He drank my cup

He drank...my cup.

for awhile now i've realized that i so often become almost callous to the cross - Jesus's death. growing up in a Christian family, going to church all my life - i've heard about the cross my entire life. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16. great. killer. sometimes it would evoke emotion within me. other times i'd read Scripture that talked about Christ's sacrifice and i'd read it just like it was any other passage in the Bible. not really contemplating the depth of it.

and i hate that i become callous to the magnitude of it so easily.

i came across a book nearly a year ago while shopping online with a B&N giftcard. the book is called "Living the Cross Centered Life - Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing" by C.J. Mahaney. i had read his book called "Humility" and loved it, so i bought this book. i didn't start reading it though until about a month ago.

the Truth this book talks about is overwhelming. so much more than any of my blogs could ever cover.

i just finished a chapter last night about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. if i could copy and paste the whole chapter here, i would. i was wide awake when i finished the chapter but was so overwhelmed by God's love for me displayed on that cross thru His Son Jesus Christ that i couldn't read on yet.

"In the mystery of His mercy, God - the innocent, offended party - offers up His own Son to death, to satisfy His righteous wrath and save the guilty party from it." - pg. 70

To satisfy His righteous wrath...His "righteous wrath" alone deserves so much thought about what that means. but i will try to stay on topic and not ramble. As Jesus is praying to His Father, He asks if there's any way for the cup to be removed.

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39

Jesus prayed this at least twice that night in the garden. He was "overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" - Matt. 26:38. Why was He overwhelmed? because He was about to drink of this cup - this cup of God's righteous wrath against the sin of all mankind. He was about to experience total abandonment from His Father. Jesus was about to become "the object of God's full and furious wrath" (pg. 80). for me. for you. for all of mankind.

"As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, 'This is your cup. You're responsible for this. It's your sin! You drink it.' This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours." (pg. 82)

but He doesn't. no...He drinks the cup - the cup intended for me.

God loves me...you...so much that He was willing to let His innocent, perfect Son, Jesus Christ, come to earth to be the perfect, final sacrifice for the sin of all mankind.

He drank my cup...

life is short

life is too short to waste doing things day in and day out that i'm not passionate about. sitting behind a desk, billing customers for things they don't need in the first place, when their money could be going toward helping other people...yeah, not my passion.

i worked for j crew for the majority of time i was at college. i sat in a little cubicle, answering phone calls from materialistic people who wanted new clothes and wanted them yesterday (meaning: "i want this cashmere sweater overnighted to me for free because i'm greedy and want things now."). i enjoyed the job for awhile, just because it was fun to "sell" things (who didn't play store with their friends/siblings when they were little?). but then i went on a trip to the Dominican Republic during summer 'o6 and when i got back to work, i was overwhelmed by the fact that here i was, feeding greedy people with more clothes they didn't need while the Haitian refugee friends i made sat in their makeshift huts hoping they would have at least 1 small meal that day. seriously? drove me crazy.

it doesn't make sense that we settle doing jobs that have no eternal value. maybe i'm being irrational. but seriously? God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to earth where He was treated like the lowly. Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for each and every one of our sins. And He conquered death - that we may have eternal life with our Creator and know true peace, hope, joy...fullness in this life. So how will i spend this life He has given me?

restlessness. each day that goes by that i continue to do the same thing in life drives me nuts. i become almost apathetic toward my job.

i ought to be content that i even have a job. and i am, to an extent. i'm thankful i have a job. it's just...hmph.

and i crave adventure. not adventure for adventure's sake. not for the "bragging rights" to boast to others about what crazy thing i did. i crave adventure that will push me to accomplish things i never thought i was capable of. i want to know -- (bracing myself - for i know i am inviting God to turn my life upside down) -- i want to know what it is like to truly live by faith in our GREAT God. to have to rely on Him to bring me thru. and to taste victory because of His strength in my weakness. i crave adventure that will push others to do the same. i crave adventure that will point others to our GREAT God.

i hardly know what it is to live by faith. i have a steady income (relatively). i have an over abundance of food available to me. i have a roof over my head. i have many friends who will offer their roofs over my head. :) i have good health. so where do i have to rely on God? how am i living today that requires me to rely on God?

On November 18, 2009 I will have been soda free for 1 whole year!!! The longest in my life. So I want to celebrate by going on a snowboarding trip if I can get people to go with me :) other options include Nicaragua or costa rica. Some kind of adventure.

3 years ago

almost 3 years ago to the day, i wrote a blog about wanting to go to med school and become a surgeon. (see Oct. 26, 2006 post for details) i didn't pursue it though. but about a month ago, after a conversation with my friend Natalie, i learned about the surgical tech position in the O.R. and instantly was intrigued. the main reason i didn't pursue the medical route was because in high school i realized that as a surgeon, i would be holding people's lives in my hands and if they died on my operating table, it would be my fault. now, ultimately, i know that God is in control but my sinful, controlling nature would easily be swayed to believe it was my responsibility alone and i couldn't handle that.

as a surgical tech, you get to be in the O.R., right there next to the surgeon. you assist with tools and holding clamps, etc. and you help prep patients and surgeons. you get to be right there with the surgeon!! ahh - it makes me giddy just thinking about it!

the surgical tech program at most schools is about 18-24 months. that's it. not 10 years of schooling or anything. so...i'm looking into it. who knows what'll happen. but i am looking at a school in lynchburg (yay!!) and west palm beach. i don't want to leave the Keys!!!! but the fact that the program isn't years and years long makes it a little easier. a little. not a lot. :P

Natalie also told me about Mercy Ships - www.mercyships.org. from what i know, it's a volunteer-based ship that is anchored off the west coast of Africa (they've had other ships but i think the one in Africa is the only one right now). there are tons of positions open on the ship and you can volunteer for as long as you want. some positions want at least a 1 month commitment, some 3 months, some 6, etc. how cool would that be?!

i have such a longing for adventure within me. maybe this is the start of one...

it has begun...again.

let it be known that i have re-started my blog. thank you, Marissa. :P my last post was Nov. '06 - nearly 3 years ago. that means i'm 3 years older than i was then. and probably 3 years worth smarter. maybe.

but because my computer is going anciently slow right now, i only have time to post this and now have to leave for the ICS boy's football game - 6 man football at it's finest!