risk

if i die tomorrow, what regrets would i have?  this question came during small group last week.  we’re reading thru Francis Chan’s Crazy Love book.  i’ve read it a couple times already.  love this book.  i love the way God speaks thru Francis Chan to shake up lukewarm followers of Christ.

so i made a list of regrets i would have, off the top of my head.

-not using the voice God’s given me (musically)
-not stepping out in faith more
-not sharing the Gospel more
-not living intentionally
-being too selfish to step out and talk to people
-allowing fears to hold me back
-a lacking prayer life & intimacy with God
-not pushing myself or allowing myself to be pushed

i made this list a week ago after small group.  tonight, after small group, i was helping clean up and ended up getting in a discussion about how i don’t take many risks in my life.  i was reminded of how many times i’ve said i feel like i haven’t lived life and what it often comes down to is i am handcuffed by fear.  and that kind of fear only comes from satan.

oh that makes me so mad.  to think every time i fear something, it’s from lies that i have believed.  i hate satan.  i hate sin.  i hate fear and its hold on me.  i would use more harsher language but don’t want to shock anyone :)

so i just got back to “my side” (the apartment – i call it “my side” for now :) ) and pulled out the list i made last week of regrets i would have if i died tomorrow.  i hadn’t realized it when i wrote the list, but now i totally see a running theme throughout almost all of the things – i don’t take risks!  i fear failure.  i fear failing others.  and i fear failing God.

i know i need to start taking risks and doing things the best way i know how and if i “fail”, at least i took the risk and tried my best.

i want to be careful not to necessarily take risks for the sake of taking risks – you know, like do crazy things just for the ability to boast about what i did or attempted.  i want to take risks for the glory of God.  otherwise it seems kind of selfish to me.

1 Corinthians 10:31 - “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

i want to try – NO – wait.  i AM GOING to take a risk at least once a week.  i’m going to try to take a risk daily.  but at least once a week.  what that’ll look like, i have no clue.

(start “New Day” by the Robbie Seay Band…now)

one final thing - last night i came off my cooking sabbatical (haven’t cooked since i started the fire last monday – ha).  i went back to  something i’ve made before.  spaghetti.  and i didn’t burn anything or ruin anything!  however, if i had started another fire, i was all set – before Shane left for Bible study, he set the fire extinguisher out in the corner of the kitchen.  reeeeeal funny.

keep it real.
~jenny machaaaado~

 

(haha i say “keep it real” and then i sign off with a fake name.  i crack myself up.  i’m really funny if you don’t think about it too much.)

bam

monday night’s cooking fiasco has sent me into a funk.

ironically, for the past week i’ve been studying gentleness as part of the fruit of the Spirit.  and part of gentleness is teachability – being teachable.  now, i had been going thru this part of the study thinking “ok, i need to be teachable so whatever God wants to teach me, i’ll learn it”.  i forget that He so often uses other people or events in our lives to teach us stuff – not only when i’m reading His Word.

i am so not teachable sometimes.  i’m prideful and lose my temper.  and then give up (sometimes).  that’s what happened monday night.

i need to work on being teachable – no matter who it is God chooses to teach me thru or what circumstance He chooses to teach me thru.

God always have this incredible way of working whatever i’m studying into my everyday life, often without me realizing it at first :P

i’m not giving up on living on my own yet.  i can’t give up just because i have an unfortunate weakness in the cooking department.

unless shane kicks me out of the apartment.  then i have no choice.  :P 

Reverting to basics

Well. This is my dinner tonight. It's a relatively easy recipe that anyone can follow. Take a pack of instant oatmeal. Throw in some water. Throw it in the micro for 2 minutes. And wall-la. Bam. Instant oatmeal.

Yum.

