The journey has begun!

I am on the plane from fort lauderdale to Tampa! Feeling great - full of peace! I know it is only by God's strength. His grace is sufficient!

Thank you to everyone who is praying for me today! I have gotten so many encouraging texts and phone calls!

The adventure has begun! I am on the plane. I am committed! ...finally :)

I'm trying to take a decent picture of me on the plane and it is NOT working...does anyone actually look good in plane pictures?

Just imagine me relaxed and smiling :)


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Umm...?

So I'm at the chiropractor/total wellness center right now getting a cellular cleanse...? I have no idea what it's doing...hahaha supposedly my nerve scans show I've been exposed to chemical toxins of some kind sometime during my life and this is supposed to...cleanse my cells? Jen has no idea...







...and then it turned green with chunkies...what is this?! Where did they come from?? I can't feel my legs...



Ok just kidding, I can still feel my legs. False alarm.

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A great day

Today was a great day. :) God just really loved on me, showing me I can do things I didn't think I could. Actually, He's been doing that a lot lately.

It started with the tiniest thing. See, when I was little, I hated going to the eye doctor because he'd blow this puff of air in your eye. Traumatized me. Ever since, when I've gone to other eye doctors I ask them like 5 times if they're going to blow air in my eye. Haha :) so I hadn't had it done since I was like...9 or 10. Well a couple weeks ago I went to Walmart for an eye exam (first time without insurance=cheapest place I could find). And guess what. The torturous blowing air machine of doom stood there before me. Instead of freaking out though, I just bit the bullet and did it. And - surprise, surprise - it was SO not a big deal! Nothing like I remembered it. I actually started smiling super big after the first eye. The doctor probably thought I was weird. Haha :)

Once again, I made a tiny little thing out to be a big deal that turned into a long time fear.

Yesterday I got to go out to lunch with Tiff (1st time ever!) at the Island. It was so great to go out one on one, enjoy good food, and talk about God.
Today I found out there's a YMCA just a 1/2 mile from YWAM!!

I went out to lunch with Andy (1st time ever!) at Burdine's. Great talks with the bro.

Then Shane let me ride on the Harley with him over the 7 mile bridge to Big Pine and back! And I didn't freak out and claw him to death (sorry about that one time, buddy...). Haha :)

It's like God's giving me little things to say "look. you can do more than you think you can. And you can do SO MUCH more by My grace and strength than you could ever imagine! But you have to step out of what's comfortable and trust Me."




90mph over the 7 Mile Bridge with the top down. Pure insanity. Thought my face was going to fly off. Loved it. Couldn't stop smiling...still smiling.

what am i doing?

i'm trading tropical paradise for snow - however, it's snow in Denver and really - it can't be that bad then, can it?
i'm leaving my car and will be car-less for the first time since i got my license (10 years ago).
i'm leaving my job where i make more than enough $ to live and live comfortably.
i'm leaving my community of friends that i love soooooo much.
i'm throwing myself into a situation where i don't know anybody and facing fears that i've always been handcuffed by. the last time i threw myself into something like that, i failed...miserably.

but this is different. i'm doing this in hopes of being fully surrendered to God. to show Him that fear has no hold on my life anymore and i am completely surrendered to His leading.

i have absolutely no idea what God has planned for me. no clue what will come of my adventure with YWAM. no idea what will be next. but that stokes me! i'm finally doing something with my life that requires me to just live by faith - and that is where true adventure is.

God, be glorified.

Soaking it up

Laying out at the beach, Bob Marley on the iPod. I just don't envision myself having many opportunities like this in Denver...

Soaking it up :)

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decision: made

after months upon months of restlessness and confusion as to what to do next with my life, i'm finally heading a direction.

what: YWAM Denver Musician's DTS (Discipleship Training School)
when: Sept. 27, 2010 - Feb. 11, 2011
where: Denver (in case you didn't catch that already)

stoked. scared out of my mind. but completely stoked to see what God does in and thru me.

