it's been 2 years. almost exactly. minus 1 day.
my blog is like produce in my kitchen. i go in spurts where i eat every produce item i buy. nothing goes bad.
and then i over-do it. i buy bulk. i get bountiful baskets. i purchase enough food for a family of 5 when i am a non-family of...1. and before i know it, i have produce everywhere in my kitchen. and i ignore it. but i can't throw it away, because that would just be a waste. instead, i leave stuff sitting on my counter and keep checking it to see if it's molding yet, and THEN i can throw it away. but in the meantime, i just pass by it with no intention of eating it ever, but doing a quick check once in awhile to see if i can justify throwing it away yet.
true story. i have a bowl of 5 oranges that have been sitting on my microwave since Easter, which was a month ago. those stubborn things won't mold. but i don't trust them. so, therefore, ergo, they will sit there until they show signs of rotting. because to throw them away before that point would just be a waste.
ok so it's not exactly like my blog. but all that to say, there are random days i remember my blog and pull it up but have no intention of writing anything. 2 years later, i finally decided to write something.
because tonight something kinda cool happened.
i was on a drive tonight (it's what i do. especially when i'm in a tough season. ...a lot of miles have been put on my car the last couple of years). trying to figure out why i couldn't get out of the slump i had found myself in. this song was next on the playlist in my car, and the driving rhythm of this part of the song caught my attention, and then the words did --
(play the song. Shane & Shane - Psalm 46 [Lord of Hosts]. i tried to queue it up for you at just the right part so you could feel like you were there but i don't think it worked - go to 1:28)
O God, who makes the mountains melt
come wrestle us and win...
Lord of hosts you're with us
with us in the fire
with us as a shelter
with us in the storm...
You will lead us
thru the fiercest battle
oh where else would we go?
but with the Lord of hosts...
instantly this image of someone fighting/wrestling/trudging thru a mud pit came to mind. maybe because i had just watched a clip last night of Kacy Catanzaro in "Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge" ... but that's beside the point.
and i am not even kidding you. as that image is going thru my head, i'm driving down the road and i glance to the right...and there's this big mud pit from all the rain we had yesterday.
i'm seriously not even kidding. it happened in that order. and when things like that happen, you tend to not just let it pass by. instead, i pressed in and asked the Lord to show me what He was wanting to show me.
you look at this mud pit and you can easily tell that if you walk around it, especially behind it in this picture, there's dry land. this mud pit is not hindering anyone from getting anywhere, trust me. but i saw myself taking the mud pit route. struggling in the mud pit. trying to fix things in my own way. pretty much taking all the hard things of the season i'm in and drenching myself in the yuckiness of each of those things. focusing on them. determined to wrestle each one of them in a futile attempt to make sense of them in order to resolve them. dumping the mud right on over my head and struggling to take steps forward because i keep getting my flip flops stuck in the sinking hopelessness that ensues whenever you focus on all the hurts, wounds, and things you just can't...fix.
meanwhile, Jesus is walking slowly along beside the mud pit, on the high and solid ground. waiting. always patiently waiting, with that sweet look of unconditional love in His eyes. those eyes that look on with complete fullness of love but with a slight sadness to them, as if to say, "I am waiting here and I want so badly to rescue you from that pit but you have to make the decision to let Me pull you out. Then walk with Me up here on the higher ground."
the route where you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2) the route where the mud pit and all its yuckiness might still be there and might not be resolved, or "dried up". but it's the route where you continue to walk the high ground with your eyes fixed on Jesus and the mud pit becoming more and more at a distance. it's the route where you believe what Jesus says about you, who He says you are.
that is the route i want to take.
sometimes its easier to just jump on in the pit, let's just be honest. but it never goes well for you. it never goes well for me. it's hard work to stay out of the mud pit and sometimes it feels pretty much impossible to stay out of it.
but may we (may I) choose to let Jesus rescue us again and again. may it become less and less of an occurrence. because may we (may I) continue to grow more determined in keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus and following His lead - for He is the only One who will never fail us. He will never utter condemnation or hold a false notion against us. He is full of mercy, tenderness, compassion, and love. He is completely trustworthy and He will never fail us, no matter where the route takes us.
He is the Lord of hosts. the Lord of Heaven's Armies. He's the One i want to follow.
He is the Lord of hosts. the Lord of Heaven's Armies. He's the One i want to follow.