So...filling. (heavy sarcasm)

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tire changing party, fire in the hole

it was one of those moments where i thought “you know, if i would’ve just been responsible and listened to people, i wouldn’t be in this predicament right now…”

andy borrowed Zeva (…my car.  don’t act like you don’t know who Zeva is) a week and a 1/2 ago to go up to tampa and he came back saying he thought i had a bad tire or needed the tires balanced.  i agreed, because i had been hearing a slight “whomp whomp whomp” when i drove.  then shane drove Zeva and said the sound was worse and i needed to get it checked out.  i should’ve done that last week.  i just want to make a note that i DID drive by the tire place on saturday but it turns out they’re closed saturday and sunday.  i had every intention of being responsible.

and then sunday rolled around.  and i had that gut feeling on my drive up to church that “hmm…i hope my tire doesn’t blow.  i really need to get that checked.”

sure enough, come sunday night on my drive home, that “whomp whomp whomp” turned into a “WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP” and i know that sound all too well.  flat tire.  actually, more like blown tire.  yeah, blown tire.

i’ve been taught how to change tires.  in hindsight, i probably could’ve done it.  but it was dark and i had never changed the tires on Zeva before so i didn’t know where to set the jack or how hard the nuts were going to be to get off.  so i chickened out. 

i called my dad.  i called andy.  i called shane.  no one was jumping at the opportunity to drive 40 minutes to come help me out (i was up in islamorada).  they were willing, but not until i gave it a good shot of fixing it myself.

so what did i do?  i hung up the phone and sat in my car staring out and wondering what in the world i was going to do.  and then i prayed.  hehe i did.  i asked God to help me make a wise decision.  i was going to call Natalie and see if her dad could help me (he lives a couple minutes from where i tanked).  but i didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.  and then i thought…it’s either try him or have someone drive 40 minutes to come help me and then make them drive 40 minutes back.  killer.

so i called natalie.  she called me back within minutes saying her dad was on his way and her and kathleen were on their way too (they live  about 15 minutes away from where i was).  they are crazy insane and i love them.  :D  so we had a tire changing party.  blasting music and volleyball included.

it was the funnest tire changing experience i’ve ever had!!  yenny loves nat & kat!

and what was awesome is i saw God’s hand on everything.  He protected andy from blowing out the tire going 75mph on his trip (or faster…i choose to remain ignorant to the speeds at which he took Zeva).  and yesterday after beach volleyball i normally would head home but natalie had the brilliant idea of cooking up fresh veggies and making fruit smoothies and enjoying the sunset from the concrete beach.  so after a most beautiful time together, i headed home around 8.  when nat called her dad, he had just gotten done with a bike ride so it was good timing for him.  and there were really strong storms coming thru but we got the tire changed and i got almost all the way home before it even started raining.  everything just clicked.

AND – i got to enjoy a beautiful lightning storm the whole drive home!  it was spectacularilly fantastic!  i was having such a great time enjoying God’s magnificent creation!  there was a lot of “WOOHOO!!!!” and “YOU’RE SO COOL!” exclamations going on as He would light up the sky as i drove over bridges.  i’d say “ok God, c’mon – give me another good one!” and BAM!  hehehe you just had to be there.  no music.  just me, God, the lightning, and me squealing.

God’s provision and fingerprints just stoke me.

on another note, i am starving right now.  why?  because i nearly burned down the kitchen tonight and i was so frustrated that i didn’t eat any of the food i tried to make and ended up just eating a bowl of cereal.  humph.

i don’t know what happened.  last week i made fajitas and they worked.  no major mishaps.  and then tonight i totally burned the rice and then when i put steak in the pan it shot up in flames!  oy.

i almost moved home tonight.  i don’t know what i’m supposed to do!  i’m so incompetent!  i always thought i had pretty good common sense.  apparently i don’t.

and i can’t smell.

that’s always the fall back excuse for everything.  “jen, why’s your room a mess?”  i’m sorry, i have no sense of smell.  “jen, your car needs washed really bad.”  i’m sorry, i can’t smell.  “jen, why didn’t you go for that ball?” (in volleyball).  i know, i know – it’s just that i can’t smell and…

:D

i did overcome my crepe disaster though. 

Exhibit A – first attempt at crepe making a week ago.

i ended up eating a banana instead.

however, 1 week later (this last saturday) i decided to give it another shot.  and now i give you…

Exhibit B

and i made sushi.

 

 

just kidding :)

 

 

 

 

but i did make these…i call it “strawb delight” :)

 

:::sigh::: i just don’t know where God wants me :)  struggling but on my own?  or with my fam?

i need to go to bed.  :) 

I cooked!!!