how i came up to this decision:
i want to write down how i came to this decision so i can look back on it in the future and remember God's fingerprints. i'll try to keep it concise. i flew out to Lynchburg, VA on Aug. 12 to visit friends. on the flight out, i listened to one of Francis Chan's last messages before he resigned. he was passionately urging people to re-evaluate their lives and look at what they're really living for. it went right along with what i've been feeling this whole year - a restlessness, an urgency to do more with my life that will have an eternal impact on other's lives. an unquenchable desire to do something that causes me to step out in faith and truly rely on God and not myself. and so after hearing this podcast on my ipod, i begged God to give me some direction while i was in Lynchburg - while i had time away from my job and normal life. that was a Thursday. on Sunday, Marissa suggested looking into the Peace Corps. i had never considered that, so i thought i might as well look it up - after all, i had specifically asked God to lead me in some way over this long weekend in L'burg. so Monday morning i had some time to myself and so i pulled up the Peace Corps on the web and looked thru the site and came to the conclusion it was not for me - i want to do something where i am spreading the love of Jesus and you can't freely do that in a government-run organization. so i started googling. i love the googler. i started googling "Christian alternative to peace corps" and stuff like that and YWAM popped up.
i knew very little about YWAM, except that my friend Ashleigh from the Keys went to YWAM Hawaii last year and LOVED it. i had no clue there were so many YWAM bases. the first step of YWAM is to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School). so i was looking at places you could do them. then i found out there are general DTS's and then there are DTS's geared toward specific interests. i found YWAM Denver and saw they had a snow boarder's DTS that started in Jan. 2011 - dude, seriously? sounded sweet - but i've never snowboarded. always wanted to, but never have gotten the chance. then i saw they do a musician's DTS...which started Sept. 27, 2010. i thought "no way - that's way too soon and plus - that'd be throwing myself into a real challenge (i'll explain why later)". so i kinda set that one aside but kept it in mind. then i found a couple bases in Australia (dude, how sweet would that be??) that had DTS's geared toward surfers and the beach culture. perfect! starting in Jan. and Feb. 2011. plenty of time to apply, save up some more $, get a Visa, etc.
needless to say, i was STOKED that monday in l'burg. God had clearly answered my pleading!! after soooo long, i FINALLY had direction!
so i flew home that Tuesday (like...Aug. 19th i think?). Wednesday night i ran my newest idea by Shane and when i quickly passed over the musician's DTS, he stopped me and challenged me to pursue that one first. i thought he was crazy - it started way too soon (1 1/2 months away at the time), i was sure they weren't taking applications anymore, and plus...that would be probably the most challenging of all the DTS's for me to do (yes, even more than going all the way to Australia - and again, i'll explain why later). but he pushed for me to at least apply and see if God opened the door or not, and if not - then pursue Australia.
so. i did. i emailed YWAM Denver, found out it wasn't too late to apply, and quickly got all the application stuff filled out and mailed in. last tuesday i found out i got accepted. 3 weeks from today it starts. my work doesn't even know yet. haha :)

i have been a rollercoaster of sorts ever since i found out i got accepted. from rationalizing reasons not to go, to super stoked-ness, to scared out of my mind, to excited despite being scared out of my mind (that's where i'm at at this current moment - it could change at any minute - i'm tellin' ya...rollercoaster over here). but in the end - no matter how i feel - i ultimately know i need to do this. i do. just plain and simple. i prayed and prayed during the application process that God would make it clear if it was a good thing for me to do or not. if i didn't get accepted, fine, but if i got accepted, i would go in faith that God opened the door for a reason. my initial reaction when i found out i got in was...well, i won't put it on here because it'll offend some people. :) but it can be summed up with "oh no...what did i do?? what am i doing?? God...really?"

every stinkin' person i've told has been SO EXCITED for me...like seriously, every single person has erupted with this unexpected excitement and it blows me away! part of me thinks "oh...wow...people really want to get rid of me, don't they?" - hahaha :) i have received threats of physical beating if i don't go. 1 person is holding a $500 fine over my head, another is holding a $100 fine over my head, and another is lined up ready to hold another $100 fine over my head if i don't go. now that, my friends, is accountability. haha :)

but even with those threats of fines, and physical beatings (HA!), there have been times i've thought "you know what? it's not worth it - i'm going to just pay my friends off and not go". but i know i will be miserable if i pass up this opportunity God has thrown in my lap. fear has no place in my life.

this post is incredibly long.

The view from my bed

To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine...
His grace is sufficient for me...
His strength is made perfect when I am weak...

I can jump and not fear failure...
Because He is my Abba, Father, and He is trustworthy...
He will pick me back up, tenderly wipe away my tears, and carry me forward...
He wants me to step out in faith and trust Him...

The adventure awaits...

