened my eyes to how much of the world does not even know about this amazing, loving Creator who desires to deeply for them to know Him. i'm not good at speaking in front of people. i'm not all that great with little kids. i wanted to be used by God to reach people, but didn't know how. but He gave me a vision that week of how i could mix my love for multimedia with missions. i suddenly had this realization that i could go along with mission teams and document the trips on video, putting together multimedia to bring back to the States to raise awareness of what is going on in the world, in hope of spurring others into action. i had never really wanted to do much with overseas missions, but suddenly i had this desire to go. i just didn't know when or where, but i started praying about it and i was open to it.
then right after thanksgiving, i get a phone call from andy, asking if i'd like to intern with the youth ministry down here in the Keys. i would be doing video work for the ministry, which was something i enjoy doing. so i jumped at the opportunity, but was a little discouraged that i wasn't going to be going on any mission trips anytime soon now.
so i get down here, and within the first week or 2, a friend down here showed me her friend's blog on myspace. this girl lives in the dominican republic, and ministry is her life down there. her blog broke my heart. the poverty, the sickness, the need for Jesus down in the DR. i wanted desperately to go down there, to help in some way, and to also document what's going on down there to bring awareness to the States. but i had no clue how i would be able to get down there and so i didn't think i'd be going down there anytime soon.
however, shortly after that day, i was asked if i would like to go with a group down to this exact place in the DR for a week this summer...wow. how could i say no? i was already seeing God's hand in all of this.
so i sign up, i pay my deposit. i have money in my bank account to cover a good portion of the trip, if i wasn't able to raise the money. then an unexpected financial situation came up and i found myself down to about...$20 to my name (yes, that would be including both of my savings and checking accounts). i still had tons of money to raise to go to the DR and i had no income. talk about discouraging. i didn't know what God was trying to tell me, but i wasn't ready to give up on this trip to the DR just yet.
i showed up at every carwash, yardsale, bake sale, and spaghetti dinner fundraiser that i could. i was able to go home to MI for a week and work all week for my dad's company. i get a phone call this week from lisa (she's heading up the trip) and find out i only have $110 left to pay for the trip, and i hang up, so excited because i had that much (not a whole lot more) in my bank account from working for my dad. so i run and tell my sister the great news, and she tells me even BETTER news! someone had donated money toward me, sadie, and andy's trips and it was enough to cover my $110 i had left!! praise the Lord!!!!
so i am leaving next thursday, july 27th, for the DR and i am so incredibly stoked! tonight, after looking back and seeing all of God's fingerprints on this trip, i can't help but be stoked because i know this is what God has planned out for me.
on another note of excitement: this ministry that we're going down to work with, part of their ministry is building concrete homes for Haitian refugees to get them out of the dumps and shacks (if they're even considered shacks). it only costs $3,000 to build one of these homes for a family. today a man donated $3,000 for us to take down to have a home built!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how awesome is that?!?!
i, for one, am truly stoked by God this week.
keep it real.
~jen~
i'll try to keep this relatively short and non-ramblish. :)
last fall, God really laid something on my heart during a "missions emphasis" week at school that i never forgot. He opened my eyes to how much of the world does not even know about this amazing, loving Creator who desires to deeply for them to know Him. i'm not good at speaking in front of people. i'm not all that great with little kids. i wanted to be used by God to reach people, but didn't know how. but He gave me a vision that week of how i could mix my love for multimedia with missions. i suddenly had this realization that i could go along with mission teams and document the trips on video, putting together multimedia to bring back to the States to raise awareness of what is going on in the world, in hope of spurring others into action. i had never really wanted to do much with overseas missions, but suddenly i had this desire to go. i just didn't know when or where, but i started praying about it and i was open to it.
then right after thanksgiving, i get a phone call from andy, asking if i'd like to intern with the youth ministry down here in the Keys. i would be doing video work for the ministry, which was something i enjoy doing. so i jumped at the opportunity, but was a little discouraged that i wasn't going to be going on any mission trips anytime soon now.
so i get down here, and within the first week or 2, a friend down here showed me her friend's blog on myspace. this girl lives in the dominican republic, and ministry is her life down there. her blog broke my heart. the poverty, the sickness, the need for Jesus down in the DR. i wanted desperately to go down there, to help in some way, and to also document what's going on down there to bring awareness to the States. but i had no clue how i would be able to get down there and so i didn't think i'd be going down there anytime soon.