I made this all by myself this week!!! Fajitas!!!! Like...it wasn't frozen or premade! I cooked it on the stove!! No microwave! Ha! And it was edible!!!!

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sushi, chai, and kim walker

hi.

i wish i could share this moment with you so badly.  i wish i could just pluck you from wherever you are and plop you right in the room with me.  i am having a beautiful night.  sushi, followed by chai tea.  kim walker rockin’ it in the background.  mmmm :)

oops.  i just finished my chai.  that’s what i get for rubbing it in your face, i guess.

i am blessed.  for an infinite amount of reasons.  tonight i feel blessed to have the opportunity to be staying in an apartment by myself in the Keys.  i am blessed to have friends who open up their apartments to me so i can have a place to retreat to.  i don’t know how long i’ll be here.  a week.  2 weeks?  i plan to soak up every minute of it while it lasts.

i have 2 main reasons for wanting a place of my own.  1, i want a place i can have people over to and they can spend the night when they want.  i love my family, and living with them goes amazingly well, but it’s hard to have friends over because when you come to our house, you get the whole family experience.  :)  great family, just…not the type of atmosphere to cultivate deeper discussions and chill together.

(by the way, just put on “ocean surf” on my ipod – just the sound of the waves crashing and the occasional seagull without the poop – yesssss)

and the 2nd reason is i am really hoping to soak up the quiet time that i have here and draw ever so near to my Savior.  i want my heartbeat to match His heartbeat.  i want my desires to match His desires.  i want to know Him in a more intimate and real way.  i seek direction from Him right now.  i want so badly to have clear direction from Him.

i pray that i will use this place for those 2 specific reasons.  i moved some stuff in saturday (like my keyboard – quite essential).  and saturday night, Nat & Meg spent the night!!  ahhh such a blessing to be able to have a place to invite them to stay at!!  Jesus totally overwhelmed us with His love and beauty in creation and with time fellowshipping as sisters.  we all decided not to go to church Sunday morning and just take the morning to enjoy and savor.  so beautiful.

how cool is that – that the very 1st night i was here, God already allowed me to use it in the way i wanted to?  i pray that i actively seek others to come and hang out here.  i know it is so easy to get busy or think that so-and-so would probably rather do something else other than hang out with me.  or i could get selfish and enjoy the quietness too much.

my lava lamp from Lauren is squirting goo balls up and down.  and i don’t have internet here.  i love it.  i can write blogs while offline and post them later.  and i won’t be distracted with the internet.

i had a thought yesterday (i had more than 1 thought…just…this 1 stuck out.  i do think throughout the day, contrary to popular belief).  i, like many others in my community of friends, am seeking direction from God as to what to do, where to go, what He created me for.  and i am so stuck on trying to figure out exactly what it is God wants for me.  but talking with Nat & Meg yesterday, i thought – am i not trusting God to lead me?  to open the right doors and open them in His time?

i hope this is coming out right.  it made so much more sense in my head yesterday.  let me try again.

Psalm 37:4 (Scripture always just kinda says it best, doesn’t it?  let’s just go to Scripture) - “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

i am so worried about missing out on what God has created me to do.  that i’ll sit around and won’t take a chance on a direction because i want to be sure that’s what He wants me doing first.  i have been praying and continue to pray that God will give me desire, passion, and direction according to what He created me for.  according to the gifts and talents He has given me. 

and yet i worry that i’ll miss out on what He has for me.

isn’t that kind of like not trusting God?  is our God unjust, that He would ignore our cries for direction so that we may glorify Him to the fullest with our lives?  of course not! 

Matthew 7:11 - “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!”

seriously!  think about it.  delight yourself in the Lord and He WILL give you the desires of your heart.  He WILL guide you.  in HIS time.  and God is outside of our time – He created our “time”.  His timing is not always our timing.

i hope this makes sense.  it’s still not coming out as eloquently as i heard it in my head yesterday.  may God take my un-eloquent words and use them for His glory. :)

Dinner

Doesn't this just look good? I made this tonight. Don't get excited. It was a frozen meal. Totally cheating. But it looks nice in the bowl. And the countertop in the background.