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Times of refreshing

My view right now.
Got to stay in an empty house on the harbor last night.
Woke up to a quiet household.
Got coffee and a bagel.
Came back and saw dolphins in the harbor (twice) as I sat here.
Getting some serious, much needed alone time with my Abba.

Acts 3:19-20

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Drawings

First round:
1 - surg tech program
2 - coffee/smoothie shop ministry
3 - STS

Second round:
1 - Coffee/smoothie shop ministry
2 - STS
3 - STS


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choices

a friend loaned me a book to read called “Seizing Your Divine Moment – Dare to Live a Life of Adventure” by Erwin McManus.

i have been stuck in a rut for awhile, not feeling God calling me any specific direction but feeling like i could go 10 different ways with my life.  decisions are so much easier when you only have 2 options.  i used to get so flustered in the cafeteria at college because i’d walk in, get a tray, and then was faced with a multitude of food options and people everywhere.  half the time i’d get overwhelmed and just grab something, only to start eating it and wonder why in the world i chose it.  :P

rabbit trail, sorry. hopping back on now.

the first chapter in this book is called choices – choose to live.

“Our choices either move us toward God and all the pleasure that comes in Him or steer us away from Him to a life of shame and fear.”

our lives are filled with moments each day where we have to make choices.  some are tiny, but some will impact the rest of our life.  and then there’s the ultimate moment of choice: the choice to either accept or reject Jesus will impact our life for eternity.

but our lives are filled with all these moments throughout the day to either honor and bring glory to God or turn away from Him.  the choice to love or to turn the other way.  the choice to smile and share a little glimmer of Christ’s love to strangers or to keep a stone face and go about our own personal agenda.

“We have put so much emphasis on avoiding evil that we have become virtually blind to the endless opportunities for doing good.” (Chapter 2 – Initiative: Just Do Something!)

that is so true in my life.

the past 2 days (i just started reading this book) i have tried to put this stuff into practice.  trying to have such a view as i go about my day that i’m looking for opportunities to do good – opps to share Christ’s love in big or small ways.  and it has been so fun!  saying hi or having short conversations with people i see as i walk the dogs instead of turning down a different road to avoid having to talk to someone (yes, i do that way too much – guilty). helping out at the fam’s house with yard work.  going up and talking to a teenage girl from one of the youth groups that i know but have never really had a conversation with.

it’s really fun when i change my perspective on life to looking for opportunities to do good instead of focusing on my own life and trying to “avoid sinning”.  in essence, i think that focusing on my own life and just trying to get by as a “good Christian” is sinning because i’m being selfish and not sharing the love with Jesus every chance i get.

i’m lovin’ this book.

i love lucy.

i’ve been house sitting all week (done today – CELEBRATE!) for 2 little dogs.  yesterday i was at my family’s house and had to go back to the house and let the dogs out.  i started my car to leave my family’s house and lucy comes running down the stairs asking if she can go.

me, being the good aunt that i am, inwardly did not want her to go (ha).  in the past when i’ve taken her with me to take care of dogs, every time she’s freaked out as soon as the dog looks at her and it’s just mad chaos as the dog’s barking, lucy’s crying, and i’m trying to figure out who to take care of first.

so when she asked, i asked her, “are you going to freak out on me when you see the dogs?” (…i really need to work on being nicer).  and she shook her head no and so i took her in to town with me.

as soon as i opened the door to the house and lucy saw the dogs, she wouldn’t come inside.  so i left her outside while i got the dogs on their leashes (mind you, they’re tiny – shi-tzus or something).  i come out of the house with the dogs and naturally they’re barking and all excited because they see someone new.  lucy starts backing away and i can tell she’s on the verge of breaking out in tears.  so i firmly said, “Lucy – you told me you were not going to freak out.  Now come on.” (…i REALLY need to work on being nicer, did i mention that?)

and what happened next i hope i never forget (hence the blog to remind me).  i saw like a switch get flipped in my niece.  in an instant, i could see the determination to not give in to fear come over her and she walked straight over to me calmly but quickly and we took the dogs on a short walk.

i wish i could’ve captured that moment so everyone could see.  her whole demeanor just like…BAM – switched from on the verge of freaking out to “OK.  I’m going to just do this.”  and she did.   and she was totally fine.  the whole time i knew she would be fine, the dogs would not hurt her (they’re TINY!) and that’s what frustrates me when she freaks out like that – she’s not trusting us when we know unless some crazy, random accident happens, we are not going to let anything happen to her.