however, shortly after that day, i was asked if i would like to go with a group down to this exact place in the DR for a week this summer...wow. how could i say no? i was already seeing God's hand in all of this.
so i sign up, i pay my deposit. i have money in my bank account to cover a good portion of the trip, if i wasn't able to raise the money. then an unexpected financial situation came up and i found myself down to about...$20 to my name (yes, that would be including both of my savings and checking accounts). i still had tons of money to raise to go to the DR and i had no income. talk about discouraging. i didn't know what God was trying to tell me, but i wasn't ready to give up on this trip to the DR just yet.
i showed up at every carwash, yardsale, bake sale, and spaghetti dinner fundraiser that i could. i was able to go home to MI for a week and work all week for my dad's company. i get a phone call this week from lisa (she's heading up the trip) and find out i only have $110 left to pay for the trip, and i hang up, so excited because i had that much (not a whole lot more) in my bank account from working for my dad. so i run and tell my sister the great news, and she tells me even BETTER news! someone had donated money toward me, sadie, and andy's trips and it was enough to cover my $110 i had left!! praise the Lord!!!!
so i am leaving next thursday, july 27th, for the DR and i am so incredibly stoked! tonight, after looking back and seeing all of God's fingerprints on this trip, i can't help but be stoked because i know this is what God has planned out for me.
on another note of excitement: this ministry that we're going down to work with, part of their ministry is building concrete homes for Haitian refugees to get them out of the dumps and shacks (if they're even considered shacks). it only costs $3,000 to build one of these homes for a family. today a man donated $3,000 for us to take down to have a home built!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how awesome is that?!?!
i, for one, am truly stoked by God this week.
keep it real.
~jen~
Friday, July 14, 2006
spastic cat
there is a spastic kitty jumping from mattress to bookshelf to mattress to floor to 2nd mattress to other mattress to the back of my plastic chair, only to find she can't get a hold on it and she slides down the arm of the chair, back to the ground to start this routine over again...
she's psycho.
i had 2 funny reminders today that i am officially living in the Keys. 1, i saw a super sweet, super expensive cadillac today at the gas station. as i was admiring the fine specimen, i see a skinny, middle-age dude with long, greying scraggly hair walking toward the pumps. i think "wow, at first i thought HE might be the owner of that car, but now that i see him - ha - no way!" but sure enough...he jumps on in. it proves the point that the majority of the population down here consists of middle to late-aged people who have a lot of money, who move down here and become too lazy to take care of themselves but they sure know how to waste their money.
and 2, and the more humorous of the 2. you know you're in a tropical environment when you swerve to miss iguanas instead of swerving to miss "normal" typical roadkill (i.e. raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, etc.). i have only seen 1 roadkill raccoon down here (which, to this day still stumps me - i have no clue how wild animals get down this far into the Keys when only bridges connect the islands). but today i watched an iguana taking his time, walking down the side of the road as i drove past. and the other day, me and my friend Lisa were driving down a neighborhood street and see an iguana blocking our lane. i come to a COMPLETE stop, and the iguana just sits there in front of my car. so i inch forward more and more, and i get so close to it that i can't even see it. it takes a couple tiny steps. finally, lisa jumps out of the car and starts walking up to it and it takes off into the trees. suicidal little thing, more scared of a human than of a car.
alright, time to catch the kitty and send her out of my room so i can sleep in peace without a little furball jumping up in the middle of the night to attack my head.
keep it real.
~jen~
she's psycho.
i had 2 funny reminders today that i am officially living in the Keys. 1, i saw a super sweet, super expensive cadillac today at the gas station. as i was admiring the fine specimen, i see a skinny, middle-age dude with long, greying scraggly hair walking toward the pumps. i think "wow, at first i thought HE might be the owner of that car, but now that i see him - ha - no way!" but sure enough...he jumps on in. it proves the point that the majority of the population down here consists of middle to late-aged people who have a lot of money, who move down here and become too lazy to take care of themselves but they sure know how to waste their money.
and 2, and the more humorous of the 2. you know you're in a tropical environment when you swerve to miss iguanas instead of swerving to miss "normal" typical roadkill (i.e. raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, etc.). i have only seen 1 roadkill raccoon down here (which, to this day still stumps me - i have no clue how wild animals get down this far into the Keys when only bridges connect the islands). but today i watched an iguana taking his time, walking down the side of the road as i drove past. and the other day, me and my friend Lisa were driving down a neighborhood street and see an iguana blocking our lane. i come to a COMPLETE stop, and the iguana just sits there in front of my car. so i inch forward more and more, and i get so close to it that i can't even see it. it takes a couple tiny steps. finally, lisa jumps out of the car and starts walking up to it and it takes off into the trees. suicidal little thing, more scared of a human than of a car.
alright, time to catch the kitty and send her out of my room so i can sleep in peace without a little furball jumping up in the middle of the night to attack my head.
keep it real.