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Houston part 2

i need to finish my Houston recap before it gets too far in the past.

i left off on Saturday. so...

SATURDAY
we all took our time getting around Saturday morning. drank coffee and each picked a piece of the living room to curl up in and spend some alone time with our Abba. then we introduced Nicki to our typical "Keys" breakfast we do when friends are in town - crepes! mmmm. we then walked around the neighborhood in the bright sunny skies (though it was a little cold but not bad - 50's probably).

when we got back to the house, we saw Richard (the owner) and he took us for a tour of his museum of art. crazy.

then we proceeded by going into the barn and pulling out Lisa's 2 kayaks and carrying them over to the small man-made pond on the property and went kayaking. haha no, really, we did. Lisa had wanted to do it and take close-up pics so it looked like we were on the ocean or a lake and then do a zoomed-out shot that showed how small the pond really was. it was so much fun! (i really need to go back and put pics up of all these things)

after that Lisa took us into Tomball and we went to a few stores and saw downtown Tomball. that place is sweet - it's really an old-school downtown and the stores are still alive and people are...there. unlike a lot of downtown places that have gone to the dumps. we went to this old old grocery store called "Kleins" and it was so cool - they played old music and most of the people working were old and it was just so old-fashioned.

then we went for a walk in one of the parks near Lisa's house.

Lisa then took us for some good ol' tejas bbq. (we ate a lot on this trip. a lot of good food.)

then we rushed home and filled the Element with every big blanket and pillow we could find. grabbed leftover brownies and ginger snaps. headed for the drive-in movies!! ahhhh sooooo fun! cold, but fun! we were all so bundled up in the back of Ellie. the movies were lame and i ended up trying to sleep thru the 2nd one because i didn't want to have bad memories of it (lovely bones - don't see it). the 1st movie was valentine's day. don't see that either. there was not 1 good, moral relationship in that movie. but the experience of the drive-in in 40/50 degree weather was fun!

Nicki spent Saturday night at the house with us again (she's great!!).

SUNDAY
Sunday morning, Lisa, Rachel, and i went to Ecclesia for church. the Robbie Seay Band leads worship there when they're in town. it was a cool, uber trendy church that meets in a warehouse. good for building community. we then went out for lunch with some of the girls to Barkley's Cafe...or something like that. i got a flat iron steak and fries. yum. i love steak. and the seasoning on the fries was so good.

then Lisa took us to a couple cool thrift stores (Buffalo Exchange and Taxi Taxi). hit up Smoothie King (at my request) and stopped at one of Lisa's favorite coffee shops. we then headed to the park to see the ultimate frisbee crew. we got there late so we didn't play (and it was cold). but it was fun to see where she plays and meet some of the people she plays with. this park was crazy because it's like...in the middle of the city and the park's like in this small valley area. big buildings all around. completely opposite of Founder's park where we play beach vball and ultimate frisbee down here (ocean views). but it was neat.

then we went back to Lisa's and made dinner (spaghetti) and theeennnnn...MEGAN SHOWED UP!! she had called us Sunday morning on our way to church and said her and her friends were in New Orleans and were headed to Dallas on their spring break road trip and they wanted to stop by Lisa's and spend Sunday night before heading to Dallas!! i cannot capture the excitement and yelling that went on in the car during that phone call and after that call. we were all so stoked. megan rocks. like, seriously. and her friends are great - i knew Steph already and then met 2 other girls (Jillian and Jenny). we had so much fun with them, though it was a short time. Steph took us thru some of her "ab attack" routine (she teaches workout classes at her school) - see, we did exercise on this trip. :)

MONDAY
Monday morning we got up in time to make crepes with the girls. then Lisa took Rachel and i to the airport. sad.

ok that recaps everything i think. if you feel like something's missing, let me know (haha).

this girl's going to bed.

i'm spending the night at Nat's tonight - woohoo!! twice this week!

New Day

Spent the night at Natalie's last night after Bible study. Stayed up til almost 2am talking - mmm!! God has blessed me with some amazing sisters.
She sent me on my way this morning with fresh strawberries and French pressed coffee! It was a beautiful 50 minute drive over bridges and water and blue skies. Robbie Seay Band playing "New Day". Theme song of the day.

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