“OK.  I’m going to just do this and trust that You have my back.” – what a great mindset to have with God, right?  i have no idea how many times i’ve said “no” when was God trying to get me to trust Him and step out.  and i still do that way too much.

My new friend

This is my new roommate. I've been wanting people to live with, but I guess he'll have to do for now. I tried to chase him out twice and he wouldn't leave. So. He's staying.



I named him Tommy.

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He knew before i did

how crazy awesome is our God?  each day i try to remember to set out a verse on my keyboard to focus on each day.  this morning i was looking thru my little cards and came across 1 Pet 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." and i thought "well...that's always good, even though i don't think i'm anxious about anything today - i'll put that one out"  -- and i just realized my stomach is in knots and i'm all jittery with nerves because i've been thinking about how i need to talk to somebody today that i’ve been avoiding.

and then i just saw the card again and...ha - God totally knew what was ahead of me today before i did.  He just stokes me so much.

‘round the bend

i’m munching on a chocolate chip cookie right now.  but i’ll get back to that.

i’ve been a little double-O-C (Out Of Commission) on my blogging the last few weeks.  it’s been one of those phases where there was more darkness than light and i don’t want to turn into a blogger who uses their blog to go off on the world and proclaim “woe is me” on every post.  so i stayed away from blogging the last few weeks.

but i think i’m on the mend.  my heart, my soul, my mind took a journey i did not see coming into a darkness that left me joyful yet fighting to feel happy – because, after all, there is a huge difference between joyfulness and happiness.  i ought to always be able to have joy and have it abundantly because of what Jesus Christ has done for me.  happiness, however, is circumstantial.  it comes and goes.

i think i’m back from the journey now.  at least, well on my way back.

during the past few weeks, i’ve cried.  a lot.  and i don’t usually cry easily.  even when i was little and my parents would spank me (yes, even with the leather belt), i would rarely cry.  actually, i’d laugh.  :P  i laugh when i’m in pain.  i’m weird.

i’ve cried to God for direction. for restored friendships.  for direction.  for true joy and happiness to return.  for dir-- (can you guess it?) – direction.  and i’ve been praying to know God’s love for me in a fresh and new way and longing to long for Jesus more.

this past week was better than the 2 weeks preceding.  the intimacy i feel with God when i’m struggling is so beautiful and sweet.  sometimes He feels far off.  but this past week He has felt so much closer.  and i’ve started praying on my knees.  it is amazing how your prayer posture can change your prayer life.

so in the midst of everything, i’ve been praying to know God’s love and joy more.  today in church, our pastor spoke on Ephesians 2 – he went thru the whole chapter. read the chapter (it’s not long).

“But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.” – verses 4 & 5

it is by GRACE that i have been saved.  i have been asking for more joy and He has opened my eyes to His magnificent grace.  it’s a word that is tossed around so flippantly in the “Christian lingo”. 

the chapter goes on to say:

“…in order that in the coming ages He [God] might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” – verse 7

the incomparable riches of God’s grace to me is shown to me thru the love of Jesus – the sacrifice Jesus made for my sins so that i stand before God and be seen has clean and forgiven.

God is revealing to me His grace in a new and fresh way.  And He’s revealing it to me thru Jesus’ sacrifice.  and that is helping me long for Jesus.  and all of this is creating a welling up of joy within me.

God – You stoke me beyond measure.  seriously.  I ask You for more of You and You do not withhold Yourself.

ok back to the chocolate chip cookie.

i was listening to a Francis Chan podcast tonight (called Motivated by Grace – ha – there’s the grace thing again).  and he was talking about how our lives need to be showing Jesus to others.  the grace God has shown us thru Jesus Christ – that grace we need to show to others, even those that don’t seem to deserve it.

and while the podcast is finishing up, someone knocks on my door (i’m still staying at the apartment).  i open the door and it’s Mr. Rick, my next door neighbor and he gave me a container of chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies!  just out of the blue, for no reason.

i’m not sure he even knows Christ, but what a timely example of grace!  i have done nothing for Mr. Rick except talk to him when i see him in his yard when i get home from work.  and yet he brought me these cookies.

i just realized this, but in Ephesians 2:8-9, right after the verse i quoted a few paragraphs up, it says:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”

crazy how God just illustrated that verse, His grace, to me thru Mr. Rick tonight.  …wow.

i am learning a lot right now.  all glory to God.

keep it real.