~jen~
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
a cool colored wall
well, since you guys have given such a great response to my new ability & skills of posting pictures, i felt bad going to bed without giving you all something to entertain you. this is a picture i took of me a week or 2 ago in the half of the bathroom that is done (the sink) and the cool color we did on the walls. now, everybody go, "ooooh!"
keep it real.
~jen~
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
a new specimen
so i come home sunday night and find a group of guys standing in the dining room looking at me with a suspicious look on their faces. i walked past them, turned around to question them, and then realized they had now turned their focus to something underneath the table. despite hearing them tell me, "you don't see anything!", i saw it. i believe most americans call this thing a "cat". it turns out that one of the guys (joel) living here was given this kitten, so now we have a feline living amongst us. i despise cats. i think they're stuck up, they shed, they pee on things, they scratch, and they bite and infect people (right, Becky?).and wouldn't you know it, this little thing decided she likes MY room the most. and since joel is gone most of the day, i feel bad locking it in his room. so i have given in and allowed Zion (that's the kitten's name) to enter my room. stinkin' little thing is pretty cute, i'll give her that. i think she's like, 8 weeks old or something, i really don't know. but she's tiny. i guess this just prepares me for my apartment next year, where it looks like both of my roommates will be bringing cats - sick.
Monday, June 26, 2006
yea for mondays
i love mondays down here. mondays are our "day off" where we get to go play if we want and don't have to work on STS (the ministry here) stuff. today we went out fishing on andy's dad's boat. it was my 1st time fishing in salt water!! we didn't catch any keeper-size fish, but i was just excited to catch as many fish as we did. and we saw a sea turtle!!!! like, 4 times! he decided he wanted to chill by our boat all day i guess. and one of the 1st fish i caught died somehow (he swallowed the hook, so i think that aided his earthly departure) so we threw it back in the water and a bird came and swooped it up. and THEN (yes, i enjoyed my day, can you tell?) we saw a huge baracuda right next to our boat and it swam away. then sadie caught a fish and was reeling it in and it was right next to the boat and the cuda came and grabbed the fish off the line (hook and all - talk about stomach ache). then maya was reeling in a fish and a cuda came and sliced off her line and got her fish & hook. crazy.
here's a picture of 1 of my fish. it's a yellowtail...something. and we kept catching these fish called "grunts" and they're so cool 'cause they actually make a grunting noise when they're out of the water. man...God's creations are just so cool :)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
a must-listen-to
Audrey Assad rocks my face off and i want you guys to hear some of her music! check out her myspace - http://www.myspace.com/audreyassadsings and enjoy! she was down here last week and helped lead worship at our youth group last Thursday. she has got such a beautiful, God-given gift for music (not only her voice, but she is absolutely amazing on the piano). go listen!
keep it real.
~jen~
PS - Nancy, i'm trying to set up a website for the youth ministry down here and have like, 2.46 questions. can you call me when you get a chance? :D
keep it real.
~jen~
PS - Nancy, i'm trying to set up a website for the youth ministry down here and have like, 2.46 questions. can you call me when you get a chance? :D
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
ode to the bathroom
i like to call it our "3rd world bathroom". you kinda feel like you're in some poverty-stricken place and you're tempted to really go for the full effect and sustain from using toilet paper...but then reality hits and you decide that as long as there's toilet paper there, you might as well use it. it's the last room to be reconstructed since the hurricane last October. i'm convinced i'm going to open the door one day and find a huge cock-a-roach waiting for me. that's why i always enter with flip flops.
once you survive the entry, all that's left to do is sit and enjoy the view.
keep it real.
~jen~
once you survive the entry, all that's left to do is sit and enjoy the view.
keep it real.
~jen~
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