-jen

Eggs

I tried to make eggs this morning. I haven't done that in a long time. It looked fine at first. Then it started hissing and popping at me. I stood leaning back from the stove, spatula held over the egg so I was ready to attack if they caught on fire (yes, traumatized by the flaming steak incident). This is what resulted:





I don't know what happened. The yoke came apart from the white stuff. And then everything was hissing and crackling. And the "jen living on her own" diet continues...

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Straight from the bottle

I drink out of the bottle. Because I can. :)

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risk

if i die tomorrow, what regrets would i have?  this question came during small group last week.  we’re reading thru Francis Chan’s Crazy Love book.  i’ve read it a couple times already.  love this book.  i love the way God speaks thru Francis Chan to shake up lukewarm followers of Christ.

so i made a list of regrets i would have, off the top of my head.

-not using the voice God’s given me (musically)
-not stepping out in faith more
-not sharing the Gospel more
-not living intentionally
-being too selfish to step out and talk to people
-allowing fears to hold me back
-a lacking prayer life & intimacy with God
-not pushing myself or allowing myself to be pushed

i made this list a week ago after small group.  tonight, after small group, i was helping clean up and ended up getting in a discussion about how i don’t take many risks in my life.  i was reminded of how many times i’ve said i feel like i haven’t lived life and what it often comes down to is i am handcuffed by fear.  and that kind of fear only comes from satan.

oh that makes me so mad.  to think every time i fear something, it’s from lies that i have believed.  i hate satan.  i hate sin.  i hate fear and its hold on me.  i would use more harsher language but don’t want to shock anyone :)

so i just got back to “my side” (the apartment – i call it “my side” for now :) ) and pulled out the list i made last week of regrets i would have if i died tomorrow.  i hadn’t realized it when i wrote the list, but now i totally see a running theme throughout almost all of the things – i don’t take risks!  i fear failure.  i fear failing others.  and i fear failing God.

i know i need to start taking risks and doing things the best way i know how and if i “fail”, at least i took the risk and tried my best.

i want to be careful not to necessarily take risks for the sake of taking risks – you know, like do crazy things just for the ability to boast about what i did or attempted.  i want to take risks for the glory of God.  otherwise it seems kind of selfish to me.

1 Corinthians 10:31 - “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

i want to try – NO – wait.  i AM GOING to take a risk at least once a week.  i’m going to try to take a risk daily.  but at least once a week.  what that’ll look like, i have no clue.

(start “New Day” by the Robbie Seay Band…now)

one final thing - last night i came off my cooking sabbatical (haven’t cooked since i started the fire last monday – ha).  i went back to  something i’ve made before.  spaghetti.  and i didn’t burn anything or ruin anything!  however, if i had started another fire, i was all set – before Shane left for Bible study, he set the fire extinguisher out in the corner of the kitchen.  reeeeeal funny.

keep it real.
~jenny machaaaado~

 

(haha i say “keep it real” and then i sign off with a fake name.  i crack myself up.  i’m really funny if you don’t think about it too much.)

bam

monday night’s cooking fiasco has sent me into a funk.

ironically, for the past week i’ve been studying gentleness as part of the fruit of the Spirit.  and part of gentleness is teachability – being teachable.  now, i had been going thru this part of the study thinking “ok, i need to be teachable so whatever God wants to teach me, i’ll learn it”.  i forget that He so often uses other people or events in our lives to teach us stuff – not only when i’m reading His Word.

i am so not teachable sometimes.  i’m prideful and lose my temper.  and then give up (sometimes).  that’s what happened monday night.

i need to work on being teachable – no matter who it is God chooses to teach me thru or what circumstance He chooses to teach me thru.

God always have this incredible way of working whatever i’m studying into my everyday life, often without me realizing it at first :P

i’m not giving up on living on my own yet.  i can’t give up just because i have an unfortunate weakness in the cooking department.

unless shane kicks me out of the apartment.  then i have no choice.  :P 

Reverting to basics

Well. This is my dinner tonight. It's a relatively easy recipe that anyone can follow. Take a pack of instant oatmeal. Throw in some water. Throw it in the micro for 2 minutes. And wall-la. Bam. Instant oatmeal.

Yum.

So...filling. (heavy sarcasm)

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tire changing party, fire in the hole

it was one of those moments where i thought “you know, if i would’ve just been responsible and listened to people, i wouldn’t be in this predicament right now…”

andy borrowed Zeva (…my car.  don’t act like you don’t know who Zeva is) a week and a 1/2 ago to go up to tampa and he came back saying he thought i had a bad tire or needed the tires balanced.  i agreed, because i had been hearing a slight “whomp whomp whomp” when i drove.  then shane drove Zeva and said the sound was worse and i needed to get it checked out.  i should’ve done that last week.  i just want to make a note that i DID drive by the tire place on saturday but it turns out they’re closed saturday and sunday.  i had every intention of being responsible.

and then sunday rolled around.  and i had that gut feeling on my drive up to church that “hmm…i hope my tire doesn’t blow.  i really need to get that checked.”

sure enough, come sunday night on my drive home, that “whomp whomp whomp” turned into a “WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP” and i know that sound all too well.  flat tire.  actually, more like blown tire.  yeah, blown tire.

i’ve been taught how to change tires.  in hindsight, i probably could’ve done it.  but it was dark and i had never changed the tires on Zeva before so i didn’t know where to set the jack or how hard the nuts were going to be to get off.  so i chickened out. 

i called my dad.  i called andy.  i called shane.  no one was jumping at the opportunity to drive 40 minutes to come help me out (i was up in islamorada).  they were willing, but not until i gave it a good shot of fixing it myself.

so what did i do?  i hung up the phone and sat in my car staring out and wondering what in the world i was going to do.  and then i prayed.  hehe i did.  i asked God to help me make a wise decision.  i was going to call Natalie and see if her dad could help me (he lives a couple minutes from where i tanked).  but i didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.  and then i thought…it’s either try him or have someone drive 40 minutes to come help me and then make them drive 40 minutes back.  killer.

so i called natalie.  she called me back within minutes saying her dad was on his way and her and kathleen were on their way too (they live  about 15 minutes away from where i was).  they are crazy insane and i love them.  :D  so we had a tire changing party.  blasting music and volleyball included.

it was the funnest tire changing experience i’ve ever had!!  yenny loves nat & kat!

and what was awesome is i saw God’s hand on everything.  He protected andy from blowing out the tire going 75mph on his trip (or faster…i choose to remain ignorant to the speeds at which he took Zeva).  and yesterday after beach volleyball i normally would head home but natalie had the brilliant idea of cooking up fresh veggies and making fruit smoothies and enjoying the sunset from the concrete beach.  so after a most beautiful time together, i headed home around 8.  when nat called her dad, he had just gotten done with a bike ride so it was good timing for him.  and there were really strong storms coming thru but we got the tire changed and i got almost all the way home before it even started raining.  everything just clicked.

AND – i got to enjoy a beautiful lightning storm the whole drive home!  it was spectacularilly fantastic!  i was having such a great time enjoying God’s magnificent creation!  there was a lot of “WOOHOO!!!!” and “YOU’RE SO COOL!” exclamations going on as He would light up the sky as i drove over bridges.  i’d say “ok God, c’mon – give me another good one!” and BAM!  hehehe you just had to be there.  no music.  just me, God, the lightning, and me squealing.

God’s provision and fingerprints just stoke me.

on another note, i am starving right now.  why?  because i nearly burned down the kitchen tonight and i was so frustrated that i didn’t eat any of the food i tried to make and ended up just eating a bowl of cereal.  humph.

i don’t know what happened.  last week i made fajitas and they worked.  no major mishaps.  and then tonight i totally burned the rice and then when i put steak in the pan it shot up in flames!  oy.

i almost moved home tonight.  i don’t know what i’m supposed to do!  i’m so incompetent!  i always thought i had pretty good common sense.  apparently i don’t.

and i can’t smell.

that’s always the fall back excuse for everything.  “jen, why’s your room a mess?”  i’m sorry, i have no sense of smell.  “jen, your car needs washed really bad.”  i’m sorry, i can’t smell.  “jen, why didn’t you go for that ball?” (in volleyball).  i know, i know – it’s just that i can’t smell and…

:D

i did overcome my crepe disaster though. 

Exhibit A – first attempt at crepe making a week ago.

i ended up eating a banana instead.

however, 1 week later (this last saturday) i decided to give it another shot.  and now i give you…

Exhibit B

and i made sushi.

 

 

just kidding :)

 

 

 

 

but i did make these…i call it “strawb delight” :)

 

:::sigh::: i just don’t know where God wants me :)  struggling but on my own?  or with my fam?

i need to go to bed.  :)